As a character, Farley never had many dimensions, which is why he rarely appeared on Sesame Street after the early 1970s. He often appears in a sketch where his only source of help is an incompetent salesperson. He knows what he wants, but he can not clearly specify it to the salesperson.
Two flawless takes of the Farley goes to the hat shop sketch were shot on the same day, and both takes have appeared in Sesame Street episodes. Both takes are presented here in transcripted form to give the reader a glimpse of the spontaneity which occurs during the taping of an average Muppet sketch. They also showcase the performers' improvisational skills.
Jerry Nelson plays Farley, and Frank Oz plays Smilin' Jack the shopkeeper.
Long Take[]
| A hat shop, day. The shopkeeper is minding his business. | |
| Shopkeeper | (singing "Easter Parade") Do do do do, in my Easter bonnet, with all the pret ... |
| The door opens. Farley enters, humming. | |
| Shopkeeper | Hello there, son! What can I do for you today? |
| |
| Farley | Oh, hi! Uh, gee, I'd like to buy a new hat. |
| Shopkeeper | A new hat! Of course you would! Well, just step right around the counter here ... |
| |
| Farley | Yeah ... okay ... (walks over to the shopkeeper) |
| Shopkeeper | And let me help ya. Let ol' Smilin' Jack here help ya, okay? |
| |
| Farley | Oh, good. |
| Shopkeeper | OK there, uh, let's see, stand still. (gets a good look at Farley) Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Good. OK, I got just the cap for ya, right here. (displays a large blue baseball cap) |
| Farley | Oh, good. |
| Shopkeeper | Here's the cap for ya. Just bend over. |
| He puts the cap on Farley's head; it's so big it covers Farley's eyes and nose. | |
| |
| Shopkeeper | Perfect! Oh, look at that color! Nice blue color. Now turn around, there's a mirror right behind ya. |
| Farley faces the mirror. | |
| Shopkeeper | Now look at that. Isn't that beautiful? Huh? |
| Farley | Uh, something's wrong. |
| |
| Shopkeeper | Nice line, nice -- wha, something's wrong, though. I heard ya, you're right, something is wrong. Let me see. |
| Farley | Where'd you go? |
| Shopkeeper | Right over here. (turns Farley in his direction) Just turn over here. Follow my voice. OK, uh ... |
| He removes the hat and looks at it. | |
| Shopkeeper | You don't want that hat! Did I give you this hat? |
| Farley | Yeah. |
| Shopkeeper | Oh boy, what did I do that for? |
| He sets the blue hat aside. | |
| Farley | Yeah, you see ... |
| Shopkeeper | What you want ... is another hat ... |
| Farley | Yeah, because ... |
| The shopkeeper gets out a yellow hat, which is the same size as the blue hat. | |
| Shopkeeper | You want a yellow hat! |
| He puts it on Farley's head -- again, it covers his eyes and nose. | |
| |
| Farley | That one is ... uh ... |
| Shopkeeper | There's a yellow hat. Now look at yourself in the mirror. |
| He turns Farley in the direction of the mirror. | |
| Farley | Uh, but -- I -- no ... |
| Shopkeeper | It's right behind you. See? See? Nice yellow hat. Perfect fit? |
| |
| Farley | No, that's not it. |
| Shopkeeper | But that's not it! Oh, are you smart! You've got a keen eye. Good taste. |
| Farley | Yeah. |
| Shopkeeper | Let me see that hat. |
| He takes it off Farley, and gets a good look at it. | |
| Farley | Yeah. |
| Shopkeeper | I gave you this hat too, didn't I? |
| He sets it aside. | |
| Farley | You see, because that hat -- yeah ... because ... |
| |
| Shopkeeper | (gets defensive) OK, don't explain it to me! I sell hats! I know my business! |
| He picks up the last hat on the table, a muffler hat. | |
| Farley | Yeah ... |
| Shopkeeper | OK, let me see now, here's a ... here's the hat you want! A yellow hat? |
| He places it smack dab on Farley's small head once again. | |
| |
| Farley | No, I -- |
| Shopkeeper | But it has earmuffs. Now I'd take that. It's the last one in the place. |
| Farley | (faces the mirror again) But ... |
| |
| Shopkeeper | Just give me a dollar, please. |
| Farley | Uh ... it's too big. |
| A beat. | |
| Shopkeeper | It's what? |
| Farley | It's too big. |
| |
| Shopkeeper | That hat is too big? |
| Farley | Yeah. |
| Shopkeeper | I've been selling hats for many years, but OK, I'll try it on, I'll prove it to you, it's not too big. |
| Farley | But -- |
| Shopkeeper | OK, watch out. |
| He takes the hat off Farley and puts it on his own head. | |
| Shopkeeper | Look at this hat. Look at this. |
| They both look in the mirror. | |
| |
| Farley | Yeah, just ... |
| Shopkeeper | Look how it fits. Isn't that beautiful? Huh? |
| Farley | Yeah, but ... |
| Shopkeeper | It's not too big; it's just right! |
| |
| Farley | (looks at shopkeeper) Yeah, but ... |
| Shopkeeper | ... But what? |
| Farley | Well, gee whiz, you see, I've got a small head, and you've got a big head. Look in the mirror. |
| Shopkeeper | Wait a minute ... |
| |
| He takes the muffler hat off, and examines his head in the mirror. | |
| Shopkeeper | Well -- look at that! My head is bigger than your head. |
| Farley | Yeah, and you see, because I've got a small head, that hat is too big for me! |
| Shopkeeper | Isn't that something! You're right. Hmm! |
| Farley | Yeah, although it looks pretty good on you. |
| They both go back to the front desk. | |
| Shopkeeper | You don't want this hat, do you? |
| Farley | No, I don't. |
| Shopkeeper | Of course not! |
| Farley | No. |
| |
| The shopkeeper puts the hat back on his head, and hits the table. | |
| Shopkeeper | I want this hat! |
| Farley | Wha? |
| Shopkeeper | It's a beautiful fit! I'll take it. Thank you. Just charge it, okay? |
| Farley | Uh, but ... |
| |
| Shopkeeper | (looks around) Nice store you have here! |
| Farley | Uh ... |
| Shopkeeper | You should get a hat yourself sometime. (exits the shop) |
| Farley | But ... mister, I ... |
| The door shuts. Farley stands there, confused. | |
|
Short Take[]
| A hat shop, day. The shopkeeper is minding his business. Farley enters the shop. | |
| Shopkeeper | Hey there! Hi, son, what can I do for you today? |
| Farley | Oh, hi, uh, I'd like to buy a new hat. |
| Shopkeeper | Well, you came to the right place! Just step around here by the counter, just step right around here. |
| Farley | Oh, OK. (walks over to the shopkeeper) |
| Shopkeeper | (gets a good look at Farley) Now let me look at you. What kind of cap would you like to have? Uh ... |
| Farley | Well, uh ... |
| Shopkeeper | Yeah, right, I know what kind you want, here it is, a beautiful blue cap! (displays a large blue baseball cap) |
| Farley | But ... |
| Shopkeeper | Just bend right down there ... |
| He puts the cap on Farley's head; it's so big it covers Farley's entire face. | |
| Farley | Uh ... |
| Shopkeeper | There it is! Perfect size for ya! |
| Farley | But -- but -- but ... |
| Shopkeeper | Just look in the mirror right there. |
| Farley | What happened? ... |
| Shopkeeper | The mirror's right there. |
| Farley faces the mirror. | |
| Farley | Uh ... (muffled) some, something's wrong ... |
| Shopkeeper | Isn't that beautiful? Uh, something's wrong, though, you're right, you're right, I saw that too. |
| Farley | But... (turns around) |
| Shopkeeper | (removes the hat and looks at it) Uh, let me see there. It's the wrong color, isn't it? Yes, the wrong color. |
| He sets the blue hat aside. | |
| Farley | No, you see it's ... |
| Shopkeeper | Let me, uh ... |
| Farley | No, let ... but ... but ... |
| The shopkeeper gets out a yellow hat, which is the same size as the blue hat. | |
| Shopkeeper | How about this? How about this beautiful yellow one, how's that? Right there! |
| He puts it on Farley's head -- again, it covers his eyes and nose. | |
| Farley | Uh ... uh ... |
| Shopkeeper | There! Just turn around, the mirror's right behind ya! |
| He turns Farley in the direction of the mirror. | |
| Shopkeeper | Just -- that's it. How's that, huh? Is that a hat or is that a hat? |
| Farley | That's not it. |
| Shopkeeper | That's not it, though. You're right, it's a hat, but it's not YOUR hat! |
| Farley | Yeah, you see, because ... |
| Shopkeeper | Uh, what's wrong with that hat? |
| Farley | Ah ... ow ... |
| Shopkeeper | (takes it off Farley's head and sets it aside) Uh, I'll take it off here, it's, I know what's wrong! You've got a keen eye! |
| Farley | It ... but ... |
| Shopkeeper | What's wrong is ... |
| Farley | Yeah, uh, you see, it's ... |
| Shopkeeper | ... you need earmuffs on your hat! |
| He picks up the last hat on the table, a muffler hat. | |
| Farley | No -- n-no -- ah -- no ... |
| The shopkeeper places it smack dab on Farley's small head once again, and turns him towards the mirror. | |
| Shopkeeper | Here's a nice yellow hat with earmuffs, now just turn around, there's the mirror ... |
| Farley | No -- what the -- |
| Shopkeeper | Look at that beautiful hat! Look at that hat! |
| Farley | (sigh) |
| Shopkeeper | What a handsome man you are! |
| Farley | It's too big. |
| Shopkeeper | It's too ... (pause) ... what? |
| Farley | I, I said, "It's too big." |
| Shopkeeper | Now wait a minute. OK, I'll try it on. I'll show you it's not too big. It's a perfect fit. |
| Farley | Ah -- but -- |
| The shopkeeper takes the hat off Farley and puts it on his own head. | |
| Shopkeeper | Stand back, I'll just put 'er on here ... |
| They both look in the mirror. | |
| Shopkeeper | What a beautiful fit this is! Look at that! Fits beautifully! |
| Farley | Yeah, well, you see, I got a small head, and you've got a big head. Look in the mirror. |
| The shopkeeper takes the muffler hat off, and examines his head in the mirror. | |
| Shopkeeper | Look at that! You're right. I've got a big head, and you've got a small head. |
| Farley | Yeah, and because I've got a small head, that hat is too big for me! |
| Shopkeeper | You're right! You don't want this hat! |
| Farley | No, I don't. |
| The shopkeeper puts the hat back on his head. | |
| Shopkeeper | I want this hat. |
| Farley | Huh? |
| Shopkeeper | Right. Just charge it, okay? (proceeds to leave the shop) |
| Farley | But -- |
| Shopkeeper | It's a great hat! (looks around) It's a nice store you have here, too! |
| Farley | Uh -- but -- |
| Shopkeeper | You should get a hat for yourself someday. (exits the shop) |
| Farley | But, uh, but, mi-- |
| The door shuts. Farley stands there, confused. |