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A fanfare plays as Scooter pushes Kermit onstage.
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Scooter
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Go ahead.
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Kermit
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Uh, uh, well, today, folks, uh, Miss Piggy has prepared a silly wedding sketch. Uh, naturally, it's just for fun, and...
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Pig minister
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Excuse me.
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Kermit
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What is it?
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Pig minister
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Can we start soon? I'm saying vespers at St. Anne's in half an hour. (walks off)
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Kermit
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What? (a cane yanks him away)
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Scooter
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And now, the wedding sketch.
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The curtain opens on a church interior. Rowlf plays the organ, and a group of pigs sits on one side, while a group of frogs (and Fozzie) sits on the other. Kermit enters, a bit baffled, but goes to the altar anyway. The pig minister arrives at the altar. Meanwhile in the wings, Marisa stands with Piggy, dressed in bridal regalia.
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Miss Piggy
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Oh! Oh, Marisa, do I look all right?
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Marisa
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You look radiant, my dear.
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Miss Piggy
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Oh!
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She kisses Piggy. Piggy makes her way to the altar, nervously. Rowlf plays "Here Comes the Bride".
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Kermit
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Uh, you sure this is gonna be funny?
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Miss Piggy
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Trust me.
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Pig minister
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Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this pig and this frog in holy wedlock.
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The pigs cry. In the wings, Animal stands by Marisa, also crying.
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Marisa
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I guess everyone cries at weddings.
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Animal
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(laughs)
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Marisa
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No, cries at weddings.
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Animal
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Oh. (moaning)
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Pig minister
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If there is anyone present who knows why this pig and this frog should not be joined in matrimony, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace.
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The frogs murmur. A mother pig smacks her child.
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Miss Piggy
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Do it!
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Pig minister
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Do you, Piggy, take this frog to be your lawfully wedded husband?
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Miss Piggy
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(sighs) I do.
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Pig minister
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And do you, Kermit, take this pig to be your lawfully wedded wife?
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Piggy nods.
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Kermit
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I … (pause) … I …
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Piggy nods. Kermit starts nodding with her.
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Kermit
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… I wanna introduce to you, the amazing Lew Zealand and his boomerang fish!
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Lew takes the stage and starts throwing fish as vaudevillian music plays. Piggy chases Kermit around the church as Wayne sings an aria and nearly catches a fish in his mouth. The scene ends in chaos, with fish being thrown around willy-nilly by everyone. Marisa catches a fish and giggles.
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Marisa
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This is a comedy sketch, after all.
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Kermit
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Well, it is now. (hides behind Marisa)
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Miss Piggy
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Kermit! We'll see if you laugh with a flipper crammed down your throat!
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The chase resumes.
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Kermit
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Close the curtains! Close the curtains!
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The curtains close. Kermit comes out.
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Kermit
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Uh, and so we come to the finish of Miss Piggy's wedding sketch...
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Miss Piggy
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That's not the finish. This is the finish. Hi-YAH!
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She kicks him through the curtain.
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