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The opening sequence plays.
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Announcer
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And now … ridding the world of evil, here comes Bear on Patrol.
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Open on Link playing with the stamps again.
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Fozzie
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All right, c'mon!
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Link Hogthrob
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Oh, what now, Patrol Bear?
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Fozzie drags in a car with no driver.
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Fozzie
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C'mon, you. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, all right now, halt. Sir, sir, I caught this guy double-parking.
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Link Hogthrob
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Oh yeah? What's his name?
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Fozzie
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Well, he doesn't have a name.
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Link Hogthrob
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Why not?
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Fozzie
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Well, he can't talk. He's a car.
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Link writes it down on a notepad.
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Link Hogthrob
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Well, what's his license number then?
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Fozzie
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Oh, oh, yes! It's uh, it's "ZZXKL". Yes.
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Link Hogthrob
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Okay. Listen, "zixkel" — how do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?
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The car honks three times.
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Fozzie
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Not guilty. All right then, where's your driver?
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The car honks two times.
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Link Hogthrob
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Don't know, huh?
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Fozzie
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I thought he said "at home".
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Link Hogthrob
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Did you say "at home" or "don't know"?
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The car honks several times.
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Fozzie
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He said, uh, "let me out of this place, I want to call my lawyer."
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Link Hogthrob
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Hmm. that's funny. I thought he said, "please don't send me to jail, I've got a wife and mopeds."
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Fozzie
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Sir, what — what are we going to do?
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Link Hogthrob
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We need a police interpreter.
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He rings a bell. WHOOSH! In comes Gonzo.
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Gonzo
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You called, lieutenant?
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Fozzie
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Oh, yes, yes! Oh, police interpreter, sir! We're having trouble interrogating this … guy.
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Gonzo
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Ah. Did you ask the questions in English?
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Fozzie
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Yes.
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Gonzo
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That could be your problem. You see, you have to speak to them in their native tong.
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Link Hogthrob
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You mean "tongue."
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Gonzo whips out a pair of tongs.
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Gonzo
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No — tong.
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Gonzo grips Fozzie's nose with the tongs. Fozzie starts yelping. The car honks a message.
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Gonzo
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He's — he's three years old. He's imported.
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Fozzie
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Oh please — please …
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The car honks a message.
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Gonzo
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He doesn't know where his driver is, but he likes an occasional sip of motor oil.
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Fozzie
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Don't do this! Wha-hah …
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The car honks a message.
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Gonzo
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It's not his fault he was double-parked.
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Fozzie
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Wha-hah, wait, please — this, this is not fun! Please!
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Link Hogthrob
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Stop complaining, Patrol Bear. We all have to do our part.
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Fozzie
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Please … please, please, I'm begging! Please!
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Gonzo continues to grip Fozzie by the nose. The closing music plays.
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