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Kermit and Liza approach the stage together.
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Kermit
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Okay.
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Liza
|
What?
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Kermit
|
Now, now you got the plan?
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Liza
|
Yes, I've got the plan. But, Kermit, how can you be certain this is gonna work?
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Kermit
|
You gotta trust me, kid.
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Liza
|
Yeah...
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Kermit
|
Now, you know what to do?
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Liza
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Of course - smile and show my legs.
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Kermit
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No, no, no, that was the other guy!
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Liza
|
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah, sorry.
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Kermit
|
Yeah, yeah. Right, right.
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Liza
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Yes, trust me. I know what to do.
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Kermit
|
Okay, okay. Here we go. (clears throat) You just take a seat over there.
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|
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Kermit has gathered the remaining cast members on the stage. Liza sits on a nearby stool.
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Kermit
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Uh, uh, boys and girls! Uh, ladies and gentlemen!
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Fozzie
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(off-screen) KERMIT! (enters)
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Kermit
|
Uh, uh, Fozzie...Fozzie, don't worry. Just sit down. All will be revealed.
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Fozzie
|
Yes, sir.
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Kermit
|
Uh, now, you may be wondering why I've called you all together. Well, the fact is Ms. O'Shaughnessy has discovered the identity of the murderer!
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Muppets
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(all gasp)
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Liza
|
Yes, it's true. It's a secret, though. I haven't even told Kermit. I know who committed these dastardly, cold-blooded, heinous crimes, these murders! I hereby accuse-
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The lights suddenly go out. Piggy and the others scream as gunfire is heard.
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Kermit
|
What happened?! Hey! Somebody turn on the lights!
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The lights come back on, revealing Liza with a knife in her chest.
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Floyd
|
Oh no, it's Liza!
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Liza
|
Oh, my nerves!
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|
|
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Liza hammily stumbles around the set, moaning in pain, as the piano plays "Copacabana." She eventually grabs some flowers and falls onto a table.
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Liza
|
(gasping) Kermit! Kermit, the final curtain has fallen. I've played my last role. Good night, sweet prince. Hello, Death.
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Kermit
|
Uh, uh, somebody call a doctor!
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Liza
|
Too late, green buddy. Give my regards to Broadway. Remember me to...to...
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Kermit
|
Herald Square?
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Liza
|
No, forget him. Herald's really square. Mmm, buh-bye! (passes out)
|
|
Statler and Waldorf rush onto the stage.
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Statler
|
Oh no, not Liza!
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Waldorf
|
We love Liza!
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Statler
|
Yeah, we didn't mean to bump her off!
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Waldorf
|
No, just the rest of you guys!
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Muppets
|
(all gasp)
|
|
Liza gets up from the table, haven faked her death.
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Liza
|
Ah-ha! I knew it! Scratch a critic and you get an assassin!
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|
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Statler
|
Then-then your death scene was a trick?!
|
Liza
|
Well, after all, darling, I mean I am an actress.
|
Statler
|
Bravo!
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Waldorf
|
Bravo!
|
Statler
|
Yeah, best performance we've seen on this show in years! (both laugh)
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Kermit
|
Okay, Fozzie, take 'em away!
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Fozzie
|
Yes, sir! Okay, here we go! (pushes Statler and Waldorf away as they protest)
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Kermit
|
And throw the book at 'em!
|
Beauregard
|
Okay, sir! (throws a book in their direction as Floyd and Janice laugh and Miss Piggy takes to the camera)
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Liza
|
Oh, Kermit, congratulations. You did it!
|
Kermit
|
No, we did it.
|
Liza
|
...yeah.
|
Kermit
|
Well, then I guess that's, I guess that's the end.
|
Liza
|
Oh, oh, no, Kermit. Tha-that's not the end. (as she removes her robe) This is the end. Hit it!
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|
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Liza begins singing "Everything's Coming Up Roses" as a garden set rolls in. The rest of the Muppet Players join in as the song builds to a close.
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