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Kermit
|
Yeah, okay, okay, yeah, well, I see what you mean about the dressing room. I'll see what I can do about having a coop built for you out back, okay? Okay, okay, sure, right.
|
|
The chickens agree to this and disperse.
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Kermit
|
You have to treat the chickens pretty well, 'cause they've got a very tough union. — Good grief! It's Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy!
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Applause.
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Charlie McCarthy
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Bergen, call the janitor. There's a toad loose in the theater.
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Edgar
|
Charlie! Kermit is supposed to be here.
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Charlie McCarthy
|
Yeah?
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Edgar
|
Yes, and besides, don't you know the difference between a frog and a toad?
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Charlie McCarthy
|
I guess not, no.
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Kermit
|
Well, you see, frogs are handsome, debonair and charming, while toads are ugly and give you warts.
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Charlie McCarthy
|
I see, yes. I guess that means the toad is supposed to be here.
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Edgar
|
(chuckles) Kermit, do forgive Charlie. I know that he can be difficult and trying.
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Charlie McCarthy
|
Yeah — I can be difficult without trying.
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Edgar
|
Yeah, I know you can.
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Kermit
|
Uh, I don't mind, Edgar, 'cause I always expect wisecracks from Charlie. It's very good to have you here.
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Charlie McCarthy
|
Well, see, yeah, you know, I'm sorry, I don't usually talk to frogs, you know.
|
Edgar
|
Now, Charlie, please.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Yeah, all right. Sometimes I have dinner with frogs though.
|
Kermit
|
Oh, well, that's nice.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Yes, they're delicious.
|
Kermit
|
Now that's not nice.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Well, make up your mind.
|
Edgar
|
(chuckles)
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Charlie McCarthy
|
In fact, I once tried to race some frogs, see.
|
Kermit
|
I'm not sure I want to hear this.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Well, you'll get it anyway. I was going to teach them to jump forwards and backwards. And that way they'd have hind legs on both ends, see. And I'd... I'd have the jump on everybody.
|
Edgar
|
(chuckles) You don't know what you're saying.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Yes I do, Bergen. I can read your lips.
|
Edgar
|
Oh.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
(to Kermit) That burns him up. (laughs)
|
Kermit
|
Hey, listen, Charlie, it's really great to have you here. Just uh, try to relax and act natural.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Well, I am acting natural.
|
Kermit
|
Really? You look a little wooden to me. (chuckles)
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
If you're gonna do jokes like that, Bergen and I will feel right at home.
|
Edgar
|
Yes, we will.
|
Kermit
|
That's what we want.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Relaxed guests?
|
Kermit
|
No, song cues.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Oh.
|
|
Cue the music.
|
Kermit
|
Consider yourself at home.
|
Uncle Deadly
|
Consider yourself one of the family.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
No, thank you.
|
|
They are joined by Gonzo, Scooter, Janice and Fozzie.
|
|
|
Muppets
|
We've taken to you so strong.
It's clear we're going to get along.
Consider yourself well in.
|
Kermit
|
Consider yourself part of the furniture.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Not me.
|
Muppets
|
There isn't a lot to spare.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
So what? Who cares?
|
Muppets
|
What ever we have we'll share!
|
Fozzie
|
If it should chance to be we should see some harder days,
Empty larder days …
|
Scooter
|
Why grouse?
|
Muppets
|
Always a chance we'll meet somebody to foot the bill,
Then the drinks are on the house!
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Not me. I'm driving.
|
Muppets
|
Consider yourself our mate.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Check.
|
Muppets
|
We don't want to have no fuss.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Right.
|
Muppets
|
For after some consideration, we can state,
Consider yourself one of us!
|
|
The chickens enter the area.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Remember girls, an egg a day keeps the hatchet away.
|
|
The chickens laugh and exit. Enter the pigs, oinking.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Here's the bacon to go with the eggs.
|
|
The pigs laugh and exit. Enter some Muppet monsters.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Bergen, this isn't a television show, this is a zoo.
|
|
|
Muppets
|
(cheering)
Consider yourself our mate.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Oink-oink.
|
Muppets
|
We don't want to have no fuss.
|
Charlie McCarthy
|
Cluck-cluck.
|
Muppets
|
For after some consideration, we can state,
Consider yourself … (Consider yourself) …
Consider yourself … (Consider yourself) …
Consider yourself … one of us!
|
|
Applause.
|