|
Open on Dom in a lab. Behind him is a cage with a brown monster (Mean Mama) in it. Dom addresses the viewer.
|
Dom
|
Ah, hello, hello and welcome. As you know, Shepherd's Institute of Animal Protection has spent the last 25 years protecting helpless, innocent animals just like the ones that you see right here. And now, in the midst of our annual fundraising drive... It's time for that drive again.
|
|
He gets up and walks to the cage. Doglion roams around, chained to the wall.
|
Dom
|
This lovely creature has to be fed occasionally. Otherwise he gets very, very...
|
|
He starts feeding fruit.
|
Dom
|
There you go. Have a nice little snack, boy. All better. By the way, Shepherd's Institute has only reached its halfway mark in this year's fundraising effort. One moment, please.
|
|
He goes over to a carriage, with a "baby" monster (Luncheon Counter Monster) in it.
|
Baby Monster
|
Mama!
|
|
|
Dom
|
This sweetheart right here has to be played with occasionally, otherwise he gets very irritable.
|
|
He babbles, and tugs on baby's bonnet.
|
Dom
|
You sweetheart you. Good morning. A little milky, a little milky. Milky! It's good!
|
|
Baby consumes the entire bottle.
|
Dom
|
Good. OK. As you can see, we care for all their needs. If an animal has a need, we fill it.
|
|
Doglion roars out loud.
|
Dom
|
This sweetheart of a creature loves to be sung to occasionally, otherwise he gets irritable.
|
|
He grabs a ukulele and sings a few bars of "Ain't She Sweet".
|
Dom
|
Very nice, very nice. All right. The point is, if you send in your donations, you'll be very happy.
|
|
Mean Mama grows restless. Dom quickly chucks the rest of the fruit into the cage. The baby monster grows restless as well.
|
Dom
|
If you send in your donations, you'll be happy... Here you go.
|
|
He rushes over, babbles, then returns to Doglion and sings again.
|
Dom
|
The point is, that if you do so, these are all tax deductible...
|
|
He scoops some monster food out of a bag and feeds it to Mean Mama while Doglion manhandles him.
|
Doglion
|
Ain't she sweet!
|
Dom
|
No! Wait! I'm ticklish! Ain't she sweet— All right, here you go, here you go. That's a beauty. You see the point is, we love them with all our hearts. We do. Just a moment now. Open wide!
|
|
He tosses a shovelful of monster food to Mean Mama, then babbles to the baby, then notices that Doglion is smashing the ukulele.
|
Dom
|
Wait a minute! Ooh! Holy mackerel! Just... (tries to play) Ain't she sweet — Oh! There's nothing left to eat. Here. Have this.
|
|
He feeds the violin to Mean Mama, and gets pricked by a tooth. All the monsters grow restless and start trashing the lab as he addresses the viewer.
|
Dom
|
By the way, all of these creatures are up for adoption. If you have a spare room in your house, give us a break. Ooh! For instance, if you adopt this guy right here, you will never know the meaning of the word garbage. Think about it. Just a minute. Hold it, hold it.
|
|
Mean Mama grabs his coat, pulling him closer, then breaks the cage and runs loose.
|
Dom
|
Ain't she sweet, see her walking down the — Oh! Wait a minute! Oh, please! Whoa! My goodness! Please, help! I mean, really, help! Help!
|
|
|
|
The monsters attack him. Applause.
|