The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 110: Harvey Korman.
Theme[]
Kermit appears in the show's O. | |
Kermit | It's The Muppet Show, with our special guest star, Mr. Harvey Korman! |
The banner rises, and the theme begins. | |
Chorus girls |
It's time to play the music |
Male chorus |
It's time to put on makeup |
The curtain opens on Fozzie, who takes off his hat. | |
Fozzie | My house is so dirty, my dog buries his bones in the living room carpet. I don't understand it either. (shrugs) |
The audience laughs. The curtain closes. | |
Kermit |
To introduce our guest star, |
Harvey and Miss Piggy whisper to each other. | |
Kermit | But now let's get things started |
Kermit & gang |
On the most sensational, inspirational |
Gonzo hits the O and it shatters. |
Opening number[]
Meet Animal[]
Talking Houses[]
Zoom in on the two left houses. | |
House 1 | My insides are killing me! |
House 2 | Oh, ulcers? |
House 1 | No. Movers. |
Zoom out. Musical button. |
Circus act[]
Panel Discussion[]
At the Dance[]
Backstage[]
UK Spot[]
Dr. Teeth | All right, everybody, let's jam! |
The Mayhem plays "Sweet Tooth Jam", with Animal yelling "Jam!" throughout the number. |
Talk Spot[]
Veterinarian's Hospital[]
Wayne and Wanda[]
Blackout[]
Fozzie's comedy act[]
Kermit comes onstage. | |
Kermit | Okay, time once again for that furry, fuzzy funnyman, fabulous, free-wheeling, fast and frantic - Fozzie Bear! |
Fozzie enters and prevents Kermit from leaving. | |
Fozzie | Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Not so fast. Tonight, I am going to use your assistance. |
Kermit | Oh, yeah? |
Fozzie | Yes, sir! You and I are going to tell the world's funniest joke! |
Kermit | Is that right? |
Fozzie | Uh, this is all spontaneous, unrehearsed, right, froggy? |
Kermit | It's unrehearsed, yes. |
Fozzie | Okay, okay. (clears throat) Now, frog of my heart... |
Kermit | Yes? |
Fozzie | You will just wait until I say the word "hear." When you hear me say the word "hear," you will rush up to me and say, "Good grief, the comedian's a bear!" |
Kermit | "Good grief, the comedian's a bear!" |
Fozzie | Check. |
Kermit | When you say the word "hear?" |
Fozzie | Right. |
Kermit | Gotcha. (exits) |
Fozzie | Okay, here we go. (clears throat) Ready? Okay, here we go. Now then - hiya, hiya, hiya! You're a wonderful lookin' audience, it's a pleasure to be here! |
Kermit | (rushes in) GOOD GRIEF, THE COMEDIAN'S A BEAR! |
Fozzie | Not yet! |
Kermit | But, you just said "here." |
Fozzie | That was the wrong "here!" |
Kermit | Which is the right "here?!" |
Fozzie | The other "hear!" |
Kermit | (shrugs) Sure. (exits) |
Fozzie | Ugh, go, go, go. Okay. Hey, hey, folks. This is a story you're gonna love to hear! |
Kermit | (rushes in) GOOD GRIEF, THE COMEDIAN'S A BEAR! |
Fozzie | Will you stop that?! |
Kermit | But, you said "hear!" |
Fozzie | Not that "hear!" |
Kermit | Well, which "hear?!" |
Fozzie | Another "hear!" |
Kermit | HOW AM I GONNA KNOW?! |
Fozzie | YOU'LL KNOW WHEN YOU HEAR! |
Kermit | GOOD GRIEF, THE COMEDIAN'S A BEAR! |
The two stammer, frustrated. They both stare at each other, breathing heavily. | |
Fozzie | Alright, alright. |
Kermit | Yes? What? |
Fozzie | Listen. You'll know when I point to you. |
Kermit, grimacing, sighs and exits. | |
Fozzie | All right, don't grumble. (clears throat) Say, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater. At the stage door, I passed a bunch of Muppet fans and suddenly I hear... (points) |
Kermit | (enters) "Good grief, the comedian's a bear!" |
Fozzie | (mimicking an Italian accent) No, he's a-not. He's a-wearin' a-neck-a-tie! |
Fozzie wiggles his ears and laughs, then bows. Kermit sighs and exits. | |
Statler | Did you understand that joke? |
Waldorf | No, but I don't speak Italian. |
Muppet Newsflash[]
"Halfway Down the Stairs"[]
Robin the Frog sits on an isolated staircase, signing "Halfway Down the Stairs." |