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Main stage. Kermit enters.
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Kermit
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And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for me to introduce a man whose reputation is so great that I don't know how to make a suitable introduction.
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Fozzie
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Psst. A long one would be suitable.
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Kermit
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What?
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Fozzie
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He's not here yet.
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Kermit
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Uh... uh, well, uh, yes, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, there's really no need to go into Bob Hope's past triumphs in film, radio and television. Ahem. But we may have to.
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Fozzie
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Psst. Kermit!
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Kermit
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Uh, Fozzie, is he here yet?
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Fozzie
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No, I'm just going out to lunch. Can I get... Can I get you anything?
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Kermit
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Uh, Bob Hope.
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Fozzie
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Uh, no. Sorry, you have to settle for pastrami on rye. Oh! Oh, he's here! He's here!
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Kermit
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Oh, yeah?
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The curtain opens, and Bob emerges to a fanfare. Applause.
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Kermit
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Bob! Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bob Hope!
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Bob Hope
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Kermit. It's been a ball doing the show. Maybe we can do it again sometime, huh? Good night.
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Kermit
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Wait a minute! You can't go now. You just got here.
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Bob Hope
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I'm sorry, Kermit, but I'm on a very tight schedule.
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Kermit
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But you didn't even say, "Hi, this is Bob 'happy to be on The Muppet Show ' Hope".
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Bob Hope
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I know, but I...
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Kermit
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Not even one, "What I want to tell ya..."
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Bob Hope
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I'm sorry.
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Kermit
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Or even, "Seriously, folks."
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Bob Hope
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Wait a minute. You just did my whole act.
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Kermit
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Yeah, but with no jokes.
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Bob Hope
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That's my act. Look, Kermit, I have to do a testimonial, but I'll be back.
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Kermit
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It'll be too late.
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Bob Hope
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No, it won't. I'm taking the Concorde. How long can that take? If we land.
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Kermit
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I know, but uh...
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Bob Hope
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Look, Kermit, I'm sorry, but I've already cancelled one benefit to be here.
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Kermit
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You did?
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Bob Hope
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Yes. (takes out a paper) It was for the, uh, Flying Zucchini Brothers. You ever hear of them?
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Kermit
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Yeah, I have.
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Bob Hope
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Well, tell them I'm sorry if you ever see 'em again.
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Kermit
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Oh, I don't plan to. They were terrible.
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Scooter
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Excuse me, Mr. Hope. Hey, Kermit, did you book that human cannonball act, the Flying Zucchini Brothers?
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Kermit
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Of course not.
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Scooter
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Well, they're here.
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The Zucchini Brothers take the stage, clamoring around Kermit, Scooter and Bob, pushing them offstage.
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Bob Hope
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Call the embassy! Call the police! Call Angie Dickinson. Call Columbo!
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Statler
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Well, Bob Hope is gone.
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Waldorf
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I'm not surprised. It's what I've always said about this show. There's no hope.
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Statler
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Would you repeat that?
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Waldorf
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Of course not. I'm sorry I said it in the first place.
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Statler
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I should hope so.
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Waldorf
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Hmm?
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