Episode 321: Roger Miller/transcript

1 00:00:08,599 --> 00:00:10,668 - [knock on door] - [man] Come in.

2 00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:14,703 Roger Miller, 1 5 seconds to curtain, Mr. Miller.

3 00:00:14,766 --> 00:00:16,267 OK. Thank you, Scooter.

4 00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,601 Kinda quiet around here for a Muppet show.

5 00:00:18,666 --> 00:00:22,036 - When do things start jumping? - Oh, just about... now!

6 00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,134 [chuckling] Jump!

7 00:00:27,866 --> 00:00:31,869 OK, OK! Next question: When do they stop?

8 00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,034 [drumroll]

9 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:41,638 lt's rhe Muppet Show with our vey special guest star, Roger Miller. Yay!

10 00:00:55,266 --> 00:00:59,103 It's time to light the light
 * 1) It's time to play the music

11 00:00:59,166 --> 00:01:03,203 on The Muppet Show tonight
 * 1) It's time to meet the Muppets

12 00:01:03,266 --> 00:01:07,570 It's time to dress up right
 * 1) It's time to put on makeup

13 00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:09,334
 * 1) It's time to get things started

14 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,602
 * 1) Why don't you get things started?

15 00:01:12,866 --> 00:01:15,768 Don't look now, but l think there's penguins among us.

16 00:01:15,833 --> 00:01:17,734
 * 1) It's time to get things started

17 00:01:17,799 --> 00:01:20,035
 * 1) On the most sensational, inspirational

18 00:01:20,099 --> 00:01:22,235
 * 1) Celebrational, Muppetational

19 00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:28,105 The Muppet Show! #
 * 1) This is what we call

20 00:01:29,933 --> 00:01:32,268 [classical music on flute]

21 00:01:34,733 --> 00:01:37,168 - [applause] - Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

22 00:01:37,299 --> 00:01:38,801 We're going to do it again.

23 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,301 Here we are and welcome to it, it is rhe Muppet Show.

24 00:01:41,366 --> 00:01:44,001 l'm Kermit, our special guest star is the one and only,

25 00:01:44,066 --> 00:01:47,402 sure-to-please-or-guarantee-your money-back, Mr. Roger Miller.

26 00:01:47,466 --> 00:01:51,536 But first... But first, l ask you to picture life aboard the Ma_lower,

27 00:01:51,599 --> 00:01:54,202 as it sailed for the New World in 1 620.

28 00:01:54,266 --> 00:01:57,135 What must it have been like? Uh, probably not like this.

29 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,201 (# l'm Alabamy Boun_

30 00:01:59,266 --> 00:02:01,067 [muppet] Hey, this is terrible.

31 00:02:01,133 --> 00:02:04,002 - [muppet 2] Take heart, my friend. - [muppet 1] Take heart?

32 00:02:04,066 --> 00:02:07,436 Si_-six days we've been on this terrible boat. Where're we going?

33 00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:10,035 [muppet 2] Where are we going? l'll tell you where.

34 00:02:10,099 --> 00:02:11,100 [muppet 1] Tell us!

35 00:02:11,166 --> 00:02:14,802
 * 1) We're Alabamy bound

36 00:02:15,266 --> 00:02:18,135 hanging 'round
 * 1) They'll be no heebiejeebies

37 00:02:18,666 --> 00:02:21,135 ticket man on Earth
 * 1) Just gave the meanest

38 00:02:21,199 --> 00:02:23,635
 * 1) All l'm worth

39 00:02:23,699 --> 00:02:26,269 in an upper berth
 * 1) To put my tootsies

40 00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:28,735 Whoo! Whoo!
 * 1) Just hear the ch_choo sound

41 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,802 we're gonna cover ground
 * 1) l know that soon

42 00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:35,102 so the world will know
 * 1) And then l'll holler

43 00:02:35,166 --> 00:02:37,201
 * 1) Here l go

44 00:02:37,266 --> 00:02:39,935
 * 1) l'm Alabamy bound

45 00:02:54,266 --> 00:02:56,901 Choo, choo, choo, choo
 * 1) Choo, choo, choo, choo

46 00:02:56,966 --> 00:02:58,967
 * 1) Choo, choo, choo, choo

47 00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:01,168
 * 1) l'm Alabamy bound

48 00:03:01,233 --> 00:03:04,502 hanging 'round
 * 1) They'll be no heebiejeebies

49 00:03:04,566 --> 00:03:07,502 ticket man on Earth
 * 1) Just gave the meanest

50 00:03:07,566 --> 00:03:09,401
 * 1) All l'm worth

51 00:03:09,466 --> 00:03:12,168 in an upper berth
 * 1) To put my tootsies

52 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:15,436 - # Just hear that lucky sound - # Whoo! Whoo!

53 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:18,269 to put my arms around
 * 1) To have someone

54 00:03:18,333 --> 00:03:21,402 for the world to know
 * 1) That's why l'm shouting

55 00:03:21,466 --> 00:03:23,167
 * 1) Here l go

56 00:03:23,233 --> 00:03:25,101
 * 1) l'm Alabamy...

57 00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:28,602 Land ho! We've arrived in the new world!

58 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,234 lt's Plymouth Rock.

59 00:03:30,699 --> 00:03:34,236 And look over there, Ford Rock and Chevrolet Rock.

60 00:03:34,633 --> 00:03:36,768 lt's the promised land!

61 00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:42,838
 * 1) We're Alabamy bound #

62 00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,535 [horn blowing]

63 00:03:45,599 --> 00:03:47,601 - [shouting] - [applause]

64 00:03:51,466 --> 00:03:55,236 You know, l thought the Pilgrim Fathers were against showbizness.

65 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:58,202 They were against entertainment. This doesn't count.

66 00:04:00,099 --> 00:04:04,304 OK, vey nice, pilgrims. Nice going, penguins.

67 00:04:04,366 --> 00:04:06,634 lt is the Pilgrim Penguins.

68 00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,334 Ah... choo!

69 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,769 - Gesunheit. - Thank you.

70 00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:15,836 Wait a second. Weren't you a penguin just a minute ago?

71 00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:18,202 [gasps] Yeah. What happened?

72 00:04:18,266 --> 00:04:21,636 l don't know, but there's somebody who might. Gonzo!

73 00:04:21,699 --> 00:04:25,703 - Yes, Kermit? - Gonzo, you are an expert on chickens.

74 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:30,003 - Uh, well l like to think so. - OK. Well, look at this right here.

75 00:04:30,066 --> 00:04:34,770 Wow. Hey, you're kinda new around here, aren't you?

76 00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:38,736 Gonzo, a minute ago this chicken was a penguin.

77 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:43,004 - Yegh! Gosh. - So how could this have happened?

78 00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:45,535 - Hah, l think l know. - What?

79 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,935 Well, it looks to me like an outbreak of...

80 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,435 And l could use a dramatic sting here.

81 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,336 Gonzo, never mind the dramatic sting. An outbreak of what?

82 00:04:53,399 --> 00:04:56,603 An outbreak of... Cluckitis!

83 00:04:56,666 --> 00:04:58,234 [dramatic music sting plays]

84 00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:00,368 Cluck... Cluckitis?

85 00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:03,769 Yes. It's where anybody can suddenly turn into a chicken.

86 00:05:03,833 --> 00:05:07,436 - Anybody? - Yes, isn't it terrific?

87 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:10,502 - [sneezes] - There's another one.

88 00:05:10,566 --> 00:05:13,802 Gonzo, l've got to go on stage. Don't say anything about this.

89 00:05:13,866 --> 00:05:15,367 Gee, that won't be easy.

90 00:05:15,433 --> 00:05:18,169 Yeah, well, it could disrupt the show, just act normal.

91 00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,368 That won't be easy, either.

92 00:05:21,533 --> 00:05:24,068 Oh, boy. It looks like it'll be one of those evenings.

93 00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:26,502 lf we're lucky, it'll be one of these evenings...

94 00:05:26,566 --> 00:05:30,703 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the King of the Road, Mr. Roger Miller. Yay!

95 00:05:30,766 --> 00:05:33,034 (# In the SummertimeI

96 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,535
 * 1) In the summertime

97 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:45,104 and leaves are green
 * 1) When all the trees

98 00:05:46,366 --> 00:05:49,802
 * 1) And the redbird sings

99 00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:53,469
 * 1) l'll be blue

100 00:05:54,533 --> 00:06:00,538
 * 1) 'Cause you don't want my love #

101 00:06:01,766 --> 00:06:03,968 One, mo, three, four!

102 00:06:04,033 --> 00:06:06,235 [up-tempo music plays]

103 00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:12,301
 * 1) In the summertime

104 00:06:12,366 --> 00:06:14,434 and leaves are green
 * 1) When all the trees

105 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,768 l'll be blue
 * 1) And the redbird sings

106 00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:18,634
 * 1) 'Cause you don't want my love

107 00:06:18,699 --> 00:06:22,303 that's what you say when l want you
 * 1) Some other time

108 00:06:22,366 --> 00:06:24,434 and make me cy
 * 1) Then you laugh at me

109 00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,635
 * 1) 'Cause you don't want my love

110 00:06:26,699 --> 00:06:29,302 a thing about me
 * 1) You don't seem to care

111 00:06:29,366 --> 00:06:32,368 than to have my arms around you
 * 1) You'd rather live without me

112 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,768 and you're so all alone
 * 1) When the nights are cold

113 00:06:34,833 --> 00:06:38,136 [scatting]

114 00:06:38,199 --> 00:06:41,069 the trees and leaves are green
 * 1) Summertime, when all

115 00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:43,268 l'll be blue
 * 1) And the redbird sings

116 00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:45,134
 * 1) 'Cause you don't want my love

117 00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:49,203 [scatting]

118 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:03,036 you used to smile and wave to me
 * 1) Once upon a time

119 00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:05,302 but now you don't
 * 1) And walk with me

120 00:07:05,366 --> 00:07:07,201
 * 1) 'Cause you don't want my love

121 00:07:07,266 --> 00:07:10,736 is takin' up all your time
 * 1) Some other guy

122 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,102
 * 1) Now you don't have time for me

123 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,867
 * 1) 'Cause you don't want my love

124 00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:17,302 [all] # You don't seem to care a thing about me

125 00:07:17,366 --> 00:07:20,368 than to have my arms around you
 * 1) You'd rather live without me

126 00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:22,902 and you're so all alone
 * 1) When the nights are cold

127 00:07:22,966 --> 00:07:26,169 [scatting]

128 00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:29,135 the trees and leaves are green
 * 1) In the summertime when all

129 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:31,435 l'll be blue
 * 1) And the redbird sings

130 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,268
 * 1) 'Cause you don't want my love

131 00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:35,334 [scatting]

132 00:07:37,366 --> 00:07:39,234 Once again now, one more time.

133 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:42,870 [scatting]

134 00:07:42,933 --> 00:07:44,267 [applause, cheering]

135 00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:48,170 Marvelous. Thank you all. It was so lovely.

136 00:07:49,366 --> 00:07:52,902 - Arthur! Arthur! - Don't you mean ''Author! Author!?''

137 00:07:52,966 --> 00:07:55,068 His name's Arthur. Arthur Miller.

138 00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:57,602 - No, it's Roger Miller. - Oh.

139 00:07:57,666 --> 00:07:59,868 [both] Roger! Roger!

140 00:08:00,266 --> 00:08:02,768 [indistinct chattering]

141 00:08:03,866 --> 00:08:06,501 Uh... Uh, hey. [clears throat]

142 00:08:06,566 --> 00:08:09,902 - Have you always been a chicken? - [clucking]

143 00:08:14,566 --> 00:08:16,367 Been working pre_ hard, huh, boss?

144 00:08:16,433 --> 00:08:19,235 - Maybe you need a vacation. - You... You heard, huh?

145 00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:22,836 - Yeah, do you wanna talk about it? - Maybe a little later, Scooter.

146 00:08:22,899 --> 00:08:25,369 Oh... [sneezes]

147 00:08:26,466 --> 00:08:29,602 - Scooter! - Do you wanna talk about it now?

148 00:08:29,666 --> 00:08:33,336 Well, uh, listen you'll never understand this, but...

149 00:08:33,666 --> 00:08:35,934 ...people are suddenly turning into chickens

150 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,234 - No! - Hmm.

151 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:40,169 - Er, cluckitis huh? - [dramatic music sting plays]

152 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,169 l don't want the rest of the cast to know about this.

153 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:45,701 Just don't say anything, huh?

154 00:08:45,766 --> 00:08:47,667 Yeah, but as soon as l talk they'll know.

155 00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:51,103 Well, so don't talk. From now on, just make chicken sounds.

156 00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:54,736 l'm going upstairs, just a second, to see how things are upst...

157 00:08:54,799 --> 00:08:56,701 Wait a minute, Scooter, what's on next?

158 00:08:56,766 --> 00:08:59,034 Oh, uh... Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck?

159 00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:01,035 Scooter.

160 00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:05,103 Bear on Patrol. He told me to talk like a chicken.

161 00:09:05,666 --> 00:09:09,636 [male announcer] And now, ridding the world of evil,

162 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:12,736 here comes Bear on Patrol.

163 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,602 All right, you. Come on, come on, come on, come on.

164 00:09:18,666 --> 00:09:20,067 - Lighten up. - Come on.

165 00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:25,104 Sir! Sergeant, l have just captured this dastardly criminal.

166 00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:29,103 - Oh, ho! What's the charge? - Assaulting an officer.

167 00:09:29,166 --> 00:09:31,468 [dramatic music sting plays]

168 00:09:31,533 --> 00:09:35,236 Sir. Did you actually strike this poor patrol bear

169 00:09:35,299 --> 00:09:38,536 while he was out ridding the world of evil?

170 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,636 Oh... l don't know what come over me.

171 00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:43,301 [laughs]

172 00:09:43,366 --> 00:09:45,701 Oh, what a report this will make.

173 00:09:45,766 --> 00:09:50,770 l'd like a complete and accurate description of evemhing you did.

174 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,669 - Complete? - And totally accurate.

175 00:09:53,733 --> 00:09:55,234 What the pig said.

176 00:09:55,299 --> 00:09:58,770 OK. First l kicked him in the shins.

177 00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:00,634 - In the shins, he did. - Thusly.

178 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,536 Oh! Oh! Oh! That hurt!

179 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:06,269 - Not again. That was like last time. - ...thusly.

180 00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:09,235 ls that... Is that exactly how you did it?

181 00:10:09,299 --> 00:10:12,336 Well, not exactly. It really was more like this.

182 00:10:12,399 --> 00:10:14,168 - Harder. - Harder?

183 00:10:14,233 --> 00:10:16,501 Oh, not again... The other one!

184 00:10:16,566 --> 00:10:20,903 Vey good. Uh-huh. And then what?

185 00:10:20,966 --> 00:10:23,668 Oh. Well, then l punched him in the jaw.

186 00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:26,135 Wait. You don't have to do that... Ahh!

187 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,336 Punched him in the iaw.

188 00:10:29,399 --> 00:10:33,303 - Wait a minute. This is not right. - No, you're right.

189 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,534 First l punched you in the iaw...

190 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,903 - Whoa! - ...and then l kicked you.

191 00:10:38,966 --> 00:10:41,168 - You wha... Whoa! - Yeah.

192 00:10:41,233 --> 00:10:42,601 Thank you.

193 00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:47,002 Thank you, vey much. Accuracy is important.

194 00:10:47,066 --> 00:10:48,801 Yeah, well the next thing,

195 00:10:48,866 --> 00:10:53,704 was l grabbed him by the collar and l made squishy-squishy with his nose.

196 00:10:53,766 --> 00:10:55,767 Oh, no. Not that again. Please don't.

197 00:10:55,833 --> 00:10:58,368 - Come on. - Squishy-squishy...

198 00:10:58,433 --> 00:11:00,234 Squishy-squishy.

199 00:11:00,299 --> 00:11:01,934 No, no, no, no, no...

200 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,903 Wait a second, wait a second. Hold on... Patrol Bear.

201 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:10,003 - l think this is all a mistake. - Well, how do you mean?

202 00:11:10,066 --> 00:11:13,135 Well, this man has been vey cooperative with the police.

203 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,769 - What? - l don't think we should press charges.

204 00:11:15,833 --> 00:11:18,035 - Huh? - Sir, you are free to go.

205 00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:22,270 - He's wha...? - Thank you vey much. Thank you.

206 00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:25,469 [groaning]

207 00:11:25,533 --> 00:11:27,368 - Patrol Bear... - What?

208 00:11:27,433 --> 00:11:30,836 You're a mess. Can't you do something about your appearance?

209 00:11:31,933 --> 00:11:37,104 [groaning repeatedly, sneezing]

210 00:11:38,466 --> 00:11:42,069 Hmm. That will do vey nicely, Patrol Bear.

211 00:11:47,366 --> 00:11:50,102 [fly buzzing]

212 00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:53,135 - Oh, missed. Oh, hey, Uncle Kermit. - Yeah.

213 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,536 ls it true there's an epidemic sweeping the Muppet Theatre,

214 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,236 - and we are all turning into chickens? - Yes. Yes, it is true, Robin.

215 00:12:00,299 --> 00:12:03,403 Be quiet about it because l don't want to spread the news around.

216 00:12:03,466 --> 00:12:05,801 Especially, l don't want to wory Roger about it.

217 00:12:05,866 --> 00:12:07,567 - Oh. - It's really embarrassing.

218 00:12:07,633 --> 00:12:09,634 Yeah. l understand, Uncle Kermit.

219 00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:13,970 Yeah, so if you see Roger, do not tell him that we are turning into chickens.

220 00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:17,035 - OK. - Hi, guys. What's happening?

221 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,569 We're not turning into chickens!

222 00:12:21,133 --> 00:12:24,669 l see... So you're not turning into chickens, huh?

223 00:12:24,733 --> 00:12:27,569 - Right! - Ah-choo!

224 00:12:29,799 --> 00:12:31,101 Uh, well, hmm...

225 00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:34,068 Listen, goodbye, Robin! Hello, little chicken.

226 00:12:34,133 --> 00:12:35,968 Come on, let me show you to your coop.

227 00:12:37,366 --> 00:12:38,934 l'll iust introduce you, Roger.

228 00:12:40,799 --> 00:12:46,438 Well, l think l'll go on stage and not turn into a turkey.

229 00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:51,636 Roger Miller has written a number of songs with a delightFul nuttiness

230 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:54,102 that seems particularly appropriate to our show.

231 00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:57,302 Here he is with one of them, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Roger Miller.

232 00:12:58,366 --> 00:12:59,934 [# rhe Haq

233 00:13:05,966 --> 00:13:08,168
 * 1) Hey, kid

234 00:13:08,233 --> 00:13:10,401
 * 1) Where'd you get the lid?

235 00:13:10,466 --> 00:13:13,969
 * 1) Where'd you get a lid like that?

236 00:13:14,033 --> 00:13:15,634 [sneezes]

237 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:19,270 why would you tell me
 * 1) If l told you

238 00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:23,170
 * 1) Where l could find a hat like that

239 00:13:24,766 --> 00:13:27,068
 * 1) Hey, old chap

240 00:13:27,133 --> 00:13:29,435
 * 1) Where'd you get the cap?

241 00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:32,569
 * 1) Where'd you get a cap like that?

242 00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:37,803 why would you tell me
 * 1) If l told you

243 00:13:37,866 --> 00:13:42,070
 * 1) Where l could find a hat like that

244 00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:45,202 - # Oh, a hat - # Oh, a hat

245 00:13:45,266 --> 00:13:47,534 - # Is a hat - # Is a hat

246 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,969
 * 1) And a topper is a topper, and

247 00:13:50,033 --> 00:13:52,168 [both] # And you can't top that

248 00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:55,970
 * 1) So if you got the bread

249 00:13:56,033 --> 00:13:57,367
 * 1) l say

250 00:13:57,433 --> 00:14:01,370 for something for your head
 * 1) Why not spend it

251 00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:06,371 where'd you getthe derby?
 * Oh, hey, Herby

252 00:14:06,433 --> 00:14:09,169
 * 1) Where'd you get a hat like that?

253 00:14:09,233 --> 00:14:10,968 [sneezes]

254 00:14:11,033 --> 00:14:16,371 would you tell me where
 * 1) If l told you why

255 00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:22,102
 * 1) l could find a hat like that #

256 00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:24,667 [applause]

257 00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,201 [muppet] Oh, give us some songs!

258 00:14:31,266 --> 00:14:33,201 [indistinct chattering]

259 00:14:33,266 --> 00:14:35,267 (# The Old Bull and BushI

260 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:40,737 Come and make eyes at me
 * 1) Come, come

261 00:14:40,799 --> 00:14:42,902
 * 1) Down at the Old Bull and Bush

262 00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:48,703 drink some port wine with me
 * 1) Come, come

263 00:14:48,766 --> 00:14:51,568
 * 1) Down at the Old Bull and Bush

264 00:14:52,633 --> 00:14:54,701
 * 1) Hear the little German band

265 00:14:56,633 --> 00:15:00,169
 * 1) Just let me hold your hand, dear

266 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:04,770
 * Do, do come and have a drink or mo

267 00:15:04,833 --> 00:15:06,901
 * 1) Down at the Old Bull and Bush

268 00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:12,703 of the sheltering palm
 * 1) Talk about the shade

269 00:15:12,766 --> 00:15:16,569 with its wide spreading charm
 * 1) Praise the bamboo tree

270 00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:20,436 down our old Hampstead Town
 * 1) There's a little nook

271 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:24,704 it has won great renown
 * 1) You know the place

272 00:15:24,766 --> 00:15:28,836 on a bright summers day
 * 1) Often, with my sweetheart

273 00:15:28,899 --> 00:15:32,503 there my footsteps will stray
 * 1) To the little pub

274 00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:36,536 when she looks at the sign
 * 1) If she hesitates

275 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:41,171 a glass of good wine
 * 1) All of youjoin in

276 00:15:41,233 --> 00:15:45,036 Come and make eyes at me
 * 1) Come, come

277 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,302
 * 1) Down at the Old Bull and Bush

278 00:15:48,899 --> 00:15:52,870 drink some port wine with me
 * 1) Come, come

279 00:15:52,933 --> 00:15:55,869
 * 1) Down at the Old Bull and Bush

280 00:15:56,633 --> 00:15:58,701
 * 1) Hear the little German band

281 00:15:58,766 --> 00:16:00,934
 * La, la, la, la, la, la, la

282 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,670
 * 1) Just let me hold your hand, dear

283 00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:08,803
 * Do, do come and have a drink or mo

284 00:16:08,866 --> 00:16:13,270
 * 1) Down at the Old Bull and Bush

285 00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:16,369
 * 1) Bush, bush #

286 00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:18,735 [indistinct chattering]

287 00:16:18,799 --> 00:16:21,536 [all hollering]

288 00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:27,834 [barking]

289 00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:32,402 - # Rawhide - [knock on door]

290 00:16:32,466 --> 00:16:35,435 - Come in. - Excuse me, Roger, are you busy?

291 00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,034 Oh, no, Kermit, come on in.

292 00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:40,069 You know, l'm sory l haven't had more time to talk to you.

293 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,401 Things have been hectic around here today.

294 00:16:42,466 --> 00:16:44,868 Oh, l understand. How's the show going, really?

295 00:16:44,933 --> 00:16:47,201 Oh... fine. Fine.

296 00:16:47,266 --> 00:16:51,803 - Oh? Any problems? - No, no... Smoothest show ever.

297 00:16:51,866 --> 00:16:54,969 - Good. Glad to hear it. - Looking forward to your final number.

298 00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:58,536 Oh, good. l only hope l don't turn chicken before l do it.

299 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,401 What? What? Why!?

300 00:17:00,466 --> 00:17:03,035 l just mean stage nerves. You know, l always get them.

301 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,902 - Oh, oh, good. - Good?

302 00:17:05,966 --> 00:17:07,967 Well, l mean, good that a big star like you

303 00:17:08,033 --> 00:17:10,735 still gets chickens... l mean, butterFlies.

304 00:17:10,799 --> 00:17:15,104 Hey, Kermit, you never guess what happened.

305 00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:20,637 Wait a minute. l recognize that voice. Isn't that Lew Zealand?

306 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,168 - Uh, uh... No. - Yeah!

307 00:17:22,233 --> 00:17:25,369 That chicken suit really looks convincing.

308 00:17:25,433 --> 00:17:27,468 Oh, glad you like it. [chuckles]

309 00:17:27,533 --> 00:17:30,669 Golly. Say, tell me something, Lew,

310 00:17:30,733 --> 00:17:35,037 are you still doing that, what you call the Boomerang, the fish...

311 00:17:35,099 --> 00:17:37,068 Boomerang fish act, is what it is.

312 00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:40,269 Oh, yeah, sure, but l've had to make a couple of changes.

313 00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:41,434 What kind of changes?

314 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:45,237 Well, l'm calling it Lew Zealand and his Boomerang Egg Act.

315 00:17:45,299 --> 00:17:46,834 l see. How's it go?

316 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,335 Well, you see, l throw the eggs away...

317 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,202 - Oh. - Yey!

318 00:17:52,266 --> 00:17:54,034 Whoa!

319 00:17:55,299 --> 00:17:57,035 No!

320 00:18:00,066 --> 00:18:03,869 l got to say it. These are the yolks, folks.

321 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,134 Eggs-actly.

322 00:18:08,866 --> 00:18:11,868 I# Pop Goes the Wease_

323 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,867 [sneezes]

324 00:18:27,666 --> 00:18:32,337 Oh, boy, Veterinarian's Hospital, ne_. Veterinarian's Hospital.

325 00:18:33,133 --> 00:18:35,201 - Gonzo. - Yes, Kermit.

326 00:18:35,266 --> 00:18:38,402 - [chuckles] Hello, ladies. - Gonzo...

327 00:18:38,466 --> 00:18:40,034 - Yeah, listen... - Yes, what?

328 00:18:40,099 --> 00:18:42,902 Got that list of eveybody who's turned into a chicken?

329 00:18:42,966 --> 00:18:45,601 - l sure do, Kermit. Right here. - OK, let's see.

330 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:49,436 So far it's Scooter, Animal, Fozzie, Floyd,

331 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:53,070 - Janice, Lew Zealand... - Will you get out of here, chicken.

332 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:56,402 [Miss Piggy's voice] Oh, yeah? Chicken this. Hi-yah!

333 00:18:59,299 --> 00:19:03,070 [grunting] You wanna add one more name to that list?

334 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,468 - [crashing] - [clucking]

335 00:19:06,533 --> 00:19:10,737 [male announcer] And now, Veterinarian's Hospital.

336 00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:12,401 Cluck, cluck.

337 00:19:12,466 --> 00:19:17,103 The continuing stoy of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

338 00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:19,568 [Rowlq More like a dog that's gone to the quacks.

339 00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:21,034 [Janice] For sure.

340 00:19:21,099 --> 00:19:23,268 [Miss Piggy] Dr. Bob, chickens do not quack.

341 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,201 - They do when they're young. - They do?

342 00:19:25,266 --> 00:19:27,601 Sure. If you drop an egg, it'll quack.

343 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,768 Oh, wow.

344 00:19:29,833 --> 00:19:32,468 Dr. Bob are you ready for the first patient?

345 00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:34,401 No, l'm ready for the second patient.

346 00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:36,501 What's the matter with the first patient?

347 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:39,068 l don't know. That's why l want the second patient.

348 00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:44,903 - Here she is, Dr. Bob. - Oh, no! Another chicken.

349 00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:48,502 Yeah, if they keep bringing in chickens we're going to be here 24 hours.

350 00:19:48,566 --> 00:19:51,435 - What do you mean? - We'll have to work around the cluck.

351 00:19:53,333 --> 00:19:57,403 And so, we come to the end ofanotherVeterinarian's Hospital.

352 00:19:57,466 --> 00:20:01,203 Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say...

353 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:04,602 Dr. Bob, shall we give the chicken a transfusion?

354 00:20:04,666 --> 00:20:07,568 - No, that won't do. - Oh, what will do?

355 00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:09,968 - Cocka-doodle-doo. - [all laugh]

356 00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:15,502 These chickens sure make for a different show.

357 00:20:15,566 --> 00:20:18,936 Yeah. But it'll all adds up to the same old turkey.

358 00:20:19,766 --> 00:20:21,601 Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

359 00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:26,135 Uh, sory about all this stuff, but some vey strange things

360 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,969 have been going on tonight, but l think evemhing is now

361 00:20:29,033 --> 00:20:32,202 under control as we once again present our vey special guest...

362 00:20:32,266 --> 00:20:34,267 Ah... Ah... [sneezes]

363 00:20:36,866 --> 00:20:40,803 Oh, darn. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Roger Miller.

364 00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:42,000 [applause]

365 00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:44,067 [# Do-Whack-A-DoI

366 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,302 you're doin' well
 * 1) Well, l heartell

367 00:20:50,366 --> 00:20:52,968
 * 1) Good things have come to you

368 00:20:53,033 --> 00:20:55,769
 * 1) l wish l had your happiness

369 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:58,835 Wack-a-d_wack-a-do
 * 1) And you had a d_wack-a-do

370 00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:00,668 ralIJ # D_wack-a-d_wack-a-do

371 00:21:00,733 --> 00:21:04,002 the street in your big Cadillac
 * 1) Yeah, l see you goin' down

372 00:21:04,066 --> 00:21:06,902 You got girls in the back
 * 1) You got girls in the front

373 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,735 you got money in the sack
 * 1) And way in the back

374 00:21:09,799 --> 00:21:12,636 and your shoulders reared back
 * 1) And both hands on the wheel

375 00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:14,968 [scatting]

376 00:21:15,033 --> 00:21:17,635 you're doin' well
 * 1) Well, l heartell

377 00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:20,169
 * 1) Good things have come to you

378 00:21:20,233 --> 00:21:23,069
 * 1) l wish l had your good luck charm

379 00:21:23,133 --> 00:21:26,336 Wack-a-d_wack-a-do
 * 1) And you had a d_wack-a-do

380 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,635
 * 1) D_wack-a-d_wack-a-do #

381 00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:32,637 One night, for no particular reason, l wrote this little song:

382 00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:34,001 (# Dang MeI

383 00:21:34,066 --> 00:21:36,668
 * 1) Dang me, dang me

384 00:21:36,733 --> 00:21:39,235
 * 1) They oughta take a rope and hang me

385 00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:42,436
 * 1) High from the highest tree

386 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,368
 * 1) Woman, would you weep for me?

387 00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:47,402 [scatting]

388 00:21:47,466 --> 00:21:48,900 One more time.

389 00:21:48,966 --> 00:21:52,969 [scatting]

390 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:57,469 and violets are purple
 * 1) Roses are red

391 00:21:57,533 --> 00:22:00,168 and so is maple surple
 * 1) Sugar is sweet

392 00:22:00,233 --> 00:22:02,735 out of seven sons
 * 1) Well, l'm the seventh

393 00:22:02,799 --> 00:22:05,435 l'm a son of a gun
 * 1) My pappy was a pistol

394 00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:07,535
 * 1) Dang me, dang me

395 00:22:07,599 --> 00:22:10,369
 * 1) They oughta take a rope and hang me

396 00:22:10,433 --> 00:22:14,103
 * 1) High from the highest tree

397 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:16,434
 * 1) Woman, would you weep for me?

398 00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:19,069 [scatting]

399 00:22:19,133 --> 00:22:20,701 One more time.

400 00:22:20,766 --> 00:22:24,369 [scatting]

401 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,168 (# My Uncle Used to Love Me But She Die_

402 00:22:28,233 --> 00:22:31,369 but she died
 * 1) My uncle used to love me

403 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:34,302 till it's lickin' good fried
 * 1) A chicken ain't chicken

404 00:22:34,366 --> 00:22:35,366 [clucking]

405 00:22:35,433 --> 00:22:36,867
 * 1) Keep on the sunny side

406 00:22:36,933 --> 00:22:40,403
 * 1) My uncle used to love me but she died

407 00:22:40,466 --> 00:22:43,769 for a ring of keys
 * 1) Who'll bid me quarter, 30 cents

408 00:22:43,833 --> 00:22:46,502 a dollar bill of groceries
 * 1) Three sixty-five for

409 00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:50,069 but 'til then l n_ a ride
 * 1) l'll have me a car of my own someday

410 00:22:50,133 --> 00:22:53,236 but she died
 * 1) My uncle used to love me

411 00:22:53,299 --> 00:22:55,669 but she died
 * 1) My uncle used to love me

412 00:22:55,733 --> 00:22:58,702 till it's lickin' good fried
 * 1) A chicken ain't chicken

413 00:22:58,766 --> 00:23:01,168
 * 1) Keep on the sunny side

414 00:23:01,233 --> 00:23:04,703 Iove me but she died #
 * 1) My uncle used to

415 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,236 And just some of you might happen to be into buffalos.

416 00:23:08,299 --> 00:23:10,402 (# You Can't Rollerskate in a Bu_alo Her_

417 00:23:10,466 --> 00:23:13,302 in a bu_alo herd
 * 1) You can't rollerskate

418 00:23:13,366 --> 00:23:16,102 in a bu_alo herd
 * 1) You can't rollerskate

419 00:23:16,166 --> 00:23:18,535 in a bu_alo herd
 * 1) You can't rollerskate

420 00:23:18,599 --> 00:23:21,402 if you've a mind to
 * 1) But you can be happy

421 00:23:21,466 --> 00:23:24,068 in a parakeet cage
 * 1) You can't take a shower

422 00:23:24,133 --> 00:23:26,869 in a parakeet cage
 * 1) You can't take a shower

423 00:23:26,933 --> 00:23:29,535 in a parakeet cage
 * 1) You can't take a shower

424 00:23:29,599 --> 00:23:32,336 if you've a mind to
 * 1) But you can be happy

425 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,902 is put your mind to it
 * 1) Now, all you goma do

426 00:23:34,966 --> 00:23:36,367
 * 1) Knuckle down, buckle down

427 00:23:36,433 --> 00:23:37,867 [all] # Do it, do it, do it

428 00:23:37,933 --> 00:23:40,368 in a bu_alo herd
 * 1) You can't rollerskate

429 00:23:40,433 --> 00:23:43,202 in a bu_alo herd
 * 1) You can't rollerskate

430 00:23:43,266 --> 00:23:45,835
 * 1) You can't bu_alate in a...

431 00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:48,535 if you've a mind to
 * 1) You can be happy

432 00:23:48,599 --> 00:23:51,469 [scatting]

433 00:23:51,533 --> 00:23:54,535 - [applause] - [clucking]

434 00:23:59,833 --> 00:24:03,036 OK, well, we've just about reached the end of our show,

435 00:24:03,099 --> 00:24:05,168 and l must say it has been a foul one.

436 00:24:05,866 --> 00:24:08,401 But, before we go, this is Kermit the Chicken asking

437 00:24:08,466 --> 00:24:12,970 for one last round of applause for our guest star, Mr. Roger Miller! Yay!

438 00:24:13,033 --> 00:24:15,034 [applause, cheering]

439 00:24:19,099 --> 00:24:22,002 Thank you. Correct me if l'm wrong, Kermit,

440 00:24:22,066 --> 00:24:24,635 you have turned into a chicken, haven't you?

441 00:24:24,700 --> 00:24:26,568 Oh, it's so humiliating, Roger.

442 00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:28,034 Eveybody has.

443 00:24:28,099 --> 00:24:30,669 You know... You know what it is?

444 00:24:30,733 --> 00:24:32,134 l think you have cluckitis.

445 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,935 What! You've heard of cluckitis?

446 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,303 l had it one time. It's nothing really for you to wory about, Kermit.

447 00:24:37,366 --> 00:24:41,136 ln a few days it'll go, it'll go away and you'll be just like you always were.

448 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,036 But until then you'll look great!

449 00:24:44,099 --> 00:24:45,835 Gonzo!

450 00:24:45,900 --> 00:24:48,168 We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!

451 00:25:24,033 --> 00:25:25,334 [both laughing]

452 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,770 - l bet you were expecting chickens! - Woof, woof, woof!

453 00:25:28,900 --> 00:25:30,301 - Woof, woof. - Woof, woof.