The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 118: Phyllis Diller.
Theme
Kermit appears in the show's O. | |
Kermit | It's The Muppet Show with our special guest star, Miss Phyllis Diller! |
The banner rises, and the theme begins. | |
Chorus girls |
It's time to play the music |
Male chorus |
It's time to put on makeup |
The curtain opens on Fozzie. | |
Fozzie | Hey! Did you hear the one about the kangaroo who walked into a store, and this hippopotamus comes out and says to the kanga – (the curtain closes on him) — Hey, I wasn't finished! |
Kermit |
To introduce our guest star, |
The Muppets gather around Phyllis. | |
Kermit | But now let's get things started |
Kermit & gang |
On the most sensational, inspirational |
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Crazy Harry sets off an explosion before Gonzo can hit the "O". | |
Gonzo | Not bad. |
Opening number
Backstage
Rowlf and Phyllis
Backstage
Muppet newsflash
At the Dance
UK spot
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Dr. Teeth, Floyd, Zoot and Janice perform "Lazy Bones". |
Talk spot
Hugga Wugga
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On a distant planet, a Hugga Wugga beast tyrannizes a loony bird, and battles a gentle creature who sings "You Are My Sunshine". The gentle creature wins. | |
Waldorf | You are my sunshine, my only sunshine… |
Statler | Why, you old fool. |
Waldorf | What? |
Statler | I'm not your son and my name's not Shine. |
Waldorf | (aside) And he calls me an old fool? |
Backstage
Muppet Labs
Blackout
Veterinarian's Hospital
Backstage
"The Entertainer"
Main stage. Kermit enters. | |
Kermit | And now, featuring in concert with our own Muppet orchestra, Miss Phyllis Diller. |
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Phyllis accompanies the Muppet orchestra by playing "The Entertainer" on the saxophone, abominably. | |
Phyllis | I'll find it … |
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Finally, Zoot comes in to show her how it's done. |