Episode 301: Kris Kristofferson & Rita Coolidge/transcript

2 00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:10,467 [knocking on door]

3 00:00:10,533 --> 00:00:14,870 Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge, 25 seconds to curtain, folks.

4 00:00:14,933 --> 00:00:17,435 - No problem. - We'll be ready.

5 00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:20,402 Great. Uh, by the way, l hope you folks don't mind

6 00:00:20,466 --> 00:00:22,534 having to share a dressing room.

7 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,601 - Nah. - No, not at all.

8 00:00:24,666 --> 00:00:26,000 Good. Come on in, guys!

9 00:00:26,066 --> 00:00:28,401 You can share Kris and Rita's dressing room!

10 00:00:28,466 --> 00:00:32,203 - Oh, boy! - [all growling]

11 00:00:38,633 --> 00:00:40,067 [drumroll]

12 00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:43,135 It's The Muppet Show with our vey special guest stars

13 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,803 Rita Coolidge and Kris Kristofferson. Yay!

14 00:00:59,733 --> 00:01:03,403 It's time to light the light
 * 1) It's time to play the music

15 00:01:03,466 --> 00:01:07,670 on The Muppet Show tonight
 * 1) It's time to meet the Muppets

16 00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:11,736 It's time to dress up right
 * 1) It's time to put on makeup

17 00:01:11,799 --> 00:01:13,835
 * 1) It's time to get things started

18 00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:16,068
 * 1) Why don't you get things started?

19 00:01:16,133 --> 00:01:20,270
 * 1) Blah-blah, blah-blah, blah-blah-blah

20 00:01:20,333 --> 00:01:22,234
 * 1) It's time to get things started

21 00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:24,535
 * 1) On the most sensational, inspirational

22 00:01:24,599 --> 00:01:26,735
 * 1) Celebrational, Muppetational

23 00:01:26,799 --> 00:01:32,639 The Muppet Show #
 * 1) This is what we call

24 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,534 [hiccups]

25 00:01:36,466 --> 00:01:38,601 [hiccups] Uh, excuse me.

26 00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:44,203 Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome again to rhe Muppet Show.

27 00:01:44,266 --> 00:01:46,034 We have a vey special show tonight

28 00:01:46,099 --> 00:01:49,670 because we have not one but mo special guest stars.

29 00:01:49,733 --> 00:01:53,470 We have Mr. Kris Kristofferson and Miss Rita Coolidge.

30 00:01:53,533 --> 00:01:55,601 - [cheers and applause] - Yeah.

31 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,402 - [clears throat] Kermie, Kermie. - Uh, yes, Miss Piggy?

32 00:01:59,466 --> 00:02:03,536 l just want to thank you for letting me do this opening number with Kris.

33 00:02:03,599 --> 00:02:07,470 - Oh, well, that's all right. - It's a vey sey number.

34 00:02:07,533 --> 00:02:11,403 - l hope you won't be jealous. - [clears throat] Don't wory.

35 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,735 - Uh, you sure? - Positive.

36 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,535 Oh. [gasps]

37 00:02:17,599 --> 00:02:19,201 Kris, please!

38 00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:24,270 Kermie, you'd better introduce us. He just cannot wait.

39 00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:26,001 [chuckling]

40 00:02:27,133 --> 00:02:29,935 Yeah. Uh, well, ladies and gentlemen, here he is...

41 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:34,070 Kermie, l just want you to know, no matter what happens,

42 00:02:34,133 --> 00:02:37,135 it's you l love. Trust me.

43 00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:40,201 Uh... yeah. OK.

44 00:02:40,266 --> 00:02:44,003 Well, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Mr. Kris Kristofferson.

45 00:02:50,666 --> 00:02:54,002 (# Help Me Make It Through The Wigh_

46 00:02:54,066 --> 00:02:57,736
 * 1) Take the ribbon from your hair

47 00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:03,669 - # Shake it loose, let it fall - [sighs]

48 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,136
 * 1) Layin' soft against my skin

49 00:03:12,533 --> 00:03:15,535
 * 1) Like the shadows on the wall

50 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,268 [swoons] Kris.

51 00:03:18,333 --> 00:03:22,136
 * 1) Come and lay down by my side

52 00:03:23,133 --> 00:03:27,303 - All right. - # Till the early morning light

53 00:03:27,366 --> 00:03:30,202 Oh, you silver-tongued devil.

54 00:03:30,266 --> 00:03:33,535
 * 1) All l'm taking is yourtime

55 00:03:34,666 --> 00:03:39,137 - Take it! - # Help me make it through the night

56 00:03:39,199 --> 00:03:40,935 Oh, Krissie.

57 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,870
 * 1) We don't care who's right or wrong

58 00:03:48,199 --> 00:03:51,136
 * 1) l don't ty to understand

59 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:58,070
 * 1) Let the devil take tomorrow

60 00:03:59,599 --> 00:04:03,337 - # Lord, tonight l n_ a friend - Oh, yes.

61 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,536
 * 1) Yesterday is dead and gone

62 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:11,201
 * 1) Yesterday is dead and gone

63 00:04:11,266 --> 00:04:14,602
 * 1) And tomorrow's out of sight

64 00:04:14,666 --> 00:04:17,001
 * 1) Yes, tomorrow's out of sight

65 00:04:17,066 --> 00:04:20,335
 * 1) And it's sad to be alone

66 00:04:20,399 --> 00:04:22,935
 * 1) So sad to be alone

67 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,203 [both] # Help me make it through the night

68 00:04:29,266 --> 00:04:32,135
 * 1) We don'twant to be alone

69 00:04:34,866 --> 00:04:39,604
 * 1) Help me make it through the night #

70 00:04:39,666 --> 00:04:42,268 [kissing]

71 00:04:45,399 --> 00:04:48,269 [applause]

72 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:54,434 You rascal.

73 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,668 - WonderFul! - WonderFul!

74 00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:58,868
 * 1) Copenhagen #

75 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,802 [Kermit] OK, stagehands, strike Kris's number.

76 00:05:02,866 --> 00:05:05,735 l'm introducing the dog act. Dogs on stage, please.

77 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,868 - Hey, Gladys. - Yeah, dear?

78 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:11,136 - What's the soup du jour? - Same as yesterday.

79 00:05:11,199 --> 00:05:13,602 Good. l'll have that and the chicken.

80 00:05:13,666 --> 00:05:17,403 Now, how do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled or barbecued?

81 00:05:17,466 --> 00:05:20,001 l want the chicken for company!

82 00:05:20,066 --> 00:05:22,601 - [sighs] l hate to eat alone. - [clucks]

83 00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:25,535 For a second there l thought you was one of them weirdoes.

84 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,268 l still do.

85 00:05:29,199 --> 00:05:31,669 Hey, Gonzo, Kermit says you're on next.

86 00:05:31,733 --> 00:05:35,203 - Oh, thank you. - It's OK, dear. You'll pay me later.

87 00:05:35,266 --> 00:05:37,534 - Thank you. - You're finally gonna get to do

88 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,336 - the old piano-balancing act, eh? - Yeah.

89 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,935 You'll pay me now.

90 00:05:45,466 --> 00:05:47,467 [fanfare plays]

91 00:05:47,533 --> 00:05:50,335 And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gonzo,

92 00:05:50,399 --> 00:05:53,603 in a master feat of mathematical dexterity.

93 00:05:53,666 --> 00:05:56,201 - Um, is he ready back there? - [monster] Uh, no, no.

94 00:05:56,266 --> 00:05:58,067 - [Gonzo] l'm ready. - Yeah, yeah.

95 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,868 Uh... OK. The Great Gonzo,

96 00:06:00,933 --> 00:06:03,201 in a master feat of mathematical dexterity,

97 00:06:03,266 --> 00:06:06,068 will recite the seven times multiplication table

98 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:09,336 while balancing a piano and standing in a hammock.

99 00:06:09,399 --> 00:06:12,002 - The Great Gonzo! - [fanfare plays]

100 00:06:12,066 --> 00:06:13,400 Ta-da!

101 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,735 [groaning]

102 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:22,070 Seven... Seven times one is, uh...

103 00:06:22,733 --> 00:06:24,267 Seven.

104 00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:27,502 Seven times mo is, uh... 1 7.

105 00:06:28,266 --> 00:06:29,867 Oh, let me count that.

106 00:06:29,933 --> 00:06:34,671 All right. Seven, eight, nine, ten, cary the one...

107 00:06:34,733 --> 00:06:36,267 Eleven, 1 2...

108 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,535 Well, that act certainly suited Gonzo.

109 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,402 - It did? - Yep. Suited him down to the ground.

110 00:06:53,466 --> 00:06:56,669 Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs,

111 00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:59,535 where the future is being made, today.

112 00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:02,935 Well, l've got some news of welcome relief

113 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,002 to short, stubbly people like Beaker here.

114 00:07:06,066 --> 00:07:08,334 - [muttering] - Announcing new Muppet Labs'

115 00:07:08,399 --> 00:07:10,668 Atomic Elevator Shoes.

116 00:07:11,399 --> 00:07:13,935 Yes, these shoes can add inches to your height

117 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,268 at the mere flick of a lever. [clears throat]

118 00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:19,135 Beaker is wearing them now, and they work like this.

119 00:07:19,199 --> 00:07:22,136 - Up... - Ooh! [mutters]

120 00:07:22,199 --> 00:07:23,734 ...down.

121 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,136 - [muttering] - Oh, Beaker, stop it!

122 00:07:27,199 --> 00:07:29,669 You're iust acting like a baby. [sighs]

123 00:07:29,733 --> 00:07:33,603 - [gasping] - And so, the Atomic Elevator Shoe

124 00:07:33,666 --> 00:07:37,136 adds untold inches to Beaker's unfortunate physique.

125 00:07:37,199 --> 00:07:38,601 [Beaker screaming]

126 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:42,136 Beaker! You never told me you wore stripy socks.

127 00:07:43,399 --> 00:07:45,602 That's all for today from Muppet Labs.

128 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:48,602 - Timber! - [crashing]

129 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,802 (# My Wild Irish RoseI

130 00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:01,804
 * 1) My wild Irish rose

131 00:08:01,866 --> 00:08:03,867 [growling]

132 00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:07,069 Uh... Wait, wait... [screaming]

133 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:12,470 [Kermit] Stand by for Rita's number. Woodland animals on stage, please.

134 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:16,470 [humming] Oh, what a nice stole.

135 00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:18,468 Hello, Miss Piggy.

136 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:24,372 - Oh. Ahem. Hello, Annabel. - You look so beautiful today.

137 00:08:24,666 --> 00:08:26,334 Of course l do.

138 00:08:26,399 --> 00:08:30,137 Now, what'll it be? One Weight Watchers special?

139 00:08:32,933 --> 00:08:35,602 l shall see the menu, s'il vous plait.

140 00:08:35,666 --> 00:08:38,001 The name's Gladys.

141 00:08:39,533 --> 00:08:43,136 Well, Gladys, l shall have, let me see...

142 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,136 A watercress sandwich on whole wheat

143 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,736 and four ounces of rhubarb iuice.

144 00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:52,135 One fatso special!

145 00:08:54,866 --> 00:08:56,801 Oh, and what will we have for you, dear?

146 00:08:56,866 --> 00:08:59,001 Well, l'm not really hungy,

147 00:08:59,066 --> 00:09:01,201 but l'll have a chocolate milkshake,

148 00:09:01,266 --> 00:09:03,401 a hamburger with French fries on the side

149 00:09:03,466 --> 00:09:05,668 and apple pie with cream.

150 00:09:05,733 --> 00:09:09,670 - One kamikaze special! - Oh, what a cute name.

151 00:09:09,733 --> 00:09:13,269 [chuckles] Yes, isn't that sweet, all that food?

152 00:09:15,066 --> 00:09:17,067 - [shrieks] - [objects clattering]

153 00:09:18,866 --> 00:09:20,601 l'm sory.

154 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,668 And now, a Muppets news flash.

155 00:09:24,733 --> 00:09:27,535 This is an update on the Henderson burglay.

156 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,537 Police have recovered all the stolen propem except the silverware.

157 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,202 lt has disappeared into thin air.

158 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,602 - Excusez-moi, Kermie. - Not right now, Miss Piggy.

159 00:09:41,666 --> 00:09:44,902 - l have to go introduce Rita Coolidge. - l just wanted to mention

160 00:09:44,966 --> 00:09:49,070 that Mr. Kristofferson and Miss Coolidge are happily married.

161 00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:51,134 - Uh, yeah, l know. - Mm-hmm.

162 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:56,338 lt... It shows you can combine show business careers and marriage.

163 00:09:56,399 --> 00:09:58,135 Well, l suppose it does, yes.

164 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,870 You know, we both have show business careers.

165 00:10:01,933 --> 00:10:04,268 - That's true. - Mm-hmm.

166 00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:05,934 Need l say more?

167 00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:09,602 Miss Piggy, l really have to go introduce Rita Coolidge.

168 00:10:09,666 --> 00:10:12,935 Yes, dear. l just wanted you to think about it.

169 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,935 l don't have time to think about it.

170 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,536 Maybe six months in the hospital will give you more time to think.

171 00:10:19,733 --> 00:10:21,401 l... l will think about it.

172 00:10:22,266 --> 00:10:23,934 Thank you.

173 00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:28,402 And now, here she is, our second vey special guest,

174 00:10:28,466 --> 00:10:32,136 a lovely lady with a beautiful voice and a wonderFul song,

175 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,735 - Miss Rita Coolidge. - [applause]

176 00:10:37,399 --> 00:10:40,402 _# We're All Aloneh

177 00:10:45,533 --> 00:10:49,003
 * 1) Outside, the rain begins

178 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:52,536
 * 1) And it may never end

179 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,070
 * 1) So cy no more, on the shore

180 00:10:56,133 --> 00:11:01,338
 * 1) A dream will take us out to sea

181 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,669
 * 1) forevermore

182 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:09,268
 * 1) forevermore

183 00:11:10,466 --> 00:11:14,937 Calm the light
 * 1) Close the window

184 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,336
 * 1) And it will be all right

185 00:11:18,399 --> 00:11:22,003
 * 1) No n_ to bother now

186 00:11:22,066 --> 00:11:27,137 Let it all begin
 * 1) Let it out

187 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,270
 * 1) Learn how to pretend

188 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:41,137 - [vocalizing] - # Once a stoy's told

189 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,736
 * 1) It can't help but grow old

190 00:11:44,799 --> 00:11:48,136
 * 1) Roses do, lovers too

191 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:53,538
 * 1) So cast your seasons to the wind

192 00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:58,269
 * 1) And hold me, dear

193 00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:01,936
 * Oh, hold me, dear

194 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:07,138 Calm the light
 * 1) Close the window

195 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,603
 * 1) And it will be all right

196 00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:14,002
 * 1) No n_ to bother now

197 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:19,271 Let it all begin
 * 1) Let it out

198 00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:23,070
 * 1) All's forgotten now

199 00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:26,402
 * 1) My love

200 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:34,005
 * 1) My love #

201 00:12:45,466 --> 00:12:48,669 [plays piano riM

202 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,867 - Vey nice. - Thank you.

203 00:12:50,933 --> 00:12:54,336 Ahem. l take great pride in introducing

204 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:58,203 the charming 1 8th centuy romantic ballad,

205 00:12:58,266 --> 00:13:02,536 A frog He Would A-Wooing Go.

206 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,401 Go.

207 00:13:04,466 --> 00:13:07,135 _# A frog He Would A-Wooing Goh

208 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,334
 * 1) A frog he would a-wooing go

209 00:13:13,399 --> 00:13:15,335
 * 1) Hey, ho, said Rowley

210 00:13:15,399 --> 00:13:17,335 would let him or no
 * 1) Whether his mother

211 00:13:17,399 --> 00:13:19,468 or spinach
 * 1) With a Rowley roly gammon

212 00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:21,735 - # Hey, ho, said Anthony Rowley - [humming]

213 00:13:21,799 --> 00:13:23,935 - Hmm. Beautiful. - Thank you.

214 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,768 Next verse.

215 00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:29,636 Hey, ho, said Rowley
 * 1) He came to sweep Miss Mousey's hall

216 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:31,802 He gave a loud call
 * 1) He gave a loud knock

217 00:13:31,866 --> 00:13:33,801 gammon and spinach
 * 1) With a Rowley poly

218 00:13:33,866 --> 00:13:36,368 - # Hey, ho, says Anthony Rowley - [mutters in tune]

219 00:13:37,266 --> 00:13:39,935 - Charming. - Thank you. Next verse.

220 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,001
 * 1) But while they there were mery making

221 00:13:42,066 --> 00:13:44,001
 * 1) Hey, ho, said Rowley

222 00:13:44,066 --> 00:13:46,067
 * 1) A cat and her kittens came tumbling in

223 00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,134 gammon and spinach
 * 1) With a Rowley poly

224 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,335 [both] # Hey, ho, said Anthony Rowley #

225 00:13:50,399 --> 00:13:53,503 Oh, yes. Sheer poety, isn't it?

226 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,135 l think l'd like it more if l understood the words.

227 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,601 Oh, well, which words?

228 00:13:57,666 --> 00:14:00,935 Well, let's start with A frog he would a-wooing go.

229 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,735 A-ha! Uh, yes, that.

230 00:14:02,799 --> 00:14:05,669 This shows us that there was a time

231 00:14:05,733 --> 00:14:09,470 when frogs, indeed, used to go woo.

232 00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:13,301 Frogs don't go woo, woo. They go ribbit.

233 00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:16,535 Only vey recently.

234 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,335 Hey, ho, said Anthony Rowley.

235 00:14:19,399 --> 00:14:21,001 Ah, oh, yes. Oh, that one.

236 00:14:21,066 --> 00:14:24,602 The precise meaning of the expression hey, ho

237 00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:26,667 is lost in antiquity.

238 00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,202 You won't find any modern rubbish here.

239 00:14:29,266 --> 00:14:31,935 What about ''Rowley poly gammon and spinach''?

240 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,068 - Oh, yes, yes, yes. - What's that?

241 00:14:34,133 --> 00:14:36,268 - That's rubbish. - That's what l thought.

242 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,535 [plays ending riM

243 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,735 [applause]

244 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,468 Why are they clapping?

245 00:14:48,533 --> 00:14:51,335 Hey, Rita, we gotta talk about something. You alone?

246 00:14:51,399 --> 00:14:53,135 Yes.

247 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,534 Are you sure?

248 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,469 Sure l'm sure, Kris. You don't see anybody, do you?

249 00:14:57,533 --> 00:15:00,135 No, but around here it doesn't make any difference.

250 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,268 Evemhing on this show walks and talks.

251 00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:03,667 Animals, vegetables.

252 00:15:03,733 --> 00:15:06,268 [voice] Don't forget about the minerals.

253 00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:07,867 You heard me, buster!

254 00:15:07,933 --> 00:15:09,401 [thumping]

255 00:15:09,466 --> 00:15:12,335 Uh, would you mind Ieaving us alone for a while, please?

256 00:15:12,399 --> 00:15:16,137 Oh, sure thing. Come on, gang. They want to be alone.

257 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,969 - [murmuring] - Let's go wait in the hall.

258 00:15:19,033 --> 00:15:23,036 - [door closes] - Rita, this is a vey weird show.

259 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,068 Yes. That was a little strange,

260 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:28,336 but l think you'll find most of the Muppets are pre_ normal.

261 00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:32,270 Uh, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Scooter, Kermit.

262 00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:35,602 - Hi. Hi. - What about this one?

263 00:15:35,666 --> 00:15:37,934 - Hello, Gonzo. - Hi.

264 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,001 Say, how about a couple of autographs?

265 00:15:40,066 --> 00:15:42,735 - Sure, l'll get a pen for you. - You don't have to.

266 00:15:42,799 --> 00:15:44,401 l already signed them.

267 00:15:46,866 --> 00:15:48,634 You're giving us your autographs.

268 00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:52,737 Yeah. They're really valuable now since my piano-balancing act.

269 00:15:52,799 --> 00:15:56,537 - But, uh, Gonzo, you fell. - l know!

270 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,069 A lot of people think l'm dead now.

271 00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:02,268 lsn't that terrific?

272 00:16:05,566 --> 00:16:08,568 (# Wew York State of Min_

273 00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:15,868
 * 1) Some folks like to get away

274 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:20,070
 * 1) Take a holiday from the neighborhood

275 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:25,070 or to Hollywood
 * 1) Hop a flight to Miami Beach

276 00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:33,071 on the Hudson River line
 * 1) But l'm taking a Greyhound

277 00:16:34,333 --> 00:16:38,203
 * 1) l'm in a Wew York state of mind

278 00:16:44,866 --> 00:16:49,604
 * 1) It was so easy living day by day

279 00:16:51,799 --> 00:16:56,337
 * 1) Out of touch with the rhythm and blues

280 00:16:58,733 --> 00:17:04,138
 * 1) Wow l need a little give and take

281 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,870
 * 1) The Wew York Times

282 00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:11,069
 * 1) The Daily Wews

283 00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:18,402
 * 1) Come down to reality

284 00:17:18,466 --> 00:17:22,536 'cause l've let it slide
 * 1) And it's fine with me

285 00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:28,003 or round at Riverside
 * 1) Don't care if it's Chinatown

286 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,401
 * 1) l don't have any reasons

287 00:17:33,533 --> 00:17:36,135
 * 1) Left them all behind

288 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:41,137
 * 1) l'm in a Wew York state of mind

289 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:50,005
 * 1) l'm in a Wew York state of mind #

290 00:17:54,599 --> 00:17:59,137 - [scat singing] - [applause]

291 00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:06,735 Well, l didn't think l'd live to see it,

292 00:18:06,799 --> 00:18:08,301 but, for once, they've given us

293 00:18:08,366 --> 00:18:10,868 something other than second-rate entertainment.

294 00:18:10,933 --> 00:18:13,168 - What's that? - Third-rate entertainment.

295 00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:22,402 [playing for Me and My Ga_

296 00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,301 Mm-mmm-mmm!

297 00:18:33,366 --> 00:18:37,203 That was mighty fine, Gladys. My compliments to the chef.

298 00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:40,869 - Hey, he says he liked it. - Who you talking to?

299 00:18:40,933 --> 00:18:42,467 The short order cook.

300 00:18:44,133 --> 00:18:47,269 This place takes itself so literally.

301 00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:50,936 Of course it does. Hey, you want to see our apple turnover?

302 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,136 - Sure. - Hey, apple, turn over!

303 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,068 Hii-yup!

304 00:18:59,533 --> 00:19:04,204 Hey, l might just slide by later and take a look at the salad dressing.

305 00:19:06,799 --> 00:19:09,936 Hey, what about Animal? He hasn't ordered yet.

306 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,869 Nah, it's OK. He just finished a TV dinner.

307 00:19:12,933 --> 00:19:15,335 - Did he remember to thaw it? - Thaw it?

308 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,201 [Animal munching]

309 00:19:17,266 --> 00:19:20,135 - He didn't even unplug it! - [electricity crackling]

310 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,936 TV dinner! TV dinner!

311 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,802 (# Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee (An Actor's Life for Me)h

312 00:19:31,333 --> 00:19:34,803 An actor's life for me
 * 1) Hi-diddle-dee-dee

313 00:19:34,866 --> 00:19:37,134
 * 1) A high silk hat and a silver cane

314 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,268
 * 1) A watch of gold with a diamond chain

315 00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:42,869 You sleep till after mo
 * 1) Hi-diddle-dee-doo

316 00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:45,068
 * 1) You promenade with a big cigar

317 00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:47,068
 * 1) You tourthe world in a private car

318 00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:49,268
 * 1) You dine on chicken and caviar

319 00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:50,934
 * 1) An actor's life for me

320 00:19:51,866 --> 00:19:55,369 - OK, what happens now? - Now comes the funny part.

321 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,936 Well, leaving the stage is funnier than a lot of things the bear does.

322 00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:04,802 OK, now, ask me what l'm carying the fish for.

323 00:20:04,866 --> 00:20:07,468 Oh, Fozzie, what are you carying the fish for?

324 00:20:07,533 --> 00:20:09,801 Oh, iust for the halibut.

325 00:20:11,533 --> 00:20:13,668 Eh, you were better off Ieaving the stage.

326 00:20:13,733 --> 00:20:15,468 - Ha! - [splash]

327 00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:20,136 An actor's life for me
 * 1) Hi-diddle-dee-dee

328 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,201
 * 1) A high silk hat and a silver cane

329 00:20:22,266 --> 00:20:24,401
 * 1) A watch of gold with a diamond chain

330 00:20:24,466 --> 00:20:28,203 You sleep till after mo
 * 1) Hi-diddle-dee-doo

331 00:20:28,266 --> 00:20:30,668 Hey, Fozzie, this number needs help.

332 00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:33,135 No, it doesn't, it needs sceney!

333 00:20:34,666 --> 00:20:37,602 Oh, it's wonderFul sceney, but is it funny?

334 00:20:38,933 --> 00:20:41,669 OK, now, ask me what l'm carying the hoop for.

335 00:20:41,733 --> 00:20:44,268 Oh, Fozzie, what are you carying the hoop for?

336 00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:48,537 Ah, because Statler and WaldorF always say the show is hoopless.

337 00:20:49,799 --> 00:20:51,801 - Just for the halibut. - Keep tying.

338 00:20:51,866 --> 00:20:53,267 Oh, boy.

339 00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:57,403 An actor's life for me
 * 1) Hi-diddle-dee-dee

340 00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,434
 * 1) A high silk hat and a silver cane

341 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,468
 * 1) A watch of gold with a diamond chain

342 00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:05,136 You sleep till after mo
 * 1) Hi-diddle-dee-doo

343 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,201
 * 1) You promenade with a big cigar

344 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,468
 * 1) You tourthe world in a private car

345 00:21:09,533 --> 00:21:13,003 An actor's life for me
 * 1) You dine on chicken and caviar

346 00:21:13,066 --> 00:21:19,071
 * 1) An actor's life for me! #

347 00:21:26,666 --> 00:21:28,734 Well, we've heard one of our guest stars,

348 00:21:28,799 --> 00:21:30,568 and then we've heard the other one.

349 00:21:30,633 --> 00:21:33,135 Now, let's put them together and see what happens.

350 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,603 Ladies and gentlemen, Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge.

351 00:21:37,799 --> 00:21:40,936 (# A Song l'd Like To SingI

352 00:21:43,066 --> 00:21:46,402
 * 1) There's a song l'd like to sing

353 00:21:49,066 --> 00:21:51,868
 * 1) Do you know the song l mean?

354 00:21:54,533 --> 00:21:57,802
 * 1) It don't always sound the same

355 00:22:00,133 --> 00:22:02,869
 * 1) But it's always good to sing

356 00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:09,269
 * 1) Anyone can say the words

357 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,336
 * 1) Anyone can sing the tune

358 00:22:16,666 --> 00:22:19,935
 * 1) If you take a little time

359 00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:26,002
 * 1) l can teach this song to you

360 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,470
 * 1) And we can get to know each other

361 00:22:33,866 --> 00:22:37,135
 * 1) Like a sister and a brother

362 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:43,070
 * 1) Like a father and a mother

363 00:22:45,133 --> 00:22:48,469
 * 1) Like a woman and a man

364 00:22:50,866 --> 00:22:54,402
 * 1) We can sing along together

365 00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:59,803
 * 1) _ust enjoy until it's over

366 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,603
 * 1) It don't need to last forever

367 00:23:07,466 --> 00:23:10,802
 * 1) But if we want it to, it can

368 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,002
 * 1) La-la, la-la, la-la-la

369 00:23:18,933 --> 00:23:21,602
 * 1) La-la, la-la, la-la-la

370 00:23:24,266 --> 00:23:27,068
 * 1) La-la, la-la, la-la-la

371 00:23:29,866 --> 00:23:32,668
 * 1) La-la, la-la, la-la-la

372 00:23:35,299 --> 00:23:38,469
 * 1) Maybe it don't mean a thing

373 00:23:41,066 --> 00:23:44,002
 * 1) But it's a pretty little tune

374 00:23:46,166 --> 00:23:49,602
 * 1) It's a song l like to sing

375 00:23:52,266 --> 00:23:55,335
 * 1) That l love to sing with you

376 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:59,270 - [trilling] - # Arriba!

377 00:23:59,333 --> 00:24:02,002 - [whooping] - # Cha, cha, cha! #

378 00:24:02,066 --> 00:24:04,735 [applause]

379 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,269 Well, we've just about come down to the end of another one.

380 00:24:11,333 --> 00:24:13,301 Before we go, Iet us have a warm thank you

381 00:24:13,366 --> 00:24:17,002 for our vey special guest stars Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge.

382 00:24:22,599 --> 00:24:25,002 Thanks for having us, Kermit. It was a lot of fun.

383 00:24:25,066 --> 00:24:27,935 - Oh, good. - Yeah. Kermit, where's Gonzo?

384 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,535 - Gonzo. Oh, he was, uh... - [clucking]

385 00:24:34,866 --> 00:24:36,534 Oh, Gonzo.

386 00:24:36,599 --> 00:24:38,601 Shh! l'm only pretending.

387 00:24:38,666 --> 00:24:41,001 My autographs will be worth a fortune.

388 00:24:42,266 --> 00:24:43,800 Gonzo!

389 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,667 What?!

390 00:24:45,733 --> 00:24:48,936 Good night! We'll see you next time on rhe Muppet Show!

391 00:25:24,133 --> 00:25:27,803 You know, they can improve the whole show if they just change the ending.

392 00:25:27,866 --> 00:25:30,068 - How? - Put it closer to the beginning.