Episode 303: Roy Clark/transcript

2 00:00:08,766 --> 00:00:10,234 [knocking]

3 00:00:10,566 --> 00:00:14,636 Roy, oh, Roy Clark? Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Clark.

4 00:00:14,699 --> 00:00:18,270 Thank you, buddy. And, by the way, l've got a question.

5 00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:22,070 l've got the cowboy suit l'm supposed to be wear, but where's the chaps?

6 00:00:22,133 --> 00:00:23,501 Hello, hello, hello.

7 00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:25,734 We're the pair of chaps you asked to pop around.

8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,135 Hello, hello, hello.

9 00:00:28,199 --> 00:00:31,570 lt's a far cy from Oklahoma.

10 00:00:31,666 --> 00:00:33,167 [drum roll]

11 00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:38,271 lt's rhe Muppet Show with our vey special guest star, Roy Clark! Yay!

12 00:00:38,333 --> 00:00:40,301 [applause]

13 00:00:51,899 --> 00:00:55,770 It's time to light the light
 * 1) It's time to play the music

14 00:00:55,833 --> 00:00:59,836 on The Muppet Show tonight
 * 1) It's time to meet the Muppets

15 00:00:59,899 --> 00:01:03,903 It's time to dress up right
 * 1) It's time to put on makeup

16 00:01:03,966 --> 00:01:06,001
 * 1) It's time to get things started

17 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,234
 * 1) Why don't you get things started?

18 00:01:08,299 --> 00:01:11,403 - Hey! Somebody kill that light. - [gunfire]

19 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,468
 * 1) It's time to get things started

20 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,701
 * 1) On the most sensational, inspirational

21 00:01:16,766 --> 00:01:19,034
 * 1) Celebrational, Muppetational

22 00:01:19,099 --> 00:01:24,705 The Muppet Show! #
 * 1) This is what we call

23 00:01:25,599 --> 00:01:28,669 [wheezing]

24 00:01:28,733 --> 00:01:30,434 Three times!

25 00:01:33,966 --> 00:01:37,202 Thank you, thank you and welcome again to rhe Muppet Show.

26 00:01:37,266 --> 00:01:40,235 Our show is going county tonight because our special guest

27 00:01:40,299 --> 00:01:43,903 is one of the world's greatest county music stars, Mr. Roy Clark.

28 00:01:43,966 --> 00:01:45,767 - And... - To the county. Let's go.

29 00:01:45,833 --> 00:01:48,602 Eveybody... Kermit, get dressed. To the county!

30 00:01:48,666 --> 00:01:50,901 Wait, l said the show was going county,

31 00:01:50,966 --> 00:01:54,302 - just because Roy Clark is our guest. - One of my favorite perFormers.

32 00:01:54,366 --> 00:01:56,835 l didn't mean it would actually be alfresco.

33 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,334 Oh, he's good too.

34 00:01:58,933 --> 00:02:02,369 Excuse me. l thought you should know the stagehands aren't here.

35 00:02:02,433 --> 00:02:05,402 Hmm, yeah, yeah. l sent 'em off to the county, yeah.

36 00:02:05,466 --> 00:02:07,835 But, Fozzie, the show is staying here.

37 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,102 But they're in the county waiting for us.

38 00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:12,201 - No! - You said the show was going county.

39 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:15,369 - We gotta do the show right here. - Don't shout, l'm just a bear.

40 00:02:15,433 --> 00:02:17,701 You can't send the stagehands to the county.

41 00:02:17,766 --> 00:02:20,435 l am doing the best l can. Who's gonna shift the sceney?

42 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,567 - Fozzie! - What?

43 00:02:21,633 --> 00:02:23,801 You are going to shift the sceney.

44 00:02:23,866 --> 00:02:27,336 l am gonna shift the sceney?

45 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,068 Fozzie?

46 00:02:29,133 --> 00:02:31,835 l am gonna shift the sceney.

47 00:02:32,599 --> 00:02:35,035 [stuttering] l'm sory about that, folks. Uh...

48 00:02:35,099 --> 00:02:40,271 And now, ladies and gentlemen, the multitudinously talented, Mr. Roy Clark.

49 00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,368 - What do l here? - Open the curtains!

50 00:02:42,433 --> 00:02:43,967 Yes, sir, yes, sir, yes.

51 00:02:49,966 --> 00:02:53,269 [up-tempo music]

52 00:04:06,699 --> 00:04:09,502 I# Rocky TopI

53 00:04:09,566 --> 00:04:13,002
 * 1) Rocky Top, you'll always be

54 00:04:13,066 --> 00:04:16,335
 * 1) Home sweet home to me

55 00:04:16,399 --> 00:04:19,569
 * 1) Good ol' Rocky Top

56 00:04:19,633 --> 00:04:22,902
 * 1) Rocky Top, Tennessee

57 00:04:22,966 --> 00:04:26,235
 * 1) Rocky Top, Tennessee

58 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:31,138
 * 1) Rocky Top, Tennessee...

59 00:04:31,199 --> 00:04:35,704
 * 1) ...eee #

60 00:04:39,666 --> 00:04:42,402 - [shouting] - [applause]

61 00:04:45,233 --> 00:04:48,569 - l wonder how they do that. - Do what?

62 00:04:56,733 --> 00:05:00,770 Man, that Roy Clark sure is a numerous person.

63 00:05:03,566 --> 00:05:05,901 Boy, you can say that again.

64 00:05:06,233 --> 00:05:08,768 [stammers] How... How does he do that?

65 00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:11,434 - Fozzie. - Oh, yes, sir.

66 00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:14,169 There's not a stagehand in the theater, thanks to you.

67 00:05:14,233 --> 00:05:16,068 Ah, thank you, you're welcome.

68 00:05:16,666 --> 00:05:20,536 Listen, listen, Fozzie. You got us into this mess. You are responsible for it.

69 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,502 - If anything goes wrong here, Fozzie! - Yes, sir?

70 00:05:23,566 --> 00:05:25,401 You are fired!

71 00:05:25,466 --> 00:05:28,001 [stammering] Fired?!

72 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:31,169 Oh, no. Oh. My nerves are shot.

73 00:05:31,233 --> 00:05:35,537 Still... [chuckles] what could go wrong? l mean, the, uh, the stage is set.

74 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,468 - The star has arrived. - Psst, Fozzie.

75 00:05:37,533 --> 00:05:39,701 - Audience is happy. - The theater's on fire.

76 00:05:39,766 --> 00:05:41,234 The theater's on fire.

77 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:44,202 The theater's on fire?!

78 00:05:44,266 --> 00:05:46,101 Oh! [coughing]

79 00:05:49,966 --> 00:05:53,135 [indistinct singing]

80 00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:04,169 [speaking mock Swedish]

81 00:06:11,366 --> 00:06:12,633 [spoon clatters]

82 00:06:20,666 --> 00:06:24,169 [dough roaring]

83 00:06:32,133 --> 00:06:34,134 Roll the dough.

84 00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:39,435 - [dough growling] - [unintelligible]

85 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,702 Hey, let go. Hey, let...

86 00:06:46,766 --> 00:06:48,434 [dough] Yah!

87 00:06:51,166 --> 00:06:53,568 Ah, ah, fire! Fire!

88 00:06:53,633 --> 00:06:55,534 - Chef, fire! Fire! - Fozzie.

89 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,768 - Oh. - What's going on?

90 00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:59,601 Oh, hi. Uh, nothing.

91 00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:01,134 l was iust saying that, uh,

92 00:07:01,199 --> 00:07:06,138 l'm glad nothing else is going wrong or l'd get fired.

93 00:07:06,199 --> 00:07:10,337 - What's all this smoke? [sniffs] - Uh, that's not smoke.

94 00:07:10,399 --> 00:07:12,268 - It's not smoke? - No, no.

95 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,034 Then what is it?

96 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,770 - Jet exhaust. - Jet exhaust?

97 00:07:17,833 --> 00:07:20,468 l, l... Just what l was going to say. Yes. Yes.

98 00:07:20,533 --> 00:07:22,968 Oh, look out, here comes another one. Duck.

99 00:07:23,033 --> 00:07:24,901 [makes engine sound]

100 00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,634 - You OK? You OK? - What was that?

101 00:07:26,699 --> 00:07:29,736 Oh, boy, that was a close one. Those planes get lower evey day.

102 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:33,670 - Uh, Fozzie, l didn't see any plane. - Yeah, they get faster too.

103 00:07:33,733 --> 00:07:37,736 Boy, oh, boy. Listen. You go tell Roy Clark to keep his head down, OK?

104 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,269 - All right. - l'll phone the airport. Another one!

105 00:07:40,333 --> 00:07:42,435 - What? What?! - Get down.

106 00:07:44,066 --> 00:07:45,467 Hello, operator?

107 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,702 [stuttering] How soon can you get me the, uh, the fire department?

108 00:07:51,033 --> 00:07:52,634 That soon, huh?

109 00:07:55,066 --> 00:08:00,938 Imale announcer1_nd now, Pigs in Space!

110 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,036 When we last left the rocket ship Swinetrek,

111 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:09,472 it was drifting aimlessly in space due to a power failure in the control panel.

112 00:08:09,533 --> 00:08:11,635 - [Miss Piggy gasping] - First Mate Piggy.

113 00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:15,437 lf Dr. Strangepork can't restore power to the control panel,

114 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:19,170 - we'll marooned in space forever. - Oh, no.

115 00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:21,134 Well, look at the bright side, my dear.

116 00:08:21,199 --> 00:08:24,436 At least you will spend the rest of your days with me.

117 00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:27,768 That's the bright side?

118 00:08:28,233 --> 00:08:30,802 Well, l fixed the control panel.

119 00:08:30,866 --> 00:08:32,400 Oh, that's wonderFul, doctor.

120 00:08:32,466 --> 00:08:34,568 Yeah, it was faulty wiring.

121 00:08:34,633 --> 00:08:38,336 - Hmm, nice work, Dr. Strangepork. - Oh, it was nothing, Link.

122 00:08:38,399 --> 00:08:41,803 Actually, l just used some vials from the electric toaster.

123 00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:44,668 Hmm. Good thinking. Here. l'll ty it.

124 00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:46,634 [screams]

125 00:08:47,133 --> 00:08:49,401 - Uh-oh. - That's all right, doctor.

126 00:08:49,466 --> 00:08:51,768 - It's kind of funny. - Ya.

127 00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:56,869 You see, that's what you'd call, raising a pig.

128 00:08:56,933 --> 00:08:59,001 Ha, raising a pig.

129 00:08:59,066 --> 00:09:01,768 She has her ups and downs.

130 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:05,136 Oh, oh. So, so... So you think that's funny, huh?

131 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,035 Well, it's your turn, Linko.

132 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,501 - What? - Oh!

133 00:09:09,733 --> 00:09:13,303 - Thought you had me, didn't you? - [groans]

134 00:09:14,733 --> 00:09:16,868 - [grunts] - [shouts]

135 00:09:16,933 --> 00:09:20,036 - Why don't you ty this one right here? - l am not that stupid.

136 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,534 Well, then l'll ty it.

137 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,435 He was that stupid.

138 00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:30,734 l want my mommy.

139 00:09:31,366 --> 00:09:35,803 - Still think it's funny, bacon brain? - We've gotta get Dr. Strangepork back.

140 00:09:39,233 --> 00:09:42,169 - l'm not supposed to be here, right? - Right.

141 00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,468 - [both shout] - What, what happened?

142 00:09:47,633 --> 00:09:49,935 Beaker!

143 00:09:56,266 --> 00:09:57,533 Whoa!

144 00:10:01,799 --> 00:10:03,968 l don't believe that.

145 00:10:04,933 --> 00:10:07,769 l'm not supposed to be here either, right?

146 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,635 [applause]

147 00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:15,170 (# Yesterday When l Was YoungI

148 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,769
 * 1) Yesterday

149 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,969
 * 1) When l was young

150 00:10:37,033 --> 00:10:39,969
 * 1) The taste of life was sweet

151 00:10:40,033 --> 00:10:42,902
 * 1) As rain upon my tongue

152 00:10:42,966 --> 00:10:45,435
 * 1) l teased at life

153 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:48,903
 * 1) As if it were a foolish game

154 00:10:48,966 --> 00:10:51,802
 * 1) The way the evening breeze

155 00:10:51,866 --> 00:10:54,668
 * 1) May tease a candle flame

156 00:10:54,733 --> 00:10:57,769
 * 1) The thousand dreams l dreamed

157 00:10:57,833 --> 00:11:00,769
 * 1) And the splendid things l planned

158 00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:03,402
 * 1) l always built, alas

159 00:11:03,466 --> 00:11:06,468
 * 1) On weak and shifting sand

160 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:09,135
 * 1) l lived by night

161 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,002
 * 1) And l shunned the naked light of day

162 00:11:12,066 --> 00:11:14,902
 * 1) And only now l see

163 00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:17,902
 * 1) How the years ran away

164 00:11:17,966 --> 00:11:20,535
 * 1) Yesterday

165 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,235
 * 1) When l was young

166 00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:26,469
 * 1) So many happy songs

167 00:11:26,533 --> 00:11:29,068
 * 1) Were waiting to be sung

168 00:11:29,133 --> 00:11:32,269
 * 1) So many wild pleasures

169 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:35,002
 * 1) Lay in store for me

170 00:11:35,066 --> 00:11:36,967
 * 1) And so much pain

171 00:11:37,033 --> 00:11:40,436
 * 1) My da__led eyes refused to see

172 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:43,536
 * 1) l ran so fast that time

173 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,636
 * 1) And youth, at last, ran out

174 00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:49,202
 * 1) l never stopped to think

175 00:11:49,266 --> 00:11:52,435
 * 1) What life was all about

176 00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:55,302
 * 1) And evey conversation

177 00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:58,035
 * 1) l can now recall

178 00:11:58,100 --> 00:12:01,002
 * 1) Concerns itself with me

179 00:12:01,066 --> 00:12:03,802
 * 1) And nothing else at all

180 00:12:16,399 --> 00:12:18,902
 * 1) Yesterday

181 00:12:18,966 --> 00:12:21,568
 * 1) The moon was blue

182 00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:23,935
 * 1) Evey crazy day

183 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,702
 * 1) Brought something new to do

184 00:12:26,766 --> 00:12:29,802
 * 1) l used my magic age

185 00:12:29,866 --> 00:12:32,468
 * 1) As if it were a wand

186 00:12:32,533 --> 00:12:35,369
 * 1) And never saw all the waste

187 00:12:35,433 --> 00:12:38,202
 * 1) And emptiness beyond

188 00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:40,868
 * 1) The game of love l played

189 00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:43,869
 * 1) With arr_ance and pride

190 00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:46,568
 * 1) And evey flame l lit

191 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:49,435
 * 1) Too quickly, quickly died

192 00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,368
 * 1) The friends l made

193 00:12:51,433 --> 00:12:55,570
 * 1) All seemed, somehow, to drift away

194 00:12:55,633 --> 00:12:57,735
 * 1) Only l am left

195 00:12:57,799 --> 00:13:00,802
 * 1) On stage to end the play

196 00:13:00,866 --> 00:13:04,002
 * 1) There are so many songs

197 00:13:04,066 --> 00:13:07,035
 * 1) In me that won't be sung

198 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,969
 * 1) l feel the bitter taste

199 00:13:10,033 --> 00:13:12,969
 * 1) Of tears upon my tongue

200 00:13:13,033 --> 00:13:15,902
 * 1) The time has come for me to pay

201 00:13:15,966 --> 00:13:19,102
 * 1) for yesterday

202 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:23,436
 * 1) When l was young #

203 00:13:26,433 --> 00:13:28,701 [applause]

204 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,335 [horns trumpet]

205 00:13:42,399 --> 00:13:45,803 Uh, ladies and gentlemen. There's a, uh, situation backstage

206 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:48,168 - you should know about. - Hey, we're here.

207 00:13:48,233 --> 00:13:51,869 - Oh, the firemen. Oh, yes. - Yeah, yeah, we're here to audition.

208 00:13:51,933 --> 00:13:54,335 Audition? Where's your equipment for the fire?

209 00:13:54,399 --> 00:13:56,969 - Hoses, axes? - Oh, yeah, we brought one of those.

210 00:13:57,033 --> 00:13:58,868 - You've got an axe. - No, an act.

211 00:13:59,933 --> 00:14:03,169 - An act? - Yeah, we're the Singing Firemen.

212 00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:06,369 But there's a fire over here. See these... We are, but listen.

213 00:14:06,433 --> 00:14:08,268 (# l Don't Want To Set The World On FireI

214 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:12,470
 * 1) l don't want to set the world

215 00:14:12,533 --> 00:14:14,768
 * 1) On fire

216 00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:16,834 [Fozzie yells]

217 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:20,236
 * 1) l just want to start

218 00:14:20,299 --> 00:14:22,602
 * 1) A flame in your

219 00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:26,636 - # Heart - # A flame in your heart

220 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:30,503 - # In my heart l have but one desire - All right, excuse me, guys.

221 00:14:30,566 --> 00:14:33,268 Some people have to work around here. Excuse me.

222 00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:38,969 - # And that one is you - # Ooh

223 00:14:39,033 --> 00:14:44,204 - # No otherwill do - # No otherwill do

224 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:47,368
 * 1) l've lost all ambition

225 00:14:47,433 --> 00:14:49,935 - # For worldly acclaim - [Fozzie coughs]

226 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,903
 * 1) l just want to be the one you love

227 00:14:53,966 --> 00:14:59,171 that you feel the same
 * 1) And with your admission

228 00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:02,603 l'm dreaming of
 * 1) l'll have reached the goal

229 00:15:02,666 --> 00:15:06,970
 * 1) Believe me

230 00:15:07,033 --> 00:15:10,970
 * 1) l don't want to set the world

231 00:15:11,033 --> 00:15:14,669 - # On fire - l didn't have to. It started already.

232 00:15:15,833 --> 00:15:20,404 - # Ijust want to start a flame - [Fozzie coughs]

233 00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:24,136
 * 1) A flame

234 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:29,238 - # In your heart # - [chicken clucking]

235 00:15:29,299 --> 00:15:31,869 Don't wory, l'll save you. l'll save you!

236 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,703 Are you proud of yourselves? You made this chicken a nervous wreck.

237 00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:38,767 [applause]

238 00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,301 Hey, Roy. That was a beautiful song you did.

239 00:15:43,366 --> 00:15:45,601 Love the one where you did all the instruments.

240 00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:48,001 Thank you, but it's not really that hard.

241 00:15:48,066 --> 00:15:50,435 - l come from a musical family. - Oh, really?

242 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,969 Sure. My dad plays and all my uncles.

243 00:15:53,033 --> 00:15:55,869 We used to get together, when l was a child, and play music.

244 00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:59,636 Oh, wow. And how many of those instruments, uh, can you actually play?

245 00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:02,869 - Can l actually play, Kermit? Actually. - Yes?

246 00:16:02,933 --> 00:16:05,969 - One out of five'd be a good average. - One out of five.

247 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,168 But l attempt to play about seven or eight.

248 00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,635 - You did vey well on that number. - Thank you.

249 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:14,370 - l loved the trumpet. - l thought, maybe, you'd bring that up.

250 00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:17,402 - Yes, that was outstanding. - Uh, outstanding?

251 00:16:17,466 --> 00:16:21,069 l should be out standing in the field somewhere with my trumpet?

252 00:16:21,133 --> 00:16:23,268 Well, l, l didn't say that, Roy.

253 00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:27,003 Anyhow, l suppose you're really just born into show business, actually?

254 00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:30,002 Kind of, but my dad still runs the farm back in Virginia

255 00:16:30,066 --> 00:16:32,868 where he keeps chickens, and a lot of times l get to missing

256 00:16:32,933 --> 00:16:34,934 the place, out traveling all the time.

257 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,269 Well, we could make you feel right at home, 'cause we keep chickens.

258 00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:41,436 - Really? - Sure. See there? Mm-hmm.

259 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:45,704 Kermit, uh, if you keep chickens, could, uh, you keep these away?

260 00:16:45,766 --> 00:16:49,469 Well, l, uh, uh, yes, l will. We also keep ducks, you know.

261 00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:52,002 Right there. Mm-hmm.

262 00:16:52,066 --> 00:16:55,002 Uh, you have any soup to go with these quackers?

263 00:16:55,633 --> 00:16:57,835 Know what kind ofjoke we call that in Virginia?

264 00:16:57,899 --> 00:16:59,134 Bad?

265 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,468 - You stepped right in that one. - Yes, indeed.

266 00:17:01,533 --> 00:17:04,435 Hey, about some pigs, Roy? Pigs. Pigs? Huh?

267 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,169 - Or even cattle? - Fantastic.

268 00:17:07,233 --> 00:17:10,836 - How many head of cattle do you have? - Uh, one. Uh, one head of cow.

269 00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:15,235 l gotta tell you. This is really like being back on the farm.

270 00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:17,702 - Yeah, isn't it great? - Sure is. Free eggs,

271 00:17:17,766 --> 00:17:22,137 fried chicken on Sunday. Bacon for breaMast. Roast duck at Christmas.

272 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:26,003 All the ham sandwiches you can eat. This place is like a walk-in lunch counter.

273 00:17:26,066 --> 00:17:29,803 Uh, Roy, it may look like a luncheon, but it can soon turn into a lynching.

274 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,768 Hold it. Wait a minute. Wait. Hold it.

275 00:17:33,833 --> 00:17:37,937 - l was only kidding. l was kidding! - He was kidding.

276 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,568 [county music plays]

277 00:17:43,599 --> 00:17:45,969 Oh, l hate barn dances.

278 00:17:46,033 --> 00:17:49,403 Only reason l come is for the door prize.

279 00:17:49,466 --> 00:17:51,568 Well, what's the prize?

280 00:17:52,266 --> 00:17:54,968 A free ticket to the next barn dance.

281 00:17:58,233 --> 00:18:01,469 You know, my husband weighs five tons.

282 00:18:01,533 --> 00:18:04,469 Oh, that sounds like a lot of bull.

283 00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:07,769 lt is, darling. It is.

284 00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:13,535 Oh, why don't ya run away with me?

285 00:18:13,599 --> 00:18:17,236 l can't. l gotta think of the wife and eggs.

286 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:22,902 Uh, why is that rooster winking at your wife?

287 00:18:22,966 --> 00:18:25,401 l think he's tying to get my goat.

288 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:32,837 Say, what's your brother-in-law doing up there?

289 00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:36,603 Oh, he's tying to start the ceiling fan. It stopped.

290 00:18:36,666 --> 00:18:38,434 - [whirring] - [chicken clucks]

291 00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,735 Looks like he got it started.

292 00:18:40,799 --> 00:18:42,201 [sneezes]

293 00:18:42,266 --> 00:18:44,201 [all sneezing]

294 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,669 Hey, come on, come on. Keep those buckets moving. Come on, guys.

295 00:18:48,733 --> 00:18:52,970 Oh, boy. Remember how the theater was on fire?

296 00:18:53,033 --> 00:18:55,034 Well, it still is.

297 00:18:55,099 --> 00:18:57,936 - Oh. Come on, guys. Faster. Faster. - Fozzie!

298 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,836 - Oh. Oh, yes, yes, sir. - What is... What is going on here?

299 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:03,068 - Going on. - Where is this smoke coming from?

300 00:19:03,133 --> 00:19:06,703 Smoke, yes. Smoke. Uh, oh, didn't you get a cigar?

301 00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:08,734 - Cigar? - Yeah, uh, yes.

302 00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,935 - Uh, uh, a cigar for the frog! - What, what?

303 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:16,472 Yeah. Tell me, have you any idea what it feels like to be a father?

304 00:19:16,533 --> 00:19:18,401 No, no. Uh-uh.

305 00:19:18,466 --> 00:19:20,734 Pity. l was hoping you could tell me.

306 00:19:20,799 --> 00:19:22,601 - Uh, Fozzie. - Oh.

307 00:19:22,666 --> 00:19:25,769 - l want an explanation. - Oh, dear, yes. l was afraid of that.

308 00:19:25,833 --> 00:19:28,602 Um, explanation. Uh, Chef, Chef. Chef, come here.

309 00:19:28,666 --> 00:19:31,969 Explain to the frog all the things here. Explain.

310 00:19:32,033 --> 00:19:34,135 - What? - [speaking mock Swedish]

311 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:39,038 [all chatter]

312 00:19:39,099 --> 00:19:42,436 What's going... No, no l want water.

313 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:46,937 - Will you stop that? - [Chef continues unintelligible]

314 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,969 Give me the bucket. No, l want a full bucket, you fool.

315 00:19:50,033 --> 00:19:53,569 Will you get away from me? Will you stop cying?

316 00:19:53,633 --> 00:19:56,102 Uh, uh, uh, OK. Uh, whatever.

317 00:19:56,166 --> 00:19:57,667 Anyhow, ladies and gentlemen.

318 00:19:57,733 --> 00:20:01,169 Uh, in his premiere presentation of immortal perFection,

319 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:04,035 otherwise known as rank stupidity.

320 00:20:04,099 --> 00:20:07,803 Uh, the, the Great Gonzo will yodel Rimsky-Korsakov while riding on

321 00:20:07,866 --> 00:20:11,369 a motorized pogo stick. Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gonzo!

322 00:20:11,433 --> 00:20:13,568 Howdy, hi! Thank you vey much.

323 00:20:13,633 --> 00:20:15,935 Hold on to your socks, here it comes!

324 00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:19,668 [yodeling]

325 00:20:26,933 --> 00:20:28,934 [shouting]

326 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,303 - [jackhammer sounds] - [Gonzo shouting]

327 00:20:38,933 --> 00:20:42,036 Gonzo? Uh. Hey, we can't have a hole in the stage.

328 00:20:42,099 --> 00:20:45,503 - Uh, uh, Fozzie, carpenter. - Uh, carpenter coming. Yes, sir.

329 00:20:45,566 --> 00:20:47,567 - Hole in the stage. - Where's the hole?

330 00:20:47,633 --> 00:20:50,135 - Uh, right over there. - Oh, there. Yes, sir. Oh, boy.

331 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,570 - Take the lights off the stage. - Yes, sir. Scooter, lights off!

332 00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:56,202 - Oh, boy. - Fozzie. Now l can't see a thing.

333 00:20:56,266 --> 00:20:59,035 - Where are you? - Uh, l'm over here by the hole.

334 00:20:59,099 --> 00:21:01,402 l'll follow the sound of your... [shout fades]

335 00:21:01,466 --> 00:21:04,635 Oh, no. Oh, Kermit, are you hurt?

336 00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:06,935 l, uh, not too bad. l landed on Gonzo.

337 00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:09,701 Oh, l'll do the intro.

338 00:21:09,766 --> 00:21:11,400 Uh, Scooter, lights.

339 00:21:11,466 --> 00:21:15,503 Oh, boy. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Roy Clark.

340 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:19,036 Curtains! Oh, that's me. Oh, oh.

341 00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:26,835 (# Sally Was A Good Old Girn

342 00:21:29,433 --> 00:21:32,002 my books to school
 * 1) Sally used to cary

343 00:21:32,066 --> 00:21:34,334
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

344 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,002 'cause l was a fool
 * 1) She helped me with my homework

345 00:21:37,066 --> 00:21:39,268
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

346 00:21:39,333 --> 00:21:42,102 or a little bitty squee_e
 * 1) And if you wanted a kiss

347 00:21:42,166 --> 00:21:44,701 and do her best to please
 * 1) She was always willing

348 00:21:44,766 --> 00:21:47,068 and not made to tease
 * 1) A girl made to love

349 00:21:47,133 --> 00:21:49,502
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

350 00:21:49,566 --> 00:21:52,168
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

351 00:21:52,233 --> 00:21:54,301
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

352 00:21:54,366 --> 00:21:57,368 she gave it her best
 * 1) Wo matter what the request

353 00:21:57,433 --> 00:21:59,301
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

354 00:21:59,366 --> 00:22:02,402 so she helped all she could
 * 1) Her folks were poor

355 00:22:02,466 --> 00:22:04,801
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

356 00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:08,035 in the whole neighborhood
 * 1) She was the hardest working girl

357 00:22:08,099 --> 00:22:10,202
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

358 00:22:10,266 --> 00:22:12,301 the streets all day
 * 1) She'd walk up and down

359 00:22:12,366 --> 00:22:14,468 to the ones who could pay
 * 1) Selling neckties

360 00:22:14,533 --> 00:22:17,269 then she'd give 'em away
 * 1) But if they couldn't a_ord 'em

361 00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:19,902
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

362 00:22:19,966 --> 00:22:22,535
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

363 00:22:22,599 --> 00:22:24,735
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

364 00:22:24,799 --> 00:22:27,736 she gave it her best
 * 1) Wo matter what the request

365 00:22:27,799 --> 00:22:30,002
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

366 00:22:30,066 --> 00:22:32,368 [all clucking]

367 00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:42,802
 * 1) She was a favorite with all the men

368 00:22:42,866 --> 00:22:45,235
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

369 00:22:45,299 --> 00:22:47,669
 * 1) And all the ladies despised her then

370 00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:50,202
 * 1) But Sally was a good old girl

371 00:22:50,266 --> 00:22:52,868 but Sally didn't care
 * 1) All the ladies talked about her

372 00:22:52,933 --> 00:22:55,368 and a-doing her share
 * 1) Shejust kept on a-working

373 00:22:55,433 --> 00:22:57,935
 * 1) She wound up married to a millionaire

374 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,669
 * 1) 'Cause Sally was a good old girl

375 00:23:00,733 --> 00:23:03,135
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

376 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,368
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl

377 00:23:05,433 --> 00:23:08,502 she gave her best
 * 1) Wo matter what the request

378 00:23:08,566 --> 00:23:11,068 - # Gotta tell ya 'bout Sally - # Sally was a good old girl

379 00:23:11,133 --> 00:23:13,568 - # Sally was a good old girl - # Sally was a good old girl

380 00:23:13,633 --> 00:23:16,068 - # Sally was a good old girl - # Sally was a good old girl

381 00:23:16,133 --> 00:23:18,602 she gave her best
 * 1) Wo matter what the request

382 00:23:18,666 --> 00:23:24,338
 * 1) Sally was a good old girl #

383 00:23:33,766 --> 00:23:36,135 OK. Well, that just about wraps up tonight's show.

384 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,136 l must say, l know how it feels.

385 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,302 Kermit, Kermit. Please don't fire me.

386 00:23:41,366 --> 00:23:43,334 Oh, beg, grovel, plead, please.

387 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,002 - OK. OK, OK. - Thank you.

388 00:23:46,066 --> 00:23:49,002 Listen, l'm really sory about, you know, the stagehands

389 00:23:49,066 --> 00:23:51,334 - and the hole in the floor there. - The hole, yeah.

390 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,602 And, oh, and the fire, and the rest of it.

391 00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:56,702 Fire? We had a fire here?

392 00:23:57,866 --> 00:23:59,634 No.

393 00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:01,835 - Huh? - Uh, l mean, uh... Well, at least, yes.

394 00:24:01,900 --> 00:24:04,202 A cute, little small one.

395 00:24:04,266 --> 00:24:05,600 - Fozzie! - Oh, please.

396 00:24:05,666 --> 00:24:08,602 You wouldn't hit a bear in front of a guest star, would you?

397 00:24:08,666 --> 00:24:10,601 What does that have to do with anything?

398 00:24:10,666 --> 00:24:14,436 - Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Roy Clark! - Roy Clark. Yeah!

399 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:17,002 Roy Clark, yes. Yes.

400 00:24:25,466 --> 00:24:28,535 - Whoo! - Oh, wow.

401 00:24:28,599 --> 00:24:29,901 Yes! Yes!

402 00:24:29,966 --> 00:24:32,501 You are one hot fiddle player. What is your secret?

403 00:24:32,566 --> 00:24:34,434 Just a hot fiddle.

404 00:24:37,166 --> 00:24:39,535 Fire! Fire! Fire!

405 00:24:39,599 --> 00:24:41,935 [all shouting indistinctly]

406 00:24:42,766 --> 00:24:44,868 We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.

407 00:24:44,933 --> 00:24:46,734 Up here! Roy!

408 00:25:21,533 --> 00:25:25,370 l thought, for once, the show really caught fire.

409 00:25:25,433 --> 00:25:29,170 l thought it burnt itself out, same as always.