Gonzo starts to blow his trumpet, but Kermit cuts in with his own trumpet, blowing Gonzo out of the "O".
Opening number[]
Main stage. Kermit enters to applause.
Kermit
Thank you, thank you, and welcome once again to The Muppet Show. And tonight our very special guest star is the great singer and songwriter Melissa Manchester. (audience oohs) Yes. But first, through the miracle of costly special effects … we whisk you away to the high Alps. So, please welcome the Vienna Downhill Boys Choir, with their Alpine anthem "Tumbling Tumbleweeds"! Yaay!
With the help of some special effects, the Vienna Downhill Boys Choir performs "Tumblin' Tumbleweeds" as they ski down the Alps, with many a wipe-out along the way.
Waldorf
Aw, we should have wished them luck.
Statler
Well, it's too late now.
Waldorf
It's never too late.
They look at each other in unison, then shout …
Statler & Waldorf
Break a leg! Break a leg!
They chuckle.
Backstage[]
The injured skiers are wheeled offstage by "Dr. Bob".
Kermit
Oh boy, it's a disaster.
Skier
Doctor, will I ever be able to ski again?
Rowlf
Uh, what do you mean again? (chuckles)
Kermit
Listen, you should have taken lessons.
Skier
Well, I did. I took lessons from the famous Klaus Noodleman.
Kermit
You did?
Skier
Yeah. Hey, Klaus.
Behind him, Klaus has a wheelchair and cast of his own.
Klaus
Oh, hi Charlie. How'd it go?
Skier
What do you think?
Klaus
Did you do everything I told ya?
Skier
Everything.
Klaus
Figures.
Kermit
Uh, listen Scooter, if I come up with any more dumb ideas like that, stop me.
Scooter
Right. Uh, shall I cancel the blindfolded yodeling hang glider?
Kermit
Of course not. I said "dumb ideas".
He walks on-stage, leaving Scooter dumbfounded.
"Don't Cry Out Loud"[]
Main stage. Kermit enters to a fanfare.
Kermit
Okay, well, now that we've gotten off the ski slopes and lived to tell about it … it's time for some real entertainment. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the truly great singers, Melissa Manchester.
Today, the Swedish Chef will prepare spring chicken.
Swedish Chef
(sings his theme song) … børk børk børk!
He tosses the spoons.
Swedish Chef
(mock Swedish) … de sprïngy chïckëe! Oh, chick-chick-chick-chick-chïckëe!
A chicken peers out of the pot.
Swedish Chef
Hoo-oo. Oh chïckëe. (prompts it) Sprïng, chïckëe.
Chicken
No…
Swedish Chef
(prompts it) Sprïng, chïckëe.
Chicken
No…
Swedish Chef
(mock Swedish) …sprïng, chïckëe.
Chicken
No, no… (ducks)
The Chef picks up a giant wooden spoon, and whacks the pot. The chicken comes springing out.
Swedish Chef
(mock Swedish) Oh … oh chïckëe.
More and more chickens start springing out of the pot and bouncing around the kitchen. The scene ends in chaos.
Statler
I thought that was the dumbest Swedish Chef spot they've ever done. What do you think?
Waldorf clucks, then springs out of the balcony.
Statler
When will you ever learn? You're no spring chicken anymore! (laughs)
Backstage[]
The chickens, and the Chef, bounce past Kermit.
Kermit
Hey, chickens. Would you guys keep still? Chef, what's with these chickens?
Swedish Chef
[mock Swedish] Böingå bøing boing.
Kermit
I feel control over this show slipping. Skiers on crutches, and chickens on springs.
WHOOSH! Enter Gonzo.
Gonzo
(sings)These are a few of my favorite things!
Kermit
(sigh)
Gonzo
Wait for me, girls! Ha ha ha! (runs after them)
Kermit
Oh boy, this show's now officially out of control. I'm gonna introduce the final number, and then it's every frog for himself.
Fozzie
Hey Kermit, Kermit, Kermit, hey, why did the chickens cross the road?
Kermit
Because an angry Swede was chasing them with a cleaver! (exits)
Fozzie
That's not it. Hey, wait. Yours is better!
"Your Cheatin' Heart"[]
Kermit
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, backstage is a mess. I've got angry skiers, springing chickens, and bouncing Italians. So let us leave all that behind. Come with me now to the peace and quiet of sunny Spain, there to hear the beautiful soothing melodies of Miss Melissa Manchester.
In sunny Spain, Melissa sings "Your Cheatin' Heart" accompanied by the Mutations. She spots bullfighter Link cheating on her with Annie Sue and sends a raging bull after him. Meanwhile, the Chef chases after another chicken.
Goodnights[]
Kermit
Okay, well, we've just about come down to the end of another one. But, before we go, let us thank the lady who made it what it was, the beautiful and talented Melissa Manchester. Yaaay!
Applause.
Melissa
Thank you Kermit, I've had a great time.
Kermit
Oh, I'm so glad.
The Mutations and the skiers gather on stage behind her.
Melissa
When I wasn't being, uh, hit by flying skiers, or jumped on by spring chickens, or pelted with acrobats.
Kermit
Uh, yeah, well, actually you're lucky because next week we're having a yodeler who works blindfolded from a hang glider.
Melissa
You're kidding.
Kermit
No.
The yodeler is heard yodeling from offstage.
Kermit
That's next week!
The yodeler glides down onto the stage, yodeling.
Kermit
Uh, sorry about that. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
The Teeterinis jump around, the Mutations slap each other, and the scene ends in chaos as the credits roll.
Statler
Watch out!
Waldorf
Oh!
A Teeterini brother lands in the balcony. Waldorf waves a white flag.