Episode 109: Garbage/transcript

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, a cuteness special:

Bean bunny-- that's me-- "A rabbit and his whistle."

( blows whistle )

Good, something cute to start our show.

Digit?

Yes.

Hit it.

Oh, hit it.

( screaming )

I think that's all the garbage we've got, kermit.

Kermit, when you said "Hit it" just now

Were you not referring to the trash-eject button?

( groans angrily )

Did you, in fact, mean

Cue the opening title sequence?

( groans )

You should have said something.

( blows whistle )

Ta-da!

( screams )

Cue the opening!

Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Holiday inn "Stay with someone you know."

Welcome to our show.

What's that? Nacho corn chips?

You're going to spoil your appetite.

Later in the show

We're going to return to the magical world of the storyteller

And the tale of "Sapsorrow."

That night, the second ball, beauties come and beauties go

Dances are danced, but the prince stands alone.

But before that, kermit is visited

By country and western singer k.D. Lang.

What else do you have for us?

For one thing, I've got garbage.

Actually, we prefer the term

Previously essential material.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Finally.

Time for wrigley's spearmint gum.

Register: wrigley's spearmint?

What is wrigley's spearmint?

Well, it's pure chewing satisfaction.

Please register.

It's cool...

...And refreshing.

Chewing enjoyment goes on and on.

Total?

Wrigley's spearmint is pure chewing satisfaction.

Everybody ought to check this out.

Wrigley's spearmint.

♪ every player is a winner ♪

♪ playin' blast...Hey! ♪

♪ blast back with mac! ♪

Just buy a medium or larger coca-cola,

Pull the sticker, and you're an instant winner!

♪ at mcdonald's ♪

Play "Blast back with mac!"

Wow, look at all those tvs.

Don't I know you from somewhere?

Hey, you're a muppet.

Kermit the frog!

I watch you all the time.

It's kermit the frog!

If I have to be surrounded by talking garbage, okay

But would you stay out of the way

Because I got a tv show to put on.

Demographical or ratings crisis--

Bad reaction from the pre-teen females.

Little girls don't like garbage?

Like, garbage?

Ooh, yuck!

Stinko gross!

But we can bring them back

With "Spot that blemish" on monitor seven.

I'm a little busy now.

Digit, are we standing by

With the conspicuous consumption channel?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Demographics don't include u guys.

Why not?

We've got plenty of disposable income!

( laughing )

Let her rip, digit.

( growling )

Go away, freddy.

I just dressed bootsie in her new yellow dress.

Brad will just love you in this, bootsie.

This new party dress is fabulous.

But when brad sees me in my new bootsie swimsuit

He'll flip out.

Knock, knock, it's me.

Hi, brad.

Wow, swingy new dress, bootsie.

Thanks, brad.

I bought it for missy's wedding.

Brad, did you ever wonder what it would be like

If we were married?

Sure, bootsie.

I've thought about it.

I know what--

Let's pretend we're married.

Sure thing, bootsie.

What do I do?

You just came home from a hard day's work.

Go out and come in again.

What a nutty chick!

Okay, bootsie, here goes.

( crashes into door )

Come in.

Honey, I'm home.

Now I come up and give you a kiss.

I like that part.

Wow, I think I'll go out

And come in again.

What did you do all day, dear?

I worked in the office.

And say, when I come home from work

I like to put up my feet and relax.

Would hubby like something to drink?

Brad: I'll have a club soda

With a twist of lime.

Here's your drink, brad.

How's everything, hubby?

Well, you forgot the lime.

Oh, thanks.

Cheers.

That's honest refreshment, honey.

What did you all day?

I bought this cute little party dress

And this cute little purse.

Tomorrow I'll buy a cute little car.

Hey, watch out, honey, you're spending all my money.

No, I'll use my own money.

I'm going to get a job as an oil sheik.

Wow, what a kooky girl!

How about some fun in the sun, bootsie?

Beach, anyone?

Sure!

But first I better take off my new party dress

And put on my new bootsie swimsuit.

Go right ahead.

Okay, turn around.

Why should I?

Because we're not really married.

You can't watch me change my clothes.

Please, bootsie.

No, brad!

You see, I am a girl and you are a boy.

What's the difference?

Girls have bumps.

But from the waist down, we're exactly the same, right?

That's absolutely right!

You know, bootsie, I like playing married.

Do you think maybe...

Yes, brad?

I mean, would you ever think about...

Stop that, freddy!

You'll get slobber all over bootsie.

Darn, just when things were starting to get steamy.

Bootsie's no fun when she's covered in dog slobber.

Good premise--

Not enough garbage.

Hey, over here.

We got billy jo dumpster on the garbage channel.

Turn it up!

An entire channel devoted to garbage.

I've never heard of that.

Welcome to america.

But very soon the world will be ours, fellow baggies--

The garb age!

Our lives are no longer a waste of time

'cause this is the time of waste!

( cheering )

The garbage is revolting.

Don't go for the cheap ones.

I'd give anything

To get rid of all this garbage.

Anything?

Under $100.

Okay, leave it to me.

Digit, punch up the guest star channel.

( country music )

If you just put your hands together

And welcome one of the great new stars of country music--

K.D. Lang.

♪ waltz me once again around that dance floor ♪

♪ make my head go spinning round ♪

Ah-ha!

♪ dance me over by that bandstand ♪

♪ 'cause I love that twin-fiddle sound ♪

♪ oh, when we're dancing close cheek to cheek ♪

♪ my head get woozy, and my knees get weak ♪

♪ waltz me over by that bandstand ♪

♪ make my head go spinning round ♪

Ah-ha!

Play it, boy.

♪ it's friday night, the joint is swinging ♪

♪ inside these swinging doors ♪

♪ and all the cowpokes, they're a-dancing ♪

♪ slip around the sawdust floor ♪

♪ but you better watch out who you let cut in ♪

♪ 'cause you might lose your baby to your best friend ♪

♪ waltz me once again round that dance floor ♪

♪ make my head go spinning round ♪

♪ we spin around ♪

♪ round and round ♪

♪ dancing all night long ♪

♪ the music stops ♪

♪ at three o'clock ♪

♪ but some fool turns that jukebox on ♪

♪ waltz me once again round that dance floor ♪

♪ make my head go spinning round... ♪

Saw that thing, man.

♪ when we're dancing close, cheek to cheek ♪

♪ my head get woozy and my knees get weak ♪

♪ waltz me once again around that dance floor ♪

♪ make my head go spinning round ♪

♪ waltz me once again around that dance floor ♪

♪ we'll dance all night long! ♪

Ah...

Socks...

We liked that.

And the flies liked it, too.

Oh, the flies--

That's a tough audience to capture.

Tell me about it.

Hey, whoa!

You must be the frog.

We're friends of the lizard.

Where's those critters you want vamoosed?

You see that garbage over there?

Garbage?

What the sam hill?

Tie a knot in it, slim!

20 bucks is 20 bucks.

All gh t'move them out!

Hey, get along, little baggies!

Yes, indeedy!

Are these guys great or what?

Now about that $120--

You got the cash on you?

Le, I said $100.

It says here in this ctrt...

I never signed any contract.

That contract is garbage.

Whoa! Gangway! Stampede!

You called for garbage, frog?

I don't believe it--

Trampled by a herd of garbage.

The garbage?

Of course I've heard of garbage.

No, the garbage herd.

I don't care what the garbage heard.

Bean bunny knows no shame.

( blows whistle )

Inveli ttstal

Oh! ! Oh

. Oops

No problem.

-oh!

Sohy?

No p.

Simplesh tho otstan

Th bnce th sin--

The only fabc so otstan

Eve kee ma swash

Bounitstaingar h!                 Oh

What this show needs is some good, clean fun.

Look, it's k.D. Lang again.

You the singer?

Yes.

Sing this.

What is this?

They call it "Trash punk."

Kind of a fusion.

Never mind, just sing it.

I love trash?

Yeah, sing it.

♪ I love trash... ♪

Beautiful!

♪ anything dirty or dingy or dusty ♪

♪ anything ragged or rotten or rusty... ♪

Poetry!

♪ oh, I love trash! ♪

Great! Yeah!

Listen to this.

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ I have here a sneaker that's tattered and worn ♪

♪ yeah, it's all fun of holes and the laces are torn ♪

♪ a gift from my mother the day I was born ♪

♪ I love it because it's trash! ♪

Everybody!

♪ oh, I love trash ♪

♪ anything dirty or dingy or dusty ♪

♪ anything ragged or rotten or rusty ♪

♪ oh, I love... ♪

♪ I love... ♪

♪ I... ♪

♪ love trash! ♪

With material like that

You'll be an overnight sensation!

There's only one problem.

I don't love trash.

I'm a strong advocate of solid waste management.

Get her! Get her!

That's the guest star!

Get away from her, you dirty bags!

Trash! Trash! Trash!

And when do we want it?

Very, very soon. Very, very soon.

I don't know--

It's still not right.

Excuse me, excuse me.

There was a time

Wh taking out the garbage waa simple idea.

Are we having a party?

Could you introduce me to the flies?

Is there going to be a clown?

( laughs )

Waldo!

Digit: the woodland setting

You wanted is on monitor two.

And I've put an end to the garbage bag invasion.

That's it-- now I'm getting serious.

Kermit: digit...

I need a break.

Did he say monitor two?

Don't worry, kermit.

I'll find it.

That's more like it.

A quiet forest glade.

Oh...

Ah, the wonders of technology.

From grunge to green.

Funny how color can make all the difference.

In fact, you know--

There's a really old wonderful story about that.

Hey, gather around, everybody.

( clears throat )

Now, way back at the beginning of things

Pretty much when the world began

All the birds were just one color: gray.

( quacking )

What are you doing here?

The antarctic odyssey is over on monitor five.

Sorry.

Anyway, life was real monochromatic

Until one day the cockatoo made an amazing discovery.

You see, he was on his way back to his nest

When all of a sudden...

( squawks )

Ooh, what is that?

Better take a closer look.

I think I'm on to something here.

Say, everybody-- look at me!

Look what I've found.

( squawks )

( birds whistle and chirp )

Look at him.

That looks great!

The news spread far, but not far enough.

It didn't reach deep into the woods

Where the nightingale was trying to find a voice for himself.

( squawks )

Nope, maybe if I go higher at the end.

( whistles )

Hi!

What you doing?

Listen.

( whistles )

What do you think?

Fine, if you're calling a dog.

Thanks for the encouragement, bird.

Don't call me that.

It's your name.

I don't like it.

Why not?

It's not a real name.

If I'm just bird

Then I'm no bird in particular.

Look at me, look at me!

Wow!

I could swear that was parrot.

No, parrot's gray, just like us.

See you later.

Bye.

Strange.

There's not much paint left, cardinal.

You'll have to go with red.

Fair enough--

At least they'll see me coming.

( birds whistle in delight )

( squawks )

Ta-da!

What do you think?

What happened to you?

I got my color.

The cockatoo found this box of colors

And he's painted us.

Where?

In the glade.

You'd better hurry.

By the time he got to me, blue was about all he had left.

Hey, now I'm a bluebird.

I'm a bluebird! I'm a bluebird!

Got anything in fuchsia?

Look, finch--

Gold is all I've got left.

Yes or no?

I guess goldfinch

Has got a nice ring to it.

Anyou.

But I would have been anockout

As fuchsia finch.

Hey, wait!

You're too late.

What?

Sorry, nothing left.

There has to be something!

When it's gone, it's gone.

Hey...

( coughing )

So now you've got a gold tongue.

You know something?

They should have called you cuckoo bird.

I guess I'll never be much to look at.

( chirps beautifully )

Hey, I think I'm on to something.

( singing sweetly )

Kermit: it was the most beautiful musit.

The other birds had colors on their wings

But the nightingale had a rainbow in his song

Just like every nightingale ever since.

Okay, and that's the story.

And now, I think I'd better hop on out of here.

Back to the same old garbage.

We shall wash up on the beaches

Pile up on the land

And in the air

And we shall never surrender!

( cheering )

Meanwhile, back in another part of the forest...

Hi, you've joined us at a very exciting moment.

The trail is fresh

And my expert guide, dr. Emile lundquist...

Ssh!

We don't want to startle them.

Dr. Lundquist tells me we're getting very close.

Look!

The trail is leading straight to the lair.

Goodness me, there it is!

Yes, the nest of that most pesky

And amusing of all nature's children--

The human.

Wait! What?

Yes, I think we're in luck.

Here comes one now.

What a beauty!

It's a male!

How can you tell?

The females have bumps.

Oh, yeah.

Oww!

Is that some kind of a feeding call?

Exactly.

Oh, and it worked.

Here comes the female with her young.

You will notice

They have caught some small white creatures

Which they are stabbing with those pointy tools.

Then they will hold them over those red-hot coals

Until they're dead.

I don't want to look at this part.

If you're studying nature

You'll have to take the ugly with the cute.

We are in luck.

What you're witnessing here

Is the seldom-seen mating ritual

Of the human.

Looks silly to me.

It might look silly to you

But as you can see, the female thinks

It's irresistibly attractive.

Mom, dad, look!

There's a raccoon, a bear, and a film crew in the woods!

Oh, what a shame!

We've interrupted the mating ritual.

That's not good at all.

I was really looking forward to that part.

No, it's worse than that.

A startled human can be very dangerous.

What do you mean?

( gunshot )

Duck!

( gunshot )

Like that.

We'll see you next time

When we'll be looking at waterfowl!

Duck!

And geese!

I didn't know bears could talk.

Save your pungent breath, refuse

Or I'll incinerate you all with this flamethrower.

Digit, what are you doing?

Hi, kermit, this is the singe-master 3000.

I rented it from "Flamethrowers 'r' us."

But digit, you're going to blow up

The whole control room.

Don't worry, kermit, I checked.

We're insured.

( vacuum whirring )

Or was it "Vacuums 'r' we"?

I called a waste management company.

They're sending over an expert.

Hi, laddies--

I'm from harris, thompson and sludge.

You're the expert?

That's right, m'lad.

We specialize in solid waste management--

The cutting edge, the ultimate

In state-of-the-art disposal.

Fantastic-- what do you do?

We stick the junk on a scow

And sail around aimlessly.

That's what you call state-of-the-art disposal?

If you know something better, call me.

We are not going anywhere!

That's where you're wrong, m'lad.

You're going to be the next big thing.

I casmell it

You lovely lads will give garbage its voice.

Your heart.

You are the world!

You are the garbage!

It's time to tour!

Like a rock band?

That sounds like fun!

All right, follow me, lads.

All aboard!

Okay...

I don't think of it so much as losing my garbage

As gaining a closing number.

And now the garbage world tour!

♪ on the road again ♪

♪ just can't wait to get on the road again ♪

♪ the life I love is making music with my friends ♪

♪ I can't wait to get on the road again! ♪

Thank you for liking garbage!

You make half a million tons of it a day!

♪ on the road again ♪

♪ like a band of gypsies we go down the highway ♪

♪ we're the best of friends ♪

♪ and singing that the world keeps turning our way ♪

♪ and our way... ♪

You're up to your knees and getting higher every day!

Do it with us!

♪ on the road again ♪

♪ just can't wait to get on the road again ♪

♪ the life I love is making music with my friends ♪

♪ I can't wait to get on the road again! ♪

Hope you liked the show.

♪ I can't wait to get on the road again! ♪

You'll be seeing more of us!

♪ I can't wait to get on the road again! ♪

You'll see us on a beach.

♪ I can't wait to get on the road again! ♪

Thank you, and good night!

♪ I can't wait to get on the road again! ♪

It looks like I rented this vacuum outfit

For nothing.

( whistle blowing )

Or almost nothing.

Bean, can you hear me?

( whistle blowing )

Hi, kermit.

Everything's back to normal.

Digit, cue the last item.

( screaming )

Ha-ha! Surprise!

We've been recycled!

( garbage cheers )

Hey...

Yee-ha! Whoa...

Whee! Whee!

Ha ha! Hee hee! Hee hee hee!

Whoa!

Heh heh heh!

Introducing new bite sized ritz bits

Peanut butter sandwiches.

The taste of ritz bits and real peanut butter

In tiny sandwiches,

With no assembly required.

[all] ♪ nabisco! ♪

♪ ping! ♪ hey, wait for me!

I've got a what?

I brush, I really do!

It's--it's inconceivable.

How could I possibly have a cavity?

This is devastating.

If your little kid has a cavity,

We've got news for you.

Over the years,

One toothpaste has helped prevent more cavities

Than all others combined.

Yay!

Not surprisingly, it's the toothpaste

More dentists recommend. Crest.

This is a totally incredible visit.

Yes!

It's great!

Crest. It's hard on cavities and easy on you.

I'm out of here!

♪] 

Finished with this?

Here you go.

Thanks a lot.

And now, here's john hurt as the storyteller.

Beginning, as I do, at the beginning

Let me show you fate through the round of this ring.

The girl whose finger fits this ring--

She'll become queen;

The law decrees it.

What a lucky girl, you might think-- hmm?

Oh, no...

A king had three daughters.

Two were bad, one was good.

Long without a wife, the king's only joy had been

The joy of the proud father.

But the girls were growing up.

Soon the palace would be empty.

I must find myself a wife to comfort me, he thinks.

The wedding ring, passed on from queen to queen

Finger to finger, since any could remember.

Only when the ring fits can the king marry.

She who wishes to wed our king

Must come forward and try the ring!

The lucky bride will...

He can't do that!

He's too old to be getting married.

I don't think he's too old.

What? What's she saying?

No-- I know what will happen.

The ring will fit some harpy

And they'll get married and then he'll die

And she'll get everything!

( gasps )

The more the sisters sulked

At the prospect of a stepmother

The viler they were to sapsorrow, their sister.

When their father set off to find his bride

They tormented her.

They starved her.

You're too fat!

They'd say, stealing from her plate.

They're vile, those sisters.

Indeed. But they reckoned without her friends--

The creatures who lived in sapsorrow's pockets

Under her bed, perched on her chair.

When she went to her room, she'd find berries

And all kinds of nuts and fruits--

Delicious things!

( screeching and squealing )

We missed you!

We cried every night.

Are our eyes bloodshot?

They are, I know.

No bride, then?

No.

None could wear the ring.

Oh, it's fate.

It's not intended.

Perhaps-- I don't know.

You don't need a wife.

You've got us.

I know, I know.

Where's your sister?

Oh, who knows?

Flirting with the guards, stuffing herself.

No-- next...

It's bound to fit someone eventually.

How disgusting.

I mean, we should be queens, actually.

Together.

I know.

What if the ring fit you?

Or me?

Then what?

( bell rings )

Man: that's enough.

Too late! Too late!

Can't you control these women?

Get them out of here!

Well, he wouldn't want to marry us.

But then he couldn't marry anybody--

Which is even better.

Come on.

Oh...

Oh, look-- it's hopeless.

You try-- you've got fat fingers.

I have not!

Oh...

Ow.

Ow-- it's stuck.

Oh...

Ow! It's completely stuck.

Well...

Ow!! Ow! Do something!

Well, what?

The blood's getting stuck!

Look, it's swelling!

Can I help?

Help me!

No, go away, go on!

No-- she's better than you at these things.

( ring drops )

King: hello.

Is everybody all right?

Fine, papa.

What was all the hue and cry?

Hue and cry, daddy?

The crying was coming from this room.

Put it up.

And then little sapsorrow

Does a thing she will long regret:

Obediently she bends, and-- oh, folly!-- she stoops

And-- oh, rash!-- she picks up the royal ring

And slips it on for safekeeping.

What?

I know...

Where's your mother's ring?

Well, she was playing with it, father.

Yes, we didn't want to sneak.

I wasn't.

She wasn't.

Stay out of it, you.

Little one...

I wasn't.

That's not fair.

What's that--

On your finger?

Oh!

Nonot on your ring finger!

It fits! It fits!

It fits.

It fits.

No sooner done, no sooner said

The news is afire in the palace

Sweeping the corridors.

The ring fits the king's daughter!

I cannot marry my father.

But you cannot ignore the law.

But we cannot ignore the law.

You cannot marry your father!

But I cannot shame the king.

But you cannot marry your father!

But... The ring...

...Is the ring, is the ring.

Sire, it is the law of the land.

The ring fits your... Child's finger.

You must marry her.

Then I should cut off my finger.

Why did you play with the ring?

Why did you tamper with it?

When must we marry?

Man: as soon as the preparations allow.

Then first find me a dress of the palest silk

The color of the moon.

I will not wed till I have it.

Very well.

We will find this dress.

The princess, in her woe, plans a plan and schemes a scheme.

"To find such a gown will take time

Dialogue: 0,0:37:57.27,0:38:01.27,default,,0,0,0,,{\a1\pos(201,460

And meantimes, you must all help me."

Beautiful!

But now I must have one of sparkling silver

Like the stars.

For my trousseau.

Sire, where would we find such a dress?

Do as she bids.

All in silver, sparkling with stars.

And off again went the king's men

Scouring the land for such a dress.

And all the while, in sapsorrow's room

Another garment is being made, more marvelous, more magical.

Beautiful.

Beautiful!

Just like the stars.

Sire-- the council

Wait on you.

Your people grow impatient.

When do you marry?

Daughter?

This gown is for the wedding feast

The first one for the procession.

But now I must have one for the church.

Gold it should be, gold as the sun.

Bring me such a dress, and...

The next day we shall wed.

Gold, she says--

All gold, like the sun.

Bring her such a dress!

They shall be married on the morrow.

Gold...

So spoiled!

And while the tailors cut cloth spun with pure gold

Sapsorrow stayed shut up in her room.

She never appeared.

Only her creatures, flying in, slithering out

Busy, busy, scurrying about.

Princess?

Yes?

I have here a dress

Such as none before has seen-- of gold, dazzling.

A hundred hands have sewn it.

Sapsorrow: it is what I asked for--

Very like the sun.

Then we must marry on the morrow.

We must...

We marry... On the morrow.

They can't, they can't get married!

Well, the law says they must--

And the girl has the three gowns she asked for.

No, the ring fits, the feast is prepared--

Married on the morrow.

Listen-- bells toll, the streets fill.

Only sapsorrow stays silent in her room.

Man: your highness, come out.

The king awaits you.

Yes, it's sapsorrow--

A strange thing of fur and feathers.

For such has been the secret work of the past weeks--

This creature.

There she is, the ill-fated princess

Hurrying away, her past discarded

Her future-- who knows?

Think fast.

Think breathsavers

With fast acting mint crystals.

Okay, who's next?

He is. He is.

Hi.

Hi.

New chips ahoy! Selections are so delicious...

Jean, take these or I'll eat the whole bag!

...You may not trust yourself around them.

Three new chocolate chip cookies

From chips ahoy! Selections.

Dangerously delicious.

Pam, save me!

Ping!

Out of the sunny southwest comes--

Suncheros!

The crispiest crunch under the sun.

[crunch!]

They're even crispier than before!

How?

Legend has it the pequenos keebleros

Capture the sun itself

To give suncheros tortilla chips

A crispier crunch than ever before.

[crunch!]

[crunch!]

A chip this crispy could only mean...

Pequenos keebleros!

♪ suncheros extra-crispy ♪

♪ 'cause they're made by pequenos keebleros! ♪

♪ every player is a winner ♪

♪ playin' blast...Hey! ♪

♪ blast back with mac! ♪

Just buy a medium or larger coca-cola,

Pull the sticker, and you're an instant winner!

♪ at mcdonald's ♪

Play "Blast back with mac!"

Gals from the garden club

Order chicken salad, no mayo.

Yuck, I say.

Cholesterol, they say.

I give 'em new kraft cholesterol free.

They sent me this.

New kraft...

Two years later

A poor creature of fur and feathers

Tended geese in a king's garden

And scrubbed the pots...

That's the princess!

Princess of slops, yes.

Princess of peelings, perhaps.

Princess of the kitchen floor, certainly.

And one day, this princess meets a prince.

Where's the cook, do you know?

You don't know?

Can you speak?

Never mind.

Give the cook a message, will you?

Tonight there's a ball.

I want goose added to the menu.

Roast goose with orange

Baked in pastry.

What's that look?

It's a look.

If there was a tax on looking

We'd all be beggars... Sire.

What's your name?

No name.

They call me the straggle-tag.

Well...

Miss straggle-tag-- you don't stare at princes.

It's not polite in one so low...

Or one so ugly.

Why eat geese?

They don't harm you.

I happen to like geese.

So do I-- that's why I don't eat them.

Take that for your manners.

Roast goose with orange.

A dozen.

That night they sat, the geese--

12 cold stares on the royal table

While around them, many danced

Many daughters wore their mothers' pearls.

And the prince was there--

Handsome, admired, separate.

Parents looked on and hoped, but the prince stood and smiled

But did not dance.

Until, late, unannounced, mysterious

A woman enters

In a dazzling gown, pale silk, like the moon.

And what could he do, the prince

But walk towards her?

What could he do, but lead her to the floor?

And they danced.

It was meant!

As left to right, morning to night, dark to light

They belonged.

But when the music stops...

Wait-- I don't know your name!

Oh, my dears, the prince is left mystified

Excited, tingling-- he's hooked, line and sinker.

The prince has sent down for clean towels.

Where is everybody?

Upstairs, they're all busy.

Another ball.

We've bare recovered from the last one.

Oy-- thing!

You go, then.

You sent down for towels?

I hope they're clean.

I'm sorry.

Do I disgust you?

You amaze me.

Look-- cats chase mice, hens lay eggs.

And what does that mean?

It means some things have to do with other things

And I have nothing to do with you.

You don't disgust me

Because I don't think about you.

I see.

Now-- go away.

And keep below stairs.

And stop gawping!

No, he can't see for the feathers, this prince.

That night, the second ball--

Beauties come and beauties go

Dances are danced, but the prince stands alone, hoping

Staring at the great doors.

But nothing, no sign.

Then-- shhh! A hush--

Then, a dividing of the room

And there she is, in a dress sparkling with silver

Like the stars.

I must go.

Don't. Please.

I think of nothing but you.

I find that hard to believe.

It's true.

I can't sleep, I...

Where do you live that I might find you?

Where hens catch mice and cats lay eggs!

What?

Please don't go.

What's the matter?

What?

You look so sad.

No one, no one else in the whole palace

In the whole kingdom

Speaks to me like this.

Are you in love?

Is that the problem?

You couldn't understand.

Or are you worried

You might only love your sweetheart

For her beautiful gowns?

Were she in the humblest rags--

The poorest, absolutely--

You see, my darling has eyes like...

Yes?

Oh, they're perfect.

A voice like...

Hmm?

It's perfect.

It's not her gowns.

Well, how can you possibly understand?

Then you should marry her.

I want to.

I want to, but I can't find her.

I see.

I...

I have a problem like yours.

What advice would you give me?

Well, I...

I don't know your beau.

What's he like?

Handsome, rich.

Really?

Proud.

Ah!

You see, when I think about him

It makes my head hurt and my tummy ache

And my skin tingle

And my heart do little somersaults.

Me, too.

Me, too!

Oh, yes-- we're in love!

And it's terrible.

I don't think I'm in love.

No, you're definitely in love.

Little somersaults? Tingling skin?

Definitely.

Woman: straggle-tag!

Where the devil are you?

I have to go.

Yes-- and listen:

Don't tell anyone we've spoken.

As you wish.

It's just, you know...

Prince and...

Woman: straggle-tag!

Prince and straggle-tag.

Oh, yes, the prince is lovesick, all right.

Even before it's dark

He's there on the terrace in front of the ballroom.

Tonight, he shivers, "I'll see my love tonight."

She still hasn't come!

Could I please have the dishes?

Ooh-- look at this one.

What's the hurry?

Meeting a sweetheart?

That's why the prince is still waiting--

She hasn't finished the dishes.

( male servant laughs )

It's wonderful!

But bells toll evening's end.

( bells tolling )

Next day, a proclamation rings out around the palace.

The prince will marry the girl who fits the golden slipper.

Well, she thinks, "What was true of the finger

Is true of the foot."

She was cursed by the ring;

Can she be blessed with the slipper?

There's a queue now, but it fits nobody.

I might try--

You never know.

You? You've got great big feet.

I have not.

And what about our little beauty--

Are you going to try?

I might.

So up she goes, and blow me!

Who's trying on the royal slipper?

If I just...

If I just...

( straining )

I've done it.

I've done it!

It fits!

That's absurd.

You're not the one.

I am!

It fits-- look!

I claim this handsome prince for my husband.

Man: according to the proclamation

The prince must marry the woman

Who can wear the golden slipper.

Princess badsister.

Princess badsister...

From?

From far away.

From far away!

Daughter of?

Of nobody!

We have no parents, you see.

Mummy died a long time ago

And daddy died last year.

Man: princess badsister

Of far away, daughter of nobody--

She will marry the prince.

Hurray!

Can I take this silly shoe off

Please?

Why?

Well... It doesn't match

And it's a teensy-weensy bit tight.

Just a pinch.

Ouchee-wouchee!

In fact, I may just have to have

A tiny, baby scream.

Sister--

Could you possibly help me

To take this lovely slipper

Off my footsie-wootsie?

Because I'll have to scream very loudly shortly.

I think my leg is turning a bit maroon.

It is.

( screams loudly )

Get this shoe off my foot!

Oh, ow!

Sire--

I claim my right to try the slipper.

Ladies, darling-- not creatures.

What is it?

Get it out of here.

She's called "Straggle-tag."

So?

May I?

Very well.

( muttering and fussing )

( sisters gasp )

Badsister 1: it fits!

Badsister 2: it can't!

It does fit.

Will you keep your promise?

You can't, you can't marry that thing.

Yes.

I'll marry you.

I'll keep my promise.

Sapsorrow! Sapsorrow!

My princess--

It's you.

Darling, darling, they repeated to each other.

And what the prince didn't know, he very soon did.

They talked and talked

Explaining this and explaining that

Stories of rings, stories of fur and feathers

And they wept for her dear father

Smiled for poor straggle-tag

Forgave the badsisters

Danced for a day without going away.

And after that, they were so out of breath

They lay down and slept

And if I don't wake them soon

They'll never get wed.

There goes the sun.

Going...

Going...

Gone.

Do it again, daddy.

Lifesavers candy.

Dad, I never catch anything.

Here, have a lifesaver.

Can we do this again tomorrow?

Lifesavers candy.

♪ just give me honest work and honest pay ♪

♪ honest sweat from honest play ♪

♪ and when I'm through that's when I'll say... ♪

♪ I want my clean as real as ivory ♪

♪ it's gotta be 99 point 44 ♪

♪ I want my clean as real as ivory ♪

♪ nothing less ♪

♪ nothing more ♪

No deodorants. No heavy perfumes.

That's a real clean.

That's ivory.

♪ it's gotta be pure that's for sure ♪

♪ I want my clean as real as ivory ♪

This trash-bag puppet

Is made from a trash bag.

That's a load of garbage.

Or actually, I'm a load of garbage.

That's for sure.

Thanks for watching.

Yeah, it's a load of garbage.