Muppet News Flash

The Newsman in a later appearance.

Muppet News Flash segments were a regular feature of The Muppet Show for all five seasons. The segments starred the Newsman, a breathlessly emphatic anchorman. This is not to be confused with "Sesame Street News Flash," in which Kermit the Frog was the anchorman.

There were slight changes made to the News Flash segments after the first season. In the first year, the segments often featured interviews with a strange person played by the guest star. Starting with the second year, the Newsman would rush on to the scene, announcing an unusual story -- and he would then fall victim to the subject of the news story in some way. The segments typically began with a triangular-wipe transition from the preceding sketch.

The Newsman himself also changed during the first season, adding glasses to his costume. His voice originally was lower, closer to Link Hogthrob's, but that too would be modified in the first season.

After The Muppet Show finished production, News Flash segments went on in a photographed comic book style for one page in several issues of Muppet Magazine. Later in 2001, new segments were performed for The Muppet Show Live. For these skits, the audience members closest to the stage were given props to throw at the Newsman at the appropriate time. More recently, a number of new segments were produced for Disney Extreme Digital's website, under "gadgets."

A Muppet News Flash also opens "Kermit's Story," the first in Roger Langridge's four-issue run of The Muppet Show Comic Book. After reporting some of his usual bizarre stories (surprisingly, nothing happens when he announces that "produce market prices fell"), the Newsman announces that The Muppet Show is back on the air in a new "comic book" format, just in time for the page to turn, covering his face and interrupting his broadcast. Another News Flash appears in the second issue of The Treasure of Peg-Leg Wilson, in which The Newsman gives a report on the buried treasure.

Sketches

The Muppet Show Season 1
Title	Episode	Description
Hotline	Episode 102: Connie Stevens	The Newsman picks up the phone for a hotline and burns his hand. Note: In his first appearance, the Newsman wears his glasses. This was actually taped later in the season. This sketch is one of only two first season News Flash sketches in which the Newsman was the victim.
Boffo the Human Cannonball	Episode 103: Joel Grey	The Newsman reports the demise of Boffo the Human Cannonball. Note: First time the Newsman does not wear glasses and sounds different.
City Held Hostage	Episode 103: Joel Grey	The state of New York is being held hostage by a retired bus driver.
Kidnapped Ocean	Episode 104: Ruth Buzzi	The Atlantic Ocean has been kidnapped!
Dancing Chicken	Episode 105: Rita Moreno	The Newsman reports on a pet chicken that became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet.
There Is No News Tonight!	Episode 105: Rita Moreno	The Newsman reports that there is no news tonight. Note: The same sketch was used again in Episode 116: Avery Schreiber.
Flying Saucer Spotted	Episode 106: Jim Nabors	The Newsman interviews gas station attendant Billy Lee Boomer (played by Jim Nabors), who spotted a flying saucer. Note: The Newsman is starting to evolve; while he doesn't yet have glasses, his voice becomes more like the one we know today.
Amazing Story	Episode 108: Paul Williams	The Newsman just got an incredible story that's reported by Arnold Stockman (played by Paul Williams), who claims that the phone rang but there was nobody on the other end of the line.
Boxer vs. Himself	Episode 110: Harvey Korman	Undefeated boxer Carl Boomer (played by Harvey Korman) has a match against himself.
Seaweed Diet	Episode 111: Lena Horne	Lola Bramswell (played by Lena Horne) is on a seaweed diet.
The Cure For the Common Cold	Episode 112: Peter Ustinov	The Newsman interviews Dr. Felix Oglebomb (played by Peter Ustinov), who thinks he has found the cure for the common cold.
The World Record For Jumping the Most Jumps	Episode 114: Sandy Duncan	The Newsman interviews Billie Lee Bonkers (played by Sandy Duncan), who is trying to break the world record for the most jumps in a row. Her motivation? She's standing on a hot plate. The Newsman then picks up the phone and asks, "Where do we get these nuts?"
Death of Pole Climber	Episode 117: Ben Vereen	The Newsman reports the death of Melvin Cosgrove, who, sixteen years ago, climbed a thirty-foot pole and scrambled onto a six-by-six-foot platform in order to break the world record for flagpole-sitting.
Winged Travel	Episode 118: Phyllis Diller	Beverly Shepherd (played by Phyllis Diller) has built herself a pair of wings and flown. She accomplished this by making wings for herself from aluminum and then buying a plane ticket.
Furniture Monsters	Episode 119: Vincent Price	The Newsman reports that furniture all over town has been turning into monsters. While he reports this, a man who is watching the news on TV is being attacked by his furniture. The same happens to the Newsman shortly afterwards. Note: The Newsman mentions the sheriff's name is David Goelz.
Man Turns Into Rug	Episode 120: Valerie Harper	Mrs. Klinger (played by Valerie Harper) explains that her husband Gus has transformed into a rug, with fringe, over the last few months. She plans to divorce him because he doesn't match the drapes.
Blank Paper	Episode 120: Valerie Harper	Both sides of the Newsman's paper are blank.
The Woman Who Ate a Tractor	Episode 121: Twiggy	Lola Thomas (played by Twiggy) has eaten an entire diesel tractor, medium rare.
The World's Longest Sentence	Episode 123: Kaye Ballard	The Newsman can't get a word in edgewise when he tries to interview Gretchen Powers (played by Kaye Ballard), who is trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for saying the world's longest spoken sentence.
Sergei Lenofsky's 196th Birthday Celebration	Episode 124: Mummenschanz	The Newsman reports on Sergei Lenofsky's 196th birthday celebration. Note: The Newsman appears without glasses and a different voice.
The Muppet Show Season 2
Title	Episode	Description
Contested Will	Episode 203: Milton Berle	The late Mary Cramble's will has been bitterly contested by her son Charles and her cat Cutie-Pie. The newsman reports that her estate of 10,000 rubber mice has been awarded to Charles.
News Flash	Episode 205: Judy Collins	The paper suddenly catches fire.
On Stage Without Pants	Episode 207: Edgar Bergen	The news report states that the Newsman forgot to put on his pants before going on-camera.
Exploding News Reporters	Episode 209: Madeline Kahn	There are reports that television news reporters are blowing up. Unsurprisingly, the Newsman is unable to finish the report, because he blows up.
Large Heavy Object	Episode 212: Bernadette Peters	The Newsman reports on a heavy object falling from the ceiling and a weight drops on his head. Note: This is the first time something drops from the ceiling onto the Newsman.
Mallarditis	Episode 215: Lou Rawls	The Newsman reports on mallarditis--a rare disease that causes the victim to become a duck. His head then turns into a duck's head.
Ten Thousand Ping Pong Balls and One Bowling Ball	Episode 217: Julie Andrews	A plane carrying sports equipment has been forced to jettison some of its cargo. As the Newsman continues his report, 10,000 ping pong balls falls from the ceiling, and a bowling ball lands on his head knocking him out.
Jettison	Episode 218: Jaye P. Morgan	The Newsman reports that a plane carrying the London Symphony Orchestra has been forced to jettison some of its musical instruments. A piano falls on him.
Fishing Season	Episode 221: Bob Hope	As the Newsman reports that today is the first day of fishing season, gunshots are heard and fish fall onto his desk.
Opera Season	Episode 221: Bob Hope	As the Newsman reports that tonight is the opening night of opera season, gunshots are heard and a diva in a horned viking helmet falls onto his desk.
Solution To Food Crisis	Episode 223: John Cleese	The Newsman reports that Dr. William Edgar is helping to aid the food crisis by fashioning Italian dinners out of wool.
Newspig	Episode 224: Cloris Leachman	The Newsman is replaced by a pig.
The Muppet Show Season 3
Title	Episode	Description
Missing Silverware	Episode 301: Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge	The Newsman reports that police have recovered all of the property stolen during the Henderson burglary, except for the silverware, which has disappeared into thin air. He then gets showered with a load of falling utensils.
The Glue Crisis Has Been Solved	Episode 304: Gilda Radner	The Newsman reports that the glue crisis has been solved, but he gets glued to his chair. Note: One of the few times, if not the only time, that the Newsman had a chair.
Exploding Hats	Episode 305: Pearl Bailey	A hat factory has blown up and hats fall from the sky on top of the Newsman.
Strike Amongst Mail Carriers	Episode 308: Loretta Lynn	The Newsman reports a strike amongst mail carriers. However, air mail is still being delivered as normal, as a pile of luggage falls on him.
War On Abyssinia	Episode 308: Loretta Lynn	Three chickens broke into the railroad telegraph office and started pecking at the morse key. The chickens were arrested, but not before declaring war on Abyssinia. A spike then hits the paper on the Newsman's desk.
Work on the Muppet Newsroom	Episode 309: Liberace	The Newsman announces that remodeling has begun on the Muppet News studio as a wrecking ball smashes through the wall behind him.
Overhand Refrigerator Throwing	Episode 313: Helen Reddy	Mr. and Mrs. George Laser of Silver Spring, Maryland are attempting to break the world record in Overhand Refrigerator Throwing. A refrigerator then gets thrown across the room.
Muppet News International	Episode 317: Spike Milligan	The Newsman presents "simultaneous translation bringing you news and views across the language barrier," assisted by Spike Milligan pantomiming. Note: This was the first time that the Newsman was seen with the guest star since the first season.
Town Crier	Episode 323: Lynn Redgrave	The Town Crier calls out "5:00, and all's well! Except that Maid Marian has been kidnapped, the Sheriff's up to no good, that dog is stealing the cheese, Kermit's mad at Piggy, and it's really only 4:30." He then gets hit with a falling pot.
The Muppet Show Season 4
Title	Episode	Description
Bumper Crop	Episode 408: Arlo Guthrie	A load of car bumpers get dumped on the Newsman's desk.
Soprano Beverly Sills	Episode 409: Beverly Sills	Soprano Beverly Sills has withdrawn her announced plans to retire from the operatic stage.
Hospital Beds Made From Pop-Up Toaster Parts	Episode 410: Kenny Rogers	A report from Muppet Labs regarding the hospital bed used in the "Coconut" production number. This causes Kermit to be flung out of the hospital bed and into the newsroom.
Falling Lamp Fixture	Episode 410: Kenny Rogers	The Newsman reports about falling lamp fixtures as if on cue one of lamp fixtures fell onto his desk.
Exploding Paper	Episode 415: Anne Murray	Muppet Labs invents a hair-triggered exploding paper, which the Newsman just happens to be reading from.
National Sheep Dog Trials	Episode 417: Star Wars	The Sheep Dogs have been found not guilty, but the newsman gets attacked by sheep.
The Swinetrek Has Landed	Episode 417: Star Wars	The Swinetrek has made a soft landing on a distant planet, while Venus is about to make a hard landing on the Muppet newsroom. Then the Venus de Milo statue crashes on his desk.
Killer Lamb	Episode 418: Christopher Reeve	A killer lamb has escaped from the Department of Agriculture's National Security Sheep Station and into the Muppet newsroom and it attacks the newsman because phone has started ringing.
Rezal-evad-gib	Episode 419: Lynda Carter	The ancient Egyptian crocodile god Rezal-evad-gib will attack anybody who enters his tomb or says his name out loud as if on cue the crocodile attacks the Newsman. Note: "Rezal-evad-gib" is "Big Dave Lazer" spelled backwards. David Lazer was the producer of The Muppet Show.
Cheese	Episode 422: Andy Williams	The Newsman gives a report on cheese while he doing this a cheese wheel rolled over him as a bunch rats starts chasing it.
The Muppet Show Season 5
Title	Episode	Description
The Meaning of Life	Episode 501: Gene Kelly	The meaning and purpose of life has been revealed, but the Newsman can't find the rest of his report papers to read the transcription.
Gold Security Guard	Episode 504: Shirley Bassey	A security guard is guarding a stack of gold bars and will hurt anyone who touches them as if on cue as the Newsman touches the gold the security guard attacks him.
Clothes Turning into Chickens	Episode 509: Debbie Harry	The Newsman announces that famous French clothing designer David Lazour was arrested for designing clothes that can suddenly turn into chickens as if on cue the clothes that he's wearing turns into a bunch of chickens.
Electric Sledgehammer	Episode 510: Jean-Pierre Rampal	The electric sledgehammer has escaped from Muppet Labs and is believed to be roaming the city on a very long extension cord. But it only attacks really wimpy nerds--such as the Newsman.
Overdue Library Books	Episode 511: Paul Simon	The local library will forgive all fines for any overdue library books that get returned within the next three seconds, as if on cue a bunch of books fell from the ceiling and onto the newsman. Note: Seen as part of the episode's UK Spot.
Beef Falls Dramatically	Episode 512: Melissa Manchester	A cow falls on The Newsman.
Electrocuted Conductor	Episode 513: Tony Randall	The Newsman meets conductor Zubin Beckmesser, who placed his baton into an electrical outlet.
Falling Stars	Episode 519: Chris Langham	A freak storm in Alabama caused stars to fall. Stars then fall on the Newsman's desk.
Blackout	Episode 522: Buddy Rich	There's a blackout at the Muppet Theater. The Newsman's candle is too dim for him to read his notes, so he asks for a bigger one. Crazy Harry obligingly brings him a big stick of dynamite.
Unidentified Flying Object	Episode 523: Linda Ronstadt	Following the previous sketch, The Swedish Chef falls on The Newsman.
Mackerel King	Episode 524: Roger Moore	The Newsman reports that security at Muppet News is so tight that rumors cannot be reported to Muppet News. The Newsman then reports that a black-and-yellow striped mackerel has been elected king. The Newsman doesn't believe it until he meets the king.
Additional Reports (Non-Muppet Show)
Title	Episode	Description
Kermit's Date with Lady Holiday	The Great Muppet Caper	Details at eleven.
The Worst Blizzard in Fifty Years	A Muppet Family Christmas	The Newsman announces that the worst blizzard in fifty years is approaching and that barometers are falling sharply. Barometers then literally fall onto the Newsman.
Musical News	The Jim Henson Hour Episode 105: First Show	Bobby McFerrin reads the musical news, while the Newsman provides interpretation for the totally unhip.
Golf Balls	The Muppet Show Live	The Newsman brings a "Muppet News Weather Update!." He announces that the Hollywood area is being pelted by a hailstorm and witnesses are reporting hailstones as large as golf balls. Soon, he is pelted by plastic golf balls thrown by the audience.
Football	The Muppet Show Live	The Newsman announces that Rich Gannon, quarterback for the Oakland Raiders, threw 250 touchdown passes. He soon remarks "250 Touchdown passes. That's impossible!" only to be hit by many nerf footballs being thrown by the audience.
Boulder	The Muppet Show Live	The Newsman announces that there are reports of giant boulders rolling through Hollywood. He looks out to the audience and says "Ha! They didn't give you giant boulders to throw, did they?" Sweetums enters, remarking "Nope, but they gave me one." He then decks the Newsman with with the giant rock. The Newsman pops up, saying "You missed!" Then a cow falls on the Newsman.
Breaking News	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman announces some breaking news only to have the set break apart and hit him on the head.
Weather Report	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman gives a weather report. He says it will not rain "like cats and dogs", then penguins start falling from the sky and hitting him on the head.
Piano	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman rushes in shouting "This just in" only to be immediately crushed by a falling grand piano.
A News flash	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman declares that "This is a Muppet News Flash," upon which his desk explodes.
Cheese	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman announces that giant meteors are falling from the sky and are reported to be explosive and dangerous. He gasps and quickly ducks under his desk, but nothing happens. He gets back up and continues with another news about genetically-engineered flying elephants who have escaped from Muppet Labs and will squash anyone who mentions their existence to death. The Newsman gasps and quickly ducks under his desk again, but nothing happens. Suddenly a blue monster hand gives him a note and the Newsman reads it. He reports that anyone who reads this sentence would turn into cheese. The Newsman suddenly turns into a cheese and rolls off the desk. Note: The newsroom is in a different color.
Money	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman reports that a government aircraft carrying freshly-minted money is experiencing some technical difficulties and it is causing the aircraft to dump untraceable cash from the sky. Suddenly a sack falls down on to the Newsman's desk and it is followed by bills of money floating down. The Newsman replies that he wished it was huge sacks of priceless diamonds and then another sack falls down as diamonds rain down on him. Excitedly, the Newsman asks for a 32oz T-Bone (medium well done) and a piece of steak falls down on his desk. Getting more excited, the Newsman also requests a beautiful brown-eye blonde and gets hit by a falling cow with blonde hair. He noted that he should have been more specific on the last request.
Retiring	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman announces that he is retiring and this would be the last time he is reporting the news. The news story he reports is that Muppet Labs has perfected a cloning process and can make a clone of someone immediately. With that last news story, The Newsman says good-bye and weeps as he leaves.
Clones	Disney Xtreme Digital	After the last news, a clone of The Newsman comes in and announces that Muppet Labs' cloning process should be used with caution because the clone would explode if they get excited. The clone Newsman gets so excited about this news flash that he explodes. Another clone Newsman comes in saying how Muppet Labs perfected their clone process and that the clones would not explode, but they are vulnerable to falling pianos. Suddenly, a grand piano falls on the clone Newsman.
Digital Movie	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman announces that new Digital 3D movies look so real that it literally knocks people out of their seats. Not believing it, the Newsman puts some 3D glasses on and gets hit by a falling cow.
Mary Had a Little Lamb	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman was about to read a report about bowling balls when he realized that if he mentions it, they will fall on him. Instead, he reads a letter from little Amy, which is a nursery rhyme on "Mary Had a Little Lamb." After reciting the nursery rhyme, Mary fell on him and the lamb too. The Newsman thinks he should have mentioned the bowling balls and gets hit by one.
Garbage Strike	Disney Xtreme Digital	The Newsman reads a report about another garbage strike and finds the report ridiculous. The Newsman gets pelted with trash and he says that the garbage does deserve some respect even if the situation "stinks" and gets knocked over by a solid trash object in the face.
World's Biggest Sandwich	The Muppets Kitchen with Cat Cora Episode 5	In the episode "World's Biggest Sandwich," the Newsman reports on both the giant sandwich under construction in the studio kitchen and on an airplane that was forced to jettison its cargo of pickles, which ends up landing on him.
Constantine Escapes!	Muppets Most Wanted	The Newsman announces that Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog, had escaped from a gulag in Siberia, Russia, and has becomes the number-one most wanted criminal in the world, wresting that title away from the mysterious Lemur.
Stealing the Show	The Muppets Take the Bowl	The Newsman reports that someone plans on stealing the show at the Hollywood Bowl (later revealed to be Pepe the King Prawn).
Trap Doors	The Muppets Take the Bowl	The Newsman gives an exposé on the Hollywood Bowl festivities, including the trap doors, one of which he falls into. (The sketch was later redubbed to fit the O2 shows)
Tour Bus	The Muppets Take the Bowl	The Newsman reports that a group of penguin tourists are making their way to the Bowl using a hijacked tour bus, only to be stuck in traffic. He is then trampled by the penguins, who have chosen to go by foot instead.

Notes

From A Muppet Crew Presentation

• The production staff of The Muppet Show parodied the segment in a wrap party video shot at the end of the show's first season with a human crew member standing in for the newsman.

See also

At the Dance Bear on Patrol Blackouts Cold Open The Electric Mayhem An Editorial by Sam the Eagle Fozzie's Comedy Acts Gonzo's Stunts Muppet Labs

Muppet Melodrama Muppet News Flash Muppet Sports Musical Chickens Panel Discussions Pigs in Space Planet Koozebane A Poem by Rowlf Rowlf at the Piano

The Swedish Chef Talk Spots Talking Houses UK Spots Vendaface Veterinarian's Hospital Wayne and Wanda