Episode 312: James Coco/transcript

1 00:00:08,533 --> 00:00:09,734 [knocking on door]

2 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,935 James Coco? James Coco?

3 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,001 Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Coco.

4 00:00:14,066 --> 00:00:17,636 Thank you. Would you tell wardrobe l'd like this jacket pressed?

5 00:00:17,699 --> 00:00:20,636 Sure. Hey, wardrobe, press that iacket.

6 00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:26,600 Anything else?

7 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:29,734 No. Nothing.

8 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,201 Nothing at all.

9 00:00:31,266 --> 00:00:33,267 Evemhing's iust perFect. Really.

10 00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:36,468 [drum roll]

11 00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:40,670 lt's rhe Muppet Show with our vey special guest star, James Coco.

12 00:00:40,733 --> 00:00:42,801 Yeah!

13 00:00:42,866 --> 00:00:45,868 [applause]

14 00:00:55,966 --> 00:00:59,803 It's time to light the light
 * 1) It's time to play the music

15 00:00:59,866 --> 00:01:03,903 on The Muppet Show tonight
 * 1) It's time to meet the Muppets

16 00:01:03,966 --> 00:01:08,270 It's time to dress up right
 * 1) It's time to put on makeup

17 00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:10,034
 * 1) It's time to get things started

18 00:01:10,099 --> 00:01:12,302
 * 1) Why don't you get things started?

19 00:01:13,033 --> 00:01:14,634 Here's your script. Whoa!

20 00:01:16,599 --> 00:01:18,501
 * 1) It's time to get things started

21 00:01:18,566 --> 00:01:20,768
 * 1) On the most sensational, inspirational

22 00:01:20,833 --> 00:01:23,001
 * 1) Celebrational, Muppetational

23 00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:28,771 The Muppet Show! #
 * 1) This is what we call

24 00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:31,735 [squeaking]

25 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,703 Thank you, thank you and welcome again to rhe Muppet Show

26 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:44,637 where our guest star tonight is the wonderFul and talented Mr. James Coco.

27 00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:48,937 But first we're going to open tonight's show with an underwater fantasy.

28 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,269 So, without more ado, Iast one in is a sissy.

29 00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,268 (# Octopus' GardenI

30 00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:07,103
 * 1) l'd like to be underthe sea

31 00:02:07,166 --> 00:02:10,836 in the shade
 * 1) In an octopus' garden

32 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,035
 * 1) He'd let us in

33 00:02:15,099 --> 00:02:17,335
 * 1) Knows where we've been

34 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:22,705
 * 1) In his octopus' garden in the shade

35 00:02:22,766 --> 00:02:27,504
 * 1) l'd ask my friends to come and see

36 00:02:27,566 --> 00:02:31,670
 * 1) An octopus' garden with me

37 00:02:32,866 --> 00:02:36,769
 * 1) l'd like to be underthe sea

38 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:40,636
 * 1) In an octopus' garden in the shade

39 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:46,937
 * 1) We would be warm below the storm

40 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,570 beneath the waves
 * 1) In our little hideaway

41 00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:52,534
 * La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

42 00:02:52,599 --> 00:02:56,770
 * 1) Resting our head on the sea bed

43 00:02:56,833 --> 00:03:00,303 neaf a CaVe
 * 1) In an octopus' garden

44 00:03:00,366 --> 00:03:02,768
 * La, la, la, la, la, la, la

45 00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:07,604
 * 1) We would sing and dance around

46 00:03:07,666 --> 00:03:11,002
 * 1) Because we know we can't be found

47 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:16,837
 * 1) l'd like to be underthe sea

48 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:20,236
 * 1) In an octopus' garden in the shade

49 00:03:38,166 --> 00:03:40,468 Ahhhh! Ahhhh!

50 00:03:42,633 --> 00:03:46,803
 * 1) We would shout and swim about

51 00:03:46,866 --> 00:03:50,302 beneath the waves
 * 1) The coral that lies

52 00:04:02,066 --> 00:04:06,637
 * 1) We would be so happy, you and me

53 00:04:06,699 --> 00:04:10,470 to tell us what to do
 * 1) With no one there

54 00:04:10,533 --> 00:04:12,034 [growling]

55 00:04:12,099 --> 00:04:16,471
 * 1) l'd like to be underthe sea

56 00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:20,203
 * 1) In an octopus' garden with you

57 00:04:21,766 --> 00:04:27,271
 * 1) In an octopus' garden with you #

58 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,501 Well, that was different.

59 00:04:32,566 --> 00:04:34,200 - Did you like it? - No.

60 00:04:34,266 --> 00:04:35,734 Then it wasn't different.

61 00:04:38,366 --> 00:04:40,501 Did you get any water on the stage, boss?

62 00:04:40,566 --> 00:04:43,268 Yeah, but it's OK. The next act will take care of it.

63 00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:45,301 OK, dancing sponges, you're on.

64 00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:48,534 Smart thinking.

65 00:04:51,399 --> 00:04:53,068 [gasping]

66 00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:54,467 How was l, Kermie?

67 00:04:54,533 --> 00:04:55,901 You were great, Piggy.

68 00:04:55,966 --> 00:04:58,802 Thank you, Kermie. You know, l really like the water.

69 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,300 - Well, l'm glad. - Mm-hmm.

70 00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:03,535 Which means after we're married, we can live at your place.

71 00:05:04,866 --> 00:05:06,200 Um... yeah.

72 00:05:06,833 --> 00:05:11,137 Kermie, would you help me take this mermaid outFit off?

73 00:05:11,199 --> 00:05:14,403 - You want me to undo the zipper here? - Back there, the zipper.

74 00:05:14,466 --> 00:05:15,900 - [zipping] - Ohh!

75 00:05:15,966 --> 00:05:17,901 Oh, what a relief.

76 00:05:17,966 --> 00:05:19,200 [sighing] Thank you.

77 00:05:19,266 --> 00:05:21,334 Oh! Don't look, don't look.

78 00:05:21,399 --> 00:05:23,068 No peeking.

79 00:05:27,566 --> 00:05:30,201 - [sloshing] - Did you get the stage all dried up?

80 00:05:30,266 --> 00:05:31,700 [gurgling] Oh, l think so.

81 00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:32,900 Good.

82 00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:41,804 And now, our vey special guest star, James Coco, portraying a medium

83 00:05:41,866 --> 00:05:45,469 who will attempt to predict the future of a character who has no future.

84 00:05:45,533 --> 00:05:46,800 Curtain.

85 00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:52,135 Boy, oh, boy, am l ever excited.

86 00:05:52,199 --> 00:05:54,835 l've never been to a real gypsy clairvoyant.

87 00:05:54,899 --> 00:05:58,470 They say that for ten dollars he'll read your mind.

88 00:05:58,533 --> 00:06:00,601 l wonder what he'd see in mine.

89 00:06:01,233 --> 00:06:02,801 Three dollars change.

90 00:06:09,966 --> 00:06:13,102 [# singing operatically]

91 00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:16,235 - Are you Dr. Coco, the happy medium? - That's right.

92 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:19,336 - Oh. - And you are...

93 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,302 You are...

94 00:06:24,633 --> 00:06:26,001 ...Fozzie Bear!

95 00:06:26,066 --> 00:06:28,301 And l am seasick.

96 00:06:29,466 --> 00:06:31,701 - Thank you, thank you. - Better?

97 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,534 l've got to know one thing.

98 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,734 Yes, l can.

99 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,368 Can you predict the future?

100 00:06:36,433 --> 00:06:39,335 - l just did. - Oh!

101 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:44,004 l want to know what my future in romance will be.

102 00:06:44,066 --> 00:06:45,400 Let me see...

103 00:06:45,466 --> 00:06:49,102 ...if my cystal ball will speak to me.

104 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,201 - Howdy. - Ahh!

105 00:06:59,066 --> 00:07:00,734 - Bad news. - What? What? What?

106 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,635 lt spoke to me.

107 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,235 Do you see a tall, cute stranger?

108 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,068 Could be taller.

109 00:07:08,133 --> 00:07:09,501 Could be cuter.

110 00:07:09,566 --> 00:07:11,401 But it couldn't be stranger.

111 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,467 Hi, Fozzie.

112 00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,868 Beauregard, l want to get my future told.

113 00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:19,567 l want to get my head out.

114 00:07:19,633 --> 00:07:21,835 l iust want to get on with this sketch.

115 00:07:22,433 --> 00:07:24,668 But... but... but you're a medium.

116 00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:27,702 Are you kidding? Medium? l'm an extra large.

117 00:07:28,466 --> 00:07:30,568 [ghostly laughter]

118 00:07:30,633 --> 00:07:32,034 [screaming]

119 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:36,170 Howdy, y'all. Are you the senior citizens of Abilene?

120 00:07:36,233 --> 00:07:38,468 - No. - Uh. No, no, no. No, no.

121 00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:41,135 Oh, shucks. l'm Chester Pugh.

122 00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:44,903 - l'm due to show up at their seance. - Are you late?

123 00:07:44,966 --> 00:07:47,902 Of course. l'm the late Chester Pugh.

124 00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:51,335 - Never. - Better late than never.

125 00:07:51,399 --> 00:07:53,702 But this isn't even a real seance.

126 00:07:53,766 --> 00:07:55,901 - It isn't? - Well, hold... Wait, wait.

127 00:07:55,966 --> 00:07:58,902 Jimmy, you mean he's not part of the sketch?

128 00:07:58,966 --> 00:08:00,400 - [whispers] No. - [gasps]

129 00:08:00,466 --> 00:08:02,401 This is a show.

130 00:08:02,466 --> 00:08:04,534 A show? [gasps]

131 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,736 Well, say, l'd like to say hello to Maw and Paw

132 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,502 and all the night shift down at Schneider's.

133 00:08:10,566 --> 00:08:13,135 And this one's for eveybody on the other side.

134 00:08:13,199 --> 00:08:14,267 (# Danny BoyI

135 00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:16,835
 * Oh, Danny boy

136 00:08:18,066 --> 00:08:22,703
 * 1) The pipes, the pipes are callin'

137 00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,167 - Huh? - No good.

138 00:08:25,233 --> 00:08:28,069 - Why? - Just no rhythm, no pace.

139 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:32,270 - # And down the mountainside - Not even good looking.

140 00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:33,467 - Jimmy? - Hmm?

141 00:08:33,533 --> 00:08:35,635 Jimmy, is this supposed to go this way?

142 00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,602 Of course not. l didn't know we'd get a real ghost.

143 00:08:38,666 --> 00:08:40,901 - Oh, look! - Help, help!

144 00:08:40,966 --> 00:08:42,634 The table is levitating.

145 00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:45,502 Beauregard, watch out. You're gonna get killed!

146 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,768 No. l'm gonna get lunch.

147 00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:50,368
 * 1) And l must bide

148 00:08:50,433 --> 00:08:52,468 Well, what do we do now?

149 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:56,003 [all] # But l'll be here

150 00:08:56,066 --> 00:09:00,603
 * 1) In sunshine or in shadow

151 00:09:01,566 --> 00:09:06,237 Oh, Danny boy
 * Oh, Danny boy

152 00:09:06,299 --> 00:09:10,404
 * 1) l love you so #

153 00:09:17,899 --> 00:09:19,268 What was that?

154 00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,468 lt's called The Medium Sketch.

155 00:09:21,533 --> 00:09:22,901 The Medium Sketch?

156 00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:25,902 Yeah. It wasn't rare and it certainly wasn't well done.

157 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,300 [laughter]

158 00:09:29,066 --> 00:09:30,801 That was disgusting.

159 00:09:30,866 --> 00:09:33,068 You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

160 00:09:33,133 --> 00:09:36,102 Oh! That sketch was the last straw.

161 00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:38,101 That does it. l am leaving.

162 00:09:39,466 --> 00:09:41,067 Well?

163 00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:44,469 Don't you have anything to say to me before l go?

164 00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:47,601 Oh, yeah.

165 00:09:47,666 --> 00:09:50,268 On your way out, would you empty the garbage?

166 00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:51,801 [laughing]

167 00:09:53,966 --> 00:09:55,334 Beatnik.

168 00:09:55,399 --> 00:09:59,303 l have spent my last moment in this theater.

169 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,034 Oh, that's too bad, Sam.

170 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,435 You're gonna miss my tribute to Beethoven.

171 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,735 l don't care. As long as...

172 00:10:06,666 --> 00:10:08,401 - Beethoven? - Mm-hmm.

173 00:10:08,466 --> 00:10:10,201 Are you serious?

174 00:10:10,266 --> 00:10:11,900 Would l ioke about Beethoven?

175 00:10:11,966 --> 00:10:14,435 He's my idol. See?

176 00:10:15,566 --> 00:10:18,201 Oh! Beethoven, at last.

177 00:10:18,266 --> 00:10:20,668 Oh, well, for Beethoven l'll stay.

178 00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:22,534 He's my favorite playwright.

179 00:10:23,766 --> 00:10:27,870 five, six, seven, eight
 * 1) One, mo, three, four,

180 00:10:27,933 --> 00:10:30,568
 * 1) All he had was eight little notes

181 00:10:30,633 --> 00:10:32,301
 * 1) Just eight little notes

182 00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:33,734
 * 1) But, oh

183 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:38,771 do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do
 * 1) What Mr. B did with

184 00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:41,902 were eight little notes
 * 1) Though all he used

185 00:10:41,966 --> 00:10:44,468 count 'em, eight like these
 * 1) Just eight,

186 00:10:44,533 --> 00:10:47,202
 * 1) He'd mix and match and hatch a batch

187 00:10:47,266 --> 00:10:49,568
 * 1) Of catchy melodies

188 00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:54,371 and come up with nothing of note
 * 1) Now, l could take mo notes

189 00:10:54,433 --> 00:10:56,935
 * 1) Mr. B took a G

190 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,168
 * 1) And a flattened E

191 00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:01,768 - # And wrote... - [plays notes from fiRh Symphony9

192 00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:03,634 Wasn't that fantastic?

193 00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:06,702 was eight little notes
 * 1) Though all he had

194 00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,934
 * 1) Just eight little notes like these

195 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,334
 * 1) Which goes to show

196 00:11:10,399 --> 00:11:14,437 is another man's symphonies
 * 1) That one man's scale

197 00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:17,169 [playing Ode to Joy9

198 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:19,667 Oh, yeah.

199 00:11:19,733 --> 00:11:22,936 [humming in tune to Ode tfi _oyI

200 00:11:23,799 --> 00:11:26,102 was eight little notes
 * 1) Yet, all he had

201 00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:28,268
 * 1) Just eight little notes, just eight

202 00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,768
 * 1) But he wrote nine symphonies

203 00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:33,068
 * 1) And also some great

204 00:11:33,133 --> 00:11:36,002 fugues and cantatas
 * 1) Quartets, quintets,

205 00:11:36,066 --> 00:11:38,334
 * 1) Plus some opera and a few cantatas

206 00:11:38,399 --> 00:11:41,669 in a row
 * 1) Using only eight little notes

207 00:11:43,366 --> 00:11:45,735
 * Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do

208 00:11:45,799 --> 00:11:48,002
 * Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do

209 00:11:48,066 --> 00:11:51,302 - # Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do - # Do, ti, la, so, fa, mi, re, do #

210 00:11:57,766 --> 00:11:59,901 OK, Robin, time to go to sleep.

211 00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:03,135 But l can't, Uncle Kermit. l'm afraid of snakes.

212 00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:05,801 Snakes? Snakes?

213 00:12:05,866 --> 00:12:07,000 Well, um...

214 00:12:07,066 --> 00:12:09,835 Well, th-th-there aren't any snakes around here.

215 00:12:09,899 --> 00:12:12,269 - Unless they're under the bed. - [screams]

216 00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:16,235 No, no, no snakes under the bed.

217 00:12:16,299 --> 00:12:18,869 This really isn't helping, Uncle Kermit.

218 00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:21,302 Oh. Well, listen, Robin.

219 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:24,001 lf you just close your eyes and think about it,

220 00:12:24,066 --> 00:12:27,235 - why, snakes can be vey beautiful. - [sighing]

221 00:12:27,299 --> 00:12:30,436 [snake charming music]

222 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:16,303 [dance version of snake charm music]

223 00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:40,434 [music stops]

224 00:13:43,466 --> 00:13:46,769 You know, Uncle Kermit, snakes are really vey nice.

225 00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,668 [all] Thank you.

226 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:53,169 Uh, you're welcome.

227 00:13:57,366 --> 00:14:00,969 OK. Set up the kitchen. The Swedish Chef is on next.

228 00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:05,237 Oh, Kermit, you have a terrific show here.

229 00:14:05,299 --> 00:14:08,936 Oh, oh, thank you, James. It's not exactly Broadway...

230 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,737 Oh, you mean with all the girls and the glitter and the razzle dazzle?

231 00:14:12,799 --> 00:14:15,035 - Yeah, l guess so. - You don't need it.

232 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:18,470 This show moves. It's got pace, pace, pace.

233 00:14:18,533 --> 00:14:20,001 - Know what l mean? - Pace?

234 00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:21,267 You got it.

235 00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:25,770 You only need razzle dazzle if you've got a dull, slow moving act.

236 00:14:25,833 --> 00:14:27,701 But l have been watching this show.

237 00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:28,900 lt is dynamic.

238 00:14:28,966 --> 00:14:31,268 lt is full of sex appeal. It is fast paced.

239 00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:34,269 You do not need razzle dazzle. You have...

240 00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:36,401 [singing slowly in mock Swedish]

241 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:42,834 What is that?

242 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,868 Uh... the next act.

243 00:14:48,133 --> 00:14:49,701 You need razzle dazzle.

244 00:14:49,766 --> 00:14:53,069 Look, get some musicians, chorus girls, dancers,

245 00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:55,201 anything that moves. Quick! Quick!

246 00:14:55,266 --> 00:14:56,967 Yes, l'm on my way. l'm on my way.

247 00:14:57,033 --> 00:14:59,902 Hury, Kermit. What can l do about the lights?

248 00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,600 Switch. There we go.

249 00:15:01,666 --> 00:15:03,134 Uh, wrong one.

250 00:15:04,299 --> 00:15:05,668 Fantastic.

251 00:15:08,966 --> 00:15:12,869 [singing in mock Swedish]

252 00:15:17,466 --> 00:15:18,600 [crashing]

253 00:15:19,566 --> 00:15:22,268 [speaking in mock Swedish]

254 00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:39,502 [men whooping and cheering]

255 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:44,135 [# Mexican Hat Dance]

256 00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:48,501 [music fades]

257 00:15:48,566 --> 00:15:50,501 [speaking mock Swedish]

258 00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:57,938 Where is the banana-nana?

259 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,370 - Banana split? - [men whooping and cheering]

260 00:16:02,933 --> 00:16:05,669 (# Mexican Hat DanceI

261 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:11,602 - [music stops] - [shouting in mock Swedish]

262 00:16:12,666 --> 00:16:14,534 [muttering]

263 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,600 A-ha!

264 00:16:15,666 --> 00:16:18,135 [chattering] Banana-nana, banana-nana...

265 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,169 Banana peel. Banana peel.

266 00:16:24,033 --> 00:16:25,267 Enter.

267 00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:28,069 [# Mexican Hat Dance]

268 00:16:29,666 --> 00:16:31,267 Whoa!

269 00:16:38,666 --> 00:16:41,835 And now, banana split.

270 00:16:50,033 --> 00:16:51,868 Well, the cheFs done it again.

271 00:16:51,933 --> 00:16:53,467 - Done what? - Nothing.

272 00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:55,034 [laughter]

273 00:16:56,866 --> 00:16:58,267 ls he gonna be all right?

274 00:16:59,933 --> 00:17:01,634 l doubt it. He never has been.

275 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:04,901 Well, what's next?

276 00:17:04,966 --> 00:17:06,567 Let's see. Um... A singer.

277 00:17:06,633 --> 00:17:08,001 Oh, good. Now we can relax.

278 00:17:08,066 --> 00:17:10,334 Singing is always good. Music is terrific.

279 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,401 [out of tune]
 * 1) Catch a falling star

280 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:15,368
 * 1) And put it in your pocket

281 00:17:20,666 --> 00:17:22,601 Kermit, we have a lot of work to do.

282 00:17:23,633 --> 00:17:26,335 (# Catch A Falling Sta_

283 00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:30,367
 * 1) Catch a falling star

284 00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:32,868
 * 1) And put it in your pocket

285 00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:36,269
 * 1) Save it for a rainy day

286 00:17:36,966 --> 00:17:41,737 and tap you on the shoul...
 * 1) For love may come

287 00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,368 Hey, your pants are on fire.

288 00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:45,001
 * 1) One star that

289 00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:48,001 What are you doing? What are you doing?

290 00:17:48,066 --> 00:17:50,902 No, uh... uh... Ooh! Ow! Ow!

291 00:17:50,966 --> 00:17:52,467 [screaming]

292 00:17:55,166 --> 00:17:57,668 Well, um, you can't win 'em all.

293 00:17:57,733 --> 00:17:59,167 l'd settle for a tie.

294 00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:00,901 Oh! Ah! Ooh! Ah!

295 00:18:00,966 --> 00:18:04,102 What did you guys do to me? l almost got killed out there.

296 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,500 Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ow!

297 00:18:06,733 --> 00:18:08,101 Almost?

298 00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:12,536 - What's next? - Let's see... Veterinarian's Hospital.

299 00:18:13,299 --> 00:18:14,968 Veterinarian's Hospital?

300 00:18:15,033 --> 00:18:19,771 Yeah, it's this part where we tell bad jokes and, uh...

301 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,201 And it's death.

302 00:18:22,266 --> 00:18:23,734 Uh-huh.

303 00:18:23,799 --> 00:18:26,202 l have just the thing that will liven it up.

304 00:18:26,266 --> 00:18:27,934 - It never fails. - Oh, yeah?

305 00:18:28,766 --> 00:18:30,000 Girls.

306 00:18:31,566 --> 00:18:33,034 Girls? Oh, yeah.

307 00:18:33,099 --> 00:18:34,968 Just say it. Girls.

308 00:18:35,033 --> 00:18:36,234 Girls!

309 00:18:39,333 --> 00:18:42,202 [announcer] Time now forVeterinarian's Hospital,

310 00:18:42,266 --> 00:18:47,070 the continuing stoy of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

311 00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,568 - Say cheese. - [groaning]

312 00:18:50,299 --> 00:18:51,467 Close enough.

313 00:18:51,533 --> 00:18:52,800 Rowlf, Rowlf, Rowlf.

314 00:18:52,866 --> 00:18:54,067 Yeah, yeah.

315 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:58,003 Uh, now, yes, nurse. Tell me, what's wrong with this patient.

316 00:18:58,066 --> 00:19:01,002 Dr. Bob, he has acute appendicitis.

317 00:19:01,066 --> 00:19:04,269 l don't care how cute it is. It has to come out.

318 00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:08,469 Music, lights, dancers. Quick!

319 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,236 [show music playing]

320 00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:21,870 Dr. Bob, how can you concentrate with those girls dancing by?

321 00:19:21,933 --> 00:19:24,969 - Easy. l never take my eyes off them. - [laughing]

322 00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:26,934 Bring on the girls, quick!

323 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,669 - [show music playing] - Here they come again.

324 00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,335 That's the girls?

325 00:19:38,666 --> 00:19:41,201 Dr. Bob, why do they keep dancing that way?

326 00:19:41,266 --> 00:19:43,401 That's the way they get their kicks.

327 00:19:43,466 --> 00:19:44,800 [laughter]

328 00:19:44,866 --> 00:19:47,868 Wow. l'd love to be on Broadway.

329 00:19:47,933 --> 00:19:49,968 Yeah. l can see your name in lights.

330 00:19:50,033 --> 00:19:51,934 Twenty-five watts.

331 00:19:52,633 --> 00:19:55,469 Twenty-five watts? That's not vey bright.

332 00:19:55,533 --> 00:19:57,368 Look who's talking.

333 00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:58,634 [laughter]

334 00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:00,401 [show music playing]

335 00:20:05,833 --> 00:20:07,734 This is good. This is excellent.

336 00:20:07,799 --> 00:20:11,703 l've changed my mind. l am not taking out the appendix.

337 00:20:11,766 --> 00:20:14,502 - What are you taking out? - The blonde on the end.

338 00:20:14,566 --> 00:20:16,067 [laughter]

339 00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:20,869 [announcer] And so we come to the end ofanotherVeterinarian's Hospital.

340 00:20:20,933 --> 00:20:24,036 Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say...

341 00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:28,237 Dr. Bob, you cannot go out with a chorus girl.

342 00:20:28,299 --> 00:20:29,834 What about the patient?

343 00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:32,369 Why should l go out with someone who's sick?

344 00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:33,801 [laughter]

345 00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:39,102 - Any luck? - Nope. l checked all the doors.

346 00:20:39,166 --> 00:20:40,567 They got us locked in.

347 00:20:43,066 --> 00:20:46,402 - OK. - Kermit, what's with those showgirls?

348 00:20:46,466 --> 00:20:48,067 We iust kind of threw them in.

349 00:20:48,133 --> 00:20:49,734 Yeah? Well, throw them out.

350 00:20:49,799 --> 00:20:50,934 Um, yeah.

351 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,569 Kermit, l'm ready for my closing number.

352 00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:54,800 Oh? Oh, good.

353 00:20:54,866 --> 00:20:58,302 Listen, l realize things have been a little ragged so far,

354 00:20:58,366 --> 00:21:01,302 but wait till you see the closing number we have planned.

355 00:21:01,366 --> 00:21:04,469 lt's a wonderFul thing. We have staircases and waterFalls.

356 00:21:04,533 --> 00:21:07,736 We have colored lights and wind machines and 38 chorus girls.

357 00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:10,536 Does your shaking your head mean what l think it does?

358 00:21:10,599 --> 00:21:14,837 That's right. l'd really like... l'd like a change of pace.

359 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,335 l'd like to do something simple.

360 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:18,601 Something small.

361 00:21:18,666 --> 00:21:22,569 - Closing numbers are big extravaganzas. - No, no, no. They're small.

362 00:21:22,633 --> 00:21:24,935 - Small, Kermit. Small. - Small?

363 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,235 - Yeah, but usually... - No, Kermit...

364 00:21:27,299 --> 00:21:29,101 - Really small. - Really small?

365 00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:31,201 - Yeah, small. Trust me. - Small?

366 00:21:31,266 --> 00:21:34,235 Just introduce me. Kermit, you're gonna love it.

367 00:21:34,299 --> 00:21:36,268 l promise you, you're gonna love it.

368 00:21:36,333 --> 00:21:38,268 - Just introduce me. - Ahhhh!

369 00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:43,336 Here, once again, ladies and gentlemen, is our guest star, James Coco,

370 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:47,137 in a vey small gigantic finale. Hit it, guys.

371 00:21:58,099 --> 00:22:00,769 [# Short Peopleh

372 00:22:03,033 --> 00:22:04,501 Hi, guys.

373 00:22:04,566 --> 00:22:06,234 You look gorgeous.

374 00:22:06,299 --> 00:22:07,634 Terrific.

375 00:22:08,966 --> 00:22:11,902
 * 1) Short people got no reason

376 00:22:11,966 --> 00:22:14,568
 * 1) Short people got no reason

377 00:22:14,633 --> 00:22:18,470
 * 1) Short people got no reason to live

378 00:22:19,433 --> 00:22:22,469 and little eyes
 * 1) They got little hands

379 00:22:22,533 --> 00:22:25,135 telling great big lies
 * 1) And they go around

380 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,036 and tiny little teeth
 * 1) They got little noses

381 00:22:28,099 --> 00:22:31,169 on their tiny little feet
 * 1) They wear platForm shoes

382 00:22:31,233 --> 00:22:34,269
 * 1) Well, l don't want no short people

383 00:22:34,333 --> 00:22:36,768
 * 1) l don't want no short people

384 00:22:36,833 --> 00:22:40,002 'round here
 * 1) l don't want no short people

385 00:22:50,366 --> 00:22:54,603 as you and l
 * 1) Short people arejust the same

386 00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:56,067
 * 1) A fool such as l

387 00:22:56,133 --> 00:23:00,270 until the day they die
 * 1) All men are brothers

388 00:23:00,333 --> 00:23:01,901
 * 1) It's a wonde_ul world

389 00:23:01,966 --> 00:23:04,401
 * 1) Short people got nobody

390 00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:07,168
 * 1) Short people got nobody

391 00:23:07,233 --> 00:23:10,703
 * 1) Short people got nobody to love

392 00:23:12,033 --> 00:23:14,835 and they stand so low
 * 1) They got little baby legs

393 00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:17,769 justto say hello
 * 1) You got to pick him up

394 00:23:17,833 --> 00:23:20,635 that go beep, beep, beep
 * 1) They got little cars

395 00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:23,636 going peep, peep, peep
 * 1) They got little voices

396 00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:26,936 and dirty little minds
 * 1) Grubby little fingers

397 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,435
 * 1) They're gonna get you evey time

398 00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:32,603
 * No, l don't want no short people

399 00:23:32,666 --> 00:23:35,101
 * 1) l don't want no short people

400 00:23:35,166 --> 00:23:38,102 no short people 'round here #
 * 1) l don't want

401 00:23:39,799 --> 00:23:42,836 l hope l haven't offended you. l was short once myself.

402 00:23:55,466 --> 00:23:57,367 [monster laughing]

403 00:23:57,433 --> 00:23:59,234 Hi, shom.

404 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,403 Well, l think we've just about come down to the end of another one

405 00:24:09,466 --> 00:24:14,070 because the next thing l'm going to do is ask our guest star to say good night.

406 00:24:14,133 --> 00:24:16,101 Mr. James Coco. Yeah!

407 00:24:22,733 --> 00:24:25,969 Ah, Kermit, thank you. l really enjoyed myself tonight.

408 00:24:26,033 --> 00:24:29,169 l'm glad. l just loved your number with the short people.

409 00:24:29,233 --> 00:24:31,735 - You don't think they resented it? - Oh, no.

410 00:24:31,799 --> 00:24:33,902 They loved it. Right, short people?

411 00:24:33,966 --> 00:24:36,201 [short people cheering]

412 00:24:36,266 --> 00:24:38,801 You were wonderFul, all of you.

413 00:24:38,866 --> 00:24:40,434 [man] Thank you, Jimmy.

414 00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:42,635 Whoa! Hey, hey! Put me down. Put me down!

415 00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:45,269 We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.

416 00:25:22,299 --> 00:25:24,001 Well, shall we leave?

417 00:25:24,066 --> 00:25:26,668 Why should we leave now? The worst part's over.

418 00:25:26,733 --> 00:25:28,668 [laughter]