Talk:Late Show with David Letterman

Do we want to do the full top ten lists everytime a Muppet is mentioned, or can we just do the theme, and the number of the muppet mention. There are some cute ones, but I feel the full lists (we have two non muppet lists on here already), are just a little too much. Although there are some fun links within the full lists. I'm parking the lists here until it's talked about a little more. I'm going to bold the lines with the Muppet content. -- ''Nate (talk ) 19:30, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Top Ten Most Dangerous Toys''' November 18, 1998
 * 10) The Hula Noose
 * 9) Professor Saddam's Li'l Biological Warfare Kit
 * 8) Light-Me-On-Fire Elmo
 * 7) Chutes, Ladders and Open Manhole Covers
 * 6) Mattel Ass Rocket
 * 5) Rabid Snoopy
 * 4) The "Too-Big-For-My-Windpipe" Jigsaw Puzzle
 * 3) Mr. Potato Head Multiple Outlet Strip
 * 2) Linda Tripp's "Let's Tape Daddy" Portable Recorder
 * 1) E-Z Bake Open-Flame Oven

Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is in the Mafia March 4, 1997
 * 10) He seems to do really well for a guy who runs a candy store that's open one or two hours a day
 * 9) His partner in the neighborhood 3-legged race: Vincent "The Chin" Gigante
 * 8) For his son's birthday, buys him a U.S. senator
 * 7) Your tomato plants keep getting singed by the cars exploding in his driveway
 * 6) Tuesday: paper boy misses porch; Wednesday: paper boy gets "iced"
 * 5) All his anecdotes end with, "So I blew his head off"
 * 4) Two goons show up and make your wife reveal the family recipe for apple crisp
 * 3) At their Halloween party, they bob for mob informants
 * 2) After having an argument with his kid, your kid wakes up with the head of Tickle Me Elmo on his pillow
 * 1) His lawn gnome is riddled with bulletholes

Top Ten Signs Your Kids Don't Like Their Christmas Presents December 27, 1996
 * 10) There's something half-hearted about the way they say, "Oh wow -- Q-Tips"
 * 9) They spend Christmas morning making up games involving wrapping paper
 * 8) They hire a Gambino family hit man to break Santa's kneecaps
 * 7) You see them trying to shove everything back up the chimney
 * 6) Spelled out in Legos on the front lawn are the words "You Cheap Bastard"
 * 5) Moments after they unwrap gifts, you see them for sale on the Home Shopping Network
 * 4) Your son simply refuses to understand why you couldn't get him two hours alone with Cindy Crawford
 * 3) They cite your gifts as a major factor in their decision to convert to Islam
 * 2) You wake up and find the head of Elmo in your bed
 * 1) They ask, "Where'd you buy this stuff -- Crap `R' Us?"

Top Ten Least Popular Christmas Carols December 23, 1996
 * 10) Elmo roasting on an open fire
 * 9) Come on it's lovely weather for a lap dance together with you
 * 8) Every Christmas my uncle Louis throws up in the kitchen sink
 * 7) I'm addicted to nasal decongestant
 * 6) On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a restraining order
 * 5) May we see Richard Simmons, bite Santa's arm again
 * 4) A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, probably `cause we're all so full of gin
 * 3) Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to tell your parents you are gay
 * 2) Hillary, Hillary, you're lucky you're not in prison
 * 1) Joy to the world, their season's done, the Jets can lose no more

Top Ten New York City Holiday Traditions December 18, 1996
 * 10) Instead of wearing turbans, cabbies gift wrap their heads
 * 9) A guy comes down your chimney with a big sack and steals your stereo
 * 8) Fake Rolex salesman starts offering fake frankinscense and myrrh
 * 7) Shady guy ringing bells for something called the "Salvation Navy"
 * 6) Times Square hookers offer free tickle to anyone named "Elmo"
 * 5) Al Roker and Willard Scott's tinsel-eating contest
 * 4) On every corner, a pants-less Santa inviting you to sit on his lap
 * 3) The mayor shoplifts an apple from a deli, puts it on top of a Christmas tree
 * 2) Drug dealers sell Yule logs made of crack
 * 1) Everyone smiles and says "Happy Holidays" before giving you the finger

Top Ten Elf Pick-Up Lines December 17, 1996
 * 10) All day I make toys -- all night I make love
 * 9) Has anyone ever told you you have beautiful knees?
 * 8) We don't see many happenin' ladies north of the Arctic Circle
 * 7) That's quite a set of ornaments you've got there
 * 6) Just because a guy wears tights doesn't mean he's gay
 * 5) One night with me, baby, and you'll be sneezin' tinsel
 * 4) Why, yes -- I am George Stephanopoulos!
 * 3) I can't tell you how hard it is to be the only Jewish elf
 * 2) Not everything about me is tiny
 * 1) That's not Elmo, but don't stop tickling

Top Ten Signs Your Mailman Has Been Working Much Too Hard December 16, 1996
 * 10) Announces that he just married a sheet of Marliyn Monroe stamps
 * 9) It's been over three weeks since he cleaned his gun
 * 8) Delivers the mail wearing nothing but bubble wrap
 * 7) Announces his new system: reach into his bag, and whatever you can grab is yours
 * 6) He's stopped having sex with half the housewives in the neighborhood
 * 5) Just sits on the curb, tearing pages out of a "Victoria's Secret" catalog and eating them
 * 4) He's been leaving most of the driving to his pet monkey, Earl
 * 3) His wife complains that in the bedroom, he's not exactly "Mr. Zip"
 * 2) Claims he's Elmo; demands that you tickle him
 * 1) Walks down the street shouting, "Lick this!"

Top Ten Surprises In The New James Bond Movie December 18, 1997
 * 10) Goodbye, Martinis -- Hello, Colt.
 * 9) Bond's mission: To find the last "Sing 'n Snore Ernie."
 * 8) He loses all his money when pickpocket guesses that his ATM code is"0"
 * 7) He now introduces himself as "Bond. Jimmy Bond."
 * 6) When he says, "Shaken, not stirred," bartender says, "Whatever yousay, you fruity English bastard."
 * 5) Cameo by Roger Moore wearing his actual uniform from Foot Locker.
 * 4) For some reason, everyone refers to him as "Puff Bondy."
 * 3) He does the whole movie in a lame, phony British accent.
 * 2) During love scenes, 007 looks more like 003 and a half.
 * 1) His only gadget: A really bitchin' waffle iron.

Top Ten Lessons I Learned In College May 18, 2001
 * 10) Success is 1% inspiration and 99% cramming the night before
 * '9) Roommates could be pretty harsh if you're still sleeping with your Big Bird doll
 * 8) The Spanish Armada was defeated by Queen Elizabeth, not Queen Latifah
 * 7) The best way to learn biology is in the backseat of a Taurus
 * 6) On Microsoft Word, if you drag down the format window and click on paragraph, adjusting the line spacing can make your papers look a lot longer
 * 5) Do your laundry every six months, whether you need it or not
 * 4) Who cares if you don't get invited to the keg party? Saturday nights you can stay home and enjoy the fine line-up of CBS shows
 * 3) Um...sorry, I'm drawing a blank
 * 2) If you major in some lightweight field, goof off and get bad grades, you could become rich like Letterman
 * 1) My parents wasted about 60 grand