Episode 223: John Cleese

	The Muppet Show
Guest	John Cleese
Production	August 9-11, 1977
Premiere	December 1977
	(TRANSCRIPT)

Template:Talk

Gonzo catches a cannonball with his bare hand, which stretches his arm out. Fozzie and Floyd crack jokes about the situation. Gonzo turns to John for help, but John ends up pulling the rest of his limbs out to match.

Episode

Picture	Segment	Description
	Cold Open	Guest star John Cleese is tied up and gagged. "It's no use struggling, Mr. Cleese," Scooter says. "You can't leave until you've done the show."
	Theme	"The Muppet Show Theme": Statler groans, "They'll never get this started." Gonzo plays his trumpet note perfectly; he looks surprised.
	Intro	Kermit the Frog welcomes the audience to the show. Fozzie Bear brings Kermit a note from the stagehands, apologizing for the heavy weight that they dropped -- which narrowly misses Kermit. Actually, they dropped two weights...
	Song	Lubbock Lou and His Jughuggers sing "Somebody Stole My Gal".
	Balcony	Statler: What's wrong with you? Waldorf: I've got a sore thumb. Statler: Why don't you get it taken care of? Waldorf: It helps keep my mind off the show.
	Sketch	The Great Gonzo catches a cannonball with his bare hand. His lovely assistant Crazy Harry fires a muzzle-loading cannon directly at Gonzo. Kermit excitedly announces that Gonzo has caught the cannonball -- but catching the cannonball has stretched his arm out.
	Balcony	Waldorf: I've seen my share of cannonball catching acts but that had something different. Statler: What was that? Waldorf: A survivor.
	Backstage	Floyd Pepper and Fozzie make jokes about Gonzo's long arm. Kermit talks to John backstage, and finds out that he's not pleased -- there's pigs all over the place, and his contract has a no-pigs clause. "It says that I only work with the frog -- that's you, right? -- the bear, and the ugly disgusting one who catches cannonballs. That's it, no pigs! And that goes for monsters, too." Having stood his ground, John is alarmed to see the Luncheon Counter Monster eat his contract -- and Mean Mama eating his agent. All of a sudden, John is a lot more interested in working with pigs.
	Sketch	Muppet News Flash: The Newsman reports that a man has discovered how to synthesize a complete Italian dinner out of wool.
	Song	Rowlf at the Piano: Rowlf plays "Rowlf's Polka", accompanied by a chicken. At the end of the number, the chicken clucks and rushes offstage. Rowlf is surprised; normally the chicken is a great performer, but tonight she laid an egg.
	Sketch	Pigs in Space: Captain Link Hogthrob is alone on the deck of the Swinetrek, on a late-night watch. Suddenly, the deck is invaded by a pirate, Long John Silverstein, who lays siege to the ship. Hogthrob informs the pirate that this is a spaceship; he's supposed to be on an ocean someplace. Silverstein tries to regain control of the situation, while being nagged by his parrot.
	Backstage	Fozzie irritates Gonzo by using his long arm as a clothesline.
	Sketch	At the Dance: The dancers make fly-in-the-soup jokes.
	Song	UK Spot: Dressed as a pregnant, jilted bride, Miss Piggy sings "Waiting at the Church", accompanied by a caddish Kermit.
	Song	Robin the Frog and Sweetums sing "Two Lost Souls".
	Backstage	Floyd and Fozzie make more arm jokes.
	Backstage	Gonzo comes to John's dressing room for help. He tells John that he wants his arms to be the same length again. John helps by stretching the other arm out, so that they're both long. John brings Gonzo's arms back to their normal length by stretching Gonzo's legs out. Gonzo ends up pulled completely apart.
	Sketch	Kermit reports from the Planet Koozebane, where he interviews the Koozebanian Spooble, an alien made entirely of liquid. The Spooble ends up getting drunk.
	Balcony	Waldorf: Hey, what do you suppose would happen to a Spooble if you put him in a kettle and turned the heat on under him? Statler: Oh, he'd probably get steamed
	Song	Kermit introduces John's final number, "The Impossible Dream". Onstage, John tells Kermit that he doesn't do old showtunes. Kermit apologizes, the curtain closes -- and when they open again, John is dressed for a Wagnerian opera number, and Sweetums is singing "Ride of the Valkyries". John objects, and Kermit asks for one more chance. When the curtain opens for a third time, John is dressed for a Mexican maraca solo. Kermit brings on a glee club of pigs, chickens and monsters to accompany John. Frustrated, John screams at Kermit... but the glee club finally ropes him into singing "The Impossible Dream".
	Closing	Fresh from his success as a singer, John announces his new album, "John Cleese: A Man and His Music".
	Balcony	Statler: Well, see you next time. Waldorf: Yes, unless I get lucky and break a leg.