Episode 107: Florence Henderson/transcript

1 00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:16,905 lt's The Muµµet Show. with our special guest star, Miss Florence Henderson.

2 00:00:17,399 --> 00:00:19,702 (# The Muµµet Show theme)

3 00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:27,067
 * 1) It's time to play the music

4 00:00:27,133 --> 00:00:29,134
 * 1) It's time to light the lights

5 00:00:29,199 --> 00:00:33,270 on The Muµµet Show tonight
 * 1) It's time to meet the Muppets

6 00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,334
 * 1) It's time to put on makeup

7 00:00:35,399 --> 00:00:37,401
 * 1) It's time to dress up right

8 00:00:37,466 --> 00:00:41,002 on The Muµµet Show tonight
 * 1) It's time to raise the curtain

9 00:00:43,399 --> 00:00:46,035 Prices are so high, yesterday l bought a pound of hamburger

10 00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,969 and had to have a cosigner.

11 00:00:50,899 --> 00:00:53,035
 * 1) To introduce our guest star

12 00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:54,901
 * 1) That's what l'm here to do

13 00:00:54,966 --> 00:00:57,201
 * 1) So it really makes me happy

14 00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,167
 * 1) To introduce to you

15 00:00:59,233 --> 00:01:01,301 Miss Florence Henderson!

16 00:01:08,066 --> 00:01:11,769 the most sensational, inspirational
 * 1) But now let's get things started on

17 00:01:11,833 --> 00:01:13,901
 * 1) Celebrational, Muppetational

18 00:01:13,966 --> 00:01:16,468
 * 1) This is what we call

19 00:01:16,533 --> 00:01:19,535
 * 1) The Muµµet Show

20 00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:24,467 (aµµlause)

21 00:01:24,533 --> 00:01:26,935 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

22 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,737 Now, welcome to the show, and what a fantastic program we have for you tonight.

23 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,969 Our guest star is the beautiful and talented Florence Henderson.

24 00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:36,935 Boy, she is really great. But to open the show,

25 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,203 one of the most exciting acrobatic acts in the entire business,

26 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,201 the Bouncing Borsolino Brothers.

27 00:01:42,266 --> 00:01:44,301 They've been bouncing since they were baby boys.

28 00:01:44,366 --> 00:01:48,636 ln fact, the doctor wasn't even sure they were boys until they stopped bouncing.

29 00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:53,271 So here they are, all the way from Boston, the Bouncing Borsolino Brothers! Yeah!

30 00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:55,501 (circus music)

31 00:02:07,366 --> 00:02:09,701 El µyramido. The pyramid.

32 00:02:09,766 --> 00:02:12,268 - One. - (fanfare)

33 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,334 _wo.

34 00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:17,867 (fanfare)

35 00:02:17,933 --> 00:02:19,768 Three.

36 00:02:22,633 --> 00:02:23,734 (fanfare)

37 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,635 Four.

38 00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:29,900 (fanfare)

39 00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:31,801 Five.

40 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,134 - (fanfare) - (grunting)

41 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:38,969 Six. That's me.

42 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,435 - (grunting) - (drumroll)

43 00:02:42,966 --> 00:02:45,134 (fanfare)

44 00:02:51,366 --> 00:02:54,102 - Why did you do that, Tiny? - l didn't do nothing.

45 00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:56,768 l told you not to get on the top.

46 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:04,105 - Well, they really brought down the house. - Well, at least the stage.

47 00:03:04,566 --> 00:03:07,435 ...975 pounds. l told you not to get on the top.

48 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:11,670 - You're a big disappointment, you guys. - Hey, will you guys watch it? Hey, watch it.

49 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:15,303 George? Will you go out there and clean up after the pigs, please?

50 00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:19,369 l am sick and tired of cleaning up after them lousy pigs.

51 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,768 Well, George, you can always quit.

52 00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:24,735 What? And get out of show business?

53 00:03:26,099 --> 00:03:30,103 - George, will you move the body? - All right, l'll move the body.

54 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,802 l moved the body.

55 00:03:41,199 --> 00:03:43,201 (door chime)

56 00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:48,070 - My brother has ghosts in his attic. - Sounds scary.

57 00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:51,436 Yeah. He's on the Ten Most Haunted list.

58 00:03:55,866 --> 00:03:58,301 Ladies and gentlemen, we're happy now, truly,

59 00:03:58,366 --> 00:04:01,068 to present a star of stage, screen and television,

60 00:04:01,133 --> 00:04:02,868 the mother of six on The Brady Bunch.

61 00:04:02,933 --> 00:04:05,135 and the mother of her own bunch of four at home,

62 00:04:05,199 --> 00:04:10,204 our guest for the evening, the lovely Miss Florence Henderson.

63 00:04:13,699 --> 00:04:16,369 (# Elusive Butte_ly)

64 00:04:20,199 --> 00:04:25,305
 * 1) You might wake up some morning

65 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:32,206 past your window in the wind
 * 1) To the sound of something moving

66 00:04:32,266 --> 00:04:35,268
 * 1) And if you're quick enough to rise

67 00:04:35,333 --> 00:04:42,306 of someone's fading shadow
 * 1) You'll catch the fleeting glimpse

68 00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:48,970
 * 1) Out on the new hori2on

69 00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:55,973 of a distant pair of wings
 * 1) You may see the floating motion

70 00:04:56,033 --> 00:04:59,169
 * 1) And if the sleep has left your ears

71 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:06,940 running through an open meadow
 * 1) You might hear footsteps

72 00:05:07,833 --> 00:05:10,936
 * 1) Don't be concerned

73 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,936
 * 1) It will not harm you

74 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:19,905 something l'm not sure of
 * 1) It's only me pursuing

75 00:05:19,966 --> 00:05:22,768
 * 1) Across my dream

76 00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:25,902
 * 1) With nets of wonder

77 00:05:25,966 --> 00:05:33,406 elusive butterfly of love
 * 1) l chase the bright,

78 00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:40,906 echo softly in the distance
 * 1) You might have heard my footsteps

79 00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:45,070
 * 1) Through the canyons of your mind

80 00:05:45,133 --> 00:05:48,236
 * 1) l might have even called your name

81 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:56,141 after something to believe in
 * 1) As l ran searching

82 00:05:57,033 --> 00:06:00,136
 * 1) Don't be concerned

83 00:06:00,199 --> 00:06:03,036
 * 1) It will not harm you

84 00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:09,005 something l'm not sure of
 * 1) It's only me pursuing

85 00:06:09,066 --> 00:06:11,768
 * 1) Across my dream

86 00:06:11,833 --> 00:06:14,936
 * 1) With nets of wonder

87 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:20,939 elusive butterfly of love
 * 1) l chase the bright,

88 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:28,674 elusive butterfly
 * 1) l chase the bright,

89 00:06:29,566 --> 00:06:35,571
 * 1) Of love

90 00:06:44,699 --> 00:06:46,935 l told you not to let fatso on the top.

91 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,035 - Don't blame me. l'm only a young pig. - Pigs. Listen, pigs.

92 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:52,403 Will you guys get out of here, please? Come on, pigs. Out! Out!

93 00:06:52,466 --> 00:06:53,834 Move it! Move it! Get out of here.

94 00:06:53,899 --> 00:06:56,302 - Out, out, out, out, out! - Oh, Kermit.

95 00:06:56,366 --> 00:06:59,068 - You have such a masculine yell. - Oh, yeah.

96 00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:00,300 ls there anything at all,

97 00:07:00,366 --> 00:07:02,701 - anything l can do for you, my dear? - No.

98 00:07:02,766 --> 00:07:05,101 - Because l want to make you happy. - Good.

99 00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:08,269 - When you're happy, the pig is happy. - Wonderful.

100 00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:10,735 Oh, my love! My life!

101 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,268 - (µurrs) - Argh!

102 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,468 (loud kiss)

103 00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:16,701 (sno_ing)

104 00:07:19,666 --> 00:07:24,070 Forgive me for being so forward, but l'm a liberated pig.

105 00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:26,301 - Urgh. - Ta.

106 00:07:27,899 --> 00:07:30,569 lt must be my animal musk.

107 00:07:31,666 --> 00:07:33,834 (# tea dance music)

108 00:07:38,866 --> 00:07:41,768 Two, three, four, mo, three...

109 00:07:41,833 --> 00:07:45,937 You know, the trouble with kids today is they don't know what they want.

110 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,336 When l was a kid, l never wanted that.

111 00:07:57,233 --> 00:08:01,170 - They're just a couple of floor hogs. - Yeah.

112 00:08:03,699 --> 00:08:06,903 l don't know, maybe it's the wine talking - in fact, l'm sure it is -

113 00:08:06,966 --> 00:08:09,568 but you're beautiful.

114 00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:16,803 Now tell me the truth. You really don't like dancing with a dog, do you?

115 00:08:16,866 --> 00:08:22,238 - What makes you say that? - It's that flea collar you're wearing.

116 00:08:27,566 --> 00:08:29,401 l think we ought to move out of the ghetto

117 00:08:29,466 --> 00:08:32,735 and find ourselves a nice little dump in the suburbs.

118 00:08:32,799 --> 00:08:35,969 Oh, honey, l love you like the plague.

119 00:08:38,666 --> 00:08:42,336 Can we take this moment to announce our engagement?

120 00:08:42,399 --> 00:08:44,668 - Yeah, why not? - Oh!

121 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:48,269 We're engaged! (laughs hysterically)

122 00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:51,869 l've waited so long! We're engaged!

123 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,267 Florence,

124 00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:58,303 - your eyes are like mo limpid pools. - Oh, that's very sweet, Kermit.

125 00:08:58,366 --> 00:09:02,203 And when l look into your eyes, l'm spellbound.

126 00:09:02,266 --> 00:09:05,769 And when l look into those eyes l see... l see...

127 00:09:05,833 --> 00:09:08,068 Yes? Come on, tell me what you see.

128 00:09:08,133 --> 00:09:10,168 l see trouble.

129 00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:13,169 Hm, hm, hm. Well, well, well.

130 00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:16,436 While the pig's away, the frog will play, hm?

131 00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:21,171 - Hi, Piggy. - Don't Hi, Piggy me, you frog stealer.

132 00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:23,034 Piggy, you have it all wrong there. You see...

133 00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,769 ln a pig's eye - l mean, in a person's eye!

134 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:28,101 - Yes, you do have it wrong, Piggy. - Oh?

135 00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:32,403 Yes. Kermit was just practicing on me what he really wants to say to you.

136 00:09:32,466 --> 00:09:33,967 - What? - Oh.

137 00:09:34,033 --> 00:09:35,567 - You mean it? - No.

138 00:09:35,633 --> 00:09:37,301 Oh, Kermit!

139 00:09:37,366 --> 00:09:38,700 Oh!

140 00:09:38,766 --> 00:09:41,935 My love! My love! My life!

141 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,036 Oh, l am like putty in your hands.

142 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:48,837 - Putty! Putty! - # Cement mixer

143 00:09:49,733 --> 00:09:51,868 - Nothing. - But...

144 00:09:51,933 --> 00:09:54,368 What happened? What happened?

145 00:09:54,433 --> 00:09:56,735 - Piggy. Piggy, come here a minute. - Yes?

146 00:09:56,799 --> 00:09:58,835 Listen. Can l give you a little tip?

147 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,502 Oh, no. There's no need for that. l'm well paid.

148 00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:03,567 No. l mean about men.

149 00:10:03,633 --> 00:10:07,603 Oh, my dear, l'm sure you know about men.

150 00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:09,801 But, honey,

151 00:10:09,866 --> 00:10:13,502 make one move toward that frog's bod...

152 00:10:13,566 --> 00:10:14,934 Mmm.

153 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,136 Piggy, Kermit and l are old friends, honest.

154 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,903 - You mean there's nothing...? - No, we're just... It's just platonic, really.

155 00:10:21,966 --> 00:10:23,500 Oh! Oh!

156 00:10:23,566 --> 00:10:26,101 Oh, thank you so much! Thank you!

157 00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:29,569 Oh, l'm offto find my love. Oh, oh, oh!

158 00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:32,302 She's cra2y.

159 00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:37,070 - Has she gone? - Yes. She's offto find her love!

160 00:10:37,133 --> 00:10:39,235 l told you never to touch him!

161 00:10:39,299 --> 00:10:41,935 - Hii-yah! - Piggy! Stop it!

162 00:10:47,033 --> 00:10:49,335 (# walk)

163 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:53,237 When l was a puppy, l used to enjoy reading about Winnie the Pooh.

164 00:10:53,299 --> 00:10:56,403 He's a bear, like Fo22ie Bear, but...

165 00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:58,768 Well, not very much like Fo22ie Bear.

166 00:10:58,833 --> 00:11:00,267 This is a song he would sing

167 00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:03,969 when somebody would say something he didn't quite understand.

168 00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:07,736 He could have said, What? or l beg your pardon?

169 00:11:07,799 --> 00:11:10,202 But Pooh would instead sing this song,

170 00:11:10,266 --> 00:11:13,969 which he made up for singing when his brain felt fluffy.

171 00:11:14,033 --> 00:11:15,100 Goes like this:

172 00:11:15,166 --> 00:11:19,236
 * 1) Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston pie

173 00:11:19,299 --> 00:11:23,704
 * 1) A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly

174 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:28,070
 * 1) Ask me a riddle and l reply

175 00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:32,604
 * 1) Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston pie

176 00:11:36,866 --> 00:11:39,501 Now, this is where the song changes key.

177 00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:42,168 What we call a modulation.

178 00:11:44,899 --> 00:11:47,435 That's G sharp minor.

179 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:52,336
 * 1) Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston pie

180 00:11:52,399 --> 00:11:56,804
 * 1) A fish can't whistle and neither can l

181 00:11:56,866 --> 00:12:01,136
 * 1) Ask me a riddle and l reply

182 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,468
 * 1) Cottleston, Cottleston

183 00:12:03,533 --> 00:12:09,138
 * 1) Cottleston pie

184 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:13,938
 * 1) Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston pie

185 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:18,371 l don't know why
 * 1) Why does a chicken?

186 00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:22,970
 * 1) Ask me a riddle and l reply

187 00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:27,971
 * 1) Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston pie

188 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:51,337 OK. Time once again, friends, to raise the intellectual level of our program,

189 00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:54,202 as our panel discusses questions of lasting importance.

190 00:12:54,266 --> 00:12:56,468 And our guest tonight is Miss Florence Henderson.

191 00:12:56,533 --> 00:12:59,736 - Thank you. Good evening, everyone. - Hey, baby.

192 00:12:59,799 --> 00:13:04,804 OK. And tonight's question is one that has bothered scholars everywhere:

193 00:13:04,866 --> 00:13:07,501 ''Was William Shakespeare in fact Bacon?''

194 00:13:07,566 --> 00:13:08,767 (gasps)

195 00:13:08,833 --> 00:13:11,335 ls this some kind of bad ioke?

196 00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:15,337 - l-l-l don't understand, Piggy. - Bacon, my love, bacon.

197 00:13:15,399 --> 00:13:18,469 - l am tired of these continual pig slurs. - Oh.

198 00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:21,068 - You know, we pigs have feelings too. - Oh, no, no, no, no.

199 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,168 You see, l meant Francis Bacon.

200 00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:27,170 France's bacon, Italy's bacon, C2echoslovakia's bacon.

201 00:13:27,233 --> 00:13:30,135 Who cares? It's all bad taste.

202 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:35,038 Oh, no. Bacon tastes real good. l had some this morning. Really made a pig of myself!

203 00:13:35,733 --> 00:13:36,800 (gasµs)

204 00:13:36,866 --> 00:13:40,002 That does it! Pigs of the world, unite!

205 00:13:40,066 --> 00:13:43,068 Piggy. Please, Piggy. We don't have time for that now.

206 00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:47,036 Yeah. Besides, you're always hogging the time. Get it? Hogging?

207 00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:50,736 Get this, weirdo. Hii-yah! Hii-yah!

208 00:13:50,799 --> 00:13:52,434 Hii-yah! Hii-yah!

209 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:55,402 Wait a minute! Hold it, hold it, hold it! Wait a minute!

210 00:13:55,466 --> 00:13:58,235 Piggy, come on, now. Can we get back to the subject in hand?

211 00:13:58,299 --> 00:14:00,001 - Miss Piggy, please. - l'm sorry.

212 00:14:00,066 --> 00:14:03,035 Get back over there. OK, the subject in hand. Florence?

213 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:06,970 - Well, there's no question in my mind. - As to what?

214 00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:12,204 Nothing. There's no question in my mind. No answer either.

215 00:14:12,266 --> 00:14:13,834 We have a saying in my country:

216 00:14:13,899 --> 00:14:17,370 ''A woman who laughs at her own jokes seldom has branches on her shoetrees.''

217 00:14:17,433 --> 00:14:22,304 - That is the dumbest thing l've ever heard. - So, don't visit our country.

218 00:14:22,366 --> 00:14:24,634 Please. The topic is... The topic is:

219 00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:27,836 ''Were Shakespeare's works actually written by Francis Bacon?''

220 00:14:27,899 --> 00:14:29,268 All right, all right. Listen.

221 00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:32,936 We've been listening offstage and we've had enough of this garbage about bacon.

222 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,669 Right. We pigs are true artists.

223 00:14:35,733 --> 00:14:38,235 Miss Henderson, would you like to see our acrobatic act?

224 00:14:38,299 --> 00:14:39,401 Yes, l'd love to.

225 00:14:39,466 --> 00:14:41,401 fKermit) No, no, you don't want to see the acrobatic act.

226 00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:43,467 - (drumroll) - And one, and...

227 00:14:43,533 --> 00:14:46,535 fal!) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

228 00:14:47,166 --> 00:14:49,668 lt's cute. Cute act.

229 00:14:49,733 --> 00:14:52,235 l'm sorry about that, Miss Henderson, but...

230 00:14:52,299 --> 00:14:55,970 Listen, we'll be back next week with another vital question for our panel:

231 00:14:56,033 --> 00:14:59,269 ''Do attack dogs make good house pets?''

232 00:15:06,433 --> 00:15:09,402 Wake... wake me when the show starts.

233 00:15:09,466 --> 00:15:12,635 - It's already been on a while. - Oh.

234 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:15,369 Wake me when it's over.

235 00:15:16,233 --> 00:15:18,268 (arguing)

236 00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:22,136 We got to get organi2ed down here. Will somebody tell those pigs to knock it off?

237 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,467 Knock it off!

238 00:15:23,533 --> 00:15:25,301 - Knock it off! - Knock it off!

239 00:15:25,366 --> 00:15:27,367 Now, will we knock off the knocking-it-offs?

240 00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:30,235 - Knock off the knocking-it-offs! - Knock off the knocking-it-offs!

241 00:15:30,299 --> 00:15:34,370 - Knock off the knocking-it-offs! - Knock it off!

242 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:38,270 You'll not see any more pigs on this show. If l ever see another pig...

243 00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:41,135 Oh, Kermit, every time you yell

244 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,902 - it sends a shudder through my body. - Wonderful.

245 00:15:43,966 --> 00:15:47,936 l tremble with desire and uncontrollable passion.

246 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:54,673 ln you l see a seething volcano ready to erupt like Vesuvius and explode...

247 00:15:54,733 --> 00:15:59,037 Aaargh! We have a show to do! Will you get out of here?

248 00:16:00,666 --> 00:16:04,603 - fsnorts) He loves me. - (sighs) I give up.

249 00:16:04,666 --> 00:16:06,434 l knew you would.

250 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,002 - (loud kiss. sno_ing) - Aaargh! Oh! Argh!

251 00:16:15,799 --> 00:16:17,468 OK, here he comes again now, folks,

252 00:16:17,533 --> 00:16:20,702 so stand by, sit tight, hold on and fasten your seatbelts.

253 00:16:20,766 --> 00:16:23,068 The Muµµet Show's own furry funnyman,

254 00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,401 here he is, Mr. Fo22ie Bear!

255 00:16:25,466 --> 00:16:28,435 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

256 00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:31,903 OK, gang. Grab your shoes and grab your socks.

257 00:16:31,966 --> 00:16:34,001 Here come the jokes, here come the yocks.

258 00:16:34,066 --> 00:16:37,002 Now, tonight l'm gonna try and put something new in my act.

259 00:16:37,066 --> 00:16:39,835 Yeah. Like comedy, maybe.

260 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:42,569 Hey, look, guys, l paid a lot of money for this new act

261 00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:44,568 and l want to see if it's good, OK?

262 00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:48,970 - Could it possibly be good? - Could it possibly be worse?

263 00:16:50,366 --> 00:16:55,104 OK, now, tonight l will do impressions of great movie actors from great movies.

264 00:16:55,166 --> 00:16:56,767 - Great! Wonderful! - Love 'em!

265 00:16:56,833 --> 00:16:58,134 OK, OK, OK, OK.

266 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:02,537 First, Humphrey Bogart from Casablanca.

267 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,768 (clears throat)

268 00:17:07,566 --> 00:17:10,602 Play it again, Sam.

269 00:17:10,666 --> 00:17:11,800 OK, OK, OK, OK.

270 00:17:11,866 --> 00:17:15,769 Now, next is Jimmy Cagney from Mister Roberts.

271 00:17:18,633 --> 00:17:20,968 Who took my palm tree?

272 00:17:21,866 --> 00:17:25,269 OK, next, Cary Grant from all his movies.

273 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:30,002 Judy, Judy, Judy.

274 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:33,736 Listen, all your impressions sound the same.

275 00:17:33,799 --> 00:17:36,802 l can't help that. They were all written by the same writer.

276 00:17:36,866 --> 00:17:40,836 - He's got a point there. - Yeah, on his head.

277 00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:43,202 OK, any other impressions? Impressions, huh?

278 00:17:43,266 --> 00:17:48,137 Yeah. We'd like to see an impression of a bear leaving a stage.

279 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,537 Gotcha. Gotcha. Presenting a bare stage.

280 00:17:54,266 --> 00:17:56,801 Ha. Bare. Get it? l'm a bear. No one on the stage.

281 00:17:56,866 --> 00:18:01,437 Oh, l'm terrific. l love me. l'm too good for this show. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

282 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:06,037 - You know, he's getting better. - Yeah, or we're getting worse.

283 00:18:07,733 --> 00:18:10,902 Once again, the lovely Miss Florence Henderson.

284 00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:13,801 (# Haµµy Together)

285 00:18:13,866 --> 00:18:16,535 Ah, Florence, l don't quite know how to say this,

286 00:18:16,599 --> 00:18:19,202 but me and a lot ofthe guys are really fond of you.

287 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:22,469 Oh, Li2ard, that's very flattering.

288 00:18:23,366 --> 00:18:26,368
 * 1) Imagine me and you, l do

289 00:18:26,433 --> 00:18:29,302
 * 1) l think about you day and night

290 00:18:29,366 --> 00:18:34,838 the girl you love and hold her tight
 * 1) It's only right to think about

291 00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:39,504 fboth) # So happy together

292 00:18:39,566 --> 00:18:42,969 invest a dime
 * 1) If l should call you up,

293 00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:47,103 and ease my mind
 * 1) And you say you belong to me

294 00:18:47,166 --> 00:18:51,069 so very fine
 * 1) Imagine how the world would be,

295 00:18:51,133 --> 00:18:56,404
 * 1) So happy together

296 00:18:56,466 --> 00:19:01,237 fal!) # l can't see me Ioving nobody but you

297 00:19:01,299 --> 00:19:04,403
 * 1) For all my life

298 00:19:04,466 --> 00:19:09,404 the skies will be blue
 * 1) When you're with me, baby,

299 00:19:09,466 --> 00:19:12,635
 * 1) For all my life

300 00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:15,502 - # Me and you - # And you and me

301 00:19:15,566 --> 00:19:19,536 it has to be
 * 1) No matter how they toss the dice,

302 00:19:19,599 --> 00:19:23,537 - # The only one for me is you - # And you for me

303 00:19:23,599 --> 00:19:26,836 fal!) # So happy together

304 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,835 Come on, everybody, sing it!

305 00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:33,804 fal!) # l can't see me Ioving nobody but you

306 00:19:33,866 --> 00:19:36,935
 * 1) For all my life

307 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:42,004 the skies will be blue
 * 1) When you're with me, baby,

308 00:19:42,066 --> 00:19:45,235
 * 1) For all my life

309 00:19:45,299 --> 00:19:48,036 - # Me and you - # And you and me

310 00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:52,137 fal!) # So happy together

311 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:56,270
 * 1) So happy together

312 00:19:56,333 --> 00:20:00,236 fal!) # Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah

313 00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:04,570
 * 1) So happy together

314 00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:06,701
 * 1) We're happy

315 00:20:06,766 --> 00:20:12,771
 * 1) Together

316 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:22,037 We didn't have time for Gon2o on the show this week. That's too bad.

317 00:20:22,099 --> 00:20:26,938 Well, Romeo, how are you and Miss Henderson getting along, hm?

318 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,802 Piggy, iealousy doesn't become you.

319 00:20:29,866 --> 00:20:33,169 Jealous? Moi? (taughs)

320 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:36,269 'Tis to laugh. flaughs)

321 00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:40,570 l'm just glad that other women find my frog attractive.

322 00:20:40,633 --> 00:20:41,767 Your frog?

323 00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:46,938 Piggy, said the frog, trying to couch his next words in the gentlest of terms:

324 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,669 l am not your frog!

325 00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:54,603 - Methinks thou doth protest too much. - What?

326 00:20:54,666 --> 00:20:57,735 - Shakespeare. - Sounds more like Bacon.

327 00:20:57,799 --> 00:21:00,068 From a ham.

328 00:21:01,966 --> 00:21:04,735 How would you like a pork chop?

329 00:21:04,799 --> 00:21:06,001 Hii-yah!

330 00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:08,635 Hii-yah! Hii-yah!

331 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,836 - You always hurt the one you love. - Oh.

332 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,002 Hii-yah!

333 00:21:18,866 --> 00:21:20,667 Oh, Florence.

334 00:21:20,733 --> 00:21:23,702 You know, l could really fall for you.

335 00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:26,001 Oh, sweetums.

336 00:21:26,066 --> 00:21:28,401 Are you serious?

337 00:21:31,566 --> 00:21:33,367 He's serious.

338 00:21:34,533 --> 00:21:38,103 This is Kermit the Frog speaking to you from the planet Koo2ebane.

339 00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:39,166 There's a hush in the air.

340 00:21:39,233 --> 00:21:43,337 This is the traditional time of courtship of the Koo2ebanian creatures.

341 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,902 We're waiting now for the male Koo2ebanian creature

342 00:21:45,966 --> 00:21:47,867 to make the first move.

343 00:21:47,933 --> 00:21:51,436 (high-µitched screech) _ii-voo!

344 00:21:52,533 --> 00:21:54,701 Hark! That may be him now.

345 00:21:54,766 --> 00:21:57,935 Hii-yoo! Wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang!

346 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,669 (whooµing)

347 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,435 Wonk wonk!

348 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:06,703 Now, that is the wonk wonk signal to the female creature.

349 00:22:06,766 --> 00:22:09,735 Let's see if she makes the traditional response.

350 00:22:09,799 --> 00:22:11,968 (hysterical laughter)

351 00:22:15,299 --> 00:22:17,969 Yeah, that is the traditional response to the wonk wonk.

352 00:22:18,033 --> 00:22:20,201 (hysterical laughter)

353 00:22:21,766 --> 00:22:25,636 fKermit) Ah, there she is, and what a beauty.

354 00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:28,302 Now the tender ritual begins.

355 00:22:30,966 --> 00:22:36,071 Watch as the male makes the first overture to the female, known as the hargee.

356 00:22:36,133 --> 00:22:38,168 Hargee!

357 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,401 Hargee!

358 00:22:40,633 --> 00:22:43,535 Haaargee!

359 00:22:43,599 --> 00:22:45,768 (hysterical laughter)

360 00:22:49,266 --> 00:22:51,201 l believe she likes him.

361 00:22:51,266 --> 00:22:53,267 Hii-yoo!

362 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:55,401 Hii-yoo!

363 00:22:55,466 --> 00:22:59,002 Hiiii-yoo!

364 00:23:02,433 --> 00:23:05,202 Boy, did you see that? That was the signal.

365 00:23:05,266 --> 00:23:09,236 They're going to do the galley-oh-hoop-hoop.

366 00:23:11,299 --> 00:23:12,834 This should be very exciting.

367 00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:17,838 lt's a television first, ladies and gentlemen, the Koo2ebanian galley-oh-hoop-hoop.

368 00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:21,169 Watch closely, now. They're going far away.

369 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,835 He's iust about to make his turn now.

370 00:23:25,833 --> 00:23:27,568 Hey you,

371 00:23:27,633 --> 00:23:30,002 mar brabee!

372 00:23:30,066 --> 00:23:32,635 Me braboobee!

373 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:35,302 O-o-o-o-o-oh, yahoo!

374 00:23:35,366 --> 00:23:38,368 Wow! Stavite!

375 00:23:38,433 --> 00:23:40,935 This is it, ladies and gentlemen, the galley-oh-hoop-hoop.

376 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,502 Galley-oh!

377 00:23:43,566 --> 00:23:45,935 Hoop hoop!

378 00:23:58,033 --> 00:24:03,905 Well, there you have it, friends. Once again, love comes to Koo2ebane.

379 00:24:10,766 --> 00:24:13,101 OK, well, that's about all the show we have for you tonight.

380 00:24:13,166 --> 00:24:16,035 We want to thank our very special guest, Miss Florence Henderson!

381 00:24:16,099 --> 00:24:18,635 - Yeah! - (aµµlause)

382 00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:21,135 Hey, listen. Thank you, Florence, for being our guest.

383 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,768 We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

384 00:24:22,833 --> 00:24:26,803 Oh, you know l did, Kermit, especially our love scene.

385 00:24:26,866 --> 00:24:29,501 Wire for Miss Henderson. Wire for Miss Henderson.

386 00:24:29,566 --> 00:24:32,302 - Are you Miss Henderson? - You know l am, Fo22ie.

387 00:24:32,366 --> 00:24:34,835 There's a wire for you.

388 00:24:35,733 --> 00:24:40,137 Well, that does it, folks. We'll see you all nex_time on The Muµµet Show!

389 00:25:18,133 --> 00:25:23,004 - l loved it. - So what? You also loved World War Il.

390 00:25:24,366 --> 00:25:26,534 (bum note)