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Kermit enters to fanfare.
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Kermit
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And now, our very special guest star James Coco portraying a medium who will attempt to predict the future of a character who has no future. Curtain!
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GONG! The curtains open on Fozzie, in the lair of a fortune teller.
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Fozzie
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Boy, oh, boy, am I ever excited! I've never been to a real gypsy clairvoyant before. They say that for ten dollars, he'll read your mind. I wonder what he'd see in mine.
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James
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(entering through the beaded curtains) Three dollars change!
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James does a slight dance as he makes his way to his seat by Fozzie. He lets out a wail.
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Fozzie
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Oh! Oh, are you Dr. Coco, the Happy Medium?
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James
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That's right, that's right!
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Fozzie
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Oh!
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James
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And you...
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Fozzie
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Yes.
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James uses his powers to move Fozzie to and fro.
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James
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...are...you are Fozzie Bear!
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Fozzie
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(still in motion) And I am seasick! Please stop me. Thank you.
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James grabs hold of Fozzie, keeping him still.
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James
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Better?
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Fozzie
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I've got to know one thing!
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James
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Yes, I can!
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Fozzie
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Can you predict the futur-
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James
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I just did.
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Fozzie
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Oh! I want to know what my future in romance will be.
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James
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Let me see in my crystal ball with speak to me!
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James places the crystal ball on the table. He waves his hands and crosses his eyes. He lifts the cover, revealing Beauregard, head only, inside the ball.
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Beauregard
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Howdy.
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James screams in fright and covers the ball back up.
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James
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Bad news.
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Fozzie
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Wha-wha-wha-what?!
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James
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It spoke to me!
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Fozzie
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Do you see a tall, cute stranger?
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James
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(partially unveiling the ball) It could be taller, could be cuter, but it couldn't be stranger!
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James fully unveils the ball.
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Beauregard
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Hi, Fozzie.
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Fozzie
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Beauregard, I want to get my future told!
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Beauregard
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I want to get my head out.
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James
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I just want to get on with this sketch. I mean...
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Fozzie
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Bu-but, bu-bu-but, you're a medium!
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James
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A me-are you kidding, medium? I'm an extra large!
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Suddenly, a spirt appears beside them, laughing. They all shriek in fear.
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Chester
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Howdy, y'all! Are you the senior citizens of Abilene?
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James
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Uh, no, no.
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Fozzie
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Uh, n-no, no, no, no.
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Chester
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Aw, shucks. I'm Chester Pugh. I-I'm due to show up at their seance.
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Fozzie
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Are ya' late?
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Chester
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Of course, I'm the late Chester Pugh!
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Fozzie
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Never.
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Chester
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Better late than never!
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James
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But, this isn't even a real seance!
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Chester
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It isn't?
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Fozzie
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Well, hold... Wait, wait. Jimmy, you mean... he's not part of the sketch?
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James
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No.
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Fozzie
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(gasps)
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James
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This is a show!
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Chester
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A show? (notices the viewing audience) Aw, say, I'd like to say, "Hello," to ma and pa and all the night shift down at Schinder's. This one's for everybody on the other side.
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Chester begins to sing "Danny Boy." James shakes his head in disgust.
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Fozzie
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What's wrong?
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James
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Pretty bad.
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Fozzie
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Huh?
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James
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No good.
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Fozzie
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Why?
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James
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I mean, well, it's just, no rhythm, no pace. Not even good looking.
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Fozzie
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Jimmy?
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James
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Hm?
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Fozzie
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Jimmy, i-is this supposed to go this way?
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James
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Of course not! I didn't know we'd get a real ghost.
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Fozzie
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Oh...
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Suddenly, Beauregard and the table begin to lift above the ground.
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James
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Oh, look!
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Fozzie
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Oh, oh, ah, Jimmy!
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James
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The table is levitating!
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Fozzie
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Ah, ah! Beauregard, watch out! You're gonna get killed!
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Beauregard
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No, I'm going to get lunch!
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Beauregard leaves, carrying the table with him. Chester is still singing away.
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Fozzie
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Well, what do we do now?
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With no other option, the two sing "Danny Boy" with Chester. He disappears as the song wraps up and the duo take their bows.
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Waldorf
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What was that?
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Statler
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It's called "The Medium Sketch."
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Waldorf
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"The Medium Sketch?"
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Statler
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Yeah, it wasn't rare and it certainly wasn't well done! (both laugh)
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