The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 420: Alan Arkin.
Cold open[]
Theme[]
Kermit | It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Alan Arkin! Yaaay! |
The curtain opens, and the theme begins. | |
Beauregard mops Rowlf's piano keys while he's still playing it. | |
Rowlf | Hey! Beauregard! C'mon! |
Gonzo's trumpet mimics a typewriter. |
Opening number[]
Main stage. Kermit enters to applause. | |
Kermit | Thank you, thank you, thank you! Hi-ho and WELCOME again to The Muppet Show! And have we got a show for you! Well, yes, as a matter of fact, we have. Yes, it's gonna be a TERRIFIC show, because our very special guest star is that fantastic actor, singer and director, Mr. Alan Arkin! (audience aahs) Yes! But before we meet Alan, let us take a trip down south, where we shall meet some very strange TOURISTS! YAAAAYY! |
The Devil and Johnny play "The Devil Went Down to Georgia". | |
Statler | Well, I've seen many an egg laid on this show, but this is a first. |
Waldorf | Why? |
Statler | It laid a deviled egg. |
They chuckle. |
Backstage[]
Dressing room[]
"Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah"[]
Main stage. Kermit enters to applause. | |
Kermit | And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's guest star time. And here he is to sing "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah", Mr. Alan— |
Scooter | Kermit! Kermit! Uh, I don't think you'd better introduce Alan Arkin right now. |
Kermit | Why not? |
Scooter | Well, uh, well, he's changed. |
Kermit | Well, of course he's changed. He had to put on his costume for this number. |
Scooter | I mean he's changed in another way. |
Kermit | Well, I don't know what you're talking about. Just let me finish the introduction. ladies and gentlemen — |
He overhears Alan/Hyde roaring. | |
Kermit | What was that? |
Scooter | Alan Arkin. |
Kermit | Uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, the fabulously talented, the Bun-Bun Brothers. |
On stage, the Bun-Bun Brothers sing "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah" on a set of green fields and trees with a rainbow backdrop. Alan/Hyde storms into the number, violently tearing the set apart and brutally beating the bunnies, who start to question whether it's a "wonderful day". One rabbit hides in Statler and Waldorf's box. | |
Rabbit (FO) | You look like two kindly old gentlemen. Can I hide here? |
A beat. | |
Statler | Hey Alan! Here's one you missed! |
They toss the rabbit out of the box and chuckle. |
Backstage[]
"I Got Rhythm"[]
Pigs in Space[]
UK spot[]
In the sky, an angel sings, backed up by her peers. | |
Angel (LG) |
Feeling better now that we're through. |
Angels |
You're no good, you're no good, |
Angel (LG) | I'm gonna say it again. |
Angels |
You're no good, you're no good, |
Angel (LG) | Oh, it's you, you little devil. |
Devil | (reappears) Yeah, it's me. I'm back, angel baby. |
Angel (LG) | Hey, where've you been all this time? |
Devil | (reappears) You know, hanging out with the guys. Did you miss me? |
Angel (LG) | Miss you? I was lonely as heck. |
Devil | (reappears) Hmm, then all is forgiven, honey child, honey lamb, honey baby, honey pie? |
Angel (LG) | Are you kiddin'? You know how dull things have been around here without you. |
Devil | Aw, then come on, baby, light my fire! C'mon! (chases her) |
Devil | If you'll have me back again, we'll start out anew. |
Angel (LG) | It's not easy forgetting you. |
All |
We're no good, we're no good, |
Angel (LG) | Oh! Oh! Oh! |
Devil | Oh! Oh! Oh! |
All |
We're no good, we're no good, |
The devil continues chasing her. Applause. |
Fozzie's comedy act[]
Backstage / Kermit and "Mr. Frog"[]
"Pig Shuffle"[]
Goodnights[]
Kermit | Okay! Thank you very much! It's been a great show, ladies and gentlemen, marred only by the fact that our guest star and I keep turning into rampaging monsters. But here he is anyway, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. ALAN ARKIN! YAAAAYYY! |
Alan comes out to applause. | |
Alan | Well, I don't really remember a lot of it, Kermit, but I'm fairly sure I had a terrific time. |
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew | Woo-hoo-hoo! Excuse me, I think I'd get offstage if I were you! |
Alan | Why's that? |
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew | Oh, the bunny rabbits just drank the Jekyll-Hyde potion! |
Bunsen runs away. The Hyde-rabbits clamor the stage. Alan fends them off. | |
Kermit | Oh no! Uh, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show! |
Beaker runs away. Fozzie look on as the credits roll. | |
Statler | You think that Jekyll-Hyde stuff is expensive? |
Waldorf | No, my wife has a whole glass of it every morning! |
They chuckle. |