The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 311: Raquel Welch.
Cold open[]
Theme[]
Kermit | It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Raquel Welch! Whoo! Yaaay! |
The curtain opens, and the theme begins. | |
Beauregard pulls a rope, and a sandbag falls on his head. | |
Flowers come out of Gonzo's trumpet. |
Opening number[]
Main stage. Kermit enters to applause. | |
Kermit | Thank you! And welcome, again, to The Muppet Show, where tonight, we are delighted to have the one and only Miss Raquel Welch... |
Miss Piggy enters, clearing her throat. | |
Miss Piggy | Pity we can't book an important guest star on this show. (flips her hair) |
Kermit | Uh, well, what are you saying, Piggy? Tonight we have an internationally acclaimed actress, singer, dancer and one of the sexiest ladies alive! |
Miss Piggy | You've got that every night, frog. |
She flips her hair and walks off. | |
Kermit | Uh, well... ahem … uh, ignoring that, ladies, and particularly gentlemen, here she is, the curvaceous, the tantalizing, the desirable... |
Scooter | Hold it, chief! |
Kermit | What now? |
Scooter | She's changing her image. |
Kermit | Changing her image? |
Scooter | Yeah, she was just rehearsing Shakespeare. (exits) |
Kermit | But... Uh... Well, uh... uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, one of cinema's leading dramatic actresses, the very erudite, Miss Raquel Welch. |
Open on a jungle setting with birds and snakes. Raquel's opening number proves she hasn't changed her image too much when she dances and fights with a Giant Spider while singing "Baby It's Me." |
Backstage[]
"Jamboree"[]
Backstage[]
At the Dance[]
UK spot[]
Backstage[]
The Swedish Chef[]
Backstage[]