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Main stage. Kermit enters to applause and reads from a paper.
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Kermit
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Uh... "Thank you, thank you." Fozzie, this is not going to work.
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Fozzie
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Just read off the page, frog.
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Kermit
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Um... "Lagies and genglefens…" Lagies and genglefens?
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Fozzie
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(comes onstage) Let's see.
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Kermit
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It says Lagies and genglefens."
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Fozzie
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All right. So my typing is bad. (exits)
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Kermit
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"Lagies and genglefins, welcon again ti the Muppel Shox." Uh... "My name is Kermit the Forg." The Forg?
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Fozzie
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Come on, pick up the pace. Here we go.
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Kermit
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"And our spegial guest stap is the amazing Hapry Belaf…" That's Harry Belafonte, folks.
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Fozzie
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Kermit, your timing must be off. You should be getting big laughs with that stuff.
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Kermit screams and shoos Fozzie away.
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Kermit
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Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Harry Belafonte!
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Open on a dock setting with banana boxes. Harry stands near a parrot, singing acapella.
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Harry
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Daaaay-oh. Daaaay-oh.
Daylight come and me wan' go home.
Day … Me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day-ay-oh…
Daylight come and me wan' go home.
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Fozzie
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That was beautiful.
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Harry
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Thank you very much, but I'm not finished with the song yet.
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Fozzie
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Oh, yeah, but boy, that was terrific. I — I bet you must have sang that song a bunch of times on TV, huh?
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Harry
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No, no, as a matter of fact, this is the very first time.
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Fozzie
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This here on The Muppet Show is the very first time you sang this…?
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Harry
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The very first time. That's why it's very special to me.
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Fozzie
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You bet it is, and to us, too. I'll tell you what. We're gonna do it up really perfect. Hey, pigs. Pigs, come on in.
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Some pigs emerge.
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Fozzie
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This — this is your pig chorus. Okay, and uh — and, I'll take care of everything else. Don't worry. This is gonna be great.
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Harry
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Are you sure?
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Fozzie
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… Trust me.
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Harry sings with accompaniment.
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Harry
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Work all night on a drink of rum.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Harry
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Stack banana till the morning come.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Harry
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Come mister tally man, tally me banana.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Harry
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Come—
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Fozzie
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Excuse me. I'm sorry. Excuse me. Uh, what is a tally man?
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Harry
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What is what?
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Fozzie
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A — tally man. You sang "tally man". What's that?
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Harry
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Well... well, he's the boss. The tally man is the guy who counts the bananas as they go into the hole of the ship. Without him there's just — just no work. He's a very important man.
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Fozzie
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Ahh! C-could I be a tally man?
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Harry
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Sure.
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Fozzie
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Oh, yeah? Well, terrific. (he dons a straw hat) Okay, here I am, the tally man, or the tally bear. Ahh! Okay, we got the tally bear, the boat, the chorus with the pigs and the parrot. Uh, okay, keep singing. This is gonna be great.
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Harry
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Are you sure we have everything?
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Fozzie
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Sure.
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Harry
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How about the bananas?
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Fozzie
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The what?
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Harry
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Bananas. We need bananas. It's the Banana Boat Song. We have to have bananas.
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Fozzie
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… Good thinking. Uh, I got just the man. Beauregard!
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Beauregard
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Yes?
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Fozzie
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Come here. You got a job. Uh, get bananas for this song.
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Beauregard
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Okay. (rushes off)
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Fozzie
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Okay. Go ahead. This is just gonna be great.
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Harry
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He's gonna get the bananas?
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Fozzie
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He's gonna get the bananas and the song's gonna be wonderful now.
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Harry
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Are you sure?
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Fozzie
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… Trust me.
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Harry
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It's what you said the last time.
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He stands up and sings.
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Harry
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Come mister tally man, tally me banana.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Beauregard brings a bag of onions.
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Harry
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Come mister tally man, tally me banana.
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Fozzie
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(stammers) Those are onions! Get bananas!
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Harry
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Lift six hand, seven hand, eight hand bunch.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Beauregard brings some eggplants.
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Harry
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Six hand, seven hand, eight hand bunch.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Fozzie
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I don't even know what those are. Bananas — they're yellow. Go get the bananas! (to Harry) Keep singing.
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Harry
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Day … me say day-oh.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Harry
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Day … me say day-oh.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Beauregard brings some pineapples. Fozzie hits him with his hat.
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Fozzie
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Stop that. Beauregard! They're n- they're pineapples!
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Harry
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A beautiful bunch of ripe banana.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Fozzie
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What're you doing? They're pineapples! Don't you know what bananas are? (to Harry) I'm sorry, sir. Don't you understand?
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Harry
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Hide the deadly black tarantula.
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Tarantula
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Daylight come and me wanna go home.
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Parrot
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No, no, no. I don't work with the deadly tarantula. I do all my own...
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Commotion ensues among them all.
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Harry
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Fellas, please. Wait, wait, wait, please. Oh, come on. Wait a minute, please. Look. Don't worry about the tarantula. Don't worry about the pineapples and the onions. Look — this is the first time I'm doing this song on television and I really would like to get it right. I'd like it to look good for all the people. Come on — won't you help me out? Let's pull together, okay?
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Fozzie
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Okay, right, yeah.
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Beauregard
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Sorry.
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Harry
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Everybody ready, okay?
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Parrot
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Okay.
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Harry
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Just watch me, okay? It'll work.
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Fozzie
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Y-y-you really think it'll work?
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Harry
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Trust me.
I lift six hand, seven hand, eight hand bunch.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wan' go home.
Six hand, seven hand, eight hand bunch.
Daylight come and me wan' go home.
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Harry
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Come, mister tally man, tally me banana.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wan' go home.
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Harry
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Come, mister tally man, tally me banana.
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The music stops.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wan' go hooooome.
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Harry
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Daaaaay-oh!
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Harry & others
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Daaaaay-oh!
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Harry
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Day-ay-ay-oh.
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Harry & others
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Day-ay-ay-oh.
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Harry
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Daylight come and me wan' go home.
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wan' go home.
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Harry
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Day!
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Others
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(haphazardly) Day!
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Harry
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Once again, please… Day!
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Others
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(haphazardly) Day!
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Harry
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Can we — can we do it all together?
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Fozzie
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Yes, sir, I'm sorry.
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Harry
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Here we go. Day!
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Others
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(haphazardly) Day!
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Harry
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All right. Me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day-ay-ay-oh.
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Others
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(fumbling) Me say day, me say day, me say day…
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Parrot
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How many is that?
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Fozzie
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Seven of 'em, I think. Me say day-oh…
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Harry
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HOOH! … (conducts)
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Harry & others
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Daylight come and me wan' go home.
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Applause. Sweetums wheels out a giant bunch of bananas. Harry grins.
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Statler
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That Banana Boat's a wonderful number.
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Waldorf
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Yeah, and look what they did to it.
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Statler
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(laughs)
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Waldorf
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I have a good mind to go home.
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Statler
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If you had a good mind you wouldn't be here in the first place.
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They chuckle.
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