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Piggy knocks and enters.
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Miss Piggy
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Excusez-moi, Cheryl. Are you busy?
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Cheryl
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Oh, no, Miss Piggy. Come in.
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Miss Piggy
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Ah, thank you.
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Cheryl
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Oh, by the way, I borrowed some of your perfume. I hope you don't mind.
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Miss Piggy
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(sniffs her) Oh, that stuff's okay.
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Cheryl
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Oh. Oh — I'm so glad you came in, because there was something I wanted to talk to you about.
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Miss Piggy
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Oh? Tell me. Yes?
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Cheryl
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Oh…
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Miss Piggy
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No, go ahead. Oh, come on.
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Cheryl
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I am really a big fan of yours.
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Miss Piggy
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Of course. Although I … I am a bit surprised. You see, most women are insanely jealous of me.
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Cheryl
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Oh. Well, I can understand that. You certainly are a threat.
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Miss Piggy
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Mm-hmm. Beauty can be a curse.
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Cheryl
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Would you like to know what I admire most about you?
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Miss Piggy
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Well... ahem… I, uh, I'd like to guess. Um, my big blue eyes? My beautiful blonde hair? My — (poses) sylph-like figure?
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Cheryl
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Nope, your chops.
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Miss Piggy
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What?
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Cheryl
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Your chops. Your karate chops.
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Miss Piggy
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Oh, yeah, oh, "ha-ha," like that. Oh, yes, of course.
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Cheryl
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You know what? You're really super. I've seen you in action.
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Miss Piggy
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Well, I've seen you deck a few baddies yourself.
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Cheryl
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After all, we have to protect ourselves.
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Miss Piggy
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Mm-hmm.
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Cheryl
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We are just helpless girls.
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Miss Piggy
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Mm-hmm.
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Cue the music.
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Miss Piggy
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Ready?
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Cheryl
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Ready.
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They both go behind a dressing board.
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Cheryl
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I'm a girl and by me that's only great.
I am proud that my silhouette is curvy.
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Miss Piggy
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I walk with a sweet and girlish gait,
With my hips kinda swivelly and swervery.
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Cheryl
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I adore being dressed in something frilly
When my date comes to get me at my place.
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They both emerge wearing karate outfits.
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Miss Piggy
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Out I go with my Joe or John or Billy
Like a filly who is ready for the race!
Ahem.
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Cheryl
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Oh, oh. This is the dummy I practice on.
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Miss Piggy
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Oh, Cheryl, how sweet. I have a dummy too. Kermie!
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Kermit
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(enters) Yeah? Wh-What do you want?
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Miss Piggy
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Now, sweetie, just trust me.
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Kermit
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Yeah?
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Cheryl
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Ready?
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Miss Piggy
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Right. Ahem.
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|
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They both practice attacking their "dummies" as they sing.
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Cheryl
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When I have a brand new hairdo — HAH!
With my eyelashes all in curls,
I float like the clouds on air do.
I enjoy being a girl.
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Miss Piggy
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Ahem.
When men say I'm cute and funny — Hi-YAH!
And my teeth aren't teeth but pearls,
I just lap it up like — (throws Kermit) — honey.
I enjoy being a girl.
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Cheryl
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(throws her dummy)
I flip when a fella sends me flowers.
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Miss Piggy
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(throws Kermit)
I drool over dresses made of lace.
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Cheryl
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(chops the phone)
I talk on the telephone for hours
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Miss Piggy
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With a pound and a half of cream upon his face!
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Kermit
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What?
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Cheryl hits him in the face with a pie.
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Miss Piggy
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All right!
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Cheryl
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(punches a hole in the wall)
I'm strictly a female female…
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Miss Piggy
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Yeah! (knocks over the board)
And my future I hope will be… Ha-ha!
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They destroy the dressing room and gently end the song.
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Cheryl & Piggy
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In the home of a brave and free male,
Who'll enjoy being a guy … having a girl …
Like me.
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Applause.
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