Episode 401: John Denver/transcript

UK Spot
"The Happy Wanderer"

Come in.

Hello, Jonathan, dear.

Why, hello Miss Piggy.

Hello.

Miss Piggy, you look amazing.

And lovely, thank you. This is my designer collection hiking suit. Don't you know?

Well, it's... Piggy, is that a gold lamé backpack that you're wearing?

Oh, you noticed?

Well, it's hard not... Piggy, we are going to the swamp.

Yes, the swamp, yes.

Do you have everything, do you have your snake bite kit?

What?

Your snake bite kit. There are snakes in the swamp, they may bite you.

Snakes?

Well, yes Piggy, snakes. And also, you need a short, sharp stick about that long.

A walking stick, yes, yes, I'm sure...

No, no, no, this is for the alligators.

Alligators?

Why yes, darling. The alligators, when they open their mouths to eat you, you jam the stick and they can't close their jaws.

Can't close their jaws, good.

Well, yes, also, Piggy, one other thing, and this is of critical importance.

Yes?

Every morning when you get up, before you put your boots on, be very sure to shake them vigorously.

Wh-wh-why?

Well, Piggy, at night when you're asleep in the swamp, sometimes there are spiders and little creepy crawly things and they'll get in your boots and if you don't shake them out...

You think that's funny?

I'm sorry... They'l crawl up your legs, Piggy. They'll be all over you.

Oh no, not there please!

Poor girl's got a case of the nerves! I think she needs a week in the country.

Oh, Miss Piggy appears angry.

Angry? No, I am not angry. Your star is not angry. She is merely disappointed.

Disappointed?

Yes. You have not been honest with me, Kermit.

I haven't?

No, when you told me we were spending a week in the swamp, well, you never said there would be snakes and spiders and alligators.

Well, no, I was saving the best part for a surprise.

Surprise?

Mm-hmm.

Kermie, you are out of your little green mind.

Well, gee Miss Piggy, I was born in the swamp. My roots are there and I just wanted you and my other friends to see it. But, uh, we don't have to go back to the swamp. We can, uh, we can go back to where you were born. The sty. You know, where your roots are. Where pigs eat swill and wallow in the mud. Remember that? Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Remember this! Hi-yah!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, once again, Mr. John Denver.

"Grandma's Feather Bed"

Okay, well, it looks like we've come down to the end of another one. But, before we go, let us bring back our wonderful guest star, ladies and gentlemen, John Denver! Yaay!

Thanks, Kermit. Thank you, everybody. Kermit, it was an absolute thrill to work with you. Thank you for having me on the show.

Aw, it was our pleasure, John. But, you know, it looks like it's gonna be just you and me on that camping trip, 'cuz everybody else backed out.

Oh, is that...? I'm sorry to hear that, but listen, Kermit, nevermind, we'll have a great time, I'll teach you how to catch frogs!

Wh-what?

Well, yeah, what you do is you wait until dark, you see, and then you take a flashlight and you shine it out on the water...


 * Kermit || John, I know all about those flashlights. How do you think my eyes got this way? Well, listen, I'll find somebody else to go camping with me. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
 * || The credits roll.
 * Robin || Well guys, it's just the three of us for a weekend in the swamp.
 * Statler & Waldorf || Oh no!
 * || [[Image:Atv zoot.jpg|300px]]
 * || THE END
 * }
 * Statler & Waldorf || Oh no!
 * || [[Image:Atv zoot.jpg|300px]]
 * || THE END
 * }
 * || THE END
 * }