Just as Gonzo blows the final note, he's trampled by a herd of cows. The last cow stops and moos to the crowd.
Kermit enters to applause.
Good evening, good evening, good evening! I am the frog, you are the audience and this is The Muppet Show. It works out kinda nice that way. And another thing that's nice is our very special guest star is that great singer of folk songs, Mr. Arlo Guthrie. So, we're just gonna lay back, relax and spend a quiet family evening. Welcome to our house!
The curtains open, revealing the Muppets in a rustic home. The opening number begins to play as Kermit and the Muppets sing a little.
Yup. Yup, you can see everybody's gathered around the ol' homestead here - uh, the family's here, granny and the baby, and the bear, and the band. And over at the piano, Mr. Arlo Guthrie! Yaaay!
Arlo and the Muppets sing "Grocery Blues." Midway through, the Swedish Chef leaves the premises with a shopping cart.
Mm-hmm, off to the grocery store!
He soon returns with the cart stocked with foods, including a panicked, live turkey. The Chef laughs as he brandishes his cleaver. Arlo and the Muppets finish the song.
I wonder why they didn't just let Arlo do a solo?
They were afraid if they left him alone, he'd make a run for it! (both laugh)
Various Whatnots from the number come backstage. The Swedish Chef polishes dishes on the floor above.
Okay, very nice, guys. Very folksy, very friendly, very homely.
Who you callin' "homely?"
Uh, homelike, homelike. Ooo, don't be so touchy.
The Whanot leaves, as Winny enters.
(waving to the Chef) Oo-ooo!
Hey, Winny. Uh, w-what's the Chef doing up there with all those dishes.
Oh, well, when Chef and I heard you were having a big, family gathering on the show, we decided you should have a proper meal.
Well, that's true.
So, we got out the crockery and now Chef can start cooking!
Yeah, but - oh, oh, Chef! Chef, uh, we're having it catered.
The Swedish Chef drops a stack of dishes over the balcony in shock and begins to cry.
I-it's just that, uh, you know, I thought the Chef would like a day off and I know this great caterer, and uh...
The Swedish Chef knocks over another stack in despair.
Uh, Chef! Chef, wait a minute! On the other hand, Chef - hold it! Wait a second, I-I'll change my mind. Uh, you can cook dinner.
The Swedish Chef tosses away his napkin and grabs another stack of dishes, dancing happily with them.
But, Chef, be careful with those last dishes. Wha?!
The Swedish Chef releases them over the railing, revealing they're all strung together. He and Winny laugh.
(laughing) What a sense of humor!
(grimacing) Yeah, they call him "The Swedish Noël Coward."
Winny and the Swedish Chef continue laughing.
A mother watches the news on TV with her baby.
And now, direct from the Chicago livestock board, here are the gestation periods.
(looks around) Yes. Anyhow, gestation periods. Pigs, 113 days. Cows, 284 days. Horses, 337 days, and elephants, 645 days. Elsewhere on the agricultural news front, the recent bumper crop has been causing problems for farmers. Widespread dumping of produce has resulted from this bumper crop, and now —
A pile of car bumpers falls on him. The mother and baby laugh.
Uh, I've come out here in the pasture to prove a point. And the point is that there's as much sophistication and style out here in the country as there is on Broadway. Presenting Aunt Melba's Guernsey Cotillion with a little "Elegance."
A herd of cows sing "Elegance." They sing in the pasture, then move into the house, donning more showy costumes.
Hey, those heifers are pretty good hoofers. (laughs)
Yeah, just hope it doesn't curdle the milk! (both laugh)
The Swedish Chef
In the kitchen, the Swedish Chef sings his theme tune, then tosses two pots behind him.
Excusie. (mock Swedish) roost torkey. Here we get da torkey. Here, torkey, torkey.
A turkey enters, gobbling.
Ooo, sweet torkey. Nice... (kisses turkey repeatedly) torkey. Oookay! We roost the torkey.
The Swedish Chef grabs his spit and inspects the tip, pricking his finger.
Okay, torkey. Here go. (positions turkey) Now, we skewer de torkey.
In mock Swedish, the Chef describes how he'll skewer the spit through the turkey. The turkey is very nervous, but the Chef smacks him into compliance.
Alrooty. One, two three...
The Chef aims to skewer, but the turkey dodges it. He grabs the spit in his beak and knocks the Chef out with it, tramples him and exits.
Gonzo walks into Arlo's dressing room, carrying a guitar case.
Hey, oh, Arlo! Hey, I was wondering if you could help me, uh, tune my guitar.
Oh, sure. Come in, Gonzo. You know, I love guitars.
Ah, yeah. Well, this one's a beauty. It's a custom job I had shipped in from Miami.
Arlo opens the case and pulls out the guitar, made to resemble a flamingo.
Oh, wow - a real flamingo guitar!
Arlo strums a short, flamenco piece as Gonzo dances.
At the Square Dance
Dissolve to a close-up of an oil lamp.
And it's time for the square dance.
Dissolve to a hayfield, where a trio of Muppet couples dance as Gramps sings and a square dance version of the "At the Dance" music on violin.
One for the money, two for the show Grab your partner, here we go Now, turn to the left, turn to the right Hold your honey and hold 'er tight Prettiest tune that's ever been played Swing your partner, promenade
A kitten's a cat, a doe's a deer Take your finger and stick it in your ear
The dancers continue with their fingers in their ears.
Now, aleman left with a do-si-do Prance little darlin's, heel and toe Cows can moo and crows can caw Ladies, make a fist and punch 'im in the jaw
The males are punched.
Men in the center, cryin' in pain Turn to the ladies who'll do it again
The ladies sock their partners once more.
Pins and needles, needles and pins Men, get even, kick 'em in the shins
Arlo sits on the porch with a guitar. His is surrounded by a herd of cows, a bull, a horse and a chicken. Rover Joe sits at his feet.
I'm happy to sing this song to you dogies tonight. You know, that's what they call ya'. It's not about dogs. This is a ol' song, cowboy song, and it goes like this.
Arlo sings a verse of "Get Along Little Dogies." The cows moo along with some of his elongated notes. He takes a break from singing. The livestock react as Arlo analyzes the lyrics.
Sounds like a nice song. Tell ya', know the truth of the truth of it... You know, these songs was sung by lyin' cowboys. I mean, what's that mean - "whoopie ti-yi-yo, get along little dogies? It's your misfortune, ain't none of my own." That means the cowboy, he's got a gun. And the dogies is unarmed. And he goes on to say, "whoopie ti-yi-yo, get along little dogies. You know that Wyoming will be your new home." Well, a lotta bull that is. Wyoming's not gonna be their new home. They're gonna be inside a tin can outside a' Kansas City.
The cows are all shocked. Arlo sings a few more lyrics, when stopping abruptly. The animals egg him on to continue.
Nothin' left of this song...or the cowboy that sung it.
Arlo and the animals sing one last chorus together.
The Swedish Chef
The Swedish Chef straightens his bow tie, ready for his next cooking demonstration.
(mock Swedish) no roost torkey. (mock Swedish) de roost piggy. Piggy, piggy, piggy! Here, piggy! Suey, piggy, piggy, pi-
A disgruntled pig enters.
SUEY, piggy, piggy, piggy!
He bashes the Chef in the face with a ladle, then exits. The Swedish Chef stabilizes himself on the counter.
Uh, noo roost piggy. Uh, uh... (grabbing some utensils) Here, bef. Roost bef. (clanking the utensils) Here, beffy, beffy, beffy!
A herd of cows tramples the Chef.
Kermit watches as the pig and cows come backstage. The pig smacks Kermit's desk with his ladle. Fozzie enters.
Hey, hey, Kermit. Kermit, I am ready to do my Robert Frost poetry reading.
Behind them, some cows assemble and chew on some hay.
Uh, Fozzie, you can't do poetry on this show.
Kermit, uh, look at all these cows... this show every bit of class it can get.
Anyway, Kermit, my-my poetry's just as good as my comedy.
It's that bad, huh?
(getting on his knees) Kermit, I memorized a whole poem.
Okay. Y-you can do your poetry, but just make it snappy.
Yes, sir! Thank you, sir! (rushes out)
Gonzo enters, dressed in a Latin American outfit with sombrero.
'Kay, Kermit. I'm ready for my tango number!
Uh, Gonzo, not on this show. Maybe next week.
Kermit, Kermit. Perfection cannot be denied! Whoopie! (runs to the stage)
On a snowy landscape, Fozzie rides in on a sled, pulled by a horse (Old Skyball Paint).
Ho! Ah. (clears throat)Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost. (clears throat)
Whose woods these are I think I know His house is in the village though He will not mind if I stay here To watch his woods fill up with snow
As Fozzie finishes the first verse of the poem, Gonzo sneaks onto the set behind him, unnoticed.
My little horse must think it queer To stop without a farm-
The vegetables leap from the counter and trounce him, then leave. Kermit enters.
Okay. Well, uh... (clears throat) Uh, while the Chef sends out for pizza or something...
The Swedish Chef woozily rises up before collapsing onto the counter. Music begins to play from the other room.
Um...uh, I think I hear music coming from the living room, the music of Mr. Arlo Guthrie.
In the living room, Arlo and the Muppets sing "Sailing Down This Golden River."
Kermit walks up to the front door of the house.
Well, we've just about reached the end of the day down here on the ol' homestead. (walking inside) And, as the sun sinks slowly in the West, the entire family gathers around the traditional table for a great feast. And we say thank you to our very special guest star, Mr. Arlo Guthrie! Yaaay!
Arlo removes his arm from around Miss Piggy's shoulder as they notice they're visible. Kermit and the other Muppets gather around the dinner table.
Thank you, Kermit. You know, I've had a wonderful time, but can we, uh, carve the turkey now?
Yeah, I'm starved.
Yeah, let's do that.
The turkey enters, gobbling.
Well, maybe no turkey, but, uh, what are we gonna have?
W-well, I'm certain that the Swedish Chef has cooked up something for us, right Chef?
Arlo lifts the tray cover up, revealing a plate of pill bottles and jars. The Muppets gasp in confusion and shock.
It's vitamin pills!
(simultaneously) Vitamin pills?!
Chef, you crazy chef!
(saying something like "Let me explain." in mock Swedish)
Uh, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
The Muppets continue to argue. Arlo pours out some pills on his plate and begins carving as the closing theme plays.
Well, as they say in France, "Adíos."
No, that's Spanish.
I know, I don't speak French.
Waldorf laughs as Statler double-takes.
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