The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 204: Rich Little.
Cold open[]
Theme[]
Kermit | It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Mr. Rich Little! |
The curtain opens and the theme begins. | |
Waldorf | I've seen enough, let's leave. |
Statler | Mmm. |
Gonzo's trumpet blows up a long, yellow balloon. |
Opening number[]
Main stage. Kermit enters to applause. | |
Kermit | OK, greetings, greetings, sayeth the frog and welcome to another half hour of whatever this is. For tonight, we tried to book every internationally-known superstar to appear on our stage at the same time! Uh, they couldn't make it. Yeah, baby-sitting problems and stuff like that, I guess. Actually, we did get one star, and he's enough because he can become all of the other ones. Naturally, I'm referring to the master impressionist, Mr. Rich Little. But before we see him, how about a little Chanson D'Amour, hmm? |
A trio of girl singers perform "Chanson D'Amour." Crazy Harry joins them to perform the "Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta" part... along with a bit of explosive punctuation. | |
Waldorf | (wakes up from a nap) Oh, what'd I miss? |
Statler | Oh, nothing, they just bombed again. |
Backstage[]
Crazy Harry exits the stage. | |
Kermit | Hey, very sensitive, Crazy Harry. You certainly have a way with a lyric. |
Enter Gonzo. | |
Gonzo | Hey, Kermit, Kermit. Have you seen any chickens around here today? |
Kermit | Chickens? Gonzo, why would there be any chickens around here? |
Gonzo | Well, I'm auditioning for my new dancing chicken act. It's gonna be sensational! |
Kermit | A dancing chicken act? Gonzo, I've never heard of anything as ridiculous as a dancing chicken. |
Gonzo | How about a talking frog? |
Kermit | Be wise, Gonzo. |
Gonzo | Well, look, I advertised for dancing chickens in the paper. So the minute they show up, just send them back to the prop room, OK? |
Kermit | Yeah. |
Gonzo | Thank you. (exits) |
Kermit | Sure, send the chickens to the prop room. Ad in the paper! Chickens can't read. Frogs, yes, but chickens, never. (gasps) |
A live chicken is wandering around backstage. | |
Kermit | Uh, yeah, well, the... the prop room is down there. It's the second door on your left, sir... or madam. (shrugs) |
Impersonations[]
Main stage. Kermit enters. | |
Kermit | OK, it's guest star time on the old Muppet Show. So here he is, the only man I know who can be anyone he feels like, Mr. Rich Little! |
Fanfare and applause as the curtains open on Rich. | |
Rich | Thank you, thank you. It's great to be here. I'd like to start off this evening by doing my impression of truly one of the great comedians of our time. (As Fozzie) Aaahhh. Hiya, hiya, hiya! It's great to see you happy folks 'cause I'm the bear with the snappy jokes! Aaahhh. |
Statler | Hey, that's terrific, just great! |
Waldorf | Yeah, the voice is perfect. |
Statler | And the jokes are perfectly awful! |
Rich | Hey, look, I'm down here pretending to be a bear. They're up there pretending to be alive! Aaahhh! |
Waldorf | (laughing) Very good! |
Statler | Yeah, but watch it, Rich, you'll blow the impression by being funny. |
Rich | (As Statler) You mean you're not impressed with these impressions? |
Waldorf | Was that you or him? |
Statler | I couldn't tell. This guy's good! |
Rich | (as Fozzie) But let me tell you, folks, a funny thing happened on the way to the theater. I'm coming through a crowd at the stage door when suddenly... |
Enter Fozzie. | |
Fozzie | (stuttering) Don't tell me, I know! Aaahhh... |
Rich | Aaahhh... |
Fozzie | Bob Hope! Milton Berle. Uh, Jack Benny? |
Rich | (shoos Fozzie away with his hat) Will you get out of here?! |
Fozzie | (yells) |
Rich | (as Kermit) Uh, sorry for the interruption, folks. Uh, Kermit the Frog here. We've got a really great show lined up for you tonight, featuring Gonzo and the flying cheese, plus the state of New Jersey. |
Enter Kermit. | |
Rich | (As Kermit) Oh, uh, gee. Uh, look... look who's here. |
Kermit | Rich, it's you! See, I was in the dressing room and I heard you onstage and for a second I thought I had grown a new me. |
Rich | (As Piggy) Hello, Kermie. |
Kermit | What? |
Rich | Kissy-kissy. |
Statler | Hey, it's terrific. |
Rich | (As Piggy) If you don't let me sing tonight on the show ... I'll rip off your flippers! |
Kermit | Please, Piggy... Rich. This is all very-- |
Enter Piggy. | |
Piggy | I heard you out here talking to another woman! Where is she? |
Kermit | No no no, Piggy. That was Rich Little here. Wasn't it, Rich? |
Rich | Hey, uh, no, it wasn't me. I just got here myself. |
Piggy | I thought so, swamp face! |
Kermit | But... |
Piggy | Hiyah! (chops Kermit) |
Rich | (as Piggy) Hey, watch what you do to my frog, Bacon-hips! |
Piggy and Rich | Hiyah! |
They karate-chop each other and crash to the ground at the same time. | |
Waldorf | Oh, what a performance! |
Statler | And what a finish, right into the orchestra pit. |
Waldorf | Yeah, good old Rich Little. Who else can do impressions and break a piano in two with his head? (they laugh) |
Chicken auditions[]
At the Dance[]
UK spot: "The Boy in the Gallery"[]
Miss Piggy sings "The Boy in the Gallery" with Rowlf on piano. Eventually, she is joined by the audience. | |
Piggy | Join in, everyone. |
Rowlf | Take it, Piggy.
Everybody! |
"The Glow-Worm"[]
Lenny the Lizard performs "The Glow-Worm." He is approached by two inchworms, both of which he eats. When a third approaches, he is met with a big surprise. | |
Statler | There, now that's entertainment! |
Waldorf | That's what you said about the war of 1812. |
Backstage[]
Chicken auditions[]
Gonzo is surrounded by chickens in the prop room. | |
Gonzo | OK, everybody with Broadway experience, step forward. |
Veterinarian's Hospital[]
Backstage[]
Chicken dance[]
Medley[]
Main stage. Kermit enters. | |
Kermit | And now The Muppet Show takes pride in presenting scenes from the great Hollywood musical comedies of yesterday, as re-created today by our very special guest star, Mr. Rich Little! |
Scenes from the Great Musical Comedies of Yesterday: Rich Little and the Muppets recreate scenes from Singin' in the Rain, Gigi, and High Society. Rich performs "Singin' in the Rain" with Fozzie (impersonating Gene Kelly, Winston Churchill, and John Wayne), "Well Did You Evah?" with Kermit the Frog (impersonating Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby), and "I Remember It Well" with Miss Piggy (impersonating Maurice Chevalier). | |
Rich | (As Frank Sinatra) Old Blue Eyes is back. |
Kermit | Oh, yeah? Well, so's old Green Eyes.
Sing it, Bing. |
Rich | I can remember everything as if it were yesterday. |
Piggy | Oh, so can I, Maurice. |