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Open on Nurse Piggy, fooling around with some tongue depressors. Noticing she's on camera, she takes her position at the operating table.
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Announcer
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And now, Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing stoooory of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
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Rowlf
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(speaking into the stethoscope) Testing, one, two, three. Mm? Oh. Ahem.
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Janice
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Oh, here, Dr. Bob. Here's your next patient.
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Rowlf
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Oh.
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He uncovers a shoe on the operating table.
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Rowlf
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Hey! This is just a shoe. What happened to the rest of him?
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Miss Piggy
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Maybe he got cold feet.
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They all laugh.
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Rowlf
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Now, let's see what's wrong with him. A-ha! It's an eight and a half triple D.
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Janice
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Eight and a half triple D?
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Rowlf
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That's about the size of it. (laughs with Piggy)
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Miss Piggy
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Oh, Dr. Bob, what are you going to start on?
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Rowlf
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The shoe string. A lot of people start on a shoestring.
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Janice
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Well, what do you think, Dr. Bob?
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Rowlf
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Simple. It's arsenic poisoning.
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Janice
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Arsenic?
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Rowlf
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Sure, just look at this old lace.
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Miss Piggy
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Arsenic and Old Lace?
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They all laugh.
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Miss Piggy
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Dr. Bob, Dr. Bob, that's an old show.
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Rowlf
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Well, that's an old shoe.
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Janice
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Well, that's an old joke.
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They all laugh.
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Miss Piggy
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Oh, Dr. Bob, aren't you going to examine the patient?
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Rowlf
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Uh, yes. Hey, shoe, stick out your tongue and say "ahh".
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Shoe
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(sticks out tongue) Ahh.
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Janice
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Dr. Bob, the tongue has a coat on it.
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Rowlf
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Of course, it's cold outside.
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Janice
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How do you know?
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Rowlf
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Oh, the leather outside is frightful …
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They all laugh.
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Miss Piggy
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Dr. Bob. You're not going to sing a song now, are you?
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Rowlf
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Why not? There's no business like shoe-business.
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They all laugh, and look up when they hear the announcer.
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Announcer
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And so, once again, Dr. Bob is barking up the wrong shoe tree.
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Rowlf
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Woof woof!
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Announcer
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Tune in next time, when you'll hear Nurse Piggy, Nurse Janice and Dr. Bob sing...
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All
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He'll never walk alone!
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They all laugh.
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