The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 322: Roy Rogers & Dale Evans.
Cold open[]
Theme[]
Kermit | It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest stars, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans! Yaaay! |
The curtain opens, and the theme begins. | |
Patron | Are these seats taken? |
Statler & Waldorf | No! Take 'em! (they chuckle) |
When Gonzo blows his horn, it sounds like a horse's whinny. |
Opening number[]
Main stage. Kermit enters dressed as a cowboy. | |
Kermit | Yahoo and howdy! And welcome to the Muppet cowboy show, with tonight's stars, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. And it's not only my hat that's a tribute to the wild wooly west. There's also my wild wooly vest. (giggles) |
Cowboy (RH) | Are those your jokes? |
Kermit | Yes, sir. |
Cowboy (RH) | Well, get 'em off my land before you scare the horses. |
Kermit | Yes sir, yes sir. Uh, we're, we're just about to do the opening number. Ahem. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, the opening number. |
The Prairie Dogs sing "Blue Skies." | |
Waldorf | How'd you like that song by those prairie dogs? |
Statler | Now there's a number I could go-fer. |
They chuckle. | |
Statler | Gopher! Prairie dog! |
Backstage[]
"Skyball Paint"[]
Main stage. Kermit enters. | |
Kermit | OK, well, it's not often that things get any better around here. So, brace yourselves for things to get positively grand right now, because ladies and gentlemen, here he is, the king of the cowboys, Roy Rogers! |
The curtain opens on a ranch setting. Roy and a bunch of cowboys, including Beauregard, are gathered around. | |
Roy | Now this is a story about one of the roughest, toughest, meanest buckin' horses that ever jumped out of a chute, by the name of old Skyball Paint. |
One of them plays the guitar as Roy sings "Skyball Paint." Beauregard joins on the harmonica. | |
Statler | That Roy Rogers is one good singer. |
Waldorf | Yep, but it he does any of those rope tricks, I'm leaving. |
He is lassoed out of the balcony. | |
Statler | Bye! (laughs) |
Backstage[]
Muppet Sports[]
"Deep in the Heart of Texas"[]
Kermit | Ladies and gentlemen, not only is the king of cowboys with us, but his lady is with us, too. Here she is, Miss Dale Evans. |
Open on the ranch. Dale gets ready to sing with Bobby Benson's Baby Band. A backup trio plays behind them, including Benson. | |
Dale | Now, we're rehearsed, aren't we? OK, do you think you can remember where to come in? You can, of course you can. Come in on the beat of the music clapping with me. OK, let's begin. All right. |
Dale & babies |
The stars at night are big and bright, |
Dale | Well, you're not exactly the Sons of the Pioneers … but you get the rhythm. |
Dale & babies |
The sage in bloom is like perfume, |
Dale | You know, children, that's just great. Let's do this again, but let's change it, OK? Suppose instead of clapping, we make a sound like what I'm singing about. You think you can do that? We'll start first with a coyote. |
Baby | What's a coyote? |
Dale | Well, kind of like a dog. You'll hear it. Now, listen real carefully. The coyote's wail along the trail, |
Babies | Ow-ow-ow-owwwwww… |
Dale |
Deep in the heart of Texas! |
Babies | (neighing) |
Dale |
Deep in the heart of Texas! |
Babies | Yip-yip-yeah! |
Dale |
Deep in the heart of Texas! |
Babies | (crying) |
Dale | Oh, oh, I didn't mean you to bawl, dear. Oh, honey, no. No, no, like this. "Ahh." Like that. No, no, OK. Aw, you're so cute. Honestly, I'd just love to adopt every one one of you and take you home with me to Texas. |
Baby | What's a Texas? |
Dale | What's a Texas! Well! |
Dale & babies |
Deep in the heart … (Deep in the heart) |
Applause. |