Episode 308: Loretta Lynn/transcript

2 00:00:08,833 --> 00:00:11,468 - [bell dinging] - Loretta Lynn?

3 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:14,936 Loretta Lynn? 1 5 seconds to curtain, Miss Lynn.

4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,701 [applause]

5 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:19,168 Kermit said you'd meet me here at the train station.

6 00:00:19,233 --> 00:00:21,301 - Here l am. - Terrific. Where's the theater?

7 00:00:21,366 --> 00:00:23,801 - Oh, uh, bad news, Loretta. - What?

8 00:00:23,866 --> 00:00:25,767 We can't use the Muppet theater tonight.

9 00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:28,835 - Well, what are we going to use then? - [steam hissing]

10 00:00:30,533 --> 00:00:32,534 PlatForm mo.

11 00:00:34,866 --> 00:00:38,636 lt's rhe Muppet Show with our vey special guest star, Miss Loretta Lynn.

12 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,034 - Music. - [theme music]

13 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:43,269 OK, let's got this way, put this over here. This way.

14 00:00:45,066 --> 00:00:46,634 - Can l see your ticket? - Huh?

15 00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:52,235 Hey, you know who's conducting? The conductor.

16 00:00:52,299 --> 00:00:56,737 It's time to light the lights
 * 1) It's time to play the music

17 00:00:56,799 --> 00:01:00,270 on the railroad track tonight
 * 1) It's time to meet the Muppets

18 00:01:01,466 --> 00:01:03,634
 * 1) It's time to make up sceney

19 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,568
 * 1) Let's hope we do it right

20 00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:07,534
 * 1) It's time to get things started

21 00:01:07,599 --> 00:01:10,102
 * 1) On the most sensational, inspirational

22 00:01:10,166 --> 00:01:12,501
 * 1) This week's sort of railroad-stational

23 00:01:12,566 --> 00:01:17,304
 * 1) rhis is what we calIThe Muppet Show #

24 00:01:17,366 --> 00:01:19,234 This is gonna be terrific, Kermit.

25 00:01:20,233 --> 00:01:22,935 [train whistle blowing]

26 00:01:27,133 --> 00:01:30,803 Thank you, thank you, thank you and welcome again to rhe Muppet Show.

27 00:01:30,866 --> 00:01:35,136 Our vey special guest star tonight is the most awarded lady in county music,

28 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,601 Miss Loretta Lynn.

29 00:01:36,666 --> 00:01:40,102 But first l think l owe you an explanation about tonight's show.

30 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:43,936 You see, the regular Muppet theater is being fumigated

31 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,169 and we had to find another place to do the show.

32 00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:50,769 - The only place we could find was... - Psst. Psst. Kermit. Kermit.

33 00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:52,801 - What is it, Gonzo? - Better hury.

34 00:01:52,866 --> 00:01:54,601 There's one coming now.

35 00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:57,635 The only other place we could find was this deserted...

36 00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:01,703 [train roaring]

37 00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:05,368 ...or nearly deserted train station.

38 00:02:07,099 --> 00:02:08,801 Oh, it's Loretta Lynn.

39 00:02:08,866 --> 00:02:10,867 [applause]

40 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:16,069 ls it really true we're doing the show from the station here?

41 00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:19,069 Well, uh, Loretta, that is a vey difficult question.

42 00:02:19,133 --> 00:02:20,801 And, uh, the, uh...

43 00:02:20,866 --> 00:02:24,102 The, uh... Well, the answer is... yes.

44 00:02:24,166 --> 00:02:28,069 Well, don't wory about it 'cause us county singers can sing anywhere.

45 00:02:28,133 --> 00:02:31,436 Oh. WonderFul. OK, ladies and gentlemen, here she is.

46 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:35,503 The most talented and cooperative of guest stars, Miss Loretta Lynn.

47 00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:39,970 I# You're Lookin' At CountyI

48 00:02:43,033 --> 00:02:46,369 done county style
 * 1) Well, l like my lovin'

49 00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:49,102 would walk a county mile
 * 1) And this little girl

50 00:02:49,166 --> 00:02:52,802 slow-talking county boy
 * 1) To find her a g_ old

51 00:02:52,866 --> 00:02:55,134
 * 1) l said a county boy

52 00:02:55,199 --> 00:02:58,236
 * 1) l'm about as old-fashioned as l can be

53 00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,635
 * So, l hope you're liking what you see

54 00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:04,168
 * 1) 'Cause if you're lookin' at me

55 00:03:04,766 --> 00:03:07,635
 * 1) You're looking at county

56 00:03:08,599 --> 00:03:11,502 when you look at me
 * 1) You don't see no city

57 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,001
 * 1) 'Cause county's all l am

58 00:03:14,066 --> 00:03:17,736 through the old corn fields
 * 1) l love running barefooted

59 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,503
 * 1) And l love that county ham

60 00:03:22,166 --> 00:03:25,202 justto fit your plans
 * 1) Well, you say l'm a maid

61 00:03:25,266 --> 00:03:27,935 fit your hands
 * 1) But there's a barnyard shovel

62 00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:31,201
 * 1) If your eyes are on me

63 00:03:31,699 --> 00:03:34,402
 * 1) You're looking at county

64 00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,334 Oh, let's hear it now, boys.

65 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,802 is a little green
 * 1) Well, this here county

66 00:03:44,866 --> 00:03:48,069 that you ain't seen
 * 1) But there's a whole lot of county

67 00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:51,669 if you show me a wedding band
 * 1) l'll show you around

68 00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,768
 * 1) l said a wedding band

69 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:57,203 well, l know about that
 * 1) When it comes to love,

70 00:03:57,266 --> 00:03:59,635 where it's at
 * 1) County folks all know

71 00:04:01,099 --> 00:04:03,769 - # If you're looking at me - Yeah, tell 'em.

72 00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:06,101
 * 1) You're looking at county

73 00:04:21,866 --> 00:04:24,668 justto fit your plans
 * 1) Well, you say l'm a maid

74 00:04:24,733 --> 00:04:27,335 fit your hands
 * 1) But there's a barnyard shovel

75 00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:30,568
 * 1) If your eyes are on me

76 00:04:31,366 --> 00:04:33,835
 * 1) You're looking at county

77 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,402 - # If youreyes are on me - [muppet] # Ah-hah!

78 00:04:37,466 --> 00:04:40,302
 * 1) You're looking at county #

79 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:55,035 - l bought a round trip ticket. - To where?

80 00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:56,968 To here, stupid.

81 00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:03,268 OK, all right. Nice number, you guys.

82 00:05:03,333 --> 00:05:06,302 Let's see. What's next? Tap dancers on stage please.

83 00:05:06,366 --> 00:05:08,367 Abe, Bernie, get out there, you guys.

84 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:11,836 - [chickens clucking] - Will you guys be quiet please?

85 00:05:13,133 --> 00:05:16,135 Where are you going? You got my coffee cup there.

86 00:05:16,199 --> 00:05:17,668 [cup crashing]

87 00:05:19,233 --> 00:05:20,901 This is never going to work.

88 00:05:20,966 --> 00:05:22,901 - Gonzo! - Yes, Kermit?

89 00:05:22,966 --> 00:05:27,303 l should never have let you talk me into doing this show from a railroad depot.

90 00:05:27,366 --> 00:05:29,434 But it was the only place available.

91 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:32,269 They were having a tournament at the bowling alley.

92 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,401 Anyway, the show's going great.

93 00:05:35,466 --> 00:05:37,868 lt's not just the show. It's backstage here.

94 00:05:37,933 --> 00:05:40,635 l can't use this place here as an office.

95 00:05:40,699 --> 00:05:42,268 lt's not so bad.

96 00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:44,935 l mean, so a train goes by once in a while.

97 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,334 Who notices?

98 00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:48,969 - [train approaching] - [both screaming]

99 00:05:54,433 --> 00:05:55,734 Gonzo.

100 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,134 Thank you.

101 00:05:57,199 --> 00:05:59,402 - [sighs] - l'll find you a quieter place.

102 00:06:02,199 --> 00:06:05,736 - (# All AloneI - [sighs]

103 00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:12,701
 * 1) All alone

104 00:06:12,766 --> 00:06:15,702
 * 1) l'm so all alone

105 00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:18,401 - Oh, train on track one! - Track one!

106 00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:21,936 - l heard him. - Come on, Mommy. We'll miss the train.

107 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,168 l'm perForming. Do you mind?

108 00:06:25,166 --> 00:06:27,067
 * 1) All alone

109 00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:30,669
 * 1) By the telephone

110 00:06:30,733 --> 00:06:32,801 Track mo. Track mo, eveybody.

111 00:06:32,866 --> 00:06:35,501 - Tracking mo. - It's on the other platForm.

112 00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:38,235 - We're gonna miss it. - Track mo, track mo.

113 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:40,402 Will you get...

114 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,800 Hold it!

115 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,402 Thank you. Hi-ya!

116 00:06:45,466 --> 00:06:48,268 - [grunting] - [crashing]

117 00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:49,901 [phone ringing]

118 00:06:49,966 --> 00:06:51,967 Forget it. It's too late now.

119 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,635 Here is a Muppet news flash.

120 00:06:56,699 --> 00:06:58,735 Excuse me. How much is a Pig News?

121 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,668 Will you get out of here?

122 00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:02,167 Oh, oh.

123 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,669 Deliveries of letters and parcels may be delayed

124 00:07:06,733 --> 00:07:09,635 as a result of a strike by mailbag handlers

125 00:07:09,699 --> 00:07:11,902 due to take effect immediately.

126 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:14,867 [groaning]

127 00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:18,703 However, delivey of air mail will continue as normal.

128 00:07:18,766 --> 00:07:20,334 [grunting]

129 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,068 This is a terrific place for you, Kermit.

130 00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:26,735 You can keep an eye on the whole show from up here.

131 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,569 At least it's a lot quieter than the baggage room.

132 00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:32,702 Nobody will bother you here. This car is out of service.

133 00:07:32,766 --> 00:07:34,834 - You're sure about that? - Trust me.

134 00:07:34,899 --> 00:07:36,334 All aboard.

135 00:07:36,399 --> 00:07:37,534 [steam hissing]

136 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,802 - Gonzo. - l better check the timetable.

137 00:07:39,866 --> 00:07:41,200 lt's too late for that.

138 00:07:41,266 --> 00:07:45,269 - Scooter? Scooter? - Boss! Where you going?

139 00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:47,068 - l don't know. - Pittsburgh.

140 00:07:47,966 --> 00:07:49,734 Scooter, take over for me.

141 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,269 l'll be back as soon as l can. This is terrible.

142 00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:54,935 l'll say. We have to change trains in Altoona.

143 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,267 Gonzo!

144 00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,401 OK, boss, you can trust me.

145 00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:03,837 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, our own favorite funny fury man...

146 00:08:03,899 --> 00:08:05,568 [Fozzie] Scooter! Scooter!

147 00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:08,402 Please don't introduce me. l don't have an act ready.

148 00:08:08,466 --> 00:08:10,835 lt's all right. Tell them the joke you told me.

149 00:08:10,899 --> 00:08:13,402 The one about the electricians and the polar bear.

150 00:08:13,466 --> 00:08:16,468 You liked the one about the electricians and the polar bear?

151 00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:18,968 lt's a masterpiece. l laughed for days.

152 00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:20,334 lntroduce me.

153 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:22,969 Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear!

154 00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:25,402 Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey-ya, hey-ya.

155 00:08:25,466 --> 00:08:29,269 Did you hear about the electricians and the polar bear? First of all...

156 00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:30,934 [train passing by]

157 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,001 [train whistle blows]

158 00:08:34,866 --> 00:08:37,535 ''No, but the wallpaper tasted terrific,'' he said.

159 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,934 [silence]

160 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,434 The polar bear said that.

161 00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:43,469 He didn't... The electrician... Oh, l'm so lonely.

162 00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:48,834 Well, here's the train depot, Fred.

163 00:08:48,899 --> 00:08:51,602 Well, let's find the cattle car and get some sleep.

164 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:55,735 [ballroom music plays]

165 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,970 You know, for a teenager, you're vey mature.

166 00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:06,336 Well, l've been shaving for over a year now.

167 00:09:06,399 --> 00:09:07,801 Oh, really?

168 00:09:07,866 --> 00:09:10,802 Mm-hmm. l cut myself both times.

169 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,502 You ever seen people dancing in a train station?

170 00:09:17,566 --> 00:09:19,768 People, yes. Pigs, never.

171 00:09:21,633 --> 00:09:25,770 Uh, who's the most humorless man in the whole world?

172 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:28,268 Oh, let's see. Humorless man...

173 00:09:28,333 --> 00:09:30,535 Uh, l give up. Who?

174 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,468 You are, fathead.

175 00:09:32,533 --> 00:09:34,568 [forced laughter]

176 00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:36,301 l don't get it.

177 00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:40,636 These folks are dancing and telling jokes.

178 00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:43,002 Well... they're dancing.

179 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:46,401 Ow! Ow!

180 00:09:46,466 --> 00:09:50,036 - What is it? - Ow! My feet are killing me.

181 00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:51,835 Oh! Ow! Ow!

182 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,169 Gee, l wonder where Kermit and Gonzo are.

183 00:09:58,233 --> 00:10:00,368 - [clucking] - l hope they're all right.

184 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,667 Yeah.

185 00:10:02,733 --> 00:10:04,701 Uh, this is ridiculous, Gonzo.

186 00:10:05,366 --> 00:10:07,634 But at least we found a stupid handcar.

187 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:09,768 Kermit, relax with it.

188 00:10:09,833 --> 00:10:13,603 l mean, it's fun. Doesn't this take you back to the age of railroading?

189 00:10:13,666 --> 00:10:16,035 l just want it to take me back to the station.

190 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,501 Ah, the romance of it all.

191 00:10:18,566 --> 00:10:19,934 (# Sentimental JourneyI

192 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:24,104
 * 1) Gonna take a sentimentaljourney

193 00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:26,301 l don't believe this. He's gonna sing?

194 00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:33,937
 * 1) Gonna make a sentimentaljourney

195 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,403
 * 1) To renew old memories

196 00:10:37,466 --> 00:10:41,436 Forget about renewing your memories. Wory about renewing your contract.

197 00:10:42,666 --> 00:10:46,736 l've got my reservation
 * 1) l've got my bag

198 00:10:46,799 --> 00:10:50,136 We're gonna have sprained backs by the time this is over.

199 00:10:51,733 --> 00:10:56,003 in wild anticipation
 * 1) Like a child

200 00:10:56,066 --> 00:11:00,270
 * 1) Long to hear that all aboard

201 00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:02,935 - # Seven - # Seven

202 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,902
 * 1) That's the time we leave, at seven

203 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,267
 * 1) At seven

204 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,903
 * 1) l'll be waiting up for heaven

205 00:11:10,966 --> 00:11:12,033 Take it.

206 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:15,937
 * 1) Counting evey mile of railroad track

207 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,203 Ooh, l'm sory. Big finish.

208 00:11:19,266 --> 00:11:23,703 my heart could be so yearning
 * 1) Wever thought

209 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:28,170
 * 1) Why did l decide to roam?

210 00:11:28,233 --> 00:11:32,804
 * 1) Gonna take a sentimentaljourney

211 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:38,605
 * 1) Sentimental journey home #

212 00:11:38,666 --> 00:11:41,368 - Come on, Gonzo, move this thing. - All right. OK.

213 00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:42,967 Here we go.

214 00:11:43,033 --> 00:11:45,635 - [gibberish] - Faster.

215 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:47,802 Well, Kermit, did you like the song?

216 00:11:47,866 --> 00:11:49,801 We gotta get there.

217 00:11:49,866 --> 00:11:52,001 - Go, go, Gonzo. - Hury!

218 00:11:52,066 --> 00:11:54,401 - We're almost there. - [Kermit] Faster!

219 00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:59,101 Say, how's the show going?

220 00:11:59,166 --> 00:12:01,601 Oh, pre_ good, but l wish Kermit was here.

221 00:12:01,666 --> 00:12:03,100 What's the next act?

222 00:12:03,166 --> 00:12:05,935 Winky Pinkerton. He does bird impressions.

223 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,634 Cluck. Tweet meet.

224 00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,001 Cock-a-doodle-do.

225 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,635 - Good luck. - Break a beak.

226 00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:13,168 [laughing]

227 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,234 Say, l'm iust thrilled to pieces

228 00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:18,636 you're doing this big TV show here in our train depot.

229 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:20,268 Yeah, well, we like it too.

230 00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:23,335 Say, tell me something, though. Where's Loretta Lynn?

231 00:12:23,399 --> 00:12:25,435 Oh, she's here in her dressing room.

232 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,902 - Oh, hi, guys. - Hi.

233 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:33,636 Say, how come you put a big star like Loretta Lynn in a broom closet?

234 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,868 'Cause the boiler room was full of pigs.

235 00:12:35,933 --> 00:12:37,534 Oh, l don't mind.

236 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,869 l'm just relaxing and singing some old songs.

237 00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:42,467 Remember this one?

238 00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:47,104 I# Oh, Lonesome MeI

239 00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:50,569
 * 1) Eveybody's going out and having fun

240 00:12:51,366 --> 00:12:55,303 and having none
 * 1) l'mjust a fool for staying home

241 00:12:56,299 --> 00:13:00,270 the way he set me free
 * 1) l can't get over

242 00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:04,435
 * Oh, lonesome me

243 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:09,837 byjust hanging around
 * 1) A bad mistake l'm making

244 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,537 and paint the town
 * 1) l know that l should have some fun

245 00:13:15,466 --> 00:13:19,136 andjust can't see
 * 1) A lovesick fool that's blind

246 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,669
 * Oh, lonesome me

247 00:13:25,133 --> 00:13:27,568
 * 1) l'll bet she's not like me

248 00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:30,268
 * 1) She's out and fancy free

249 00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:33,936 with all hercharm
 * 1) Flirting with the boys

250 00:13:34,933 --> 00:13:37,101
 * 1) But l still love her so

251 00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:39,535
 * 1) And brother, don't you know

252 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:43,603 in my arms
 * 1) l'd welcome her right back here

253 00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:48,303 l can lose these lonesome blues
 * 1) There must be some way

254 00:13:48,366 --> 00:13:49,533
 * 1) Lonesome blues

255 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:53,136 and find somebody new
 * 1) Forget about the past

256 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,367
 * 1) Somebody new

257 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:58,503
 * 1) l've thought of eveything from A to Z

258 00:13:59,366 --> 00:14:02,535
 * Oh, lonesome me

259 00:14:04,066 --> 00:14:07,269
 * Oh, lonesome me

260 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,035
 * 1) Ohhhhh

261 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:15,437
 * 1) Lonesome me #

262 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:18,202 [howling]

263 00:14:23,966 --> 00:14:28,570 [man] Arriving now on track mo, Veterinarian's Hospital.

264 00:14:31,266 --> 00:14:35,470 The continuing stoy of a quack that's gone to the dogs

265 00:14:35,533 --> 00:14:37,601 Here's your next patient, Dr. Bob.

266 00:14:37,666 --> 00:14:39,034 He's a conductor.

267 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:41,602 Well, he's not getting any symphony from me.

268 00:14:41,666 --> 00:14:42,833 [laughing]

269 00:14:42,899 --> 00:14:45,936 - You mean sympathy. - He's not getting any of that either.

270 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,434 [laughter]

271 00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,902 Dr. Bob, he's a train conductor.

272 00:14:49,966 --> 00:14:53,936 Well, l will not operate on anyone who works for the railroad.

273 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,335 - Why not? - l've got a vey poor track record.

274 00:14:56,399 --> 00:14:57,901 [laughter]

275 00:14:57,966 --> 00:15:00,568 - Hey, what's the matter with him? - l don't know.

276 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,402 He keeps saying the same thing over and over.

277 00:15:03,466 --> 00:15:05,201 - All aboard. - [all squealing]

278 00:15:06,433 --> 00:15:07,567 See what l mean?

279 00:15:08,799 --> 00:15:11,369 Dr. Bob, that's all he ever says.

280 00:15:11,433 --> 00:15:13,735 Well, he must have a one track mind.

281 00:15:13,799 --> 00:15:15,134 [laughter]

282 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,669 That's your second track ioke, Dr. Bob.

283 00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:19,468 So what? Who keeps track?

284 00:15:19,533 --> 00:15:20,934 [laughter]

285 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,302 - That's three. - It's too late to change.

286 00:15:23,366 --> 00:15:25,601 You can't teach an old dog new tracks.

287 00:15:25,666 --> 00:15:27,167 [laughing]

288 00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,934 Well, three and a half.

289 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,801 - All aboard! - Whoa.

290 00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:35,969 Dr. Bob, he's worked too long on the railroad.

291 00:15:36,033 --> 00:15:37,567 lt's affected his mind.

292 00:15:37,633 --> 00:15:41,503 Yes. The strain on his brain stays mainly on the train.

293 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:42,934 [laughter]

294 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,802 Oh, Dr. Bob, l think you've got it.

295 00:15:45,866 --> 00:15:47,567 - All aboard! - Oh!

296 00:15:47,633 --> 00:15:51,136 And so we come to the end ofanotherVeterinarian's Hospital.

297 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,169 Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Bob say:

298 00:15:54,233 --> 00:15:56,902 l think he's got railroad sneeze.

299 00:15:56,966 --> 00:15:58,467 What's railroad sneeze?

300 00:15:58,533 --> 00:16:00,668 - Ah-choo choo! - [laughter]

301 00:16:04,066 --> 00:16:06,968 You know, this place is cleaner than the theater.

302 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,702 True. Seats are more comfortable too.

303 00:16:10,966 --> 00:16:14,436 lf only the entertainment lives down to my expectations.

304 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:15,968 [laughs]

305 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,401 - Hey, Kermit? - What?

306 00:16:21,466 --> 00:16:23,835 l don't want to talk about it, Gonzo.

307 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,334 But, but, but Kermit...

308 00:16:25,399 --> 00:16:28,369 Just keep pumping. We got to get up to the train station.

309 00:16:28,433 --> 00:16:31,435 - But Kermit, it's important. - OK, Gonzo. What is it?

310 00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:33,201 Well, there's a light up ahead.

311 00:16:33,266 --> 00:16:35,434 Good. Maybe that's the train station.

312 00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,001 No. That's a train.

313 00:16:37,066 --> 00:16:38,867 - [train whistle] - What? Train?

314 00:16:38,933 --> 00:16:40,734 Back the other way, Gonzo.

315 00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,902 Quick! Back! Pump!

316 00:16:42,966 --> 00:16:44,634 - Pump! Pump! - l'm tying.

317 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:47,803 - He's gaining on us. Hury up. - Faster! Faster!

318 00:16:47,866 --> 00:16:50,468 - [train approaching] - He's gaining on us. Faster!

319 00:16:51,366 --> 00:16:53,367 Here is a Muppet news flash.

320 00:16:53,433 --> 00:16:55,935 Excuse me. Do you sell any chocolate bars?

321 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,101 No.

322 00:16:57,166 --> 00:16:59,368 How about ielly piglets?

323 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,334 Will you get out of here.

324 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,970 Three escaped chickens broke into the railroad telegraph office today

325 00:17:08,033 --> 00:17:11,436 and the chickens began pecking away at the Morse key.

326 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,235 They were later recaptured,

327 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:16,336 but not before they had declared war on Abyssinia.

328 00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:23,035 - Have you heard anything from Kermit? - No, not yet.

329 00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:24,267 Oh, no.

330 00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:26,902 The next thing on the show is the rhyming song.

331 00:17:26,966 --> 00:17:29,168 - The rhyming song? - Yeah.

332 00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:31,468 But we're not ready for the rhyming song.

333 00:17:31,533 --> 00:17:33,368 l know we're not ready.

334 00:17:33,433 --> 00:17:35,434 - What's on now? - Nothing.

335 00:17:36,133 --> 00:17:38,468 OK, eveybody. The rhyming song.

336 00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:40,434 [overlapping voices]

337 00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,101 But l can't remember it.

338 00:17:42,166 --> 00:17:44,635 - Oh, yeah, sure. - Do you know it?

339 00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:47,669 Stand by for the rhyming song.

340 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:50,936 No, Scooter, it's me first. Me, me.

341 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:51,000 [Fozzie] Coming through.

342 00:17:52,666 --> 00:17:54,667 (# The Rhyming SongI

343 00:17:54,733 --> 00:17:57,102
 * 1) Let's all sing the rhyming song

344 00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:59,368
 * 1) The rhyming song, the rhyming song

345 00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:01,902
 * 1) Let's take turns and rhyme together

346 00:18:01,966 --> 00:18:03,901
 * 1) The rhyming song

347 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,635
 * 1) l was hungy, now l'm not

348 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,069
 * 1) The rhyming song, the rhyming song

349 00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:12,602
 * 1) 'Cause l ate some beans and grapes

350 00:18:13,233 --> 00:18:14,634
 * 1) The rhyming song

351 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:17,069
 * 1) Let's all sing the rhyming song

352 00:18:17,133 --> 00:18:19,502
 * 1) The rhyming song, the rhyming song

353 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:22,001
 * 1) Let's take turns and rhyme together

354 00:18:22,066 --> 00:18:23,867
 * 1) The rhyming song

355 00:18:25,433 --> 00:18:27,935
 * 1) l left my knees in your car

356 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,068
 * 1) The rhyming song, the rhyming song

357 00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:32,635
 * 1) My laundy's ready at half past nine

358 00:18:33,266 --> 00:18:34,834
 * 1) The rhyming song

359 00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:37,002
 * 1) Let's all sing the rhyming song

360 00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:39,468
 * 1) The rhyming song, the rhyming song

361 00:18:39,533 --> 00:18:42,068
 * 1) Let's take turns and rhyme together

362 00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:43,868
 * 1) The rhyming song

363 00:18:43,933 --> 00:18:45,134 Sing.

364 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,769
 * 1) Stars are minkling in the sky

365 00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,935
 * 1) The rhyming song, the rhyming song

366 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,569
 * 1) There's no hot water in my hotel

367 00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:54,601
 * 1) The rhyming song

368 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:57,135
 * 1) This is not the rhyming song

369 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,235
 * 1) The rhyming song, the rhyming song

370 00:18:59,299 --> 00:19:01,835
 * 1) l know it's not the rhyming song

371 00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,868
 * 1) The rhyming song

372 00:19:03,933 --> 00:19:05,367 Oh, brother.

373 00:19:05,433 --> 00:19:07,701 - # Whatdo we do now? - # l don't know

374 00:19:07,766 --> 00:19:10,001
 * 1) The rhyming song, the rhyming song

375 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,601 and wave our arms
 * 1) Let's alljump up and down

376 00:19:12,666 --> 00:19:14,634
 * 1) And get o# the stage

377 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:17,669 the rhyming song
 * 1) The rhyming song, the rhyming song,

378 00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:21,069 [babbling]

379 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,370 - [phone ringing] - [Fozzie] Get the phone, Scooter.

380 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,001 The rhyming song, huh?

381 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,201 They're really getting desperate.

382 00:19:30,266 --> 00:19:32,601 Mmm. Desperation's a good sign.

383 00:19:32,666 --> 00:19:34,734 Soon they may panic and run away.

384 00:19:36,366 --> 00:19:38,401 Yeah. Yeah, Kermit.

385 00:19:38,466 --> 00:19:40,835 What? Hit by a train?

386 00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:44,036 Well, uh, at least it's a different way to spend the day.

387 00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:46,801 l'm glad you're OK at least.

388 00:19:46,866 --> 00:19:49,835 - Excuse me, Scooter. - Hold on, Kermit. Yeah, Loretta?

389 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:52,802 l don't see how we're gonna be able to do this last number.

390 00:19:52,866 --> 00:19:55,168 - Why? - It needs a lot of sceney.

391 00:19:55,233 --> 00:19:58,235 We got the sceney. It's just a little different.

392 00:19:58,299 --> 00:20:00,869 - How's that? - Fozzie painted it.

393 00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:02,868 OK, come on, move it in. That's it.

394 00:20:02,933 --> 00:20:05,435 And bring down the clothesline, guys, too.

395 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,435 That's it. All the way down.

396 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,335 No. Hold it. No, up, up.

397 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,335 But not too far. That's it. PerFect.

398 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,736 OK, Loretta, good luck. Watch out, the paint's still wet.

399 00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:18,168 OK, then, l'm ready for my next number.

400 00:20:18,233 --> 00:20:19,467 Great.

401 00:20:19,533 --> 00:20:22,002 OK, chief, l'm ready to introduce Loretta.

402 00:20:22,066 --> 00:20:25,002 Well, of course l'll do a good iob.

403 00:20:25,066 --> 00:20:28,769 Don't wory. You tell me what to say and l'll say it, all right?

404 00:20:29,966 --> 00:20:31,934 Ladies and gentlemen,

405 00:20:32,533 --> 00:20:34,534 Miss Loretta Lynn.

406 00:20:34,599 --> 00:20:36,768 Boy, chief, you got a way with words.

407 00:20:37,799 --> 00:20:40,502 [# One's On the Way9

408 00:20:40,566 --> 00:20:44,569 [babies chattering]

409 00:20:52,433 --> 00:20:55,402
 * 1) They say to have her hair done

410 00:20:55,466 --> 00:20:58,435
 * 1) Liz flies all the way to France

411 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:02,603
 * 1) And _ackie's seen in a discotheque

412 00:21:02,666 --> 00:21:05,802
 * 1) Doing a brand new dance

413 00:21:05,866 --> 00:21:08,535
 * 1) And the White House social season

414 00:21:08,599 --> 00:21:11,769
 * 1) Should be glittering and gay

415 00:21:12,666 --> 00:21:16,202 the rain is a-fallin'
 * 1) But here in Topeka

416 00:21:16,266 --> 00:21:19,435 and the kids are bawling
 * 1) The faucet is a-drippin'

417 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,703 and one is crawlin'
 * 1) One of them is talkin'

418 00:21:22,766 --> 00:21:26,369
 * 1) One's on the way

419 00:21:26,433 --> 00:21:28,334 [baby cying]

420 00:21:29,233 --> 00:21:31,835 Oh, baby, oh, baby.

421 00:21:37,233 --> 00:21:39,435
 * 1) l'm glad that Raquel Welch

422 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:43,036
 * 1) Just signed a million dollar pact

423 00:21:43,866 --> 00:21:46,668
 * 1) And Debbie's out in Vegas

424 00:21:46,733 --> 00:21:49,535
 * 1) Working up a brand new act

425 00:21:50,366 --> 00:21:53,635
 * 1) And the TV's showing newlyweds

426 00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:56,903
 * 1) A real fine game to play

427 00:21:56,966 --> 00:22:00,302 the screen door's a-banging
 * 1) But here in Topeka

428 00:22:00,366 --> 00:22:03,502 and the wash needs a-hangin'
 * 1) Coffee's boiling over

429 00:22:03,566 --> 00:22:07,236 and one wants a-changing
 * 1) One wants a cookie

430 00:22:07,299 --> 00:22:09,568
 * 1) One's on the way

431 00:22:11,366 --> 00:22:12,500 [phone ringing]

432 00:22:12,566 --> 00:22:15,268 Jimmy, get away from that
 * 1) What was l doing?

433 00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:17,535
 * 1) Darn, there goes the phone

434 00:22:19,299 --> 00:22:22,469 What's that you say? You're bringing a few army buddies home?

435 00:22:22,533 --> 00:22:24,201 [babies babbling]

436 00:22:24,266 --> 00:22:26,735 You're coming from the bar? Get away from that.

437 00:22:26,799 --> 00:22:30,436 - [doorbell rings] - One minute. l gotta get the doorbell.

438 00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:32,635 Honey, could you stop at the market?

439 00:22:34,466 --> 00:22:37,669 [babies screaming]

440 00:22:37,733 --> 00:22:40,435
 * 1) The girls in New York City

441 00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:44,003
 * 1) They all march for women's lib

442 00:22:44,066 --> 00:22:47,569
 * 1) Better Homes and Gardens shows

443 00:22:47,633 --> 00:22:49,868
 * 1) The modern way to live

444 00:22:50,533 --> 00:22:53,769
 * 1) You may change your world tomorrow

445 00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:56,869
 * 1) But meanwhile today

446 00:22:56,933 --> 00:23:00,303
 * 1) Here in Topeka the flies are a-buzzin'

447 00:23:00,366 --> 00:23:03,502 and the floor n_s a-scrubbin'
 * 1) The dog is a-barkin'

448 00:23:03,566 --> 00:23:07,403 And one needs a-hugging
 * 1) One needs a-spanking

449 00:23:07,466 --> 00:23:10,468
 * 1) One's on the way

450 00:23:10,533 --> 00:23:13,836
 * 1) One's on the way

451 00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:16,402
 * 1) One's on the way #

452 00:23:17,866 --> 00:23:21,102 Oh, gee, l hope it ain't mins again.

453 00:23:28,833 --> 00:23:30,334 Well, folks...

454 00:23:30,933 --> 00:23:34,703 - l'm sory Kermit's not here now. - Oh, OK, OK, OK, l'm here, l'm here.

455 00:23:34,766 --> 00:23:35,833 Are you all right?

456 00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:38,769 l'm as right as l can be after being nearly hit by a train

457 00:23:38,833 --> 00:23:42,870 and falling into a ditch and slogged through a swamp and run for mo miles.

458 00:23:42,933 --> 00:23:44,634 You forgot about the dogs.

459 00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:47,469 Yes, yes, we were also chased by angy dogs.

460 00:23:47,533 --> 00:23:50,068 You always leave out the best parts.

461 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,069 Anyhow, Scooter, where are we? What happens next?

462 00:23:55,133 --> 00:23:58,870 Oh, nothing. You got here just in time for the end.

463 00:23:59,733 --> 00:24:02,569 Well, so much for the railroad station show.

464 00:24:02,633 --> 00:24:05,602 lt's been weird, but tonight did have one big advantage

465 00:24:05,666 --> 00:24:09,069 and here she is, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Loretta Lynn. Yeah!

466 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,201 Thank you, Kermit. Are you all right?

467 00:24:14,266 --> 00:24:15,400 Yeah, thank you.

468 00:24:15,466 --> 00:24:18,402 l want you to know l really had a great time on your show.

469 00:24:18,466 --> 00:24:22,069 Oh, that's good but we better get out of here before a train comes.

470 00:24:22,133 --> 00:24:23,834 - Take your time, Kermit. - Why?

471 00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:27,403 No more trains tonight. l put up a sign that will keep them away.

472 00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,301 Well, what does the sign say?

473 00:24:29,366 --> 00:24:30,700 Airport.

474 00:24:31,533 --> 00:24:32,767 Gonzo!

475 00:24:32,833 --> 00:24:36,002 - Oh, trains don't go to airports. - l know, but...

476 00:24:36,066 --> 00:24:38,301 [iet roaring overhead]

477 00:24:39,633 --> 00:24:41,968 We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.

478 00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:45,269 [overlapping voices]

479 00:24:52,633 --> 00:24:55,669 No wonder this sounds bad. We're playing a timetable.

480 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,602 [music played badly]

481 00:25:21,166 --> 00:25:22,767 Well, what did you think?

482 00:25:22,833 --> 00:25:25,101 [train rumbling by]

483 00:25:27,033 --> 00:25:28,601 Well, a bit shaky.