Episode 315: Lesley Ann Warren/transcript

1 00:00:08,433 --> 00:00:09,834 [knock on door]

2 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:14,069 Lesley Ann Warren, 20 seconds to curtain, Miss Warren.

3 00:00:14,133 --> 00:00:16,535 OK, thank you. Thank you, Scooter.

4 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,301 Good luck to both of you.

5 00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:20,034 Good luck to both of us?

6 00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:22,335 - [gasps] - Oh, don't wish us good luck.

7 00:00:22,399 --> 00:00:24,535 - We got talent. - Oh!

8 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,369 We've got drive. We've got charisma.

9 00:00:27,433 --> 00:00:31,703 So don't wish us no lousy, stinking, rotten luck.

10 00:00:31,766 --> 00:00:32,900 Ahh!

11 00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,434 Wish me luck.

12 00:00:37,266 --> 00:00:38,433 A_!

13 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:39,934 [drum roll]

14 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,738 lt's rhe Muppet Show with our vey special guest star, Lesley Ann Warren.

15 00:00:44,799 --> 00:00:46,101 Yeah!

16 00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:03,470 It's time to light the light
 * 1) It's time to play the music

17 00:01:03,533 --> 00:01:06,736 on The Muppet Show tonight
 * 1) It's time to meet the Muppets

18 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:11,804 It's time to dress up right
 * 1) It's time to put on makeup

19 00:01:11,866 --> 00:01:13,801
 * 1) It's time to get things started

20 00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:16,034
 * 1) Why don't you get things started?

21 00:01:16,099 --> 00:01:17,935 [tap dancing]

22 00:01:20,299 --> 00:01:22,235
 * 1) It's time to get things started

23 00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:26,771 Celebrational, Muppetational
 * 1) On the most sensational, inspirational

24 00:01:26,833 --> 00:01:31,938 The Muppet Show #
 * 1) This is what we call

25 00:01:33,566 --> 00:01:35,301 [cow mooing]

26 00:01:35,366 --> 00:01:36,600 [Gonzo screaming]

27 00:01:40,566 --> 00:01:43,302 Thank you all and welcome again tfi The Muppet Show.

28 00:01:43,366 --> 00:01:45,968 We hope you're as glad to see us as we are to see us,

29 00:01:46,033 --> 00:01:47,634 among other people.

30 00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:50,969 Uh, uh... Anyhow, tonight we've got a real treat for you

31 00:01:51,033 --> 00:01:52,934 because our vey special guest stars

32 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,803 are that world famous knife throwing act, Lesley and Warren.

33 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,468 - Uh, but first... - Kermit!

34 00:01:59,533 --> 00:02:02,168 - What is it, Scooter? - Only one of them showed up.

35 00:02:02,233 --> 00:02:05,936 What? How can you have a knife throwing act with only one person?

36 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,136 l don't know. Maybe he had an accident on the last gig.

37 00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:13,736 Uh, well, as l was saying, we have a really terrific show tonight

38 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,236 with our vey special guest star, Lesley and/or Warren.

39 00:02:17,966 --> 00:02:21,336 - Wait a minute. Aren't you...? - l am your guest star.

40 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,669 Ladies and gentlemen, it's Lesley Ann Warren! Yeah!

41 00:02:29,266 --> 00:02:31,668 Wait a minute. You're not Lesley and Warren.

42 00:02:31,733 --> 00:02:35,336 You're Lesley Ann Warren, the actress, the dancer, the singer.

43 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,601 Thank you.

44 00:02:36,666 --> 00:02:39,468 So, how come you're doing a dumb knife throwing act?

45 00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:44,370 Kermit, l thought you were the one person on this show who wasn't crazy.

46 00:02:44,433 --> 00:02:46,868 Me not crazy? l hired the others.

47 00:02:47,733 --> 00:02:51,002 But just come backstage and we'll sort this whole thing out.

48 00:02:51,066 --> 00:02:54,803 ln the meanwhilst, l'll leave you in the company of the Great Gonzo.

49 00:02:54,866 --> 00:02:57,868 - [applause] - [fanfare plays]

50 00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,001 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

51 00:03:05,066 --> 00:03:09,804 This evening l will perForm a feat of lunatic daring.

52 00:03:11,366 --> 00:03:15,803 Before your vey eyes l will ride this motorcycle up this ramp

53 00:03:15,866 --> 00:03:18,401 and iump directly into that box,

54 00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:22,102 landing safely bemeen those mo elderly gentlemen.

55 00:03:22,166 --> 00:03:23,300 [both] What?

56 00:03:23,366 --> 00:03:26,535 Oh, l can assure you, you'll be in no danger.

57 00:03:26,599 --> 00:03:29,602 - You're right. - We'll be in Chicago.

58 00:03:29,666 --> 00:03:32,769 For their own safety, while they were dozing,

59 00:03:32,833 --> 00:03:35,769 l took the precaution of chaining them to their chairs.

60 00:03:35,833 --> 00:03:37,134 What?

61 00:03:37,199 --> 00:03:38,968 - [chains rattling] - Help! Help!

62 00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:41,068 - On my mark... - [rewing engine]

63 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,668 ...get set, go!

64 00:03:43,733 --> 00:03:45,568 [laughing]

65 00:03:47,066 --> 00:03:48,734 Uh-oh!

66 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,501 [screaming]

67 00:03:50,566 --> 00:03:52,334 - Hooray! - Bravo!

68 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,435 - WonderFul! Encore! - Loved it!

69 00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:56,300 Oh, boy.

70 00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:59,135 First l accidentally introduce Lesley Ann Warren

71 00:03:59,199 --> 00:04:01,969 as a knife throwing act, and then Gonzo does that.

72 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,801 We are off to a crummy start.

73 00:04:03,866 --> 00:04:06,301 Oh, it's gonna be a great act, Kermit.

74 00:04:06,366 --> 00:04:08,601 But something is wrong with my bike.

75 00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:09,900 Gonzo.

76 00:04:09,966 --> 00:04:12,468 - If l advance the spark... - [rewing engine]

77 00:04:12,533 --> 00:04:13,934 Wha-ha!

78 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,534 [tires squealing]

79 00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:18,767 [Fozzie] Turn left! Turn left!

80 00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:21,101 [crashing]

81 00:04:22,766 --> 00:04:25,268 l'm sory about that confusion before, folks.

82 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:28,035 lt is time to bring out our vey special guest star...

83 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,635 - Well, here we are. - Ready to go on.

84 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,403 - What are you mo doing out here? - We're the vey special guest stars.

85 00:04:35,466 --> 00:04:38,168 Right. Lesley and Warren, the dancing cucumbers.

86 00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:41,336 - [gulps] - See? He's Lesley and l'm Warren.

87 00:04:41,399 --> 00:04:45,103 Yeah, but our special guest star is a big TV star

88 00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:47,668 that sings and dances and acts and does comedy.

89 00:04:47,733 --> 00:04:51,536 - Yeah, but can she make salad? - [screams] You mo get out of here!

90 00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:56,770 Uh, uh, uh... Ladies and gentlemen, Lesley Ann Warren.

91 00:05:03,066 --> 00:05:05,635 [man] An interpretation of Beauty and the Beast

92 00:05:05,699 --> 00:05:07,134 by Ms. Lesley Ann Warren.

93 00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:06,935 How do they do that?

94 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:09,868 Do what?

95 00:09:11,466 --> 00:09:13,167 Kermit? Kermit, Kermit, hey.

96 00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:15,234 l've got a message for you from Gonzo.

97 00:09:15,299 --> 00:09:17,001 Uh-oh. What's the bad news?

98 00:09:17,066 --> 00:09:18,901 No, it's good news, yeah.

99 00:09:18,966 --> 00:09:22,169 Gonzo has half of his motorcycle jump perFected.

100 00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:23,934 - Which half? - The take-off.

101 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,402 - [engine rewing] - What about the landing?

102 00:09:28,299 --> 00:09:30,068 [crashing]

103 00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:38,602 The landing still needs work.

104 00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:47,638 Iannouncer1_nd now, Pigs in Space.

105 00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:51,502 When last we left the spaceship Swinetrek,

106 00:09:51,566 --> 00:09:56,237 it was about to pass through a shower of mysterious dummo rays.

107 00:09:56,299 --> 00:09:59,503 Dr. Strangepork, are dummo rays dangerous?

108 00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,501 Well, not really, Link.

109 00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:05,169 They only affect creatures of vey low intelligence.

110 00:10:06,233 --> 00:10:09,169 Miss Piggy, maybe you better Iock yourself in a closet

111 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,134 till we pass through them.

112 00:10:13,466 --> 00:10:17,303 Humph! Très amusant, mon capitain!

113 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,701 - Humph! - Uh...

114 00:10:19,766 --> 00:10:23,269 We should be starting through them now.

115 00:10:23,333 --> 00:10:25,702 - Oh, no! - Yes, there they are.

116 00:10:25,766 --> 00:10:28,135 - Oh, no! - Oh, oh, oh!

117 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,568 [beeping]

118 00:10:30,966 --> 00:10:32,834 That's it. We're through them.

119 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,801 Ah. Well, that wasn't so bad.

120 00:10:35,866 --> 00:10:40,637 Well, l told you. You really have to be stupid to be affected by dummo rays.

121 00:10:44,066 --> 00:10:45,233 Link?

122 00:10:45,299 --> 00:10:46,668 [gasping]

123 00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,434 Oh, no!

124 00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:50,834 Sooey!

125 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,068 Does that mean...?

126 00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:58,067 Yes.

127 00:10:58,133 --> 00:11:01,603 But the effect is only temporay, so don't panic.

128 00:11:01,666 --> 00:11:04,035 Panic? Are you kidding?

129 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,268 This is the chance of a lifetime.

130 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,101 l am taking over.

131 00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:09,400 Move it, fatso.

132 00:11:09,966 --> 00:11:12,101 But Miss Piggy...

133 00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:14,234 Ha ha! Captain Piggy!

134 00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:18,969 Hang on, Strangepork, you're going for the ride of your life.

135 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,735 Whoo-hoo!

136 00:11:21,799 --> 00:11:23,701 But Captain Piggy,

137 00:11:24,633 --> 00:11:27,469 Link will be coming out of it in about ten seconds.

138 00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:30,202 Ten seconds? Oh, rats.

139 00:11:33,566 --> 00:11:35,601 - Oh, oh... - l must warn you, Captain,

140 00:11:35,666 --> 00:11:37,667 dummo rays have one side effect.

141 00:11:37,733 --> 00:11:39,901 The victim becomes a tap dancer.

142 00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:42,100 A what?

143 00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:46,903 [humming _ea5or _woI

144 00:11:46,966 --> 00:11:48,567 [tap dancing]

145 00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,068 l don't believe this.

146 00:11:58,566 --> 00:12:00,134 Where did he get those shoes?

147 00:12:02,466 --> 00:12:04,701 Go, Link. Yeah!

148 00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:06,767 That's a good step.

149 00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:08,534 Yeah, a good step.

150 00:12:09,266 --> 00:12:12,202 Tune in next week and we'll ty to have an explanation

151 00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:16,470 for this week's Pigs in Space.

152 00:12:19,866 --> 00:12:22,201 (# Mack the KnifeI

153 00:12:27,066 --> 00:12:30,903 pretty teeth, dear
 * Oh, the shark has

154 00:12:31,666 --> 00:12:35,169
 * 1) And he shows them pearly white

155 00:12:35,866 --> 00:12:37,834
 * 1) Just ajackknife

156 00:12:37,899 --> 00:12:40,035
 * 1) Has MacHeath, dear

157 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:43,736
 * 1) And he keeps it out of sight

158 00:12:43,799 --> 00:12:46,102 Stop, stop, stop, stop!

159 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:50,870 This is an appalling song of gore and violence.

160 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,702 Maybe you just don't understand it, Sam.

161 00:12:53,766 --> 00:12:56,435 - It contains a lot of slang. - Hmm.

162 00:12:56,500 --> 00:13:00,237 A shark has pearly teeth, dear is slang?

163 00:13:00,299 --> 00:13:03,102 Sure. Shark is a term for man

164 00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:06,135 and eveybody knows that teeth is slang for money.

165 00:13:07,899 --> 00:13:11,603 Well, uh... What about the jackknife here, huh?

166 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,101 Uh... Cockney rhyming slang.

167 00:13:15,733 --> 00:13:18,402 - What? - Jackknife... wife.

168 00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,867 Well, all right, all right, but

169 00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:25,836 ''when the shark bites with his teeth, dear,

170 00:13:25,899 --> 00:13:28,669 scarlet billows start to spread,'' hmm?

171 00:13:28,733 --> 00:13:30,401 - Hmm? Hmm? - You see,

172 00:13:30,466 --> 00:13:33,268 biting obviously means buying something.

173 00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:35,968 Scarlet billows... ...sofa pillows!

174 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:42,704 So, the song, then, is about a man who has a wife

175 00:13:42,766 --> 00:13:44,400 for whom he buys...

176 00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,101 - ...pillows. - Exactly.

177 00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:50,768 [resumes playing]

178 00:13:52,366 --> 00:13:53,867
 * 1) On the sidewalk

179 00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:55,901
 * 1) Sunday morning

180 00:13:55,966 --> 00:13:57,967
 * 1) Lies a body

181 00:13:58,033 --> 00:14:00,135
 * 1) Oo_ing life

182 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,402
 * 1) Someone's sneaking

183 00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:04,367
 * 1) 'Round the corner

184 00:14:04,433 --> 00:14:06,635
 * 1) Is that someone

185 00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,601
 * 1) Mack the Knife

186 00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:13,136 l don't fully grasp it, but l'm sure it's a lovely sentiment.

187 00:14:20,533 --> 00:14:24,470 Now, ladies and gentlemen, the beautiful and talented Lesley Ann Warren

188 00:14:24,533 --> 00:14:27,502 accompanied by our vey own Rowlf.

189 00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:29,267 Olé, olé, olé, olé, olé.

190 00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:31,768 Olé, thank you, thank you.

191 00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:33,734 Gracias and thank you.

192 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,335 Where's Rowlf?

193 00:14:37,399 --> 00:14:39,168 - You're not Rowlf. - No.

194 00:14:39,233 --> 00:14:43,036 l am ze beloved Marvin Suggs.

195 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,402 And zees are my Muppaphones.

196 00:14:46,466 --> 00:14:49,702 And we will accompany you.

197 00:14:52,033 --> 00:14:54,635 That's fine, but where is Rowlf?

198 00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:56,967 Who cares?

199 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,902 - Music, maestro. - [orchestra plays]

200 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:04,002 Oh, Marvin, you are so talented.

201 00:15:04,066 --> 00:15:06,902 (# The Blue DanubeI

202 00:15:06,966 --> 00:15:09,268 - Ow, ow! - Ow, ow!

203 00:15:10,633 --> 00:15:12,835 - Oh, it's... - Ow, ow!

204 00:15:12,899 --> 00:15:16,103 Oh, stop the music. Stop that music.

205 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,735 - What? - Please, Mr. Suggs!

206 00:15:18,799 --> 00:15:22,637 - What are you doing? - Making the beautiful music.

207 00:15:24,133 --> 00:15:27,736 These little creatures are alive and you're hitting them.

208 00:15:27,799 --> 00:15:29,968 Of course zey are alive.

209 00:15:30,033 --> 00:15:34,237 You cannot make music by hitting dead creatures.

210 00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:37,001 But that's cruel.

211 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:40,969 [mocking] Oh, it is cruel.

212 00:15:41,033 --> 00:15:43,702 You do not hear zem complaining, do you?

213 00:15:43,766 --> 00:15:47,002 - [Muppaphones mumbling] - Shut up!

214 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:51,303 Listen, l'm sory l'm late, but somebody Iocked me in my dressing room.

215 00:15:51,366 --> 00:15:52,934 Oh. Oh.

216 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,501 Uh, who did it?

217 00:15:54,566 --> 00:15:57,335 - l'm not sure. - [Muppaphones mumbling]

218 00:15:57,399 --> 00:15:59,235 Shut up!

219 00:15:59,299 --> 00:16:03,170 l think l will change your names to the Finkaphones.

220 00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:06,235 That's enough of that. Can we strike this whole thing?

221 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,602 Strike the set. Strike the Muppaphones.

222 00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:10,534 l would love to.

223 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:15,004 - You didn't have to say that. - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

224 00:16:15,066 --> 00:16:17,635 Uh, can we bring in the piano?

225 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,968 Let me have some stars back there in the sky.

226 00:16:20,033 --> 00:16:22,068 There you go. Oh, good.

227 00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:24,134 Thank you, Beauregard.

228 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,869 A little bit more light than that would be good.

229 00:16:26,933 --> 00:16:29,368 - Oh, thank you. - We'll change the mood here.

230 00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:32,702 - Please. - We have a gorgeous little song here.

231 00:16:32,766 --> 00:16:34,701 Yeah, it's one of my favorites.

232 00:16:34,766 --> 00:16:36,234 Yeah, me, too.

233 00:16:37,299 --> 00:16:39,869 (# Just the Way You AreI

234 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:49,102
 * 1) Don't go changin'

235 00:16:50,533 --> 00:16:52,835
 * 1) To ty to please me

236 00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:57,869
 * 1) You never let me down before

237 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,202
 * 1) Don't imagine

238 00:17:04,299 --> 00:17:06,669
 * 1) You're too familiar

239 00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:12,371
 * 1) And l don't see you anymore

240 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:17,202
 * 1) l would not leave you

241 00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:20,568
 * 1) In times of trouble

242 00:17:21,433 --> 00:17:24,569
 * 1) We never could have come this far

243 00:17:25,633 --> 00:17:27,735
 * 1) Mmmm-mm

244 00:17:27,799 --> 00:17:31,069
 * 1) l took the g_ times

245 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,236
 * 1) l'll take the bad times

246 00:17:34,299 --> 00:17:38,737
 * 1) l'll take youjust the way you are

247 00:17:41,866 --> 00:17:43,867
 * 1) l n_ to know

248 00:17:43,933 --> 00:17:48,304
 * 1) That you will always be

249 00:17:50,266 --> 00:17:53,902
 * 1) The same old someone that l knew

250 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,368
 * 1) What does it take

251 00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:03,737
 * 1) Till you believe in me

252 00:18:05,166 --> 00:18:10,371
 * 1) The way that l believe in you

253 00:18:13,966 --> 00:18:16,568
 * 1) l said l love you

254 00:18:18,099 --> 00:18:20,402
 * 1) And that's forever

255 00:18:21,599 --> 00:18:25,637
 * 1) This l promise from the heart

256 00:18:26,666 --> 00:18:29,568
 * 1) Mmmm-mm

257 00:18:29,633 --> 00:18:32,402
 * 1) l couldn't love you

258 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,468
 * 1) Any better

259 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:40,604
 * 1) l love you just the way you are

260 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,635
 * 1) Mmmm-mm

261 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:57,969
 * 1) l couldn't love you

262 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,135
 * 1) Any better

263 00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:07,303
 * 1) l love you just the way you are

264 00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:13,535
 * 1) l love you

265 00:19:14,599 --> 00:19:16,668
 * 1) Just the way

266 00:19:16,733 --> 00:19:21,270
 * 1) You are #

267 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:27,368 l love you.

268 00:19:31,599 --> 00:19:33,702 You know, l really liked that.

269 00:19:33,766 --> 00:19:35,167 Yep, me, too.

270 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,200 Are we in the right theater?

271 00:19:38,266 --> 00:19:40,201 [laughing]

272 00:19:41,066 --> 00:19:42,967 Now, for the second time this evening

273 00:19:43,033 --> 00:19:45,502 the Great Gonzo will attempt a motorcycle jump

274 00:19:45,566 --> 00:19:47,200 off of this stage into that box,

275 00:19:47,266 --> 00:19:50,235 landing safely bemeen those mo elderly gentlemen.

276 00:19:50,299 --> 00:19:52,769 We're not afraid. We know Gonzo.

277 00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:55,936 lf at first you don't succeed, fail, fail again.

278 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,134 [laughing]

279 00:19:58,266 --> 00:20:00,801 - And so here he is now... - [Gonzo] l'm ready!

280 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,501 - l'm introducing you. - Introduce fast. l'm ready.

281 00:20:03,566 --> 00:20:05,968 OK. Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gonzo!

282 00:20:11,933 --> 00:20:14,035 There, that was easy, wasn't it?

283 00:20:14,099 --> 00:20:15,601 [both groaning]

284 00:20:15,666 --> 00:20:17,134 [thumping]

285 00:20:18,766 --> 00:20:21,135 [disco music playing]

286 00:20:27,033 --> 00:20:29,602 Well, uh, hi there, good looking.

287 00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:34,136 - What was that? - That was my snappy opening line.

288 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,535 - Oh. - Sort of an icebreaker.

289 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,903 Well, l'd, um... l'd hate to break perFectly good ice.

290 00:20:41,933 --> 00:20:43,267 Uh, what?

291 00:20:44,166 --> 00:20:45,800 Wait a minute.

292 00:20:46,599 --> 00:20:49,903 Aren't you Link Hogthrob?

293 00:20:49,966 --> 00:20:51,634 Yes, l am.

294 00:20:52,366 --> 00:20:54,601 l'm one of the stars of the show here.

295 00:20:54,666 --> 00:20:57,068 Perhaps you've admired me from afar.

296 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:05,005 Well, um, l'd really rather admire you from near.

297 00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:08,568 - Um, what? - Maybe while we dance.

298 00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:10,234 Oh. Well, uh...

299 00:21:10,299 --> 00:21:13,136 Actually, l'm not much of a dancer.

300 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,635 - Tonight's my night to go bowling. - Oh, oh.

301 00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:18,702 - No, please. It's the last dance. - It is?

302 00:21:18,766 --> 00:21:20,501
 * 1) Last dance

303 00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:23,935
 * 1) Last chance

304 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,203
 * 1) for love

305 00:21:27,266 --> 00:21:28,634 [clearing throat]

306 00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:32,437
 * 1) Yes, it's my last chance

307 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,002
 * 1) Romance

308 00:21:36,366 --> 00:21:38,234
 * 1) Tonight

309 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:43,469
 * 1) l need you

310 00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,401
 * 1) By me

311 00:21:47,466 --> 00:21:50,402
 * 1) Beside me

312 00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:54,302
 * 1) To guide me

313 00:21:54,366 --> 00:21:56,401
 * 1) To hold me

314 00:21:57,266 --> 00:21:59,368
 * 1) Scold me

315 00:21:59,433 --> 00:22:05,205 l'm oh, so bad
 * 1) 'Cause when l'm bad

316 00:22:08,933 --> 00:22:10,701 [tempo increases]

317 00:22:10,766 --> 00:22:12,300
 * 1) So let's dance

318 00:22:12,366 --> 00:22:14,401
 * 1) The last dance

319 00:22:14,466 --> 00:22:16,167
 * 1) Let's dance

320 00:22:16,233 --> 00:22:18,034
 * 1) The last dance

321 00:22:18,099 --> 00:22:20,101
 * Oh, let's dance

322 00:22:20,166 --> 00:22:21,834
 * 1) The last dance

323 00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:24,535
 * 1) Tonight

324 00:22:26,166 --> 00:22:28,134
 * 1) Last dance

325 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,803
 * 1) Last chance for love

326 00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:35,668
 * Oh, yes, it's my last chance

327 00:22:35,733 --> 00:22:40,070
 * 1) Romance tonight

328 00:22:45,166 --> 00:22:46,800
 * 1) Hey

329 00:22:47,533 --> 00:22:49,134
 * Oh

330 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,136 Ivocali_ing]

331 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,834 - # Well - [grunting]

332 00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:55,401 [glass breaking]

333 00:23:08,333 --> 00:23:11,235
 * 1) Whoa ho, l need you

334 00:23:11,299 --> 00:23:13,201
 * 1) By me

335 00:23:13,266 --> 00:23:15,201
 * 1) Beside me

336 00:23:15,266 --> 00:23:16,934
 * 1) To guide me

337 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,968
 * Oh, hold me

338 00:23:19,033 --> 00:23:20,634
 * 1) Scold me

339 00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,334
 * 1) 'Cause when l'm bad

340 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,202
 * 1) l'm so, so bad

341 00:23:25,266 --> 00:23:27,701
 * So, come on, baby

342 00:23:27,766 --> 00:23:29,667
 * 1) Dance that dance

343 00:23:29,733 --> 00:23:31,734
 * 1) Come on, eveybody

344 00:23:31,799 --> 00:23:33,535
 * 1) Dance that dance

345 00:23:33,599 --> 00:23:35,702
 * 1) Come on, baby

346 00:23:35,766 --> 00:23:39,636
 * 1) Dance that dance tonight #

347 00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:57,102 OK. Well, l think it's just about time we called it a show.

348 00:23:57,166 --> 00:23:59,001 So, it's a show.

349 00:23:59,566 --> 00:24:03,469 Before we go let's have a warm thank you for our vey special guest star.

350 00:24:03,533 --> 00:24:06,702 Ladies and gentlemen, Lesley Ann Warren. Yeah!

351 00:24:07,900 --> 00:24:09,668 Thank you.

352 00:24:11,099 --> 00:24:14,102 Um, you were introducing me, right?

353 00:24:14,166 --> 00:24:16,067 Not the dancing cucumbers?

354 00:24:16,133 --> 00:24:18,702 Oh, l'm sory about that, Lesley.

355 00:24:18,766 --> 00:24:22,069 l mean, who knew there was an act called Lesley and Warren?

356 00:24:22,133 --> 00:24:24,668 - Are you kidding? - Eveybody knows us.

357 00:24:24,733 --> 00:24:26,334 Les, Lee and Warren.

358 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:27,734 Yup, that's us.

359 00:24:28,733 --> 00:24:30,301 Oh, l get it. Uh...

360 00:24:30,366 --> 00:24:33,268 Let me see. You're Les, you're Lee and you're Warren.

361 00:24:33,333 --> 00:24:34,634 Mm-hmm.

362 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:36,534 See?

363 00:24:36,599 --> 00:24:38,735 Yeah, by the way, who's the lady?

364 00:24:38,799 --> 00:24:39,901 Oh!

365 00:24:39,966 --> 00:24:43,202 l'm sory about that, Lesley. We'll make it up to you somehow.

366 00:24:43,266 --> 00:24:45,801 We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!

367 00:25:23,099 --> 00:25:24,968 This show's beginning to roll.

368 00:25:25,033 --> 00:25:26,401 So's the motorbike.

369 00:25:27,466 --> 00:25:29,167 - [crashing] - [Gonzo] Oh!