Kermit
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Uh, okay, owing to the unfortunate cancellation of Muppet Labs...
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Beaker the lamp runs by, yelping.
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Kermit
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…combined with the fact that the furniture is taking over the show... ahem, uh, it's around this time that I start to wonder why I do it. There is a reason, of course, and here it is. We now turn over our stage to the lovely and talented Miss Elke Sommer!
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The curtain opens on Elke, dressed as Shirley Temple, on a pedestal surrounded by balloons. She curtsies and sings "Animal Crackers in My Soup".
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Kermit
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Uh, hold, hold. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Uh, one second. Uh, listen, I'm sorry, Elke, uh, but um … uh, you're a great singer and a perfect performer and...
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Elke
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Thank you.
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Kermit
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But, you see, this … this whole "little girl" look just isn't right for this show.
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Elke
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But why, Kermit? I mean, it's such a cute little show. With little piggies and little duckies and not to even mention little froggies. (giggles)
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Kermit
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Yeah, but you see, we try to appeal to adults.
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Elke
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Oh.
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Kermit
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I mean, we're — we're very suave, sophisticated … duckies and piggies and froggies. Ahem.
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Elke
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(flustered) Oh, gee, yeah, well — gee, I got the whole thing all wrong. Do you think I could get a chance to do it again?
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Kermit
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Well, uh, okay, yeah, sure, sure, of course. Okay, curtain! Curtain!
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She gets up on the pedestal. The curtain closes and a fanfare plays.
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Kermit
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Okay, well, uh, I'm sorry for that little hitch, folks. But here she is now, the wonderful Miss Elke Sommer.
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The curtain opens on Elke, dressed as Marlene Dietrich, against a different backdrop with marble dog statues. Five Whatnot backing singers accompany her as she sings slowly and seductively.
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Kermit
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(interrupts) Yeah, yeah, uh, hold, uh, I'm sorry...
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Elke
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What is it now, Kermit? I mean, wasn't that sophisticated enough? I gave it everything I had.
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Kermit
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(looks her over) Uh, yeah, ahem, uh, yeah. Well, that's true. But it just... it's just, well, it's not the way that, uh… ahem … we would do it.
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Elke
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I mean, you people?
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Kermit
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Mm-hmm.
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Elke
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Well, how would you people do it then?
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Kermit
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Oh. Well — would you like to do it our way?
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Elke
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Sure, I'd like to do it your way. That's what I'm here for.
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Kermit
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Oh, well, uh, brave girl. Okay, uh, curtain! Curtain!
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She gets up on the pedestal. The curtain closes and a fanfare plays.
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Kermit
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Okay, well... ahem. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, here to do her first number for the third time... ahem ... Elke Sommer!
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The curtain opens on Elke, her head on the body of a wiry Muppet, dancing between two Bossmen. She finishes the song. Applause.
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Waldorf
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You know, I don't think this show is suitable for children.
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Baby (JN)
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I don't think this show is suitable for anybody.
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They all chuckle.
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