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Fozzie pushes Kermit.
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Fozzie
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Come on, just introduce us, okay?
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Kermit
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Okay, okay, okay, okay.
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Fozzie
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Okay.
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Kermit
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Okay. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, we were planning to do the jousting scene from Camelot, uh, but I do think we should cancel this, but...
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Fozzie signals for Gonzo to poke Kermit with his sword.
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Kermit
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(stammering) But there's been a very pointed argument against canceling.
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Fozzie
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Hah, good work, Gonzo. (runs off-stage)
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Kermit
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So, anyhow, wish us luck, folks, because here is our special guest star, Miss Pearl Bailey and the Muppet Players in what almost might, sort of, kind of like be considered the jousting scene from Camelot.
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Open on a medieval jousting scene setting.
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Muppets
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Every duke and earl and peer is here.
Everyone who should be here is here.
What a smashing, positively dashing spectacle
We're here to see today.
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King Rowlf stands between Piggy and Janice.
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Rowlf
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And now, may I present Her Royal Majesty, Queen Guinevere, who will welcome you, officially, to our annual joust.
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Enter Queen Pearl, to applause and jazzy music.
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Pearl
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Hello, fellas.
Well, hello, fellas!
It's so nice to be back home where I belong.
You're looking swell, fellas.
I can tell, fellas,
You're still crowin', you're still growin',
You're still goin' strong.
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The Muppets harmonize with her.
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Pearl
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I feel this room swayin'
While the band's playin'
One of my old favorite songs of way back when!
Oooh! Golly gee, fellas,
Find me a vacant knee, fellas,
Pearlie will never go away,
Pearlie will never go away,
Pearlie will never go away again!
Ha ha!
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Applause.
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Rowlf
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Thank you, Your Majesty. And now to introduce the contestants for this year's joust.
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A Whatnot plays "First call".
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Scooter
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I got the horse right here, his name is Paul Revere,
And here's a guy who says if the weather's clear,
Can do, can do.
This guy says the horse can do.
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Fozzie
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I got a horse right here, belongs to Guinevere,
And I say this horse can do,
Can do … can do?
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Floyd and Gonzo prepare for jousting.
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Floyd
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Anything you can do, I can do better.
I can do anything better than you.
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Gonzo
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No, you can't.
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Floyd
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Yes, I can.
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Gonzo
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No, you can't!
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Floyd
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Yes, I can!
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Muppet crowd
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(right box) No, he can't!
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Muppet crowd
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(left box) Yes, he can, yes, he can!
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Gonzo
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Anything you can be, I can be greater.
I can be anything greater than you.
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Floyd
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No, you can't!
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Gonzo
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Yes, I can!
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Floyd
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No, you can't!
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Gonzo
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Yes, I can!
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Muppet crowd
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(left box) No, he can't!
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Muppet crowd
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(right box) Yes, he can, yes, he can!
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Piggy approaches Floyd.
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Miss Piggy
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A boy like that, who'd kill your brother,
Forget that boy and find another.
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Piggy & villains
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One of your own kind.
Stick to your own kind.
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Pearl and Rowlf watch the melee.
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Pearl
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You know, Rowlf, this don't make any sense at all.
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Rowlf
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I know, Pearl, but we're stuck with it. Let the joust begin!
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A trumpet fanfare is played as Floyd and Gonzo take their positions.
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Gonzo
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Thank you Camilla!
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Floyd
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Giddyup! Whoa!
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The crowd cheers as the jousters charge towards each other. They miss, then turn around, miss again, turn around, and finally collide.
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Pearl
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Hey, you guys all right down there?
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Gonzo
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Oh, oh... I'm not sure.
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Floyd
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How do we look?
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Cue the music.
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Pearl
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You look swell. You look great.
Gonna have the whole world on a plate!
Starting here, starting now,
Honey, everything's coming up roses and daffodils!
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Muppets
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Everything's coming up sunshine and Santa Claus!
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Pearl
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Everything's coming up roses for me …
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Pearl & Muppets
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And for you!
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Applause.
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