Episode 318: Leslie Uggams/transcript

1 00:00:08,666 --> 00:00:09,767 [knocking]

2 00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:13,869 Leslie Uggams? Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss Uggams.

3 00:00:13,933 --> 00:00:15,534 Thank you, Scooter.

4 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:20,304 Um, it is true that Big Bird from Sesame Street is on the show tonight, right?

5 00:00:20,366 --> 00:00:21,767 Well, that's right, Leslie.

6 00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:26,070 Well, would you tell him that his younger brother is in my dressing room?

7 00:00:26,433 --> 00:00:28,401 [clucking laughter]

8 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,334 [drum roll]

9 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:34,236 It's The Muppet Show with our vey special guest stars,

10 00:00:34,299 --> 00:00:37,503 Leslie Uggams and Big Bird o5 Sesame Street. Yay!

11 00:00:37,566 --> 00:00:39,367 [applause and cheers]

12 00:00:39,433 --> 00:00:41,635 [Muppet theme plays]

13 00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:52,868
 * 1) It's time to play the music

14 00:00:52,933 --> 00:00:54,968
 * 1) It's time to light the lights

15 00:00:55,033 --> 00:00:58,369 on The Muppet Show tonight
 * 1) It's time to meet the Muppets

16 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,202
 * 1) It's time to put on makeup

17 00:01:01,266 --> 00:01:03,267
 * 1) It's time to dress up right

18 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,201
 * 1) It's time to get things started

19 00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,468
 * 1) Why don't you get things started

20 00:01:07,533 --> 00:01:10,035 [clucking in tune]

21 00:01:11,733 --> 00:01:13,668
 * 1) Its time to get things started

22 00:01:13,733 --> 00:01:15,901 Inspirational
 * 1) On the most sensational,

23 00:01:15,966 --> 00:01:18,134 Muppetational
 * 1) Celebrational,

24 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:25,040 The Muppet Show #
 * 1) This is what we call

25 00:01:25,099 --> 00:01:29,537 - [duck call] - [quacking]

26 00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:31,900 [applause]

27 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:35,469 Thank you, thank you, thank you. And welcome again to rhe Muppet Show.

28 00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:37,768 And we've got some show for you tonight.

29 00:01:37,833 --> 00:01:41,236 Because our special guest is the lovely singer, dancer and actress,

30 00:01:41,299 --> 00:01:42,701 Miss Leslie Uggams.

31 00:01:42,766 --> 00:01:45,201 And also, making a special appearance tonight

32 00:01:45,266 --> 00:01:47,201 is a friend of mine from Sesame Street,

33 00:01:47,266 --> 00:01:48,767 Big Bird and...

34 00:01:48,833 --> 00:01:50,734 Oh, hey, Kermit. Now? Huh, now?

35 00:01:50,799 --> 00:01:53,669 Uh, not yet, Big Bird. You come on a little later in the show.

36 00:01:53,733 --> 00:01:55,668 Oh, OK. l'll iust wait back here then.

37 00:01:55,733 --> 00:02:00,104 - Yeah, yeah. Just watch out for the... - [crashing, glass shatters]

38 00:02:00,166 --> 00:02:02,034 ...overhead lights.

39 00:02:02,099 --> 00:02:05,203 Uh, anyhow, now ladies and gentlemen, our vey special guest,

40 00:02:05,266 --> 00:02:06,967 Miss Leslie Uggams!

41 00:02:07,033 --> 00:02:10,169 - [applause] - [clamoring]

42 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:17,268 _# Hey There Good Timesh

43 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:40,302 here l am
 * 1) Hey there, g_ times

44 00:02:40,366 --> 00:02:43,068
 * 1) Welcome back your baby lamb

45 00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:45,602
 * 1) Open wide them golden doors

46 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,668
 * 1) And set my chair down next to yours

47 00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:51,535
 * 1) l've been freezin', sneezin'

48 00:02:51,599 --> 00:02:54,269
 * 1) Out there where the bad times blow

49 00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,968
 * 1) Please don't stop to scold me

50 00:02:57,033 --> 00:02:59,769
 * 1) Let your lovin' arms enfold me

51 00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:02,569 take my hand
 * 1) Hey there, g_ times

52 00:03:02,633 --> 00:03:05,235
 * 1) Give my music to the band

53 00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:07,669
 * 1) Dust o_ that old welcome mat

54 00:03:07,733 --> 00:03:10,936
 * 1) And show me where to hang my hat

55 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,469
 * 1) l've been lost for all these years

56 00:03:13,533 --> 00:03:16,035
 * 1) Cyin' buckets full of tears

57 00:03:16,099 --> 00:03:19,203 and bruised and muddy
 * 1) Though l'm used

58 00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:22,202
 * 1) Clap my back and call me buddy

59 00:03:22,266 --> 00:03:24,901 [monsters] # Bye bye bad times

60 00:03:24,966 --> 00:03:27,668
 * 1) Pack your gear

61 00:03:27,733 --> 00:03:30,368
 * 1) l've had bad times

62 00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:32,735
 * 1) Up to here

63 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,502
 * 1) Hey there glad times

64 00:03:35,566 --> 00:03:38,335
 * 1) Please appear

65 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,935
 * 1) Show me that l'm not forgotten

66 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,736
 * 1) Oil me down and spoil me rotten

67 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,769 [monsters] # So long bum days

68 00:03:46,833 --> 00:03:49,435
 * 1) Gotta split

69 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:52,202 [all] # Gloomy glum days

70 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,001
 * 1) Go on, get

71 00:03:55,199 --> 00:03:57,702 [monsters] # Sugarplum days

72 00:03:57,766 --> 00:04:00,201
 * 1) Shake my mitt

73 00:04:00,266 --> 00:04:02,668 [all] # Shout hurray and hallelujah

74 00:04:02,733 --> 00:04:05,836
 * 1) Happy days l'm comin' to ya

75 00:04:27,666 --> 00:04:30,502
 * 1) So long bum days

76 00:04:30,566 --> 00:04:33,168
 * 1) Gotta split

77 00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:35,969
 * 1) Gloomy glum days

78 00:04:36,033 --> 00:04:38,568
 * 1) Go on, get

79 00:04:38,633 --> 00:04:41,569
 * 1) Sugarplum days

80 00:04:41,633 --> 00:04:43,935
 * 1) Shake my mitt

81 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,635
 * 1) Shout hooray and hallelujah

82 00:04:46,699 --> 00:04:49,702
 * 1) Baby's back and runnin' to ya

83 00:04:49,766 --> 00:04:52,368
 * 1) Bye bye bad times

84 00:04:52,433 --> 00:04:55,102
 * 1) So long sad times

85 00:04:55,166 --> 00:04:58,836
 * 1) Hey there good times

86 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:04,872
 * 1) Here l am #

87 00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:18,436 Well, that number shows what a great actress Leslie Uggams is.

88 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:21,469 Actress? She wasn't acting, she was singing.

89 00:05:21,533 --> 00:05:23,868 Yes, but she looked like she enjoyed it.

90 00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:25,868 That's acting.

91 00:05:28,433 --> 00:05:31,202 - OK, nice number. - Ow! Ow!

92 00:05:31,266 --> 00:05:33,301 - Oh, vey good, Leslie. - Thank you.

93 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,701 - OK, who stepped on your toe? - What?

94 00:05:35,766 --> 00:05:37,701 Who stepped on your toe?

95 00:05:37,766 --> 00:05:39,367 Well, l did!

96 00:05:43,133 --> 00:05:46,236 Kermit, if you need me, l'll be in Camilla's dressing room.

97 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,101 Oh, Camilla. Camilla the chicken?

98 00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:50,701 Yeah, yeah. Oh, l'm so nervous.

99 00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:54,503 Tonight's our first formal date and l'm almost sick with fear.

100 00:05:54,566 --> 00:05:57,068 Well, l imagine she feels much the same.

101 00:05:57,133 --> 00:05:59,301 Oh, you think so?

102 00:05:59,366 --> 00:06:03,470 Oh, boy. Suppose l get so excited that l faint?

103 00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:06,168 Gonzo, l don't know. l suppose she'll have to give you

104 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,768 mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

105 00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:10,601 She'll have to what?!

106 00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:14,503 Or in your case, mouth-to-beak resuscitation.

107 00:06:14,566 --> 00:06:15,934 [Gonzo shouts]

108 00:06:16,266 --> 00:06:18,434 - [thud] - Gonzo, are you OK?

109 00:06:19,633 --> 00:06:22,502 Of course, l was just rehearsing my faint.

110 00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:25,568 l hope Camilla's been rehearsing hers.

111 00:06:27,433 --> 00:06:29,434 [clucking a tune]

112 00:06:31,733 --> 00:06:34,502 - [knocking] - [Gonzo clucking]

113 00:06:34,566 --> 00:06:35,633 [clucking]

114 00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:38,102 [Gonzo] It's me.

115 00:06:38,166 --> 00:06:41,402 [clucking]

116 00:06:42,399 --> 00:06:43,968 [laughs]

117 00:06:47,566 --> 00:06:50,969 Camilla, my apricot, these are for you.

118 00:06:51,033 --> 00:06:53,034 [sneezing]

119 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:55,035 [crashing]

120 00:06:56,966 --> 00:07:01,136 [stammers] Oh, oh, gosh. l think the room is spinning.

121 00:07:01,199 --> 00:07:03,468 l may faint.

122 00:07:03,533 --> 00:07:05,001 [shouts]

123 00:07:05,066 --> 00:07:06,567 [thud]

124 00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:09,869 - How was that? - [sneezing]

125 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,801 - [preparing to sneeze] - [stammering] Camilla?

126 00:07:17,766 --> 00:07:21,136 Camilla? Camilla, aren't you going to kiss me?

127 00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:24,868 [crashing]

128 00:07:24,933 --> 00:07:27,101 Oh, great. Just my luck.

129 00:07:27,166 --> 00:07:29,167 A chicken with hay fever.

130 00:07:33,566 --> 00:07:36,268 - [Camilla panting] - Well, look now, Camilla,

131 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:39,669 Camilla, why don't l take you out for some fresh air?

132 00:07:39,733 --> 00:07:41,701 OK? That will make it all better.

133 00:07:41,766 --> 00:07:43,567 [panting]

134 00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,267 [relieved sigh]

135 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,937 [clears throat] Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs

136 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,569 where the future is being made today.

137 00:08:00,633 --> 00:08:04,837 Well, jeepers, you're about to witness the world's first demonstration

138 00:08:04,899 --> 00:08:06,568 of fireproof paper.

139 00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:09,936 Here is my assistant Beaker, carying a lighted blomorch.

140 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,502 He will now show you how impossible it is

141 00:08:12,566 --> 00:08:16,002 to ignite the fireproof paper in this basket.

142 00:08:16,466 --> 00:08:18,301 [screams]

143 00:08:18,366 --> 00:08:21,135 [Bunsen] There is no way this paper can burn.

144 00:08:21,199 --> 00:08:24,536 With Muppets' fireproof paper, you will always feel secure.

145 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:29,037 Tune in next time, and witness Muppet Labs new answer to the energy crisis,

146 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,235 - flammable water. - [screams]

147 00:08:31,933 --> 00:08:34,201 That's all for now, from Muppet Labs.

148 00:08:35,366 --> 00:08:37,334 - [Bunsen] Oh, dear. - [Beaker screams]

149 00:08:38,233 --> 00:08:41,302 What do you suppose they call that? A novelty act?

150 00:08:41,366 --> 00:08:43,101 l don't know, but it wasn't too bad.

151 00:08:43,466 --> 00:08:44,967 Well, that's a novelty.

152 00:08:47,566 --> 00:08:49,401 [Piggy sighs] # La la

153 00:08:51,366 --> 00:08:53,634 Holy maracas!

154 00:08:54,566 --> 00:08:57,068 Oh, hi. l'm Big Bird.

155 00:08:57,399 --> 00:08:59,335 Huh. No kiddin'?

156 00:08:59,966 --> 00:09:01,967 - l'm a friend of Kermit's. - Oh.

157 00:09:02,033 --> 00:09:05,936 Yeah, we both come from the same neighborhood, Sesame Street.

158 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:10,704 Oh, isn't that that cute little children's show with puppets?

159 00:09:11,166 --> 00:09:13,268 Uh-huh. Well, who are you?

160 00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,834 Who am l?

161 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,801 l am Miss Piggy.

162 00:09:20,766 --> 00:09:23,401 Oh. Well, do you work around here?

163 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,068 Uh, listen, yellow thing,

164 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,869 uh, do you see this star here?

165 00:09:30,566 --> 00:09:33,135 Oh, yes. It's vey pre_.

166 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:36,002 And, uh, do you know why it is there?

167 00:09:36,066 --> 00:09:38,067 - Well, uh... - Hmm? Hmm?

168 00:09:38,133 --> 00:09:39,901 PerFect attendance?

169 00:09:41,733 --> 00:09:44,869 [clears throat] l am the singing star of this show.

170 00:09:44,933 --> 00:09:46,934 A singing pig?!

171 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,036 [laughs] That's vey funny.

172 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,702 Kiss your feathers goodbye, Bird.

173 00:09:54,766 --> 00:09:55,933 Hi-yah...

174 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,135 - [screams] - [thud]

175 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,136 Oh! You do acrobatics, too.

176 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,868 She's vey versatile.

177 00:10:11,233 --> 00:10:14,970 Oh, Leslie, it's really a pleasure to have you on the show with us.

178 00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:16,200 Well, thank you, Lew.

179 00:10:16,266 --> 00:10:19,302 And it's a thrill for me to work with a boomerang-fish thrower.

180 00:10:19,366 --> 00:10:20,934 Well, l should think so.

181 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:26,338 Listen, Lew, what does it take to become a great boomerang-fish thrower?

182 00:10:26,399 --> 00:10:28,969 Well, you gotta have sole.

183 00:10:29,266 --> 00:10:32,035 And if you can't get sole, use halibut.

184 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,534 l should have guessed.

185 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,135 But in that case, l use a catcher's mitt.

186 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,735 Why? No, no, don't tell me. Let me guess.

187 00:10:39,799 --> 00:10:41,768 Uh, iust for the halibut?

188 00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:43,868 See, you're catching on.

189 00:10:44,433 --> 00:10:47,369 Listen, how did you acquire this talent? Was it an accident?

190 00:10:47,433 --> 00:10:49,601 No, it was on porpoise.

191 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:54,704 l give him the straight lines and he gives me the fish lines.

192 00:10:54,766 --> 00:10:56,100 Yeah.

193 00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:58,501 You know, l started this act using kippers.

194 00:10:58,566 --> 00:11:01,702 My brother and l did the act together, but we split up.

195 00:11:01,766 --> 00:11:05,269 - Why? - [both] Am l my brother's kipper?

196 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,401 l gotta quit this and sing my song.

197 00:11:08,466 --> 00:11:12,269 Oh, great idea. l'll accompany you on this.

198 00:11:12,666 --> 00:11:16,102 Well, Lew, l was kind of expecting violins.

199 00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:18,801 - Well, what the heck? - Yeah.

200 00:11:18,866 --> 00:11:20,133 _# Here You Come Again1

201 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,669
 * 1) Here you come again

202 00:11:23,866 --> 00:11:27,769 has a right to
 * 1) Lookin' bemer than a body

203 00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:31,770 that all l really know
 * 1) And shakin' me up so

204 00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:34,569
 * 1) Is here you come again

205 00:11:34,966 --> 00:11:38,169
 * 1) And here l go

206 00:11:38,233 --> 00:11:40,568 - Two at once. - All right.

207 00:11:41,799 --> 00:11:45,670 - [whistling] - Fascinating. l love this.

208 00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:51,068 Whoo! Fun, fun, fun!

209 00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,400 Like this.

210 00:11:52,466 --> 00:11:56,102 is smile that smile
 * 1) All you gotta do

211 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,070
 * 1) And there go all my defenses

212 00:12:00,766 --> 00:12:04,503 and in a little while
 * 1) Just leave it up to you

213 00:12:04,566 --> 00:12:06,634
 * 1) You're messin' up my mind

214 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:09,269
 * 1) And fillin' up my senses

215 00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:11,101
 * 1) Here you come again

216 00:12:11,166 --> 00:12:13,401 - Oh, this is fabulous. - Swordfish this time.

217 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:16,869 has a right to
 * 1) Lookin' bemer than a body

218 00:12:16,933 --> 00:12:20,770 that all l really know
 * 1) And shakin' me up so

219 00:12:20,833 --> 00:12:23,135
 * 1) Is here you come again

220 00:12:24,666 --> 00:12:27,835
 * 1) And here l go

221 00:12:27,899 --> 00:12:32,604 [shouts] # _nd here l go #

222 00:12:32,666 --> 00:12:34,267 [Leslie] Ahh!

223 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,234 Ma!

224 00:12:36,299 --> 00:12:38,735 [applause]

225 00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:47,303 That reminds me. This show has always reminded me of a sardine.

226 00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:48,433 Why?

227 00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:49,701 lt's a little fishy.

228 00:12:49,766 --> 00:12:50,933 [laughing]

229 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,701 [both gasp]

230 00:12:54,799 --> 00:12:56,968 (# Mad About The Fr_I

231 00:12:58,966 --> 00:13:01,601
 * 1) Mad about the fr_

232 00:13:01,666 --> 00:13:06,370 to be mad about the frog
 * 1) l know it's stupid

233 00:13:06,433 --> 00:13:08,868
 * 1) l'm so ashamed of it

234 00:13:08,933 --> 00:13:12,836
 * 1) But must admit the sleepless nights

235 00:13:12,899 --> 00:13:15,736
 * 1) l've had about the frog

236 00:13:16,833 --> 00:13:19,669
 * 1) On the silver screen

237 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:24,838 in evey little scene
 * 1) He melts my foolish heart

238 00:13:24,899 --> 00:13:28,670 that here and there
 * 1) Although l'm quite aware

239 00:13:28,733 --> 00:13:33,737 about the frog
 * 1) Are traces of the cad

240 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:39,070
 * 1) Lord knows l'm not a fool girl

241 00:13:39,133 --> 00:13:42,669
 * 1) l really shouldn't care

242 00:13:42,733 --> 00:13:47,170
 * 1) Lord knows l'm not a schoolgirl

243 00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:52,905
 * 1) In the flury of her first a_air

244 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:57,069
 * 1) Will it ever cloy?

245 00:13:57,133 --> 00:14:02,171
 * 1) This odd diversity of misey and joy

246 00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:06,303 and young again
 * 1) l'm feeling quite insane

247 00:14:06,366 --> 00:14:11,971 l'm mad about the fr_
 * 1) And all because

248 00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:30,768
 * 1) Will it ever cloy

249 00:14:30,833 --> 00:14:35,604
 * 1) This odd diversity of misey and joy

250 00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:39,569 and young again
 * 1) l'm feeling quite insane

251 00:14:39,633 --> 00:14:41,668
 * 1) And all because

252 00:14:41,733 --> 00:14:47,405
 * 1) l'm mad about the fr_ #

253 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,937 [announcer] And now, 8ear On PatroI.

254 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,134 [Fozzie] All right, come on!

255 00:15:03,733 --> 00:15:06,302 - You just come with me, you... you... - [grunting]

256 00:15:06,366 --> 00:15:08,601 Sir, Sergeant, l have just picked up...

257 00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:11,769 ln a minute, Patrol Bear. l have to finish this report.

258 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:18,704 Oh, drat, l made a mistake. Now, l'll have to start all over again.

259 00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,501 But sir, can't that report wait?

260 00:15:21,566 --> 00:15:23,567 No, this is a vey serious charge.

261 00:15:23,633 --> 00:15:25,368 - What is it? - Littering.

262 00:15:26,866 --> 00:15:29,802 Sir, this also is a vey serious charge.

263 00:15:29,866 --> 00:15:31,400 Oh, yeah? What's the charge?

264 00:15:31,466 --> 00:15:32,967 lmpersonating an officer.

265 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,701 Can you prove it?

266 00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:38,469 Of course l can prove it, Sergeant. Go ahead, do your stuff.

267 00:15:38,533 --> 00:15:40,768 OK, impersonating an officer.

268 00:15:40,833 --> 00:15:42,834 - [drum roll] - [clears throat]

269 00:15:42,899 --> 00:15:45,636 Ahh. Of course l can prove it, Sergeant.

270 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,335 Go ahead, do your stuff. Ahh.

271 00:15:48,899 --> 00:15:51,369 - Hey, that's not bad. - Thank you.

272 00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:55,769 Yep, now look, Sergeant, this is a vey dangerous criminal.

273 00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:57,167 He should be locked up.

274 00:15:57,233 --> 00:15:59,234 l think he should be locked up.

275 00:15:59,299 --> 00:16:01,669 Here are the keys. l'll finish up the report.

276 00:16:01,733 --> 00:16:04,035 l'm going to lock him up.

277 00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:08,471 Yep, l should've known better than to ty to fool with you, Patrol Bear.

278 00:16:08,533 --> 00:16:11,502 Yeah, you're darn tootin'!

279 00:16:13,733 --> 00:16:15,301 - After you. - Thank you.

280 00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:18,402 Listen, tell me what kind of food you like and l'll...

281 00:16:19,966 --> 00:16:22,835 [clears throat] Uh, see you later, Sarge.

282 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,101 [Sergeant] Right.

283 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:31,037 Sergeant, wait a minute! He locked me in!

284 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:36,304 Not bad. You sound more like him all the time. Now ty to do me.

285 00:16:37,266 --> 00:16:40,102 Oh! Sergeant, you don't understand! He got away!

286 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,468 No, that's not me.

287 00:16:42,533 --> 00:16:45,602 You still sound like that dumb bear that brought you in here.

288 00:16:46,366 --> 00:16:49,035 Ty it again. l have a deep, authoritative voice.

289 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,769 Sergeant, will you just turn around, please?!

290 00:16:51,833 --> 00:16:56,304 Better, but keep tying. You need more macho.

291 00:17:00,566 --> 00:17:05,070 Tell me, Gonzo, what is it about Camilla that first attracted you to her?

292 00:17:05,133 --> 00:17:07,502 Are you kidding? Evemhing.

293 00:17:07,566 --> 00:17:11,102 She's beautiful, wi_, charming, delightFul company,

294 00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:14,302 a good cook and she's vey talented.

295 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,468 Really? What does she do?

296 00:17:16,533 --> 00:17:17,767 Camilla!

297 00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:19,501 [flamenco music]

298 00:17:19,566 --> 00:17:21,668 Arriba!

299 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:23,933 Cha cha cha!

300 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,634 - Oh, wow! - Yeah.

301 00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:28,669 Well, l would've thought that was impossible!

302 00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:30,568 What, to get a chicken to dance?

303 00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,335 No, to find tap shoes for claws.

304 00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:39,602 Hello, l am Vend-A-Wish.

305 00:17:39,666 --> 00:17:44,037 Deposit a coin and l will answer any wish you may have.

306 00:17:44,099 --> 00:17:46,168 [bleeping]

307 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,701 [coin dropping]

308 00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:52,137 Thank you. Wow, please state your wish and l will grant it.

309 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,101 Oh, l wish l was taller.

310 00:17:54,166 --> 00:17:55,400 - Taller. - Yeah.

311 00:17:55,466 --> 00:17:58,302 [electronic noises]

312 00:17:58,366 --> 00:18:00,801 [groaning]

313 00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:08,467 Next.

314 00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:12,002 Camilla, l have written a song for you.

315 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,370 Sinatra or Mick Jagger will probably wanna record it.

316 00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:18,501 But l want you to hear it from me first.

317 00:18:18,566 --> 00:18:20,100 [cooing]

318 00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:22,568 [strumming guitar]

319 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,536 You are my one and only chicken
 * 1) You alone

320 00:18:28,599 --> 00:18:30,368
 * 1) Steady

321 00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:32,701 [clucking along to music]

322 00:18:32,766 --> 00:18:36,703 l will alone and lonely sicken
 * 1) And if you leave

323 00:18:36,766 --> 00:18:38,300
 * 1) Ready

324 00:18:38,366 --> 00:18:40,901 [clucking]

325 00:18:40,966 --> 00:18:44,869
 * 1) You and l

326 00:18:44,933 --> 00:18:47,468
 * 1) We're a team and that's a fact

327 00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:49,201 [Camilla clucking]

328 00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:52,135
 * 1) You and l

329 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,903
 * 1) What a terrific idea for an act

330 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:01,403 Oh, listen to the rhymes in the chorus. It's vey Cole Porter-y.

331 00:19:01,466 --> 00:19:03,267
 * 1) Camilla

332 00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:06,402 or vanilla, Camilla
 * 1) You're sweeter than wine

333 00:19:06,466 --> 00:19:08,801 [cooing]

334 00:19:09,466 --> 00:19:12,869 It's a willa
 * 1) Come lie beneath this tree

335 00:19:13,566 --> 00:19:14,600
 * 1) Camilla

336 00:19:14,666 --> 00:19:17,769 [clucking]

337 00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:19,834
 * 1) Camilla

338 00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:21,935
 * 1) The night it grows stilla and stilla

339 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,434
 * 1) Camilla

340 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,336
 * 1) You're prettier by far than Godzilla

341 00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:31,801
 * 1) Camilla #

342 00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:34,834 Who are you?

343 00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:36,568 Huh? Me?

344 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:40,436 Wow! PerFection incarnate!

345 00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:45,037 Wow! Statuesque, and yet still poulty in evey sense.

346 00:19:45,099 --> 00:19:47,035 [moaning]

347 00:19:48,266 --> 00:19:51,268 You have that one thing Iacking in chickens.

348 00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:53,168 [sighs] Bulk.

349 00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:55,168 l'm so confused.

350 00:19:55,666 --> 00:19:57,768 You are so huge!

351 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:02,403 Well, l have no idea what you're talking about, sir.

352 00:20:02,466 --> 00:20:04,434 l was iust looking for Miss Uggams.

353 00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,068 And you found me.

354 00:20:06,633 --> 00:20:09,235 Lady luck has smiled and showered us

355 00:20:09,299 --> 00:20:11,268 - with that certain thing... - [clucks]

356 00:20:14,466 --> 00:20:15,533 Flower pot.

357 00:20:17,866 --> 00:20:20,468 [scoffs]

358 00:20:21,099 --> 00:20:24,670 Oh, please, Dr. Honeydew, l can't go through life with this long neck.

359 00:20:24,733 --> 00:20:28,536 Never fear, at Muppet Labs we have done extensive research

360 00:20:28,599 --> 00:20:30,668 on shortening long necks.

361 00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:32,668 - Then you can help? - Of course.

362 00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:35,569 This is our latest therapy technique.

363 00:20:37,299 --> 00:20:38,801 [gasps]

364 00:20:40,766 --> 00:20:42,767 [sighs]

365 00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:46,002 Don't thank me. It's all in a day's work.

366 00:20:47,233 --> 00:20:49,001 [Kermit gasps]

367 00:20:49,066 --> 00:20:51,735 Please, Dr. Honeydew, don't leave a mess backstage.

368 00:20:51,799 --> 00:20:54,335 lf you're through playing with him, put him away!

369 00:20:55,299 --> 00:20:57,435 [fanfare]

370 00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:00,436 And now, once again, here is our vey special guest,

371 00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:03,202 who will be joined by a vey tall feathered friend

372 00:21:03,266 --> 00:21:07,269 who just wandered in off the street, uh, Sesame Street, to be precise.

373 00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:10,502 Ladies and gentlemen, Big Bird and Leslie Uggams.

374 00:21:10,566 --> 00:21:12,834 _# Love Will Keep Us Togethe_

375 00:21:41,533 --> 00:21:43,034 - _ Stfip - [birds] # Stop

376 00:21:43,099 --> 00:21:44,901
 * 1) 'Cause l really love you

377 00:21:44,966 --> 00:21:46,167 - # Stfip - # Stop

378 00:21:46,233 --> 00:21:48,435
 * 1) l've been thinking of you

379 00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:51,236
 * 1) Look in my heart and let love

380 00:21:51,299 --> 00:21:54,369
 * 1) Keep us together

381 00:21:58,666 --> 00:22:00,501
 * 1) Love

382 00:22:00,566 --> 00:22:03,869
 * 1) Love will keep us together

383 00:22:03,933 --> 00:22:06,602
 * 1) Think of me babe whenever

384 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,836
 * 1) Some sweet talking bird comes along

385 00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:12,601
 * 1) Singing his song

386 00:22:12,666 --> 00:22:15,568 We just got to be strong
 * 1) Don't mess around

387 00:22:15,633 --> 00:22:17,434 - # Just stop - # Stop

388 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:19,401
 * 1) 'Cause l really love you

389 00:22:19,466 --> 00:22:20,767 - # Stfip - # Stop

390 00:22:20,833 --> 00:22:22,968
 * 1) l'll be thinking of you

391 00:22:23,033 --> 00:22:25,769
 * 1) Look in my heart and let love

392 00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:29,203
 * 1) Keep us together

393 00:22:29,666 --> 00:22:31,968 - # Whatever - [smash]

394 00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:54,334
 * 1) You

395 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:58,003
 * 1) You belong to me now

396 00:22:58,066 --> 00:23:00,701
 * 1) Ain't gonna set you free now

397 00:23:01,333 --> 00:23:04,703
 * 1) When those birds start hanging around

398 00:23:04,766 --> 00:23:06,400
 * 1) Talking me down

399 00:23:06,466 --> 00:23:09,402 and you won't hear a sound
 * 1) Hear with your heart

400 00:23:09,466 --> 00:23:11,167 - # Just stop - # Stop

401 00:23:11,233 --> 00:23:13,335
 * 1) 'Cause l really love you

402 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,868 - # Stfip - # Stop

403 00:23:14,933 --> 00:23:16,734
 * 1) l'll be thinking of you

404 00:23:16,799 --> 00:23:19,536
 * 1) Look in my heart and let love

405 00:23:19,599 --> 00:23:23,337
 * 1) Keep us together

406 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,902
 * 1) Whatever

407 00:23:27,099 --> 00:23:32,338
 * 1) Together #

408 00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:50,769 Well, l think we've just about come down to the end of another one,

409 00:23:50,833 --> 00:23:53,468 but before we go, Iet us have a warm thank you

410 00:23:53,533 --> 00:23:56,569 for our vey special guest star, the lovely Leslie Uggams!

411 00:23:56,633 --> 00:23:58,501 Yay!

412 00:24:03,533 --> 00:24:04,734 Thank you, Kermit.

413 00:24:04,799 --> 00:24:06,801 Chicky baby, you've gotta forgive me.

414 00:24:06,866 --> 00:24:09,034 l'll never talk to another chicken again.

415 00:24:09,099 --> 00:24:11,101 - [clucking] - Oh, hi, Camilla.

416 00:24:11,166 --> 00:24:12,734 [screams] Camilla?!

417 00:24:12,799 --> 00:24:17,371 Gonzo, you're quite a shocker. l thought that Camilla was your one true love.

418 00:24:17,433 --> 00:24:21,270 Oh, yeah, uh, well, chickens all look the same to me.

419 00:24:21,333 --> 00:24:23,702 [Camilla clucks]

420 00:24:23,766 --> 00:24:25,667 [Gonzo gasping]

421 00:24:25,733 --> 00:24:29,870 Girls, please. Well, l'd like to thank a really different looking chicken,

422 00:24:29,933 --> 00:24:31,768 Big Bird from Sesame Street.

423 00:24:31,833 --> 00:24:34,302 Oh, thank you, thank you.

424 00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:37,969 And we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!

425 00:24:39,799 --> 00:24:42,402 [chickens squawking]

426 00:25:19,666 --> 00:25:22,201 Have we ever said that this show is for the birds?

427 00:25:22,266 --> 00:25:24,835 Yes, and we'll keep saying it until it gets a laugh.

428 00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:26,134 [all laugh]