Episode 201: The Artist Formerly Known as Prince/transcript

Cold open

	In the lobby, Bobo attempts to play basketball with the wastebasket.
Bobo	Bobo turns. He fades. He shoots. (he misses) Oh, oh, it was close, but he steals the ball back. He's got it again, and he shoots, and--heh! (he misses again) Oh, so close.
	enters. Applause.
	What's up? I'm guest-starring on the show tonight.
Bobo	Uh, okay, 'scuse me, 'scuse me, 'scuse me. And he turns. He shoot- (misses again) -oh! Oh. Oh, boy, what a night, what a night. Now, uh, what can I do for you?
	I'm guest-starring on the show tonight.
Bobo	Uh-huh. And uh, your name, sir?
	(aside) Ah, this is gonna be fun. (to Bobo) I'm the artist formerly known as Prince.
Bobo	Ooh. And I'm the bear currently known as not amused. Now, uh, your name again, please.
	My name has no sound. It's unpronounceable.
Bobo	Look, fella –– this kind of monkey business might have kept you out of the draft, but you ain't gonna fool me. Now, how would your name appear on my list here?
	Like this.
	He displays the cover of his latest album, “Emancipation”.
Bobo	Ooh. Okay, Dr. Rorschach, I'll play along. I see my mother and a butterfly doing the mambo on an orange. Heh heh heh heh.
	Just check the list, fool!
Bobo	Ahem. You're mouthy for a guy with no name. Okay, let's see. We got, uh, railroad crossing. That ying-yang sign. We got-- ( gets on the elevator) Hey! Hey, hey, hey, where are you-- boy, the security in this place stinks. (picks up the phone)

Theme

	Kermit opens the doors to the Muppet Theater.
Kermit	It's Muppets Tonight, with our very special guest star, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince! YAAAYY!
	He is immediately trampled by theater patrons. Clifford sings the theme song while wandering through the dressing room to the control room to the stage, as Jowls whistles. Clifford reaches the stage, goes to a wall and throws a switch which lights up the show's title.

Backstage

	The Muppets chatter in the lobby, all dressed like Prince.
Kermit	O-ok, everyone, listen up. The artist is on his way up the elevator.
Purple Rainman	In the elevator. Definitely in the elevator.
Clifford	Boy, this is great, guys. Let's give him a big Muppets Tonight welcome.
Rizzo	Okay, we've got five seconds! (laughs)
Purple Rainman	Five seconds. Definitely five seconds.
Kermit	Uh, Rizzo, who is that guy?
Rizzo	That? Oh, that's the Purple Rainman. He's a big fan!
Purple Rainman	Big fan. Definitely a big fan. I'm an excellent fan.
	They all cheer when they see get off the elevator.
Clifford	Hit it, Riz!
	Rizzo turns on a boombox, and they sing a part of Prince's “Delirious”. stops them, turning off the boombox.
	Hey, hey, hey! Wait, wait, wait! Fellas, fellas, what are y'all doing?
Clifford	We're doing “Delirious”, man.
Seymour	Yeah, yeah.
Clifford	I mean, we're your biggest fans.
Pepe	Si.
Clifford	We got the whole show set up for an all-out-- (displays the logo on a sign) here it is-- extravaganza.
Muppets	Yeah!
	That's wonderful, but I ain't into this leather and lace look much anymore.
Gonzo	Oh, good, 'cause this bustier is killing me.
	I--I'm normal, just like the next guy.
	He unzips his jacket, revealing a University of Minnesota sweater.
Purple Rainman	(walks off) Definitely normal. Definitely normal.
	Sorry, guys. Hope I didn't disappoint you.
Muppets	(shaking their heads) No!
Clifford	Naw, naw, man. That's cool. On this show, you can do whatever you want. (the Muppets nod in agreement)
Rizzo	Really!
Clifford	Show the man to his dressing room.
Rizzo	Oh, sure, boss. Heh heh. (the Muppets disperse)
	By the way, Gonzo...
Gonzo	Yeah?
	You are definitely working these pumps and fishnets.
	Oh, thank you. Heh heh heh. (lifts up a foot, displaying his pump)
Rizzo	Right this way.
	He leads away. Only Seymour and Pepe remain.
Seymour	Boy, I wish I'd known he'd changed his look before I ruined this expensive pair of leather pants.
	He turns around, revealing his butt sticking out through the torn pants. Pepe shrieks in horror, and tries to cover it up.
Pepe	Unbelievable!
Seymour	What?

Clifford's welcome

	Main stage. Clifford enters to applause as the band plays the theme.
Stagehand (LCR)	Okay, okay, okay! Five, four, three, two …
Clifford	He-he-he-hey! What's up, what's up! Yeah, welcome to Muppets Tonight. Our guest tonight is one of my favorite stars, a multitalented musician, an incredible performer, and the most unusual name in show business, right here.
	He holds up the sign; Bobo enters and snatches it away.
Bobo	Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! How many of these drawings of my mother are out there?
Clifford	Huh?
Bobo	(scoffs, exits)
Clifford	(laughs sheepishly) Well, to start off our show, here's the saw bone of dog bones, our very own Dr. Phil van Neuter with Tales from the Vet!
	Applause.

Tales from the Vet

	The opening sequence plays: the camera goes through a set of doors, entering Phil's lab.
A. Ligator	And now it's time for another episode of Tales from the Vet.
	Phil pops up, hanging upside down.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Hey-hee-hi-ho-YOU! Scared you, didn't I? Yes, always! I'm Dr. Phil, your--your... Excuse me one moment. Mulch, Mulch, Mulch, Mulch! (he emerges) Mulch--Mulch--Mulch, this camera's upside down.
Mulch	(grunts)
Dr. Phil van Neuter	What? Well then, that must mean that... (falls down, winces in pain as he gets up) Ow! Ow! Oh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, well, thank you, Mulch. You've managed to put another hairline fracture in my cranium.
Mulch	(roars)
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Oh, yeah? Well, just for that, Mulch, our carnival cruise is canceled, and that Three Stooges convention is looking mighty iffy.
Mulch	(walks away sobbing)
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Anyway--anyway, were was I? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes! Tonight's mind-numbing feature is Stephen King's Townhouse of Wax. By the way, look for Leona Helmsley in a passing cameo as Edwina, the painting that would not die! Ohh! Ohh! (grips his head) Ow! Oh, my head. Oh, I have to go to the nurse. Mulch, roll the film.
	Switch to a home video with a timestamp of 12/24/93--3:25 PM. Mulch polishes the lens, revealing they're at a lively Christmas party.
Chip	This is a photograph of my kitty.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	(stands up) Uh, can I have everyone's attention, please?! Can I have everyone's attention?!
	Mulch makes his way through the crowd, knocking some of them over.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Hey! Here's to the completion of another great season of Tales from the Vet! (spills some eggnog) Oh, oh. Whoops, whoops, whoops. And, uh, and I just wanted to say... all right, I'll say it! You're the best crew I've ever had!
Guest	We're the only crew you ever had!
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Oh, cut it out, Ed. Cut it out. By the way, everyone, go easy on this eggnog.
	Switch to 4:01 PM - they've all formed a conga line and are chanting “Pico and Sepulveda”. 4:25 PM - Mulch makes his way through the crowd and strangles Chip.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	(more tipsy) Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it! HOLD IT! (everything stops) That's better. Okay – (stumbles) ow! (slaps a string of tinsel) Darn thing! Now where was I? I forgot what I was gonna say?
	4:39 PM - Chip gets knocked over again. A sobbing Phil leans on the tree, talking to a glowing angel ornament.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	… and they never let me play in the little league, ghosty. A-and I didn't sell enough chocolate at Christmastime. (notices) Mulch! Mulch, get that (bleep) camera out of my face! (kicks it away)
	4:40 PM…
Dr. Phil van Neuter	(singsongy) Eggy noggy, eggy noggy …
	4:41 PM - Chip kisses a female guest. Everyone else is covered in tinsel.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	(singsongy) I have a platinum card, a platinum card, a platinum card! I have a platinum card,and you all just have green ones! (notices) Mulch! Oh, Mulch, when did you get a video camera? Come on, come on. Tape me, tape me, tape me! (dances around)
	4:43 PM…
Dr. Phil van Neuter	(singsongy) Eggy noggy, eggy noggy …
	4:50 PM - Phil, with a punchbowl on his head, slovenly sings “Copacabana”.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Come on, everybody! Come on, come on. Sing. Sing along, everyone. You freeloaders! You freeloaders! You freeloaders … you FREELOADERS! Stop the music!
	The needle drags off the record.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Oh, there you are, Mulchy. Come on, Mulchy. Come here, come here. Give me a big hug. (bumps into the camera) Ow! Oh. Oh.
	He falls back. The guests inspect him. Switch back to the lab. Phil comes back, his head wrapped in a bandage.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Well, I'm back from the nurse's station. How about that Townhouse of Wax? Pretty spine-chilling stuff, eh?
Mulch	(grunts)
Dr. Phil van Neuter	What?
Mulch	(roars)
Dr. Phil van Neuter	You played what? You played “Christmas party '93”?
Mulch	“Eggy-noggy, eggy-noggy, eggy-noggy, eggy-noggy” … Heh heh heh.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	“Eggy-noggy, eggy-noggy”? I have no idea what you're talking about. I wasn't even at the Christmas party in '93.
Mulch	(grunts)
Dr. Phil van Neuter	No, I was not.
Mulch	(grunts)
Dr. Phil van Neuter	All right, all right. I was young. It was the eggnog decade. I was just trying to fit in.
Mulch	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Give me that videotape!
	Mulch runs away with the tape; Phil chases after him as the closing theme plays.
Dr. Phil van Neuter	Give me that videotape! Mulch, you give me that videotape right now! Mulch! Come back here and give me that videotape! Right now, Mulch!

Johnny and Sal

	Johnny, half-dressed, encounters Sal reading Bones for Beginners. He points Sal to the nearby ironing board.
Johnny	Wha –– Sal!
Sal	Mm-hmm?
Johnny	You're supposed to be pressing my pants. What are you doing over here?
Sal	I'm studying, Johnny.
Johnny	Studying?
Sal	Mm-hmm.
Johnny	Since when do you need a book to be a pants ironer?
Sal	No, no, no. This is a correspondence course. I'm learning to be an osteopath. You know, a bone doctor?
Johnny	Well that's, uh, that's great, Sal. But, uh, first of all, a bone doctor's called a boneyologist. Second of all, you know I support you in all your … intellectual pursuits, but, uh, call me old-fashioned, I need my pants to perform onstage? Huh?
Sal	Ah. All right, Johnny.
Johnny	Thank you. Please.
Sal	All right. Hey, but, Johnny, first, let me adjust your back for you.
	He gets behind Johnny, wrapping his arms around him.
Johnny	I don't think so, Sal. No, leave me alone.
Sal	Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. Just relax.
Johnny	Don't do that.
Sal	It won't hurt. Just take a deep breath.
Johnny	No.
Sal	Hey, Johnny...
Johnny	Huh?
Sal	How's your ma?
Johnny	My ma's good. I just talked--whoa!
	Sal pushes Johnny to the ground and stomps on him repeatedly.
Johnny	Oh, yeah. There it is! … Oh, yeah! Oh! Yes!
Sal	There you go.
	Johnny stands up, his head now turned 180°.
Johnny	Oh. Hey. Hey.
Sal	Oh boy. Oh boy.
Johnny	Hey, uh... Hey, that feels pretty good, Sal.
Sal	Really?
Johnny	Yeah. Yeah, I think I'll go lay down for awhile. (starts walking)
Sal	Yeah. Hey, Johnny? The couch is over there.
Johnny	Oh, when did you rearrange the furniture? (walks backwards) Oh. There we go. There it is.
Sal	Oh boy.

Muppet Hoo Haw

	Main stage. Clifford addresses the camera; every time he refers to , Zippity Zap holds up the sign.
Clifford	Hey, everybody, here's some trivia. Before was known as , he was known as Prince. But before was known as Prince, he was unknown. And like so many other unknowns, made his first TV appearance with us on a show we called Muppet Hoo Haw.
Zippity Zap	Let's watch, shall we?
	A screen is lowered and a clip is shown of Bobo and Rizzo popping up in a cornfield, laughing it up as giant bees buzz around them.
Bobo	Hey, Rizz-Bob.
Rizzo	Hey, Bo-Bob.
Bobo	Do you know why bees go buzz?
Rizzo	Why, Bo-Bob, why?
Bobo	Because it's easier than going... (babbles)
	They laugh, then duck down. Switch to a barn door with the show's logo, where Andy, Randy and Spamela pop up.
Spamela	Say, boys, what'd you learn in school today?
Andy & Randy	Pie are square.
Spamela	Nuh-uh. Cornbread is square. Pie are round!
Andy & Randy	Ohh.
	The fence board knocks them over. They get up.
Andy & Randy	And fences are painful.
	They all laugh, then duck down, but Randy misses his cue until Andy taps him. Switch back to the cornfield, where , Gonzo and a brown alligator pop up.
Gonzo	Say, Jed.
	Yes, Ned?
Gonzo	(looks at the alligator) You got the ugliest dog I ever did see. What do you call him?
	Well, before we painted him brown and glued ears on him, we called him “alligator”.
Gonzo	Ahh.
	They laugh, then the alligator chases them away. Switch to Kermit at the main stage.
Kermit	And now here's the Hoo Haw Ha-Ha-Ha Hayseed Band, with a little picking and grinning for y'all.
	They begin playing a number, with leading.
	♪ Climbin' up the mountain trail, natural as can be, ♪ I can see bear tracks comin' after me…
Hick (DG)	(interrupts) 'scuse me, y'all. 'scuse me, 'scuse me. That there song refers to bear tracks, right?
	Yes. Why?
Hick (DG)	(looks down) Well, them ain't no bear tracks.
	They ain't?
Hick (DG)	Nuh-uh. Them's gator tracks.
	The gator pops up and chases them away, knocking Kermit over. Kermit gets up.
Kermit	Ooh, my neck.
	Kermit and Clifford watch the clip on a monitor backstage. Kermit grabs his neck.
Kermit	Ooh. Ah.
Clifford	Yo, Kerm, what's wrong with your neck?
Kermit	Oh, it's actually an old Muppet Hoo Haw injury. Ever since that sketch, I seem to have a stiff neck.
Sal	(bursts in) Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, did I hear you got a stiff neck?!
Kermit	Yeah.
Sal	I can cure that. You know, I am trained in the fine art of osteopathy.
Clifford	Since when?
Sal	Oh, since I got this book.
	He holds up the book, which looks damaged.
Kermit	Uh, well, Sal, what happened to the book?
Sal	(inspects) Oh, I broke its spine. (puts it down) Anyway, let me show you the way that this works. (positions himself behind Kermit)
Kermit	W-wait a second, Sal.
Sal	No, no, no, just relax a?nd take a deep breath.
Kermit	No. S-Sal, this really isn't necessary.
Sal	No, no, no, no. Think of butterflies.
Kermit	Butterflies?
Clifford	Butterflies?
Sal	Yeah, yeah. Butterflies, Kermit. Flying around.
Kermit	Yeah?
Sal	Can you see them?
Kermit	Well, yeah, I can.
Sal	Yeah, yeah. What color are they?
Kermit	Oh, they're sort of orange and bl--aah!
	Sal throws him to the ground and stomps on him. When Kermit gets up, his head hangs upside down from his neck.
Sal	There you go.
Clifford	Oh, man, Sal, what happened? What'd you do to Kerm?
Sal	What do you mean? I made him feel better. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna go study the chapter on pop-up pelvises. (walks off)
Clifford	Kerm, you ok, Kerm?
Kermit	Er, you know what, Clifford? The truth is my neck actually feels better.
Sal	(off-camera) I told you!
	He turns his head right side up and wobbles away, opening and closing the door.

Carl the Big Mean Bubble Guy

A. Ligator	And now it's time for Carl, the Big Mean Bubble Guy.
Carl	Hi! I'm Carl, and bubbles come out of my head. (grunts)
Bill	Hey, hey, hey, that's my act!
Carl	Not anymore.
Bill	What? –– What are you doing?
	Carl devours Bill, then belches out bubbles.
Carl	Thank you!
	In Times Square, Statler and Waldorf see the show on the big screen.
Statler	Hey! Waldorf, look at that! The show is 10 times as big!
Waldorf	Yeah! Too bad it's 1/10 as funny!
	They chuckle.
Statler	Hey, let's see what else is on. Hand me that remote.
	Waldorf picks up a giant remote, which promptly falls on them.
Waldorf	Oh. Oh, it's big. (grunts)
Statler	Hey, carefu-- Ohh!

“Starfish and Coffee”

	In the commissary, Rizzo and Clifford encounter writing on a notepad.
Rizzo	Uh, excuse me. Do you mind me asking what you're writing there, Prin- uh, I mean, (displays the symbol on his back)
	I'm writing ideas for songs.
Clifford	Really? That's cool.
Rizzo	Yeah. Well, where do you get ideas for songs?
	I can get 'em anywhere, even here.
Rizzo	Here? Right here in the commissary? Huh, you must mean songs about food, you know, songs like “I Wanna Hold Your Ham”, “Another One Bites the Crust”! That one kills me. (laughs, slaps Clifford)
Clifford	Not if I kill you first.
	I'm serious, guys. Watch. Yo, Seymour!
Seymour	Hmm?
	What's on the menu?
Seymour	Well, we've got swordfish, eggs, and coffee.
Pepe	Yes, pancakes, maple syrup, and jam.
Seymour	Yeah.
	I could write a song about that.
Rizzo	Get outta here!
	No, really, I can. (looks around) I just need a better set.
	He gets up and leaves. Switch to a music video for “Starfish and Coffee”, beginning with B&W footage a school bell ringing in a classroom. As sings, the students, including a Prince caricature Muppet, line up in front of Miss Kathleen. He reaches the back of the line, where Cynthia Rose dances, rendered in color. The shots alternate between the B&W classroom, a chromakey setting, and surrounded by giant orange orbs. When the song finishes, exits the B&W classroom and re-enters the commissary and sits back down. Clifford, Rizzo, Pepe and Seymour nod, impressed.
Clifford	Yeah, man, that was great.
Rizzo	All right, all right. So you made a song from the breakfast menu, but I'll bet you five bucks you can't do it again.
	I'll take that bet.
Rizzo	Hah!
	Yo, Seymour!
Seymour	Yeah?
	What's for desert?
Seymour	Raspberry sorbet.
	sings a modified passage from “Raspberry Beret”. Rizzo facepalms, then hands him a $5 bill.
Rizzo	Oh, no. All right, all right. Here's your five bucks.
Seymour	(laughs)
Clifford	He got you! (laughs)
Rizzo	Yeah, yeah…

Sal and Gonzo

	A techie walks past Sal's door (with a sign reading “Sal Minella, Osteopath / While you wait / Cheap rates”), and overhears what goes on inside. She quickly walks away, then another lady goes through the door. Gonzo is tied up in a knot.
Sal	There you go, Gonzo. Good as new, and I didn't even have to skip no pages neither.
Gonzo	Oh, man, Sal, you are good.
Sal	Thank you.
Gonzo	Uh, but I think-- I think you forgot my left foot there.
Sal	What? (notices) Oh, oh, sorry.
Gonzo	Yeah. Could you just get that? Just a tweak?
Sal	Okay. All right. Just relax.
Gonzo	Just do something nice.
Sal	Yeah, think of a hen farm at hatching time. (starts gently rotating Gonzo's leg)
Gonzo	Oh, yeah.
Sal	Okay, you got it? Yeah, you thinking about it?
Gonzo	Yeah.
	Sal violently bends Gonzo's leg back to align with the rest of him.
Gonzo	Yes! Ha ha! Thanks, Sal, that's the best fifty cents I ever spent!
Sal	Ah, you're welcome.
Gonzo	I gotta catch the bus. Could you give me a little nudge?
Sal	Oh. Oh, yeah, sure.
	He knocks Gonzo off the table, and Gonzo rolls away.
Sal	There you go.
Gonzo	Thank you so much. I'll see you next week, Sal.
Sal	Okay.
Gonzo	So long, buddy.
Sal	Alright. Okay.
	Gonzo closes the door. Johnny enters, still in his underclothes.
Johnny	Hey--hey, Sal. What's going on? Y-you still haven't ironed these pants.
Sal	Oh. Oh, sorry, Johnny--
Johnny	You know what? You know, I've had it up to here, Sal. (makes gesture)
Sal	Oh, that would be your clavicle, Johnny.
Johnny	(blank look) I don't care what it is. Y-you're becoming a pain in the--
Sal	Thoracic vertebrae?
Johnny	All right, all right. Look, that's it. You--
Sal	No, no, no, Johnny. This is it, right back here. (gropes Johnny's butt)
Johnny	Ow! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Sal	What?
Johnny	All right, look. Listen to me. Y-you're a gentleman's monkey.
Sal	Uh-huh.
Johnny	And your job is to fulfill my needs. And right now, I need to get my pants ironed.
Sal	(downhearted) Right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I guess I was just trying to be something I'm not.
Johnny	Yeah, well, that's right. Y-you're not a boneyologist. You're a pants ironer.
Sal	That's right, Johnny.
Johnny	Not an “Australia-path”.
Sal	Mm-mmm.
Johnny	Pants ironer.
Sal	Right, Johnny. I'm a pants ironer.
Johnny	That's right.
Sal	That's right.
Johnny	(gently slugs him) All right, pal.
Sal	(giggles) Okay. All right, I'll get right on it.
Johnny	All right. Iron it up, huh? Pants, pants, pants.
Sal	Okay, alright.
Johnny	Iron, iron, iron… (exits)
	Johnny exits. Sal hears a knock on the door, and goes to answer it. A deliveryman hands him a package.
Sal	Yes?
Deliveryman (SW)	Special delivery for Sal Minella.
Sal	Oh. Oh, thank you.
Deliveryman (SW)	You're welcome.
Sal	(notices) Oh, oh! Thank you very much! Thank you! Bye.
Deliveryman (SW)	You're welcome. (closes the door, then overhears Sal inside)
Sal	Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! It's my pop-up book of acupuncture and needlepoint.
	He opens the book, and needles pop out of it and stick into his chin. He screams at first, then …
Sal	Hey. My headache is gone. But my chin is killin' me! (falls over)

and Gary

	walks through the control room, humming. Gary Cahuenga stops him.
Gary Cahuenga	Heyyy, hold it there, buddy! Nice to meet ya! I'm Gary Cahuenga! (shakes hands)
	Nice to meet you.
Gary Cahuenga	Listen, I just wanted to say, that I've heard a lot of great things about you. And even though I don't know who you are, I agree with all of it.
	You've never heard of me? What, you been livin' in a box for 40 years or somethin'?
Gary Cahuenga	(laughs) That's rich! But seriously, it's been more like 41 years. I was just wondering, would you ever consider working with a dummy?
	(aside to camera) I already have. But in my business, they're called executives.
	He chuckles. Gary laughs out loud, then exits. Rizzo and Clifford enter and approach .
Clifford	Yo, yo, yo, yo!
Rizzo	Yes yes yes!
Clifford	We got a great idea for the final number!
Rizzo	Yes!
Clifford	Listen, we go to a football stadium with 5,000 white rats.
Rizzo	Yes, yes, but get this, they're dyed purple!
Clifford	Yeah, yeah!
Rizzo	(points to a purple rat) Like that! (laughs)
Purple rat (BB)	(pops up) Hey, how you doin'? Nice to meet you. (shakes hands with )
Clifford	We'll form a living, dancing version of your symbol on the 50-yard line.
Rizzo	Yeah, what do you think?
	Wait a minute, guys. My name has a very spiritual meaning to me.
Clifford	All right, all right. So what do you want to do, then?
	I just want to go out on the stage, sit at the piano, do a nice, little simple number with the help of a few angels.
Rizzo	Ohh.
Clifford	Angels? Now where're we gonna get angels this time of night?
	Don't worry. I've got my own. (heads for the stage)
Rizzo	Huh?
Clifford	Now there's a man who comes prepared!
Rizzo	I'll say!
Purple rat (BB)	Hey, we're still getting paid, right?
Rizzo	Aww, pipe down, purple-puss. You'll upset the angels.
Purple rat (BB)	There's angels?
	They look toward the stage…

Closing number

	In a graveyard setting, plays "She Gave Her Angels" while some Whatnots and angels enact the song. When it's done, he stands up as Kermit and Clifford walk up to him. Rizzo sits on his shoulder, and Seymour and Pepe soon join them.
Kermit	That was lovely.
Clifford	Yeah, man, that was beautiful.
	Thanks, fellas.
Rizzo	Yeah. You made me feel all warm and gooey inside, like a nice brie. Uh, say, are you hungry?
	(shoves him off) Get outta here.
Seymour	Yeah, yeah. Can we do another sweet, tender song like that?
	I got a better idea.
Seymour	What?
	Let's go crazy.
	They all sing and dance to “Let's Go Crazy.”
	Good night, y'all!
Clifford	Yeah, good night!
	Let's get nuts!
Kermit	Get nuts! Yaaaay!
	They finish dancing. Applause.

Epilogue

	Johnny walks down the hall, mumbling angrily.
Johnny	Marone, that little monkey's done it this time. He ruined my slacks over here. Wha–?
	He notices Sal's osteopath door sign, now pasted over with an acupuncture sign.
Johnny	Fanabla, what now?
	He walks inside, and sees Sal practicing acupuncture on Bobo, while a customer line forms in back of him.
Sal	All right, Bobo, this is the last one. You ready?
Bobo	Mm-hmm.
	Sal violently sticks another needle into Bobo, who groans.
Sal	There we go. Feeling any better there yet?
Bobo	Uh, well, I don't feel as itchy.
Sal	Good. That means it's working.
Bobo	No, I - I think it means you skewered a few fleas. And, uh, how long until you, you know, take these things out?
Sal	Take what out?
Bobo	… the--the needles.
Sal	I don't know. That book doesn't come till next week. (walks off)
Bobo	(stands up) Sal.
Sal	What?
Bobo	Sal, I...
Sal	What, what?
Bobo	Sal, I'm gonna...
Sal	(backs away) Hey, take it easy. This is my first day. (runs away screaming)
Bobo	(chases after) Come here, you... you--you--you little boneyologist!! I'll show you! I'll show you, you--come here!
	Johnny shakes his head. Blackout. The credits roll, with outtakes of and Gary, Seymour and Pepe, and the commissary scene.