Episode 310: Marisa Berenson/transcript

2 00:00:08,666 --> 00:00:10,167 [knocking on door]

3 00:00:10,233 --> 00:00:13,402 Oh, Marisa Berenson, 35 seconds to curtain, Miss Berenson.

4 00:00:13,466 --> 00:00:15,234 Thank you.

5 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:18,636 Oh, Scooter, who does all this luggage belong to?

6 00:00:18,699 --> 00:00:21,636 Oh, didn't you know? It's a gift to you from the show.

7 00:00:21,699 --> 00:00:25,070 Now, wait a minute. This isn't some kind of weird Muppet luggage

8 00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,235 that's gonna blow up or turn into cheese

9 00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:29,535 like evemhing else on this strange show?

10 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,069 No, no, no, it's just regular alligator luggage.

11 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,400 Oh, good.

12 00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:34,800 [growling]

13 00:00:34,866 --> 00:00:37,001 Oh! Oh, no!

14 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:40,068 [gasps]

15 00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:41,968 [drum roll]

16 00:00:42,033 --> 00:00:45,136 It's The Muppet Show with our vey special guest star,

17 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,368 Marisa Berenson!

18 00:00:47,433 --> 00:00:49,902 [applause and whistles]

19 00:01:01,266 --> 00:01:05,169 It's time to light the light
 * 1) It's time to play the music

20 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:09,203 on The Muppet Show tonight
 * 1) It's time to meet the Muppets

21 00:01:09,266 --> 00:01:13,570 It's time to dress up right
 * 1) It's time to put on makeup

22 00:01:13,633 --> 00:01:15,368
 * 1) It's time to get things started

23 00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:17,535
 * 1) Why don't you get things started?

24 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:20,936 - Why don't we leave? - Where would we go?

25 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,735
 * 1) It's time to get things started

26 00:01:23,799 --> 00:01:26,068
 * 1) On the most sensational, inspirational

27 00:01:26,133 --> 00:01:28,301
 * 1) Celebrational, Muppetational

28 00:01:28,366 --> 00:01:34,271 The Muppet Show! #
 * 1) This is what we call

29 00:01:35,866 --> 00:01:37,534 [high-pitched note]

30 00:01:40,599 --> 00:01:43,569 Thank you, thank you! And welcome again to rhe Muppet Show,

31 00:01:43,633 --> 00:01:47,503 where tonight's special guest star is the beautiful international film star,

32 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:49,234 Miss Marisa Berenson.

33 00:01:49,299 --> 00:01:53,270 But first, on our show we've done traditional dances from many countries,

34 00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:57,303 but never Russia. Well tonight their luck has run _ut.

35 00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:05,036 [humming, vocalizing]

36 00:02:35,333 --> 00:02:38,069 [tempo quickens]

37 00:02:48,466 --> 00:02:51,068 [vocalizing]

38 00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:29,934 [applause]

39 00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,435 Well, there goes détente.

40 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:35,767 Where?

41 00:03:35,833 --> 00:03:37,067 Never mind.

42 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:39,901 OK, get onstage, iugglers.

43 00:03:39,966 --> 00:03:43,569 Way to go, gang. Nothing like a good old-fashioned Russian pig dance.

44 00:03:43,633 --> 00:03:48,571 Oh, boy, if you like that act, you're gonna love mine.

45 00:03:48,633 --> 00:03:49,867 Uh, who are you?

46 00:03:49,933 --> 00:03:53,603 Lew Zealand and his boomerang fish act.

47 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,300 Whoo!

48 00:03:55,366 --> 00:03:57,468 Lew Zealand and his boomerang fish act?

49 00:03:57,533 --> 00:04:00,235 Oh, yeah. Hey, it's razzle-dazzle.

50 00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:04,337 Uh, well, l'm sory, but l'm not booking any highbrow acts just now.

51 00:04:05,099 --> 00:04:07,469 Well, think about it, OK?

52 00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:10,702 [sniffs] Come on, Seymour, you need a bath.

53 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:14,402 Oh, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie,

54 00:04:14,466 --> 00:04:17,569 thank you for putting me in charge of the closing sketch.

55 00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:19,835 You iust cannot say no to me, can you?

56 00:04:19,899 --> 00:04:22,502 Well, l can, but it hurts a lot.

57 00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:24,434 Uh, is that the sketch there?

58 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:25,634 Yes, it is, yes.

59 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,068 Well, tell me about it.

60 00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,301 - Uh, it's a secret. - What?

61 00:04:29,366 --> 00:04:31,167 Well, l'll tell you the title.

62 00:04:31,233 --> 00:04:33,702 OK, what is the title of the closing sketch?

63 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,368 The Wedding.

64 00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:38,468 - The Wedding. - Mm-hmm.

65 00:04:38,533 --> 00:04:42,870 You see, you're the groom and moi am the bride.

66 00:04:42,933 --> 00:04:45,802 [laughs] Isn't that a silly idea? Isn't that funny?

67 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:48,968 Uh, maybe.

68 00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:53,537 Oh, Kermie! Oh, it shall be so wonderFul!

69 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,302 Uh, funny, funny l mean, funny. [kissing]

70 00:04:57,966 --> 00:05:00,268 Oh, boy, Kermit's kind of busy iust now.

71 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:04,570 [clears throat] Ladies and gentlemen, our vey special guest star,

72 00:05:04,633 --> 00:05:08,403 the lovely and talented Marisa Berenson!

73 00:05:08,466 --> 00:05:11,168 [soft orchestral music]

74 00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:56,334 [applause]

75 00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:00,834 Did you like that number?

76 00:08:00,899 --> 00:08:02,935 Speak up, my hearing aid's busted.

77 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,868 [shouts] Did you like that number.

78 00:08:04,933 --> 00:08:06,467 l liked what l heard.

79 00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:07,834 What did you hear?

80 00:08:07,899 --> 00:08:09,434 Did you like that number?

81 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,568 [groans]

82 00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:14,701 l tell you, it's terrific.

83 00:08:14,766 --> 00:08:18,970 Yeah, you see, l throw the fish into the air,

84 00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:23,170 they sail away and then they come back to me.

85 00:08:24,066 --> 00:08:27,102 Yeah, but l don't care about boomerang fish acts.

86 00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:29,301 Oh, you will. They're coming back.

87 00:08:31,966 --> 00:08:35,102 - Uh, Miss Piggy. - Oh, um, yes, hello, Kermie.

88 00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,667 Piggy, come back here.

89 00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:40,503 Oh, Kermie, how aggressive and manly you sound.

90 00:08:41,366 --> 00:08:45,069 Never mind the sweet talk. l wanna know more about this wedding sketch.

91 00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:47,068 l mean, l've gotta learn my lines.

92 00:08:47,133 --> 00:08:49,301 Well, you only have one line.

93 00:08:49,366 --> 00:08:50,500 l do?

94 00:08:50,566 --> 00:08:52,134 Exactly.

95 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,734 Uh, that's not what l mean.

96 00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:56,636 Besides, the thing you forgot is that l don't!

97 00:08:56,700 --> 00:09:00,670 [chuckles] Kermie, it's just a simple comedy sketch.

98 00:09:01,233 --> 00:09:03,234 Oh, yeah, well, l know that.

99 00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:07,169 [chuckles] A comedy sketch, Kermie.

100 00:09:07,233 --> 00:09:10,002 lt's not as if he were a real minister.

101 00:09:12,033 --> 00:09:14,201 Now, you are a real minister, right?

102 00:09:19,066 --> 00:09:22,102 Hello, sports fans, this is Lewis Kazagger,

103 00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:25,936 welcoming you to the wild world of Muppet sports.

104 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:30,404 Today finds us at the national wig racing championships.

105 00:09:31,833 --> 00:09:35,169 Wig racing? Uh-huh.

106 00:09:35,233 --> 00:09:37,902 Well, luckily, l have one of the trainers here

107 00:09:37,966 --> 00:09:40,068 who may be able to explain.

108 00:09:40,133 --> 00:09:42,001 Uh, yes, sir.

109 00:09:42,066 --> 00:09:45,068 Today is my first time out wig racing, sir,

110 00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:47,435 or do you call this a derby?

111 00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:51,403 Uh, no, sir, this is a wig, this is a derby.

112 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,267 [snickering]

113 00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:55,334 Uh, does the wig have a name?

114 00:09:55,399 --> 00:09:58,102 l call this wig Greased Lightning.

115 00:09:58,166 --> 00:10:02,537 - 'Cause it's speedy? - No, 'cause it's greasy.

116 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,535 Don't you use a shampoo?

117 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,637 No, sir, l do not use sham-poo for my wigs.

118 00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:12,870 Only use real poo. Nothing but the best poo for my wigs.

119 00:10:12,933 --> 00:10:14,701 - [whistle blows] - Oh, ah!

120 00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:19,070 That whistle means that the wigs are on the blocks.

121 00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:22,002 [bugle call]

122 00:10:22,066 --> 00:10:23,967 - [gunfire] - And they're off!

123 00:10:24,033 --> 00:10:25,968 [dogs barking]

124 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:31,402 Mine's off! Hey! Hey!

125 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:37,369 [# Someone to Watch Over Me]

126 00:10:38,533 --> 00:10:43,504 l'm longing to see
 * 1) There's a somebody

127 00:10:44,466 --> 00:10:49,470
 * 1) l hope that she turns out to be

128 00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:53,202
 * 1) Someone who'll watch

129 00:10:53,266 --> 00:10:56,402
 * 1) Over me

130 00:10:58,966 --> 00:11:03,770 who's lost in a w_
 * 1) l'm a little fr_

131 00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:09,238 always be good
 * 1) l know l could

132 00:11:09,299 --> 00:11:12,002
 * 1) To one who'll watch

133 00:11:12,066 --> 00:11:14,835
 * 1) Over me

134 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,436
 * 1) Although l may not be the man

135 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:23,937
 * 1) Some girls think of as handsome

136 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,737
 * 1) To my heart she carries

137 00:11:27,799 --> 00:11:30,936
 * 1) The key

138 00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:37,704 to put on some speed
 * 1) Won't you tell her, please

139 00:11:37,766 --> 00:11:40,668
 * 1) follow my lead

140 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:44,169
 * Oh, how l need

141 00:11:45,133 --> 00:11:48,836
 * 1) Someone who'll watch

142 00:11:48,899 --> 00:11:53,404
 * 1) Over me

143 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:14,004 to put on some speed
 * 1) Won't you tell her, please

144 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:16,635
 * 1) follow my lead

145 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:20,236
 * Oh, how l need

146 00:12:20,299 --> 00:12:24,270
 * 1) Someone to watch

147 00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:29,871
 * 1) Over me #

148 00:12:33,733 --> 00:12:35,234 [knocking]

149 00:12:35,299 --> 00:12:37,568 [Miss Piggy] What is it?! [humming]

150 00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,268 Oh, Miss Piggy, do you need any help?

151 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,836 Uh... Oh, Marisa, well, iust a moment.

152 00:12:43,899 --> 00:12:46,902 - Beautiful bridal gown. - Mm-hmm.

153 00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:49,668 Yes, well, it's a traditional wedding scene.

154 00:12:49,733 --> 00:12:51,768 Something old, something new,

155 00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:54,235 something borrowed and something green.

156 00:12:56,966 --> 00:13:00,302 Sounds like a real wedding to me, rather than a sketch.

157 00:13:00,366 --> 00:13:04,737 Oh, well, it's um... it's a realistic sketch, mm-hmm.

158 00:13:04,799 --> 00:13:06,301 ls it?

159 00:13:06,366 --> 00:13:08,634 - Marisa? - Yes, dear.

160 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:11,569 Would you be a dear? Would you lace me up?

161 00:13:11,633 --> 00:13:14,002 - Well, of course. - Yes.

162 00:13:14,066 --> 00:13:16,968 - That's it. Tighter, dear. - Tighter?

163 00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:19,201 - Mm-hmm. Tighter. - Tighter?

164 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,468 l've gotta go down three sizes.

165 00:13:21,533 --> 00:13:25,536 You're going through an amul lot of trouble. How long does this sketch last?

166 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,869 Till death do us part. [grunting]

167 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:32,569 All right, now, listen, kid, uh, just on the count of three pull.

168 00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:34,801 Ready, one... mo... [inhales]

169 00:13:34,866 --> 00:13:38,102 ...three! [screaming]

170 00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:40,601 Oh, Marisa, you're wanted onstage in a minute.

171 00:13:40,666 --> 00:13:43,268 My goodness, l've got to get dressed. Hold these.

172 00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:45,601 - [Miss Piggy screams] - [crash]

173 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,735 - Is your hearing aid fixed? - No.

174 00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:57,269 - Then how do you know what l'm saying? - l don't.

175 00:13:57,333 --> 00:13:59,034 Oh.

176 00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,469 I# D_Re MiI

177 00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:06,402
 * 1) Doe, a deer, a female deer

178 00:14:06,466 --> 00:14:09,969
 * 1) Ray, a drop of golden sun

179 00:14:10,566 --> 00:14:14,202
 * Me, a name l call myself

180 00:14:14,266 --> 00:14:17,502
 * 1) Far, a long, long way to run

181 00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:21,169
 * 1) Sew, a needle pulling thread

182 00:14:21,666 --> 00:14:25,269
 * La, a note to follow so

183 00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:28,169
 * 1) Tea, a drink withjam and bread

184 00:14:29,533 --> 00:14:30,800 Me?

185 00:14:30,966 --> 00:14:34,135
 * Me, a name l call myself

186 00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:38,236
 * 1) Far, a long, long way to run

187 00:14:38,299 --> 00:14:41,569
 * 1) Sew, a needle pulling thread

188 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:45,670
 * La, a note to follow so

189 00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:48,435
 * 1) Tea, a drink withjam and bread

190 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:49,601 - Now? - Go!

191 00:14:49,666 --> 00:14:52,435
 * Go, a gear, a female gear

192 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,534 No!

193 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,902
 * Wo, a near, a female near

194 00:14:55,966 --> 00:14:57,000 Oh, what the hay.

195 00:14:57,766 --> 00:15:00,969
 * 1) Hay, a hop of holden hun

196 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,200 Fozzie!

197 00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:04,635
 * 1) A name l call myself

198 00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:07,102
 * Wo, it should be Bo

199 00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:10,102
 * Bo, a beer, a female beer

200 00:15:10,166 --> 00:15:11,534 Will you go away?

201 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,868
 * 1) Way, a dwop ofwolden won

202 00:15:13,933 --> 00:15:17,369 [all squabbling]

203 00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:18,867 Now, now, iust listen to me.

204 00:15:18,933 --> 00:15:22,970
 * 1) Me and my shadow

205 00:15:23,033 --> 00:15:25,602
 * 1) Doe, a deer, a female deer...

206 00:15:25,666 --> 00:15:29,169 Hold it! Come on, you're ruining the whole song!

207 00:15:29,233 --> 00:15:32,102 [all squabbling]

208 00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:36,734 [squabbling stops]

209 00:15:36,799 --> 00:15:41,037 Uh... and now, to bring a note of culture to the show...

210 00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:42,568 ls the set changed yet?

211 00:15:42,633 --> 00:15:44,368 [muppet] Yeah, it's OK, frog.

212 00:15:44,433 --> 00:15:48,603 OK, here is the lovely and talented, Miss Marisa Berenson.

213 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,970 (# Our HouseI

214 00:15:58,033 --> 00:16:02,270 Our house, our house
 * 1) Well, a man came to our house

215 00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:06,003 to sell us some brooms
 * 1) A man came to our house

216 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:10,003 and we hit him with a hammer
 * 1) So we asked him to come in

217 00:16:10,066 --> 00:16:13,903 in my father's r_m
 * 1) And we hid him in the closet

218 00:16:13,966 --> 00:16:18,403 in our house
 * 1) But you're always welcome

219 00:16:18,466 --> 00:16:21,068
 * 1) Any time of the day

220 00:16:21,766 --> 00:16:25,703 in our house
 * 1) Yes, you're always welcome

221 00:16:25,766 --> 00:16:28,802
 * 1) And we hope you will stay

222 00:16:33,866 --> 00:16:38,136 Our house, our house
 * 1) Then a lady came to our house

223 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,503 why l was not in school
 * 1) A lady came to find out

224 00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:45,836 and we gave her some poison lemonade
 * 1) So we asked her to come in

225 00:16:45,899 --> 00:16:49,470 where it's nice and cool
 * 1) And hid her in the freezer

226 00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:53,770
 * 1) But you're always welcome in our house

227 00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:57,269
 * 1) Any time of the day

228 00:16:57,333 --> 00:17:01,203 in our house
 * 1) Yes, you're always welcome

229 00:17:01,266 --> 00:17:04,235
 * 1) And we hope you will stay

230 00:17:09,299 --> 00:17:13,537 Our yard, our yard
 * 1) Then a kid came into our yard

231 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:17,103 to get his ball
 * 1) A kid came into our yard

232 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:21,003 and we took him in the basement
 * 1) So we asked him to come in

233 00:17:21,066 --> 00:17:24,636 the basement wall
 * 1) And we sealed him up inside

234 00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:28,503
 * 1) But you're always welcome in our house

235 00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:32,870
 * 1) Any time of the day

236 00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:36,870 in our house
 * 1) Yes, you're always welcome

237 00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:40,436
 * 1) And we hope you will stay

238 00:17:45,033 --> 00:17:49,370 Our house, our house
 * 1) So when you come to our house

239 00:17:49,433 --> 00:17:52,936 we will have some fun
 * 1) When you come to our house

240 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,870 and we will take you in the kitchen
 * 1) We will ask you to come in

241 00:17:56,933 --> 00:18:00,703 until you are done
 * 1) We will put you in the oven

242 00:18:00,766 --> 00:18:05,303
 * 1) But you're always welcome in our house

243 00:18:05,366 --> 00:18:08,736
 * 1) Any time of the day

244 00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:12,803 in our house
 * 1) Yes, you're always welcome

245 00:18:12,866 --> 00:18:16,836
 * 1) And we hope you will stay

246 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:18,635
 * 1) And we know

247 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,468
 * 1) You will stay #

248 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,069 [applause]

249 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,734 [humming]

250 00:18:38,799 --> 00:18:41,102 Yeah, one liver sandwich.

251 00:18:41,166 --> 00:18:43,568 Chef! Why, that's beautiful!

252 00:18:43,633 --> 00:18:46,335 [mock Swedish]

253 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:50,203 You know, l take one look at this wedding cake and l feel like cying.

254 00:18:50,266 --> 00:18:51,600 Heaven knows why.

255 00:18:51,666 --> 00:18:54,502 [mock Swedish] ...de cake and de honions.

256 00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:56,401 - You what? - Honions.

257 00:18:56,466 --> 00:18:58,134 Raw onions in a wedding cake?

258 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:02,370 Oh, ya, honions vey good for the seen-isus.

259 00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,434 - Yeah, clears the head. - Ya.

260 00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,568 This cake'll clear the church!

261 00:19:06,633 --> 00:19:08,034 [humming]

262 00:19:08,099 --> 00:19:11,102 - Oh, curse these flies. - [buzzing]

263 00:19:12,799 --> 00:19:14,601 They get all over the food.

264 00:19:14,666 --> 00:19:16,434 Hey, what about my sandwich?

265 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:17,601 Here it is.

266 00:19:17,666 --> 00:19:21,403 Great. Oh, liver sandwich, and say, l'd like something on the side.

267 00:19:21,466 --> 00:19:24,235 Well, there already is something on the side.

268 00:19:24,299 --> 00:19:25,734 Ah.

269 00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:28,768 Mmm.

270 00:19:29,466 --> 00:19:30,767 Yechh!

271 00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:35,170 Yeah, aside from the raw onions, it's a nice cake, chef.

272 00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:38,502 [mock Swedish] ...here is dee Piggy bridey.

273 00:19:38,566 --> 00:19:41,669 Hmm. l can see it's just as light as a feather.

274 00:19:41,733 --> 00:19:42,900 Ya.

275 00:19:45,933 --> 00:19:47,434 Oh!

276 00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:52,802 Pity we can't say the same for the bride.

277 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,701 [humming]

278 00:19:55,766 --> 00:19:58,502 Hey, hey! Come on, Iet me throw one fish,

279 00:19:58,566 --> 00:20:01,402 iust one fish, then you'll see.

280 00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:05,269 Uh, listen, when l book a boomerang fish act on this show

281 00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:08,502 some vey warm places will freeze over.

282 00:20:08,566 --> 00:20:11,302 Thanks a lot! l'll wait over there.

283 00:20:11,366 --> 00:20:12,967 But, uh...

284 00:20:13,033 --> 00:20:16,069 Kermit, there's this dear, little old lady in the audience

285 00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:19,169 who wants your autograph for her sick grandson. Sign here.

286 00:20:19,233 --> 00:20:22,636 Oh, OK. Listen, is evemhing ready for this dumb wedding sketch?

287 00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:25,302 Sure, the set's onstage, eveyone's in costume,

288 00:20:25,366 --> 00:20:28,268 you signed the license... uh, you signed the autograph.

289 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:31,135 - What was that? - Oh, nothing. Introduce the wedding.

290 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,367 [Kermit stammers]

291 00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:34,802 Go ahead.

292 00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:39,704 Uh, uh, well, today, folks, Miss Piggy has prepared a silly wedding sketch.

293 00:20:39,766 --> 00:20:42,435 - Naturally, it's just for fun, and... - Excuse me.

294 00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,601 What is it?

295 00:20:43,666 --> 00:20:48,103 Can we start soon? l'm saying vespers at St. Anne's in half an hour.

296 00:20:49,099 --> 00:20:50,701 What?

297 00:20:50,766 --> 00:20:52,868 And now, the wedding sketch.

298 00:20:52,933 --> 00:20:56,703 [organ music playing]

299 00:21:09,299 --> 00:21:11,602 [gasping]

300 00:21:11,666 --> 00:21:14,635 Oh, Marisa, do l look all right?

301 00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:16,468 You look radiant, my dear.

302 00:21:16,533 --> 00:21:18,268 - [sighs] - [kisses]

303 00:21:19,533 --> 00:21:22,435 [whimpering]

304 00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:28,236 (# Bridal ChorusI

305 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:43,135 Uh, you sure this is gonna be funny?

306 00:21:44,099 --> 00:21:45,634 Trust me.

307 00:21:47,033 --> 00:21:50,770 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

308 00:21:50,833 --> 00:21:54,236 to ioin this pig and this frog

309 00:21:54,299 --> 00:21:56,769 in holy wedlock.

310 00:21:59,099 --> 00:22:01,268 l guess eveyone cries at weddings.

311 00:22:01,933 --> 00:22:04,168 [laughs]

312 00:22:04,233 --> 00:22:06,168 No, cries at weddings.

313 00:22:06,233 --> 00:22:09,603 Oh. [moaning]

314 00:22:10,533 --> 00:22:14,670 lf there is anyone present who knows why this pig and this frog

315 00:22:14,733 --> 00:22:17,402 should not be ioined in matrimony,

316 00:22:17,466 --> 00:22:22,204 let him speak now or forever hold his peace.

317 00:22:25,099 --> 00:22:27,335 [murmuring]

318 00:22:33,133 --> 00:22:34,601 Do it!

319 00:22:36,566 --> 00:22:39,035 Do you, Piggy, take this frog

320 00:22:39,099 --> 00:22:42,269 to be your lamully wedded husband?

321 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,136 [sighing] l do.

322 00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:51,068 And do you, Kermit, take this pig

323 00:22:51,133 --> 00:22:53,435 to be your lamully wedded wife?

324 00:22:57,099 --> 00:22:58,668 l...

325 00:23:01,166 --> 00:23:02,734 l...

326 00:23:05,533 --> 00:23:08,168 l wanna introduce to you the amazing Lew Zealand

327 00:23:08,233 --> 00:23:10,234 and his boomerang fish!

328 00:23:10,299 --> 00:23:12,869 [lively band music plays]

329 00:23:16,166 --> 00:23:19,269 [man vocalizing]

330 00:23:35,833 --> 00:23:37,834 This is a comedy sketch, after all.

331 00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:39,134 Well, it is now.

332 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,669 [shouting] Kermit!

333 00:23:41,733 --> 00:23:46,237 We'll see if you laugh with a flipper crammed down your throat!

334 00:23:46,299 --> 00:23:48,402 [both screaming]

335 00:23:50,133 --> 00:23:52,869 Close the curtains! We're done!

336 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,870 Uh, and so we come to the finish of Miss Piggy's wedding sketch...

337 00:23:58,933 --> 00:24:03,304 [Miss Piggy] That's not the finish. This is the finish. Hi-ya!

338 00:24:03,366 --> 00:24:05,768 [crash]

339 00:24:07,466 --> 00:24:08,834 [applause]

340 00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:12,737 Well, time seems to be running out, not only for the show but for me.

341 00:24:12,799 --> 00:24:15,636 So let us quickly welcome back the lovely and talented

342 00:24:15,700 --> 00:24:18,269 Miss Marisa Berenson, yay!

343 00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,768 [applause]

344 00:24:22,700 --> 00:24:25,035 - Thank you, Kermit... - [Miss Piggy] Kermit!

345 00:24:25,099 --> 00:24:28,770 Marisa, l'm gonna have to rush. Would you mind saying goodnight for me?

346 00:24:28,833 --> 00:24:29,934 - Me? - Mm-hmm.

347 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,134 How exciting.

348 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,702 Exciting, Marisa, you ain't seen nothin' yet!

349 00:24:33,766 --> 00:24:35,334 [both screaming]

350 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,236 - What do l say? - Just, We'll see you next time...

351 00:24:38,299 --> 00:24:39,534 Kermit!

352 00:24:39,599 --> 00:24:42,069 - We'll see you next time... - On The Muppet Show.

353 00:24:42,133 --> 00:24:43,267 Gotcha!

354 00:24:43,333 --> 00:24:45,268 On The Muppet Show.

355 00:25:21,333 --> 00:25:25,070 lf you guys let me hide here, l'll give you tickets to next week's show.