Episode 107: Sandra Bullock/transcript

Backstage
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 * Clifford, Rizzo and Nigel look closely at the ratings meter, which teeters at 50.
 * | Clifford
 * Oh! Oh, man, Riz, what are we gonna do? How are we gonna keep the ratings above 50?
 * | Rizzo
 * Well — well, the first thing you gotta do is you gotta get rid of this act.
 * He leads Clifford to a monitor. Onstage, two flat-faced characters bang against anvils as "The Anvil Chorus" plays.
 * | Clifford
 * Awww, man!
 * | Rizzo
 * Oh brother.
 * Sandra enters with a basket.
 * | Sandra
 * Hey, Clifford?
 * | Clifford
 * Yeah?
 * | Sandra
 * Um, I dunno what you consider a muffin basket, but if I were the producers, I'd give the guest star a basket with more than just one muffin.
 * | Rizzo
 * Oh, sure. But then it would be a muffins basket.
 * | Clifford
 * Oh, sorry, Sandra, no time to talk. We've got a mad bomber on our hands!
 * | Sandra
 * Don't tell me — if the ratings dip below 50, something's gonna blow up the building.
 * | Clifford
 * Hey, how'd you know that?
 * | Sandra
 * Because it's a plot to one of the movies that I did, Speed. Didn't anybody see it?
 * | Muppets
 * No.
 * | Rizzo
 * But obviously the writers did.
 * | Sandra
 * Oh, then that explains it.
 * She puts down the basket and thinks out loud as suspenseful drum music plays.
 * | Sandra
 * Okay. Alright, listen. This is what we're gonna do. Let me think a minute — okay. (claps) Get me Keanu Reeves.
 * | Clifford
 * He's booked.
 * | Sandra
 * (snaps fingers) Too bad, he's a good kisser. Okay — Rizzo, call the bomb squad.
 * | Rizzo
 * Hey bomb squad!
 * | Sandra
 * Use the phone.
 * | Rizzo
 * Oh, oh, yeah, right.
 * | Sandra
 * (points to Bunsen and Beaker) You two! I want you to get me a list of any whacko or freak that's been in the building for the past two days.
 * | Dr. Bunsen
 * That's everybody!
 * | Beaker
 * (meeps)
 * | Sandra
 * Then never mind. Okay!
 * | Clifford
 * What? What?
 * | Sandra
 * (to Andy and Randy) You two, I want you to find out where that call came from, then I want you to trace that call.
 * | Andy
 * Okay, thank you. Randy, go get some tracing paper.
 * | Randy
 * Okay. — What's paper?
 * | Sandra
 * Just do it.
 * | Andy
 * Right, yes ma'am. (they run off)
 * | Sandra
 * And you — please, stop that infernal drumming!
 * | Animal
 * (stops drumming) Sorry.
 * | Sandra
 * That's alright.
 * | Nigel
 * Sandra, the ratings are almost at 50!
 * | Sandra
 * Omigosh, omigosh, what's — what's on the air right now?
 * | Nigel
 * Uh, Wall Street Wanderings with Ernest Pleth!
 * They see the show on a monitor. Ernest sits in front of a balance sheet backdrop.
 * | Ernest
 * I'm wondering, if the prospects for the economic growth will be debilitated by the inflationary matrix …
 * | Clifford
 * Oh — oh — AWW! Man, Ernest is killin' us!
 * | Sandra
 * Clifford, we need the biggest ratings grabber you've got.
 * | Clifford
 * Well, there's one thing everybody's been wanting to see more of.
 * | Sandra
 * Then put it on!
 * | Ernest
 * Due to the economic indicators, I've also been won … dering …
 * Go-go music starts playing and colored spotlights flood the stage. Spamela Hamderson comes out in a bikini and starts dancing.
 * | Ernest
 * … who that extremely attractive young woman is!
 * | Spamela
 * Hi! Do you like to boogie?
 * | Ernest
 * Yes, I do!
 * He starts dancing with her.
 * | Rizzo
 * (dances) Oh man, this is g-reat!
 * | Clifford
 * Yeah! The ratings are way above 50!
 * | Rizzo
 * Oh yeah, the ratings. They're good too. (laughs) — OW!
 * Sandra flicks Rizzo on the ear.
 * | Sandra
 * And you — please, stop that infernal drumming!
 * | Animal
 * (stops drumming) Sorry.
 * | Sandra
 * That's alright.
 * | Nigel
 * Sandra, the ratings are almost at 50!
 * | Sandra
 * Omigosh, omigosh, what's — what's on the air right now?
 * | Nigel
 * Uh, Wall Street Wanderings with Ernest Pleth!
 * They see the show on a monitor. Ernest sits in front of a balance sheet backdrop.
 * | Ernest
 * I'm wondering, if the prospects for the economic growth will be debilitated by the inflationary matrix …
 * | Clifford
 * Oh — oh — AWW! Man, Ernest is killin' us!
 * | Sandra
 * Clifford, we need the biggest ratings grabber you've got.
 * | Clifford
 * Well, there's one thing everybody's been wanting to see more of.
 * | Sandra
 * Then put it on!
 * | Ernest
 * Due to the economic indicators, I've also been won … dering …
 * Go-go music starts playing and colored spotlights flood the stage. Spamela Hamderson comes out in a bikini and starts dancing.
 * | Ernest
 * … who that extremely attractive young woman is!
 * | Spamela
 * Hi! Do you like to boogie?
 * | Ernest
 * Yes, I do!
 * He starts dancing with her.
 * | Rizzo
 * (dances) Oh man, this is g-reat!
 * | Clifford
 * Yeah! The ratings are way above 50!
 * | Rizzo
 * Oh yeah, the ratings. They're good too. (laughs) — OW!
 * Sandra flicks Rizzo on the ear.
 * Go-go music starts playing and colored spotlights flood the stage. Spamela Hamderson comes out in a bikini and starts dancing.
 * | Ernest
 * … who that extremely attractive young woman is!
 * | Spamela
 * Hi! Do you like to boogie?
 * | Ernest
 * Yes, I do!
 * He starts dancing with her.
 * | Rizzo
 * (dances) Oh man, this is g-reat!
 * | Clifford
 * Yeah! The ratings are way above 50!
 * | Rizzo
 * Oh yeah, the ratings. They're good too. (laughs) — OW!
 * Sandra flicks Rizzo on the ear.
 * (dances) Oh man, this is g-reat!
 * | Clifford
 * Yeah! The ratings are way above 50!
 * | Rizzo
 * Oh yeah, the ratings. They're good too. (laughs) — OW!
 * Sandra flicks Rizzo on the ear.
 * Oh yeah, the ratings. They're good too. (laughs) — OW!
 * Sandra flicks Rizzo on the ear.
 * Sandra flicks Rizzo on the ear.
 * Sandra flicks Rizzo on the ear.