Episode 305: Pearl Bailey

The Muppet Show
Guest	Pearl Bailey
Production	March 14-16, 1978
Premiere	UK: April 9, 1978 NYC: November 16, 1978
Releases	Season 3 Best of the Muppet Show
(TRANSCRIPT)

Floyd is unhappy with the closing number -- the jousting scene from Camelot -- in which he has to play a knight, complete with heavy armor. The number also includes the mysterious Black Knight, whose identity might be revealed by his distinctive, hook-nosed mask. At the last minute, they find that they can't afford the rights to Camelot's music, so they substitute tunes from West Side Story, Annie Get Your Gun and Hello, Dolly!, not to mention My Fair Lady.

Songs/Sketches

• “My Soul Is a Witness”
• Muppet Labs: Edible Paperclips
• "The Bells of St. Mary's"
• Muppet News Flash
• “In the Good Old Summertime”
• UK Spot: "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee (An Actor's Life for Me)"
• Pigs in Space (Snacko Waves)
• At the Dance
• Medley: The jousting scene from Camelot- "Ascot Gavotte"/“Hello, Dolly!”/“Fugue for Tinhorns”/“Anything You Can Do”/ “A Boy Like That”/“Everything's Coming Up Roses”

Episode

Picture	Description
	Cold Open: Scooter calls for guest star Pearl Bailey. She tells Scooter that she'll be out just as soon as someone calls off the oysters that are attacking her. Eventually they back off, although they whine about it. She tells them to "clam up."
	"The Muppet Show Theme": Scooter calls for everybody to get onstage, but everybody already is onstage. Gonzo doesn't even want to try to play his trumpet. So, of course, it plays perfectly.
	Pearl Bailey's "poppa was a preacher," and so she and some Muppets sing "My Soul Is a Witness."
	Waldorf asks Statler what he thought of the opening number, but Statler first asks the opinion of an avocado. The avocado praises the performance, which Waldorf finds amazing. It's not so amazing, however, for the avocado has been a Pearl Bailey fan for years. Statler will continue to ask the avocado's opinion throughout the episode.
	Backstage, Janice questions Kermit about the closing number. She can't believe the "weird trip" he's sending them on, and then states that the band has "flashed" on the closing number. Though Kermit is confused by everything she says, Janice continues to protest their performing the jousting scene from Camelot. She brings Floyd, (who is wearing an oversized metal knight suit) in to back her up. "Oh, my froggy friend," says Floyd, "we need to work on today's slang." Kermit appears confused. Floyd then says,"When I said that I wanted to get into something heavy, Sir Knight of the Iron was not what I had in mind."
	Muppet Labs: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew presents a new invention to "tickle your fancy": Edible paper-clips! Beaker, of course, has the "honor" of being the first to try them. To his surprise, Beaker finds them delicious (and nutritious). That is, until his nose falls off.
	Floyd can't understand Kermit's casting decision. Kermit claims that Floyd fits the part and was the only one with the gallantry and honor to play it. And, as Scooter reveals, the only one who would fit into the iron suit. Kermit tries to convince Floyd to play the part, telling him he'll get to fight the Black Knight. "But who is the Black Knight?" asks Floyd. Then Gonzo The Black Knight bursts in saying, "The world will forever wonder who I am!" To which Kermit responds, "Though some may harbor suspicions."
	Two chickens play "The Bells of St. Mary's" on the chimes.
	Muppet News Flash: The Newsman reports on an explosion at the Smithfield Hat Factory.
	Pearl, digging Floyd's purple threads (a gift from his "main squeeze"), asks him to do an impromptu performance in her dressing room. Together, they play "In the Good Old Summertime."
	UK Spot: Fozzie Bear and Rowlf the Dog perform "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee (An Actor's Life for Me)." (Repeated from episode 301) Why? Just for the "halibut."
	Pigs in Space: The Swinetrek crew have become lost in space! Faced with a choice to either find out their position or perish, Captain Link Hogthrob has come up with the answer: prunes! "Prunes?" you may ask. Yes, for the Swinetrek has passed through a field of deadly "Snacko Waves," turning everything aboard the ship into food!
	Scooter informs Kermit that the publishers of the Camelot music won't allow them to use the jousting number. Kermit explains he would have given anything to use it. Unfortunately, they wanted money.
	At the Dance: Janice and a chicken (played by Dave Goelz) complain that their dancing partners, Floyd and Gonzo The Black Knight, aren't too light on their feet.
	Backstage, Kermit decides to cancel the joust as it will be dumb. Floyd and Janice are in full agreement, but Gonzo The Black Knight won't let him do it and forces the frog to introduce the scene.
	Kermit explains to the audience that there is a very "pointed argument" against canceling, and so introduces a slightly adjusted jousting scene.
	The jousting scene begins with the onlookers singing "Ascot Gavotte" from My Fair Lady. When Rowlf introduces Pearl Bailey, she performs her own rendition of "Hello, Dolly!" from the musical of the same name. Scooter and Fozzie then continue with "Fugue for Tinhorns" from Guys and Dolls. Gonzo and Floyd then battle with "Anything You Can Do," the bragging song from Annie Get Your Gun. Miss Piggy then comes on the scene to warn Floyd about Gonzo, singing "A Boy Like That" from West Side Story. So far, the scene makes no sense at all, as said by Pearl and Rowlf. As the scene ends, Pearl leads the Muppets in "Everything's Coming Up Roses."
	At the closing, Pearl offers to help Gonzo and Floyd out of their costumes, claiming she used to be a welder.

Notes

• Camelot's score was written by Frederick Loewe and Alan Jay Lerner, who also wrote the score for My Fair Lady (from which the Ascot Gavotte was included in this skit).
• Jerry Nelson's head can be seen during the song "In the Good Old Summertime" as he performs Floyd.
• The same joke about the "mystery of the Black Knight" will be likewise used (with the same punchline) for "Derth Nader" twice next season.

Edits

• Nickelodeon: Muppet Labs was cut.

Cast

Muppets:

Kermit the Frog, Floyd Pepper, Janice, Gonzo, Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy, Link Hogthrob, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker, Scooter, Mildred Huxtetter, Statler and Waldorf, Rowlf the Dog, Avocado, Pigs, Chickens, The Newsman, Whatnots, Snakes, Paul Revere, Cow

Background Muppets:

Wayne, Nigel, Zoot, Dr. Teeth, Leticia

Performers

Jim Henson as Kermit the Frog, Rowlf, Pig, Link Hoghrob, the Newsman and Waldorf

Frank Oz as Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear

Jerry Nelson as Floyd Pepper, Dr. Strangepork, Snakes and the Announcer

Richard Hunt as Scooter, Janice, Beaker and Statler

Dave Goelz as Gonzo, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and the Avocado

Louise Gold as Mildred Huxtetter

Peter Friedman as Whatnot Dancers

Gallery

Louise Gold performs in the jousting scene

Previous episode:	Next episode:
Gilda Radner	Jean Stapleton