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Announcer
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And now, PIGS… IN… SPACE!
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The bridge under the control of Luke and the Droids. The control panel is covered with snack debris.
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Announcer
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The last time we saw the spaceship Swinetrek, we hoped it would be the last time. But, it's back.
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Luke
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3PO, activate the NaviComputer.
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C-3PO pushes a button and recoils in disgust.
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C-3PO
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Eugh. I'm not awfully keen on this spaceship, Master Luke. It's so messy. Cakes, half-eaten sandwiches...
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Luke
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Oh, will you stop? You don't hear R2 complaining, do you?
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R2D2
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(beeps)
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C-3PO
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Yes I do. He just said it's like a pigsty.
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Link Hogthrob enters the bridge.
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Link
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Hey, what's going on here?! I'm Captain Link Hogthrob and this is my spaceship!
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C-3PO
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Hm. That explains everything.
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Link
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Hm?
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Luke
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Why don't you let me explain? I'm Luke Skywalker. My friends and I have just borrowed your spaceship so we can rescue our friend, Chewbacca the Wookie.
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Link
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Hm?
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The other set of doors open. First Mate Piggy is about to enter, when she notices who's on board.
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Piggy
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Ooo, it's Luke Skywalker. Woo, one of the heavenly bodies! I'll, uh, change. Ah-hmm. (exits)
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Luke
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Now, is there anything else you'd like to know?
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Link
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Yes, I have one very important question I'd like to ask you!
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Luke
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What's that?
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Link
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Who's your tailor? I love that outfit.
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Dr. Julius Strangepork enters the scene.
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Strangepork
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Link! Link, what's happening?
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Link
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I'll explain later. Right now, I'm talking to Luke.
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Strangepork
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Luke?
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Link
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Uh, now, perhaps if I give you my measurements...
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Strangepork
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Hey, vait a minute. Vait a minute here! Hey! Who are you?
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C-3PO
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I am C-3PO and that is R2D2.
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R2D2
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(beeps)
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Strangepork
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I'm Dr. Strangepok.
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C-3PO
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Oh my, and I thought our names were weird.
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Strangepork
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(crossing the room) Hey. Oh boy, hot diggity dog, son of a gun! Oh boy! Oh, look at that! Hey, could I play vith your toy robot?
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C-3PO
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He's not a toy robot! He's a scientifically-programmed droid and he's not to play with.
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Strangepork
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Aw, come on. Let me just push one button.
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C-3PO
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Don't be disgusting!
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Strangepork pushes a button on R2D2, who shocks Strangepork into C-3PO's arms.
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Strangepork
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Whoa!
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C-3PO
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Well, I did warn you.
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Link
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Now, you've got my jacket size.
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Luke
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(writing in pad) Mm-hmm. Forty-four long.
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Link
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Mm-hmmm.
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Luke
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And your head size... forty-two thick.
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Link
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Hm?
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Piggy reappears, dressed as Princess Leia.
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Piggy
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Luke! Oh! Luke! Luuuke! Luuuke! Ooh, it is I, the princess!
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Luke
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Princess?
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Piggy
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Yes, yes! I have just escaped from an evil fiend who held me prisoner.
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Luke
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(chuckles) Well, the evil fiend must feed his prisoners well.
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Piggy
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...what?
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Luke
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Well, uh, what I mean is, it looks like you've put on, uh...
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Piggy
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Uh, hmm. Psst.
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Luke leans his ear toward Piggy.
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Piggy
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Look, Skywalker. Go along with this or I'll cut ya' in half.
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Luke
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(coughs nervously) ...look, it's the princess!
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Piggy
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Ah ha ha!
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Link
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Huh?
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C-3PO
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Doesn't look like the princess to me.
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Piggy
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Watch it, Hardware.
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R2D2
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(beeps)
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C-3PO
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Master Luke! We're about to make a landing. And look who's there!
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A mysterious figure appears in the window of the Swinetrek. The sky turns red, revealing the fiend.
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All
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(gasp) Oh no! Dearth Nadir!
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Luke and C-3PO
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...who?
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Announcer
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Stay tuned for part two, when the Swinetrek lands on Koozebane and we learn the true identity of this arch fiend.
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Dearth Nadir turns, revealing his Gonzo nose-shaped mask.
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Gonzo
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(breathing heavily) The world will never know!
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