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Main stage. Kermit enters to applause.
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Kermit
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Hi-ho! Thank you, thank you and welcome to another one of those things we call The Muppet Show. Tonight, our very special guest star is that master of comedy and culture, Mr. Victor Borge. And we're all very excited about it, uh —
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The Swedish Chef enters, playing a concertina and singing a melody.
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Kermit
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… uh, especially the Swedish Chef. Chef! Uh, Chef. Uh, you know, Victor Borge is not Swedish. He's Danish.
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The Chef dismisses Kermit, tossing away the concertina and walking off.
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Kermit
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Well, uh, sorry about that. Anyhow, before we get to good things like guest stars, we have to pass through some strange and unknown territory, comme ça …
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Open on an urban apartment rooftop setting. Tenants and rats go about their business until a gang of scatting pigs pop up in the windows.
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Mop lady
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Pigs!
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Link, the gang leader, emerges.
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Link Hogthrob
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Everybody wants to be a macho, macho man,
To have the kind of body that's always in demand!
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Link & pigs
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Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man! (Macho man, yeah!)
I've got to be a macho man! (Gotta be a…)
Macho, macho man! (Oh yeah!)
I've got to be a macho! (Hm! Yeah! Huh!)
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Gonzo emerges, leading a gang of chickens. Patrol Bear Fozzie looks up as the chickens cluck to the music.
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Gonzo
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All right! Come on now, girls! Come on, chicky-baby! Check my action! Come on, chicky! Check my action!
Everybody wants to be a macho, macho man,
To have the kind of body that's always in demand!
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Gonzo & chickens
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Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man! (Macho!)
I've got to be a macho man! (I've gotta be a…)
Macho, macho man!
I've got to be a macho!
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Fozzie confronts Link, and blows his whistle. A tenant drops a flower pot on Fozzie's head, knocking him out. Meanwhile, Gonzo and the chickens dance. Gonzo puts up his dukes towards a clothesline.
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Gonzo
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Come on now, fight like a shirt!
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POW! The shirt punches him.
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Link & pigs
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Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man! (Macho man!)
I've got to be a macho man!
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Gonzo & chickens
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Macho, macho man! (Aaaah!)
I've got to be a macho! (All right!)
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SPROING! Gonzo uses the clothesline to launch the chickens towards the pigs on the other side.
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Link & pigs
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Macho, macho man!
I've got to be a macho man!
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Gonzo & chickens
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(All right now!) Macho, macho man!
I've got to be a macho!
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One of the chickens shoves a pig off the railing, and it lands on Fozzie as he blows his whistle. The pigs wave surrender flags.
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Link & pigs
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I've got to be a macho!
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Gonzo
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You're a bunch of sissies!
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All
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I've got to be a macho!
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Gonzo and the chickens cheer. Link sucks his thumb. Applause.
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Waldorf
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They shouldn't allow gangs like that on the street.
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Statler
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I'd rather have 'em on the street than on the stage.
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They chuckle.
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