Episode 108: Jason Alexander/transcript

Cold open

	Open on Jason and Gonzo in the lobby, going over their old yearbook and laughing.
Jason	Oh! Gonzo, I tell you, going through this old yearbook is great, isn't it?
Gonzo	It sure is!
Jason	What a bunch of weirdos and geeks we use to hang out with!
Gonzo	Yeah!
Jason	Hey, you remember that freaky little guy that the frat guys used to — used to tie to the back of a car and drag him all around the campus by his nose? (laughs)
Gonzo	That was me.
Jason	… Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Terrible what they put you through, there.
Gonzo	Are you kidding? Those were the best days of my life. You wanna see the tire marks?
	He displays tire marks on the back of his letterman jacket. They both laugh and hi-five.
Jason	Come on!
Gonzo	Alright!
Jason	Hey! The old drama club!
Gonzo	Oh!
Jason	Do you remember that musical we wrote?
Gonzo	Do you mean Bats? How could I forget?
Jason	Yeah - I wonder why that never got produced.
Gonzo	Well, maybe because nobody wanted to see a musical about blind, flying rodents singing bad poetry.
Jason	… Yeah, that could be something.
Gonzo	But hey, we're the Muppets! Doing a bizarre musical number that no one wants to see is what we're all about!
Jason	Hey, let's do that for the final number!
Gonzo	Yeah! Let's do it! Good idea! Yeah!
Jason	Alright! Yeah!
Gonzo	Yeah yeah!
	Kermit knocks on the door and enters.
Kermit	Oh. Uh, hi there, Jason. I see you've met Gonzo.
Jason	Met him? Oh, Gonzo and I used to go to school together.
Gonzo	Yeah. You wanna hear our school fight song?
Kermit	Uh, well, I, no, not really, I —
Jason	Yeah! Here we go!
	They pick up pompoms and chant.
Jason & Gonzo	Give a cheer! Give a shout! Tell 'em what we're all about! We're the team that's gonna rule! We're from South Bay Regoinal Polytechnic Institute for the Performing and Industrial Arts Night School, Downtown Campus, as seen in the motion picture Fame! YEAH!
Kermit	Gee, did your team win a lot of games?
Jason	No. No. (they sit down) No, uh, by the time we were done cheering, they had usually called the games on account of darkness.
	Kermit frowns.

Theme

	Kermit opens the doors to the Muppet Theater.
Kermit	It's Muppets Tonight, with our very special guest star, Jason Alexander! YAAAYY!
	He is immediately trampled by theater patrons. Clifford sings the theme song while wandering through the dressing room to the control room to the stage, as Jowls whistles. Clifford reaches the stage, goes to a wall and throws a switch which lights up the show's title.

Opening

	Open on the house band. Clifford comes out to applause.
A. Ligator	And now, here's the host of our show, C'lifford!
Clifford	Hey! Yeah! What's up, what's up? Welcome to Muppets Tonight. Let's see what's shakin' with the band. Yo, Jowls, I heard you had a gig this weekend.
Jowls	(unintelligible babble)
	The other band members chuckle.
Clifford	(laughs) I don't understand what he says either. Any hue, our guest tonight is Jason Alexander! (applause) Yeah! But before we get to Jason, here's something for all you eggheads in the audience.
Eggman (JN)	Egg-cellent!
Eggman (DG)	Oh, there you go with the same old yolks!
Eggman (JN)	Well, you told me to come out of my shell. (chuckles)
Clifford	Here is our very own Animal, with a classical music interlude.
	Animal runs onstage, knocking Clifford over.
Animal	Sorry! Hahahaha!
	Animal bangs his head against a gong, as classical music plays.
Animal	Mommy! (faints)
	Switch to the nursing home.
Statler	This show's off to a fast start.
Waldorf	Good. Maybe it'll end quicker.
	They chuckle.

Fairyland P.D.

	Open on a tall building at night. Police surround the building and look up at Humpty Dumpty, standing at the top.
A. Ligator	And now, another episode from the files of Fairyland P.D.. Tonight: "The Big Crack-Up".
	A cop car stops at the scene. Clifford and Bobo make their way to the building.
Cop (LCR)	He's gonna jump!
Cop (JK)	Careful, he's got a spatula!
Humpty Dumpty (KC)	Don't try to stop me!
Bobo	Alright, stand back, please.
Clifford	Everybody back. Move along.
Bobo	Stand back. 'Scuse me, 'scuse me.
Clifford	Well, chief, what we got?
Chief	Well, we've got a big egg named Humpty Dumpty, and he's threatening to jump.
Bobo	Okay. Uh, I've had a little experience in this. Let me handle it.
Chief	Oh, good. Alright.
Bobo	Listen, fella! Life isn't so bad.
Humpty Dumpty (KC)	Aw, what do you know?
Bobo	(to chief) Desperate.
Chief	Ah.
Bobo	Okay! Just, just, just try and think back to the happy times, when you were a kid! Those school days, school days, ♪ dear old golden school days, reading and writing and …
	Humpty has a great fall onto the concrete.
Bobo	I, uh … uh, I guess he wasn't too popular in school.
Chief	(sigh) Well, I'm gonna let you boys mop this up.
	He walks away, almost tripping over the giant eggshell.
Clifford	Thanks a lot, chief.
Bobo	Nice.
	They both look down at Humpty.
Clifford	Well, it's definitely too late for all the king's horses and all the king's men. Hey, you got any ideas what we should do?
Bobo	Say, uh … we still got that, uh, hot plate and skillet in the trunk?
Clifford	You wouldn't.
Bobo	Well, you chop up the onions and peppers and I would. (laughs)
Clifford	(laughs) Hey, it's a deal! (runs off)
Bobo	(laughs) Well, alright. (shakes pepper) My cholesterol is going to go through the roof. But what the hey, you only live once. (laughs)

Backstage

	The BATS crew sets up.
Jason	Oh boy, Gonzo, I gotta tell you, I am so excited we're finally getting to do our musical. BATS!
Gonzo	Yeah. Ooh!
Jason	It's all coming together! The sets are terrific, the costumes are great.
Gonzo	Oh, yeah, and wait till you see the bat background singers.
Jason	A very important element.
Gonzo	Come on, ladies, get in here!
	A flock of chickens gathers around them.
Gonzo	Show 'em what you got! Give it to 'em!
	The chickens cluck an uptempo version of "Turkey in the Straw". Jason looks confused.
Gonzo	Yeah.
Jason	Terrific. Ladies, really, really, really terrific.
Gonzo	Beautiful.
Jason	Gonzo, can I — can I talk to you for a second? (laughs)
Gonzo	Sure, sure. (they step aside) What is it, Jase?
Jason	What are you, nuts??
Gonzo	Huh? Well, Jason, don't worry, when they get the costumes on, it'll sell that — that bat thing you've been wanting to go for.
Jason	It's not about selling, it's not about costumes! It's about emotions! It's about character!
Rizzo	It's about time you went onstage, there, Jason. (exits)
Jason	Oh, yeah, yeah, thanks, Rizzo. Gonzo, we need professionals. We need artists. I'm counting on you. You're the man. (walks off)
Gonzo	Whoo. Never been the man before. Hey girls, he loved you. Don't change a thing.
	The chickens cluck in agreement and disperse.
Gonzo	That's it. Shoo, shoo. Hahaha.

Muppet Masterpiece Mystery Movie

	Open on stock footage of a train.
A. Ligator	And now, Muppet Masterpiece Mystery Movie presents Jason Alexander as Hercule Poirot, in Murder on the Disoriented Express.
	Fade to the darkened train. Mr. Poodlepants makes train nosies, and suddenly gets shot.
Mr. Poodlepants	Oh, help! Help! I've been murderized!
	The lights come on, and other Muppets come to his aid, including conductor Kermit.
Kermit	Oh no! Oh my goodness! Someone has killed Mr. Poodlepants!
Mr. Poodlepants	Well, I'm not really hurt, you know. I mean, this is a family show. They wouldn't really —
Bobo	(shuts his mouth) SHHH! You're ruining the scene now. Go down, go down. (lowers him)
Bunsen	Oh dear, it's a murder! What do we do?
Kermit	There's only one detective who could solve this crime! And he's onboard our train, folks! Ladies and gentlemen, I present, Monsieur Hercules Poirot!
	Enter Hercule.
Jason	Everyone, please take your seats. NOBODY MOVE! Please, be seated. TOUCH NOTHING! Sit, sit, sit. And by the way, it is not Hercules… it is Hercule. Now, I would like to begin my investigation by asking a few questions.
Bobo	Ooh, I have a question here, Hercules. Uh, are you gonna use your super strength to lift up the train and shake out the clues?
Jason	(chuckles) Now listen carefully. You are thinking of Hercu-LES, an ancient demigod from Greek mythology. I am Her-CULE … Poirot! A fiction Belgian detective.
Fozzie	But how do you hide your rippling muscles under that puny little waistcoat?
Jason	I do not think it is possible to overemphasize what I am about to say. I am not Hercu-LES.
Fozzie	Oh, I get it — he's working undercover.
Bobo	Shh! Don't get him mad! He'll rip up the train tracks and tie 'em around your neck!
Jason	(grabs Bobo's collar) Yes, I might … if I was … Hercu-LES! Which I am NOT! Now if I may proceed with my investigation.
Bunsen	Yes, yes, yes, please, everyone, let him proceed with his investigation.
Jason	Ah, merci, merci. At last, someone with a little intelligence.
Bunsen	What are you going to do first, fly around the earth backwards so you can reverse time and discover who really did it?
Jason	(normal voice) Alright, first of all, I am not Hercules. Second of all, you are thinking of Superman, and not Hercules! And third of all, you cannot reverse time by flying backwards around the earth! I myself had a little problem with the logic in that part of the film.
Mr. Poodlepants	Jason, please. You're breaking character.
Jason	(walks over to him) I'm breaking character? (pokes him) You're supposed to be DEAD! This clown thinks I'm Superman, and the rest of these chuckleheads think I'm Hercules!! Alright, that's it! I've had it. You people are not professionals. You are not artists! If you want to see what great theater is really all about, watch my finale. In the meantime, I am outta here. WHOA!
	He jumps off the train.
Fozzie	I guess he's not as powerful as a locomotive. (honks his horn)

Backstage / Pigs in Space

Nigel	Okay, nice job, team. Somebody tell Miss Piggy she's up next. Can somebody fetch me a stirring rod for my iced mocha, please?
	A creature with a straw-like nose emerges.
Straw-nosed creature	Sure!
	He stirs the drink.
Nigel	WILL YOU GET OUTTA HERE?? (the creature scats) Like I couldn't have done that myself. CUE PIGS IN SPACE! GO GO GO!
	The opening title sequence plays.
A. Ligator	Once again, it's time for Pigs in Space: Deep Dish Nine, the next generation of PIGS… IN… SPACE!
Captain Pighead	Captain's log. Exploring the Ford Galaxy.
	Everyone except Piggy snickers.
Captain Pighead	Star date, chewy. (snicker) Star figs, nutty but moist. (snicker) Star prunes, sweet and wrinkled. (snicker) Star fish …
Miss Piggy	Alright, knock it off! (sigh) I want to introduce the newest member of our crew, the latest in supercomputers, the AL-1995 Plus Tax. I will now test our computer's capabilities. AL, what is, oh, two plus two?
AL-1995 Plus Tax	One moment. Calculating.
	The "Jeopardy" theme plays.
Miss Piggy	Calculating? AL? AL! AL?
AL-1995 Plus Tax	I'm sorry, but by "plus", did you mean "make bigger"?
Miss Piggy	Oh, brother.
	The emergency alarm sounds. Everyone panics.
Snorty	What's that? What's that?
Craniac	Captain! We're being boarded by space pirates led by the infamous Princess Vendela!
Miss Piggy	No! Not Princess Vendela! She's hideous, fat, dumpy and self-deluded! The sight of this monster princess is so grotesque, you may lose your appetite for food and drink! BACK! BACK! BACK!
	The princess enters. The pigs stop and stare.
Vendela	Hello, boys.
	Craniac and Pighead whoop and holler.
Snorty	Oh! Whoa! (to Pighead) I'm gonna go get the champagne and dip.
Captain Pighead	(laughs)
Vendela	Surrender peacefully, earth pigs, and I'll make you my personal slave.
	Craniac, Snorty and Pighead look at each other, holding suitcases, then clamor to get to her.
Captain Pighead	Get out of my way!
Snorty	I'm going first! I'm going first!
Miss Piggy	Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Freeze! (holds them at gunpoint) Alright! This is still my ship, Ven-DOOOOOO-la! I want you off it, little miss — miss, miss, miss, miss … miss … help me, boys.
Captain Pighead	Perfection.
Craniac	Pretty.
Snorty	Gorgeous.
Miss Piggy	That's not the road I was going down.
Vendela	Ha!
	Pighead, Snorty and Craniac follow Vendela out the door, singing.
Crew (except Piggy)	♪ Oh, we're going to her planet, to be her personal slaves. Whoa, whoa, wo-wo-wo-wo …
Craniac	♪ … to be her personal slaves! Ha!
AL-1995 Plus Tax	Four.
Miss Piggy	What?
AL-1995 Plus Tax	Two plus two is four. (giggles) Oh, now I'm warmed up. Give me another one.
Miss Piggy	I'll give you one! (kicks it)
AL-1995 Plus Tax	Ow. Oh. Ow. Oh, nice pumps.
Miss Piggy	Oh, thank you. (continues kicking)
AL-1995 Plus Tax	Oh. Ow. Ow.
A. Ligator	Join us again for another slice of outer-space adventure on Deep Dish Nine, the next generation of … PIGS… IN… SPACE!

Backstage

	Gonzo talks to a set designer.
Gonzo	Oh, that's a nice color, there. Why don't you slap it around the set a little bit? (she nods and walks off) Thanks, Madeline. You're — hmm?
Jason	Gonzo, Gonzo. I gotta tell you, I'm having a real problem with this ten billion gigawatt laser cannon you want to add to the final number?
Gonzo	Oh, don't worry, I took it out.
Jason	Oh, good.
Gonzo	And replaced it with this FIFTEEN billion gigawatt laser cannon! (rubs it)
Jason	Gonzo — you're doing it again. This is exactly what we used to fight about in school. You always wanted to take art and — and ruin it with gratuitous special effects!
Gonzo	Thank you.
Jason	Alright, look — I am not letting you do this to the final number.
Gonzo	Well, it's just like you to take something classy and high-minded, and leave it that way!
Jason	I can't believe this — we've had this argument a million times! Theater is about emotion. It is about actors conveying that emotion to the audience!
Gonzo	And what better way to convey that emotion than with lasers, explosions, and giant, robotic glow-in-the-dark insects?
Jason	This is exactly what you did in school! Remember that production of Death of a Salesman you ruined?
Gonzo	Well, if you're referring to my production of Death of a Transdimensional Giant Mutant Cyborg Salesman, that show was a hit! And it won a Pulitzer Prize.
Jason	It did not win a Pulitzer Prize.
Gonzo	Well, my mother liked it.
Jason	It had no heart!
Gonzo	Yes it did! It had four hearts! One for each head.
Jason	(fumes) You're impossible!
Gonzo	Well, what —
Clifford	Hey, fellas, listen, how's the closing number coming?
Jason	Well, we're having creative differences.
Gonzo	Yeah, yeah, I'm creative and he's different.
Jason	I'm different?? Alright, that does it. I am NEVER working with you again! You — you blue, big-nosed — FREAK! (storms off)
Gonzo	Don't try to sweet-talk me! I'm not working with you either! (storms off)
	A "sad trombone" sting is heard. Clifford looks around.
Clifford	Well, that was a dramatic musical sting.
	A bumblebee with a horn emerges.
Bumblebee	Thank you! (walks away humming)

At the Bar

	Mr. Callahan enters through the doors.
Polly Lobster	♪ If ya want my body, and ya think I'm sexy, come — Oh — Hi, Mr. Callahan! How ya doin'? The usual, huh? No? Well, let me see what else I got here. Ooh! Ooh, try this. Ha ha. (slides him a drink) How about that, huh? Huh? Huh? Isn't that good?
	Mr. C takes a sip and starts seeing double.
Polly Lobster	What's wrong, Mr. Callahan? Uh-oh … what a maroon! I gave you the liniment! Here, I'll fix it.
	He slaps Mr. C, whose vision returns to normal.
Polly Lobster	Feel better? (Mr. C nods) What's that? Oh, yeah, yeah, Clueless is in the back. I'll call him out. CLUELESS!
	Applause as he comes out with a bag of cans.
Clueless Morgan	Yeah, Polly, what is it? (notices applause) Oh! Oh my! Ha! Heh heh heh! Thank you! Hi, Polly. Hey, Mr. Callahan. Wha — ooh, silver lip gloss? I like it. (laughs)
Polly Lobster	Hey Clueless, I see you're recycling cans. Hey, they say that's good for the environment.
Clueless Morgan	What environment? It's my lunch. (eats the cans)
Polly Lobster	(bursts out laughing)
Clueless Morgan	Mm, I love canned food. (continues eating)
Polly Lobster	(bursts out laughing)
Clueless Morgan	What's funny?
Polly Lobster	Just sing, Clueless. (laughs)
Clueless Morgan	Alright. Paul?
	Piano music swells up. Clueless and Polly sing "Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-De-Ay" until Clueless gets hit with a sledgehammer and faints.
Polly Lobster	(laughs) Hey Clueless, looks like you broke your ta-ra-ra!
	Polly gets hit with the same hammer.
Polly Lobster	Ooh! That smarts. (faints)

Muppet Bandstand

	Clifford takes center stage.
Clifford	(laughs) Yeah! Welcome back to Muppets Tonight. Uh, since Jason Alexander is still refusing to come out of his dressing room, heheh, let's take a trip back to the late '70s, yeah, where he was the nation's number one disco sensation. Here is his television debut, on a little show called Muppet Bandstand. Let's watch. Shall we?
	A clip is shown on the monitor. Disco music plays as we zoom out on the "MB" logo and see Muppets dancing.
Kermit	Okay, wasn't that great, huh? That was "I Slipped My Disco and I Can't Get Down" by the Village Idiots! Ahem. And now, here's our reigning disco queen, Miss Piggy, with her new partner, Jason Alexanderplatz!
	Jason and Miss Piggy come out to applause. Jason gives a peace sign.
Miss Piggy	(giggles) Hi! Hi!
Kermit	Okay. So, so tell me there, Miss Piggy, how did you catch disco fever, huh?
Miss Piggy	Well —
Jason	Well, Kermit, it's not so much "disco fever" as "swine flu". (chuckles, holds her close)
Miss Piggy	Watch it, Goldilocks, or you'll be dancing on crutches.
Kermit	So uh, how about you there, Jason? Uh, when did you learn to dance, huh?
Jason	Kermit, I learned to dance at the South Bay Regional Polytechnic Institute of Performing and Industrial Arts Night School. Wanna hear our fight song?
Miss Piggy	No! The show's only an hour long.
	Disco music starts playing.
Kermit	Well, let's see you two get down and boogie-oogie-oogie!
	They start dancing to "Boogie Oogie Oogie". Ultimately, Jason throws Piggy up to the rafters, then rips his vest off, sits in a chair, pulls a chain and douses himself with water. He gets up, catches Piggy when she falls, and the two of them finish dancing. Applause.
Kermit	Wow, wasn't that great, folks? Huh? So, is there anybody back home you'd like to say hi to?
Jason	Yeah, I'd love to —
Miss Piggy	Don't touch the mic! You're soaking —
	Jason touches the mic and gets a big electric shock.
Miss Piggy	… wet.
	Most of Jason's hair burns off, leaving a bald spot.
Jason	My beautiful blonde hair! I'M RUINED! Now I'm just a short, neurotic bald guy with a New York accent! What can I do now? Where will I possibly fit in?
Miss Piggy	A sitcom?
Jason	Get real.
	Switch to the nursing home.
Statler	Mm. That last number was a real show-stopper.
Waldorf	Too bad it didn't stop THIS show.
	They chuckle.

Thor, God of Thunder

	Open on a library.
A. Ligator	And now, it's time for another exciting episode of Thor, God of Thunder. Tonight: "Thor Gets a Library Card".
	Thor approaches the desk with two books.
Thor	Ahem.
Librarian	May I help you?
Thor	I desire these books.
Librarian	May I see your library card?
Thor	I have no library card, for I am THOR, GOD OF THUNDER!
	An earthquake happens. The patrons scatter, and a bookshelf falls on the librarian.
Thor	Yes, run! Hahaha.
Librarian	(gets up) Well, I — I am sorry, Mr. Thor, but you need a library card to take out those books.
Thor	Oh?
Librarian	Now, what I need at this point is some information — a driver's license, a social security card, a, uh … gym membership.
Thor	I have no need for any of those things, for I am a god!
Librarian	Perhaps you could give me a character reference?
Thor	D'oh … ZEUS!
Zeus	Huh? Thor?
Librarian	Oh, good, that's a start—
	Zeus and Thor corner each other.
Zeus	Get thee ready to rumble!
Librarian	Fellas?
	The gods get behind a bookshelf and start shooting lighting bolts at each other.
Thor	Ow! Oh, my loins! Now you've done it, Zeus!
	He zaps Zeus, who zaps him back.
Thor	Ow, my mythological buttocks!
Librarian	Oh, I hate Mondays. No, no, no —
	Zeus zaps away the librarian. Zeus and Thor continue their battle.
A. Ligator	Join us next week, when Thor gets his cable hooked up, in another exciting adventure of Thor, God of Thunder.

Backstage

Nigel	Make yourself useful! … Very good.
	Zeus and Thor walk through the control room.
Zeus	I really felt like we were going moment-to-moment there.
Thor	Oh, absolutely. Your motivation was brilliant.
Zeus	Oh, and the lighting looked wonderful.
Thor	Yes, wonderful, very good.
Nigel	Okay, okay, Thor, Zeus, nice work. Now, can somebody sweep up Ernest so that we can get to the closing number? Hmm?
Thor	Okay, thank you, Nigel. Oh, uh, you have our 8x10s, don't you?
Zeus	Oh, you know, you stepped on my line.
Thor	Oh, I did not!
Zeus	You did too.
	Exit the gods, enter Clifford and Rizzo.
Clifford	Man, this is bad, this is bad. We gotta get Jason and Gonzo back together, or we won't have a closing number.
Rizzo	Well, there's really only one fair and honest thing to do.
Clifford	Trick 'em?
Rizzo	You got it.
Clifford	(laughs) Yeah. — There he is.
Rizzo	Oh, here he comes.
	Gonzo enters, mumbling angrily.
Clifford	Yo, Gonz. How's things going?
Gonzo	Fine. Things are going just fine. Because I'm not working with Jason Alexander, and there's nothing you can do to trick me into it!
Clifford	Uh, I don't wanna trick you, man, I just wanna ask you a question. What number am I thinking of?
Gonzo	Uh, 2,346,822?
Clifford	Whoa! Man, that's it! And that means you get to do the final closing number with Jason!
Rizzo	Wow!
Gonzo	I do?
Clifford	Yeah!
Rizzo	That — that's the rules. (laughs)
Gonzo	Oh, well, then I'd better go get ready then! Huh! (runs off)
	Rizzo hi-fives Clifford.
Clifford	Man, that was way easy. Let's try it on Jason, shall we?
	Switch to Jason's dressing room.
Jason	Forget it, Clifford. There is no way that you're gonna trick me into working with Gonzo. And don't try that "guess which number I'm thinking of" routine on me. Heh. … 12,006?
Clifford	It was three.
Jason	(fumes, walks off) Three …
Rizzo	Shall we go with the backup plan?
Clifford	Yeah, yeah, do it …
Rizzo	Okay, alright … (exits)
Clifford	Uh, listen, Jason, we'll leave you alone. And just think about it. And listen to your conscience.
Rizzo	Yeah. Your conscience. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon — (they exit)
Jason	Well, that's what I am doing. And my conscience is telling me not to work with people who resort to cheesy special effects.
	The room goes dark, and red and blue spotlights appear on Jason. Pepe appears with wings on Jason's right shoulder.
Pepe	Ohhhhh. I am your good conscience. And I think you should do the closing number with Gon-so.
Jason	Yeah, well —
	Seymour appears on his other shoulder, holding a trident.
Seymour	And I am your bad conscience. And I also think you should do the closing number with (pokes him) Gonzo.
Pepe	Yes, and we usually never agree, okay.
Seymour	Yeah.
Jason	Alright, listen, guys, that's enough. Would you just get off of me?
Pepe	But— but we haven't done our song yet.
Seymour	Yeah.
Jason	Huh?
	They start bouncing as their theme music begins.
Seymour	♪ I'm Bad Conscience.
Pepe	♪ I'm Good Conscience.
Both	♪ We're two of a kind.
Pepe	♪ I think you should do the closing number.
Seymour	♪ And I also think so too.
	The music stops.
Pepe	Uh, well, we're — working on the lyrics, okay.
Seymour	Yeah.
Jason	Listen, guys, I have to tell you, normally, as a matter of principle, I would not do this number. But I'm gonna do it, if only to get this stupid elephant off of my BACK! (shoves Seymour)
Pepe	Does that mean I can stay?
Jason	No. (punches Pepe off)
	The lights come back on.
Jason	Alright, Alexander. You're a man of the theater. And the show must go on.
Seymour	(unseen) Yes!
Pepe	(unseen) ¡Si!

Goodnights

The credits roll. Outtakes are shown of Animal's gong routine, and Jason with Seymour and Pepe.