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Kermit and Andy sit together on stools, holding microphones.
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Kermit
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You know, it's really neat to be sitting here to do a medley with Andy Williams, just like you used to do on your show, huh?
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Andy
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Well, thank you, Kermit. Uh, listen, by the way, may I ask you a question?
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Kermit
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Why, sure. What?
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Andy
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How do you do it?
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Kermit
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Do what — you mean, sit on a stool like this? Why, uh, any frog can do that.
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Andy
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Well, I knew that toads could, but uh …
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Kermit
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Toads? What do you mean toads?
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Andy
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Well, surely you've heard of toad stools?
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He laughs. Kermit frowns.
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Andy
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You're still mad at me, aren't you?
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Kermit
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Well — well, you did do "Love Story" instead of "Moon River."
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Andy
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Well, that was Miss Piggy. I mean, she told me that you were engaged.
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Kermit
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Yeah, well, it was very embarrassing.
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Andy
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Well … would it make you feel any better if you embarrassed me?
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Kermit
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What… well, no …
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Andy
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Go ahead. Go ahead.
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Kermit
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No, I couldn't …
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Andy
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I can take it.
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Kermit
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Okay, uh, let's see, uh … uh, I don't like your coat.
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Andy
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Good. Does that make you feel better?
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Kermit
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Yeah. Yeah. Now let's do the medley, huh?
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Andy
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Okay.
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Kermit
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Mm-hmm.
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Andy
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(pause) What don't you like about my coat?
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Kermit
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(stammers) Uh, nothing, I was just saying that.
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Andy
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Well, go ahead, tell me. I mean, is it the sleeves, or the lapels, or the shoulders?
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Kermit
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No, no, I just — just forget that, huh?
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Andy
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You're right. I mean, what would you know about clothes anyway? All you wear is that stupid collar.
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Kermit
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(whimpers)
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Andy
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It's a wonder you haven't been arrested.
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Kermit
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Okay, that does it. Start the music.
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The music starts.
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Andy
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I'm only kidding, Kermit. I love your collar.
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Kermit
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Aw. Well, actually, I like your coat too.
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Andy
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Well, thanks.
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Kermit
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Except for the buttons.
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Andy
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Wha — I knew it was the buttons! I knew it.
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Kermit & Andy
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Two of a kind.
For your information,
We're two of a kind.
Two of a kind.
It's my observation,
We're two of a kind.
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Kermit
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Frogs in a pond …
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Andy
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And birds of a feather…
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Kermit & Andy
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Alone or together you'll find,
That we are two-oo-oo-oo of a kind.
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Kermit
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I like the swamp in June, how about you?
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Andy
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I like a Gershwin tune, how about you?
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Kermit
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I love a lily pad when a storm is due.
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Andy
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I like potato chips …
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Kermit
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Mud flats and skinny dips …
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Kermit & Andy
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How about you?
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Andy
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I don't believe in frettin' and grievin',
Why mess around with strife?
I never was cut out to step and strut out.
Give me the simple life.
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Kermit
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Some find it pleasant dining on pheasant.
Those things roll off my knife.
I dine on mosquito, flies are a treat-o.
Give me the simple life.
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Andy
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I love a piano.
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Kermit & Andy
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I love a piano.
I love to hear somebody play
Upon a piano, a grand piano.
It simply carries me away.
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Kermit
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So you can keep your fiddle and your bow.
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Kermit & Andy
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Give me a p-i-a-n-o, oh, oh.
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Andy
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I love to stop right beside an upright,
Or a high toned baby grand.
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Kermit & Andy
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We're two of a kind.
There's just no denyin',
We're two of a kind.
Two of a kind.
Without even tryin',
We're two of a kind.
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Kermit
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Makin' it plain …
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Andy
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Explainin' it fully…
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Kermit & Andy
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We're simila-la-larly inclined
Because we're two-oo-oo of a kind
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Kermit
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Uh, except, of course, that I'm a frog.
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Kermit & Andy
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Two-oo-oo, two of a kind!
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Applause.
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