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(Sketches)
 
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[[Image:203-7.jpg|thumb|300px]]
 
[[Image:203-7.jpg|thumb|300px]]
 
[[Image:NewNewsman.jpg|thumb|300px|The Newsman in a later appearance.]]
 
[[Image:NewNewsman.jpg|thumb|300px|The Newsman in a later appearance.]]
'''Muppet News Flash''' segments were a regular feature of ''[[The Muppet Show]]'' for all five seasons. The segments starred [[the Newsman]], a breathlessly emphatic anchorman. It is not to be confused with "[[Sesame Street News Flash]]," in which [[Kermit the Frog]] was the anchorman.
 
   
There were slight changes made to the News Flash segments after the first season. In the first year, the segments often featured interviews with a strange person played by the guest star. Starting with the second year, the Newsman would rush on to the scene, announcing an unusual story -- and he would then fall victim to the subject of the news story in some way.
+
'''Muppet News Flash''' segments were a regular feature of ''[[The Muppet Show]]'' for all five seasons. The segments starred [[the Newsman]], a breathlessly emphatic anchorman. This is not to be confused with "[[Sesame Street News Flash]]," in which [[Kermit the Frog]] was the anchorman.
  +
  +
There were slight changes made to the News Flash segments after the first season. In the first year, the segments often featured interviews with a strange person played by the guest star. Starting with the second year, the Newsman would rush on to the scene, announcing an unusual story -- and he would then fall victim to the subject of the news story in some way. The segments typically began with a triangular-wipe transition from the preceding sketch.
   
 
The Newsman himself also changed during the first season, adding glasses to his costume. His voice originally was lower, closer to [[Link Hogthrob]]'s, but that too would be modified in the first season.
 
The Newsman himself also changed during the first season, adding glasses to his costume. His voice originally was lower, closer to [[Link Hogthrob]]'s, but that too would be modified in the first season.
   
After ''The Muppet Show'' finished production, News Flash segments went on in a photographed comic book style for one page in several issues of ''[[Muppet Magazine]]''. Later in 2001, new segments were performed for ''[[The Muppet Show Live]]''. For these skits, the audience members closest to the stage were given props to throw at the Newsman at the appropriate time. More recently, a number of new segments were produced for [[Disney Extreme Digital|Disney Extreme Digital's]] website, under "gadgets."
+
After ''The Muppet Show'' finished production, News Flash segments went on in a photographed comic book style for one page in several issues of ''[[Muppet Magazine]]''. Later in 2001, new segments were performed for ''[[The Muppet Show Live]]''. For these skits, the audience members closest to the stage were given props to throw at the Newsman at the appropriate time. More recently, a number of new segments were produced for [[Disney Extreme Digital|Disney Extreme Digital's]] website, under "gadgets."
   
 
A Muppet News Flash also opens "[[The Muppet Show Comic Book: Meet the Muppets|Kermit's Story]]," the first in [[Roger Langridge|Roger Langridge's]] four-issue run of ''[[The Muppet Show Comic Book]]''. After reporting some of his usual bizarre stories (surprisingly, nothing happens when he announces that "produce market prices fell"), the Newsman announces that ''The Muppet Show'' is back on the air in a new "comic book" format, just in time for the page to turn, covering his face and interrupting his broadcast. Another News Flash appears in the second issue of ''[[The Muppet Show Comic Book: The Treasure of Peg-Leg Wilson|The Treasure of Peg-Leg Wilson]]'', in which The Newsman gives a report on the buried treasure.
 
A Muppet News Flash also opens "[[The Muppet Show Comic Book: Meet the Muppets|Kermit's Story]]," the first in [[Roger Langridge|Roger Langridge's]] four-issue run of ''[[The Muppet Show Comic Book]]''. After reporting some of his usual bizarre stories (surprisingly, nothing happens when he announces that "produce market prices fell"), the Newsman announces that ''The Muppet Show'' is back on the air in a new "comic book" format, just in time for the page to turn, covering his face and interrupting his broadcast. Another News Flash appears in the second issue of ''[[The Muppet Show Comic Book: The Treasure of Peg-Leg Wilson|The Treasure of Peg-Leg Wilson]]'', in which The Newsman gives a report on the buried treasure.
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==Sketches==
 
==Sketches==
 
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=8 valign=top
 
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=8 valign=top
  +
 
|-
 
|-
 
| colspan="4" | <h3>The Muppet Show Season 1</h3>
 
| colspan="4" | <h3>The Muppet Show Season 1</h3>
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! Title !! Episode !! Description
 
! Title !! Episode !! Description
   
|- <div id="102" />
+
|- {{divid|102}}
 
| Hotline
 
| Hotline
 
| align=center | [[Episode 102: Connie Stevens]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 102: Connie Stevens]]
| The Newsman picks up the phone for a hotline, and burns his hand.
+
| The Newsman picks up the phone for a hotline and burns his hand.
 
:''Note: In his first appearance, the Newsman wears his glasses. This was actually taped later in the season. This sketch is one of only two first season News Flash sketches in which the Newsman was the victim.''
 
:''Note: In his first appearance, the Newsman wears his glasses. This was actually taped later in the season. This sketch is one of only two first season News Flash sketches in which the Newsman was the victim.''
   
|- <div id="103a" />
+
|- {{divid|103a}}
 
| Boffo the Human Cannonball
 
| Boffo the Human Cannonball
 
| align=center | [[Episode 103: Joel Grey]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 103: Joel Grey]]
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:''Note: First time the Newsman does not wear glasses and sounds different.''
 
:''Note: First time the Newsman does not wear glasses and sounds different.''
   
|- <div id="103b" />
+
|- {{divid|103b}}
 
| City Held Hostage
 
| City Held Hostage
 
| align=center | [[Episode 103: Joel Grey]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 103: Joel Grey]]
 
| The state of New York is being held hostage by a retired bus driver.
 
| The state of New York is being held hostage by a retired bus driver.
   
|- <div id="104" />
+
|- {{divid|104}}
 
| Kidnapped Ocean
 
| Kidnapped Ocean
 
| align=center | [[Episode 104: Ruth Buzzi]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 104: Ruth Buzzi]]
 
| The Atlantic Ocean has been kidnapped!
 
| The Atlantic Ocean has been kidnapped!
   
|- <div id="105a" />
+
|- {{divid|105a}}
 
| Dancing Chicken
 
| Dancing Chicken
 
| align=center | [[Episode 105: Rita Moreno]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 105: Rita Moreno]]
 
| The Newsman reports on a pet chicken that became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet.
 
| The Newsman reports on a pet chicken that became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet.
   
|- <div id="105b" />
+
|- {{divid|105b}}
 
| There Is No News Tonight!
 
| There Is No News Tonight!
 
| align=center | [[Episode 105: Rita Moreno]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 105: Rita Moreno]]
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:''Note: The same sketch was used again in [[Episode 116: Avery Schreiber]].''
 
:''Note: The same sketch was used again in [[Episode 116: Avery Schreiber]].''
   
|- <div id="106" />
+
|- {{divid|106}}
 
| Flying Saucer Spotted
 
| Flying Saucer Spotted
 
| align=center | [[Episode 106: Jim Nabors]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 106: Jim Nabors]]
| The Newsman interviews gas station attendant Billy Lee Boomer (played by [[Jim Nabors]]) who spotted a flying saucer.
+
| The Newsman interviews gas station attendant Billy Lee Boomer (played by [[Jim Nabors]]), who spotted a flying saucer.
 
:''Note: The Newsman is starting to evolve; while he doesn't yet have glasses, his voice becomes more like the one we know today.''
 
:''Note: The Newsman is starting to evolve; while he doesn't yet have glasses, his voice becomes more like the one we know today.''
   
|- <div id="108" />
+
|- {{divid|108}}
 
| Amazing Story
 
| Amazing Story
 
| align=center | [[Episode 108: Paul Williams]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 108: Paul Williams]]
| The Newsman just got an incredible story that's reported by Arnold Stockman (played by [[Paul Williams]]) who claims that the phone rang but there was nobody on the other end of the line.
+
| The Newsman just got an incredible story that's reported by Arnold Stockman (played by [[Paul Williams]]), who claims that the phone rang but there was nobody on the other end of the line.
   
|- <div id="110" />
+
|- {{divid|110}}
 
| Boxer vs. Himself
 
| Boxer vs. Himself
 
| align=center | [[Episode 110: Harvey Korman]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 110: Harvey Korman]]
 
| Undefeated boxer Carl Boomer (played by [[Harvey Korman]]) has a match against himself.
 
| Undefeated boxer Carl Boomer (played by [[Harvey Korman]]) has a match against himself.
   
|- <div id="111" />
+
|- {{divid|111}}
 
| Seaweed Diet
 
| Seaweed Diet
 
| align=center | [[Episode 111: Lena Horne]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 111: Lena Horne]]
 
| Lola Bramswell (played by [[Lena Horne]]) is on a seaweed diet.
 
| Lola Bramswell (played by [[Lena Horne]]) is on a seaweed diet.
   
|- <div id="112" />
+
|- {{divid|112}}
 
| The Cure For the Common Cold
 
| The Cure For the Common Cold
 
| align=center | [[Episode 112: Peter Ustinov]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 112: Peter Ustinov]]
| The Newsman interviews Dr. Felix Oglebomb (played by [[Peter Ustinov]]) who thinks he has found the cure for the common cold.
+
| The Newsman interviews Dr. Felix Oglebomb (played by [[Peter Ustinov]]), who thinks he has found the cure for the common cold.
   
|- <div id="114" />
+
|- {{divid|114}}
 
| The World Record For Jumping the Most Jumps
 
| The World Record For Jumping the Most Jumps
 
| align=center | [[Episode 114: Sandy Duncan]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 114: Sandy Duncan]]
| The Newsman interviews Billie Lee Bonkers (played by [[Sandy Duncan]]) who is trying to break a world record for the most jumps in a row. Her motivation? She's standing on a hot plate. The Newsman then picks up the phone and asks, "Where do we get these nuts?"
+
| The Newsman interviews Billie Lee Bonkers (played by [[Sandy Duncan]]), who is trying to break the world record for the most jumps in a row. Her motivation? She's standing on a hot plate. The Newsman then picks up the phone and asks, "Where do we get these nuts?"
   
|- <div id="117" />
+
|- {{divid|117}}
 
| Death of Pole Climber
 
| Death of Pole Climber
 
| align=center | [[Episode 117: Ben Vereen]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 117: Ben Vereen]]
| The Newsman reports the death of Mr. Melvin Cosgrove, who, sixteen years ago, climbed a thirty-foot pole and scrambled onto a six-by-six-foot platform in order to break the record for flagpole-climbing.
+
| The Newsman reports the death of Melvin Cosgrove, who, sixteen years ago, climbed a thirty-foot pole and scrambled onto a six-by-six-foot platform in order to break the world record for flagpole-sitting.
   
|- <div id="118" />
+
|- {{divid|118}}
 
| Winged Travel
 
| Winged Travel
 
| align=center | [[Episode 118: Phyllis Diller]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 118: Phyllis Diller]]
| Beverly Shepherd (played by [[Phyllis Diller]]) has built herself a pair of wings and flown. She accomplished this by buying feathers, making wings for herself and then buying a plane ticket.
+
| Beverly Shepherd (played by [[Phyllis Diller]]) has built herself a pair of wings and flown. She accomplished this by making wings for herself from aluminum and then buying a plane ticket.
   
|- <div id="119" />
+
|- {{divid|119}}
 
| Furniture Monsters
 
| Furniture Monsters
 
| align=center | [[Episode 119: Vincent Price]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 119: Vincent Price]]
| The Newsman reports that furniture from all over the world has been turning into monsters. While he reports this, a man who is watching the news on TV is being attacked by his furniture.
+
| The Newsman reports that furniture all over town has been turning into monsters. While he reports this, a man who is watching the news on TV is being attacked by his furniture. The same happens to the Newsman shortly afterwards.
:''Note: This is the only time that a Muppet has been seen watching the news, or'' [[The Muppet Show]] ''for that matter, on a television set.'' Note: The Newsman mentions the sheriff's name is David Goelz.
+
:''Note: The Newsman mentions the sheriff's name is David Goelz.''
   
|- <div id="120a" />
+
|- {{divid|120a}}
 
| Man Turns Into Rug
 
| Man Turns Into Rug
 
| align=center | [[Episode 120: Valerie Harper]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 120: Valerie Harper]]
| Mrs. Klinger ([[Valerie Harper]]) explains that her husband Gus has transformed into a rug, with fringe, over the last few months. She plans to divorce him because he doesn't match the curtains.
+
| Mrs. Klinger (played by [[Valerie Harper]]) explains that her husband Gus has transformed into a rug, with fringe, over the last few months. She plans to divorce him because he doesn't match the drapes.
   
|- <div id="120b" />
+
|- {{divid|120b}}
 
| Blank Paper
 
| Blank Paper
 
| align=center | [[Episode 120: Valerie Harper]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 120: Valerie Harper]]
 
| Both sides of the Newsman's paper are blank.
 
| Both sides of the Newsman's paper are blank.
   
|- <div id="121" />
+
|- {{divid|121}}
 
| The Woman Who Ate a Tractor
 
| The Woman Who Ate a Tractor
 
| align=center | [[Episode 121: Twiggy]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 121: Twiggy]]
| Lola Thomas (played by [[Twiggy]]) has eaten an entire tractor, medium rare.
+
| Lola Thomas (played by [[Twiggy]]) has eaten an entire diesel tractor, medium rare.
   
|- <div id="123" />
+
|- {{divid|123}}
 
| The World's Longest Sentence
 
| The World's Longest Sentence
 
| align=center | [[Episode 123: Kaye Ballard]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 123: Kaye Ballard]]
| The Newsman can't get a word in edgewise when he tries to interview Gretchen Powers (played by [[Kaye Ballard]]) who is trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for saying the longest spoken sentence.
+
| The Newsman can't get a word in edgewise when he tries to interview Gretchen Powers (played by [[Kaye Ballard]]), who is trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for saying the world's longest spoken sentence.
   
|- <div id="124" />
+
|- {{divid|124}}
 
| Sergei Lenofsky's 196th Birthday Celebration
 
| Sergei Lenofsky's 196th Birthday Celebration
 
| align=center | [[Episode 124: Mummenschanz]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 124: Mummenschanz]]
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! Title !! Episode !! Description
 
! Title !! Episode !! Description
   
|- <div id="203" />
+
|- {{divid|203}}
 
| Contested Will
 
| Contested Will
 
| align=center | [[Episode 203: Milton Berle]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 203: Milton Berle]]
| The lateMary Cramble's will has been bitterly contested by her son, Charles, and her cat, Cutie-Pie. The newsman reports that her estate of 10,000 rubber mice has been awarded to her son Charles.
+
| The late Mary Cramble's will has been bitterly contested by her son Charles and her cat Cutie-Pie. The newsman reports that her estate of 10,000 rubber mice has been awarded to Charles.
   
|- <div id="205" />
+
|- {{divid|205}}
 
| News Flash
 
| News Flash
 
| align=center | [[Episode 205: Judy Collins]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 205: Judy Collins]]
 
| The paper suddenly catches fire.
 
| The paper suddenly catches fire.
   
|- <div id="207" />
+
|- {{divid|207}}
 
| On Stage Without Pants
 
| On Stage Without Pants
 
| align=center | [[Episode 207: Edgar Bergen]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 207: Edgar Bergen]]
| The news report states that the Newsman is on stage without any pants.
+
| The news report states that the Newsman forgot to put on his pants before going on-camera.
   
|- <div id="209" />
+
|- {{divid|209}}
 
| Exploding News Reporters
 
| Exploding News Reporters
 
| align=center | [[Episode 209: Madeline Kahn]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 209: Madeline Kahn]]
 
| There are reports that television news reporters are blowing up. Unsurprisingly, the Newsman is unable to finish the report, because he blows up.
 
| There are reports that television news reporters are blowing up. Unsurprisingly, the Newsman is unable to finish the report, because he blows up.
   
|- <div id="212" />
+
|- {{divid|212}}
 
| Large Heavy Object
 
| Large Heavy Object
 
| align=center | [[Episode 212: Bernadette Peters]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 212: Bernadette Peters]]
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:''Note: This is the first time something drops from the ceiling onto the Newsman.''
 
:''Note: This is the first time something drops from the ceiling onto the Newsman.''
   
|- <div id="215" />
+
|- {{divid|215}}
 
| Mallarditis
 
| Mallarditis
 
| align=center | [[Episode 215: Lou Rawls]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 215: Lou Rawls]]
| The Newsman reports on mallarditis, a rare disease that causes the victim to become a duck. His head then turns into a duck's head.
+
| The Newsman reports on mallarditis--a rare disease that causes the victim to become a duck. His head then turns into a duck's head.
   
|- <div id="217" />
+
|- {{divid|217}}
 
| Ten Thousand Ping Pong Balls and One Bowling Ball
 
| Ten Thousand Ping Pong Balls and One Bowling Ball
 
| align=center | [[Episode 217: Julie Andrews]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 217: Julie Andrews]]
| A plane carrying sports equipment has been forced to drop some of its cargo.
+
| A plane carrying sports equipment has been forced to jettison some of its cargo. As the Newsman continues his report, 10,000 ping pong balls falls from the ceiling, and a bowling ball lands on his head knocking him out.
   
|- <div id="218" />
+
|- {{divid|218}}
 
| Jettison
 
| Jettison
 
| align=center | [[Episode 218: Jaye P. Morgan]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 218: Jaye P. Morgan]]
| The Newsman reports that a plane carrying the London Symphony orchestra has been forced to jettison some of its musical instruments. A piano falls on him.
+
| The Newsman reports that a plane carrying the [[London Symphony Orchestra]] has been forced to jettison some of its musical instruments. A piano falls on him.
   
|- <div id="221a" />
+
|- {{divid|221a}}
 
| Fishing Season
 
| Fishing Season
 
| align=center | [[Episode 221: Bob Hope]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 221: Bob Hope]]
 
| As the Newsman reports that today is the first day of fishing season, gunshots are heard and fish fall onto his desk.
 
| As the Newsman reports that today is the first day of fishing season, gunshots are heard and fish fall onto his desk.
   
|- <div id="221b" />
+
|- {{divid|221b}}
 
| Opera Season
 
| Opera Season
 
| align=center | [[Episode 221: Bob Hope]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 221: Bob Hope]]
 
| As the Newsman reports that tonight is the opening night of opera season, gunshots are heard and a diva in a horned viking helmet falls onto his desk.
 
| As the Newsman reports that tonight is the opening night of opera season, gunshots are heard and a diva in a horned viking helmet falls onto his desk.
   
|- <div id="224" />
+
|- {{divid|218}}
| [[Newspig]]
+
| Solution To Food Crisis
  +
| align=center | [[Episode 223: John Cleese]]
  +
| The Newsman reports that Dr. William Edgar is helping to aid the food crisis by fashioning Italian dinners out of wool.
  +
  +
|- {{divid|224}}
  +
| [[Pig Impostors|Newspig]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 224: Cloris Leachman]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 224: Cloris Leachman]]
 
| The Newsman is replaced by a pig.
 
| The Newsman is replaced by a pig.
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! Title !! Episode !! Description
 
! Title !! Episode !! Description
   
|-<div id="301" />
+
|-{{divid|301}}
 
| Missing Silverware
 
| Missing Silverware
 
| align=center | [[Episode 301: Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 301: Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge]]
 
| The Newsman reports that police have recovered all of the property stolen during the Henderson burglary, except for the silverware, which has disappeared into thin air. He then gets showered with a load of falling utensils.
 
| The Newsman reports that police have recovered all of the property stolen during the Henderson burglary, except for the silverware, which has disappeared into thin air. He then gets showered with a load of falling utensils.
   
|- <div id="304" />
+
|- {{divid|304}}
 
| The Glue Crisis Has Been Solved
 
| The Glue Crisis Has Been Solved
 
| align=center | [[Episode 304: Gilda Radner]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 304: Gilda Radner]]
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:''Note: One of the few times, if not the only time, that the Newsman had a chair.''
 
:''Note: One of the few times, if not the only time, that the Newsman had a chair.''
   
|- <div id="305" />
+
|- {{divid|305}}
 
| Exploding Hats
 
| Exploding Hats
 
| align=center | [[Episode 305: Pearl Bailey]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 305: Pearl Bailey]]
| A hat factory blows up and hats fall from the sky on top of the Newsman.
+
| A hat factory has blown up and hats fall from the sky on top of the Newsman.
  +
  +
|- {{divid|308a}}
  +
| Strike Amongst Mail Carriers
  +
| align=center | [[Episode 308: Loretta Lynn]]
  +
| The Newsman reports a strike amongst mail carriers. However, air mail is still being delivered as normal, as a pile of luggage falls on him.
  +
  +
|- {{divid|308b}}
  +
| War On Abyssinia
  +
| align=center | [[Episode 308: Loretta Lynn]]
  +
| Three chickens broke into the railroad telegraph office and started pecking at the morse key. The chickens were arrested, but not before declaring war on Abyssinia. A spike then hits the paper on the Newsman's desk.
   
|- <div id="309" />
+
|- {{divid|309}}
 
| Work on the Muppet Newsroom
 
| Work on the Muppet Newsroom
 
| align=center | [[Episode 309: Liberace]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 309: Liberace]]
| The Newsman announces that remodeling has begun on the Muppet newsroom, as a wrecking ball smashes through the wall behind him.
+
| The Newsman announces that remodeling has begun on the Muppet News studio as a wrecking ball smashes through the wall behind him.
   
|-<div id="313" />
+
|-{{divid|313}}
 
| Overhand Refrigerator Throwing
 
| Overhand Refrigerator Throwing
 
| align=center | [[Episode 313: Helen Reddy]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 313: Helen Reddy]]
| Mr. and Mrs. George Laser of Silverspring, Maryland compete in Over-hand Refrigerator Throwing.
+
| Mr. and Mrs. George Laser of Silver Spring, Maryland are attempting to break the world record in Overhand Refrigerator Throwing. A refrigerator then gets thrown across the room.
   
|- <div id="317" />
+
|- {{divid|317}}
 
| Muppet News International
 
| Muppet News International
 
| align=center | [[Episode 317: Spike Milligan]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 317: Spike Milligan]]
 
| The Newsman presents "simultaneous translation bringing you news and views across the language barrier," assisted by [[Spike Milligan]] pantomiming.
 
| The Newsman presents "simultaneous translation bringing you news and views across the language barrier," assisted by [[Spike Milligan]] pantomiming.
:''Note: This was the first time the Newsman was seen with the guest star since the first season.''
+
:''Note: This was the first time that the Newsman was seen with the guest star since the first season.''
  +
  +
|- {{divid|323}}
  +
| Town Crier
  +
| align=center | [[Episode 323: Lynn Redgrave]]
  +
| The Town Crier calls out "5:00, and all's well! Except that Maid Marian has been kidnapped, the Sheriff's up to no good, that dog is stealing the cheese, Kermit's mad at Piggy, and it's really only 4:30." He then gets hit with a falling pot.
   
 
|-
 
|-
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! Title !! Episode !! Description
 
! Title !! Episode !! Description
   
|- <div id="408" />
+
|- {{divid|408}}
 
| Bumper Crop
 
| Bumper Crop
 
| align=center | [[Episode 408: Arlo Guthrie]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 408: Arlo Guthrie]]
| A load of car bumpers get dumped on the desk.
+
| A load of car bumpers get dumped on the Newsman's desk.
   
|- <div id="409" />
+
|- {{divid|409}}
 
| Soprano Beverly Sills
 
| Soprano Beverly Sills
 
| align=center | [[Episode 409: Beverly Sills]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 409: Beverly Sills]]
 
| Soprano Beverly Sills has withdrawn her announced plans to retire from the operatic stage.
 
| Soprano Beverly Sills has withdrawn her announced plans to retire from the operatic stage.
   
|- <div id="410a" />
+
|- {{divid|410a}}
 
| Hospital Beds Made From Pop-Up Toaster Parts
 
| Hospital Beds Made From Pop-Up Toaster Parts
 
| align=center | [[Episode 410: Kenny Rogers]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 410: Kenny Rogers]]
| A report from [[Muppet Labs]] regarding the hospital bed used in the "[[Coconut]]" production number. This causes [[Kermit]] to be flung out of the hospital bed. Annoyed by this, he threatens to cancel the News sketch.
+
| A report from [[Muppet Labs]] regarding the hospital bed used in the "[[Coconut]]" production number. This causes [[Kermit the Frog|Kermit]] to be flung out of the hospital bed and into the newsroom.
   
|- <div id="410b" />
+
|- {{divid|410b}}
 
| Falling Lamp Fixture
 
| Falling Lamp Fixture
 
| align=center | [[Episode 410: Kenny Rogers]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 410: Kenny Rogers]]
| The Newsman reports about falling lamp fixtures.
+
| The Newsman reports about falling lamp fixtures as if on cue one of lamp fixtures fell onto his desk.
  +
  +
|- {{divid|415}}
  +
| Exploding Paper
  +
| align=center | [[Episode 415: Anne Murray]]
  +
| [[Muppet Labs]] invents a hair-triggered exploding paper, which the Newsman just happens to be reading from.
   
|- <div id="417a" />
+
|- {{divid|417a}}
 
| National Sheep Dog Trials
 
| National Sheep Dog Trials
 
| align=center | [[Episode 417: Star Wars]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 417: Star Wars]]
| The Sheep Dogs have been found not guilty.
+
| The Sheep Dogs have been found not guilty, but the newsman gets attacked by sheep.
   
|- <div id="417b" />
+
|- {{divid|417b}}
 
| The Swinetrek Has Landed
 
| The Swinetrek Has Landed
 
| align=center | [[Episode 417: Star Wars]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 417: Star Wars]]
| The Swinetrek has made a soft landing on a distant planet, while Venus is about to make a hard landing on the Muppet newsroom.
+
| The Swinetrek has made a soft landing on a distant planet, while Venus is about to make a hard landing on the Muppet newsroom. Then the ''Venus de Milo'' statue crashes on his desk.
   
|- <div id="418" />
+
|- {{divid|418}}
 
| Killer Lamb
 
| Killer Lamb
 
| align=center | [[Episode 418: Christopher Reeve]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 418: Christopher Reeve]]
| A killer lamb has escaped from a zoo and into the Muppet newsroom.
+
| A killer lamb has escaped from the Department of Agriculture's National Security Sheep Station and into the Muppet newsroom and it attacks the newsman because phone has started ringing.
   
|- <div id="419" />
+
|- {{divid|419}}
 
| Rezal-evad-gib
 
| Rezal-evad-gib
 
| align=center | [[Episode 419: Lynda Carter]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 419: Lynda Carter]]
| The ancient Egyptian crocodile god [[Rezal-evad-gib|Rezal-evad-gib]] will attack anybody who says his name.
+
| The ancient Egyptian crocodile god [[Rezal-evad-gib|Rezal-evad-gib]] will attack anybody who enters his tomb or says his name out loud as if on cue the crocodile attacks the Newsman.
 
:''Note: "Rezal-evad-gib" is "Big Dave Lazer" spelled backwards. [[David Lazer]] was the producer of ''The Muppet Show''.''
 
:''Note: "Rezal-evad-gib" is "Big Dave Lazer" spelled backwards. [[David Lazer]] was the producer of ''The Muppet Show''.''
   
|- <div id="422" />
+
|- {{divid|422}}
 
| Cheese
 
| Cheese
 
| align=center | [[Episode 422: Andy Williams]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 422: Andy Williams]]
| The Newsman gives a report on cheese.
+
| The Newsman gives a report on cheese while he doing this a cheese wheel rolled over him as a bunch rats starts chasing it.
   
 
|-
 
|-
Line 278: Line 278:
 
! Title !! Episode !! Description
 
! Title !! Episode !! Description
   
|- <div id="501" />
+
|- {{divid|501}}
 
| The Meaning of Life
 
| The Meaning of Life
 
| align=center | [[Episode 501: Gene Kelly]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 501: Gene Kelly]]
| The meaning and purpose of life has been revealed, but the Newsman can't find the rest of his report papers.
+
| The meaning and purpose of life has been revealed, but the Newsman can't find the rest of his report papers to read the transcription.
   
|- <div id="504" />
+
|- {{divid|504}}
 
| Gold Security Guard
 
| Gold Security Guard
 
| align=center | [[Episode 504: Shirley Bassey]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 504: Shirley Bassey]]
| A security guard is guarding a stack of gold bars and will hurt anyone who touches them.
+
| A security guard is guarding a stack of gold bars and will hurt anyone who touches them as if on cue as the Newsman touches the gold the security guard attacks him.
   
|- <div id="509" />
+
|- {{divid|509}}
 
| Clothes Turning into Chickens
 
| Clothes Turning into Chickens
 
| align=center | [[Episode 509: Debbie Harry]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 509: Debbie Harry]]
| The Newsman announces that famous French clothing designer David Lazour was arrested for designing clothes that can suddenly turn into chickens.
+
| The Newsman announces that famous French clothing designer David Lazour was arrested for designing clothes that can suddenly turn into chickens as if on cue the clothes that he's wearing turns into a bunch of chickens.
   
|- <div id="510" />
+
|- {{divid|510}}
 
| Electric Sledgehammer
 
| Electric Sledgehammer
 
| align=center | [[Episode 510: Jean-Pierre Rampal]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 510: Jean-Pierre Rampal]]
 
| The electric sledgehammer has escaped from Muppet Labs and is believed to be roaming the city on a very long extension cord. But it only attacks really wimpy nerds--such as the Newsman.
 
| The electric sledgehammer has escaped from Muppet Labs and is believed to be roaming the city on a very long extension cord. But it only attacks really wimpy nerds--such as the Newsman.
   
|- <div id="511" />
+
|- {{divid|511}}
 
| Overdue Library Books
 
| Overdue Library Books
 
| align=center | [[Episode 511: Paul Simon]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 511: Paul Simon]]
| The local library will forgive all fines for any library books that get returned within the next three seconds.
+
| The local library will forgive all fines for any overdue library books that get returned within the next three seconds, as if on cue a bunch of books fell from the ceiling and onto the newsman.
 
:''Note: Seen as part of the episode's [[UK Spots (The Muppet Show)|UK Spot]].''
 
:''Note: Seen as part of the episode's [[UK Spots (The Muppet Show)|UK Spot]].''
   
|- <div="512" />
+
|- {{divid|512}}
 
| Beef Falls Dramatically
 
| Beef Falls Dramatically
 
| align=center | [[Episode 512: Melissa Manchester]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 512: Melissa Manchester]]
 
| A cow falls on The Newsman.
 
| A cow falls on The Newsman.
   
|- <div="522" />
+
|- {{divid|513}}
  +
| Electrocuted Conductor
  +
| align=center | [[Episode 513: Tony Randall]]
  +
| The Newsman meets conductor [[Zubin Beckmesser]], who placed his baton into an electrical outlet.
  +
  +
|- {{divid|519}}
  +
| Falling Stars
  +
| align=center | [[Episode 519: Chris Langham]]
  +
| A freak storm in Alabama caused stars to fall. Stars then fall on the Newsman's desk.
  +
  +
|- {{divid|522}}
 
| Blackout
 
| Blackout
 
| align=center | [[Episode 522: Buddy Rich]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 522: Buddy Rich]]
 
| There's a blackout at the Muppet Theater. The Newsman's candle is too dim for him to read his notes, so he asks for a bigger one. [[Crazy Harry]] obligingly brings him a big stick of dynamite.
 
| There's a blackout at the Muppet Theater. The Newsman's candle is too dim for him to read his notes, so he asks for a bigger one. [[Crazy Harry]] obligingly brings him a big stick of dynamite.
   
|- <div="523" />
+
|- {{divid|523}}
 
| Unidentified Flying Object
 
| Unidentified Flying Object
 
| align=center | [[Episode 523: Linda Ronstadt]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 523: Linda Ronstadt]]
 
| Following the previous sketch, [[The Swedish Chef]] falls on The Newsman.
 
| Following the previous sketch, [[The Swedish Chef]] falls on The Newsman.
   
|- <div="524" />
+
|- {{divid|524}}
 
| Mackerel King
 
| Mackerel King
 
| align=center | [[Episode 524: Roger Moore]]
 
| align=center | [[Episode 524: Roger Moore]]
| The Newsman reports that security at Muppet News is so good that rumors cannot be reported to Muppet News. The Newsman then reports that a black-and-yellow striped [[mackerel]] has been elected king. The Newsman doesn't believe it until he meets the king.
+
| The Newsman reports that security at Muppet News is so tight that rumors cannot be reported to Muppet News. The Newsman then reports that a black-and-yellow striped [[mackerel]] has been elected king. The Newsman doesn't believe it until he meets the king.
   
 
|-
 
|-
| colspan="4" | <h3>Additional Sketches (Non-Muppet Show)</h3>
+
| colspan="4" | <h3>Additional Reports (Non-Muppet Show)</h3>
 
|- bgcolor=#eeeeee
 
|- bgcolor=#eeeeee
 
! Title !! Episode !! Description
 
! Title !! Episode !! Description
   
|- <div id="greatmuppetcaper" />
+
|- {{divid|greatmuppetcaper}}
 
| Kermit's Date with [[Lady Holiday]]
 
| Kermit's Date with [[Lady Holiday]]
 
| align=center | ''[[The Great Muppet Caper]]''
 
| align=center | ''[[The Great Muppet Caper]]''
 
| Details at eleven.
 
| Details at eleven.
   
|- <div id="muppetfamilychristmas" />
+
|- {{divid|muppetfamilychristmas}}
 
| The Worst Blizzard in Fifty Years
 
| The Worst Blizzard in Fifty Years
 
| align=center | ''[[A Muppet Family Christmas]]''
 
| align=center | ''[[A Muppet Family Christmas]]''
| The Newsman announces that the worst blizzard in fifty years is approaching, and that barometers are falling sharply. Barometers then literally fall onto the Newsman.
+
| The Newsman announces that the worst blizzard in fifty years is approaching and that barometers are falling sharply. Barometers then literally fall onto the Newsman.
   
|- <div id="jimhensonhour" />
+
|- {{divid|jimhensonhour}}
 
| Musical News
 
| Musical News
| align=center | ''[[The Jim Henson Hour]]'' [[Episode 105: The Ratings Game]]
+
| align=center | ''[[The Jim Henson Hour]]'' [[Episode 105: First Show]]
 
| [[Bobby McFerrin]] reads the musical news, while the Newsman provides interpretation for the totally unhip.
 
| [[Bobby McFerrin]] reads the musical news, while the Newsman provides interpretation for the totally unhip.
   
|- <div id="muppetshowlive1" />
+
|- {{divid|muppetshowlive1}}
 
| Golf Balls
 
| Golf Balls
 
| align=center | ''[[The Muppet Show Live]]''
 
| align=center | ''[[The Muppet Show Live]]''
| The Newsman brings a "Muppet News Weather Update!." He announces that the [[Hollywood, CA|Hollywood]] area is being pelted by a hailstorm and witnesses are reporting hailstones as large as golf balls. Soon he is pelted by plastic golf balls thrown by the audience.
+
| The Newsman brings a "Muppet News Weather Update!." He announces that the [[Hollywood]] area is being pelted by a hailstorm and witnesses are reporting hailstones as large as golf balls. Soon, he is pelted by plastic golf balls thrown by the audience.
   
|- <div id="muppetshowlive2" />
+
|- {{divid|muppetshowlive2}}
 
| Football
 
| Football
 
| align=center | ''[[The Muppet Show Live]]''
 
| align=center | ''[[The Muppet Show Live]]''
 
| The Newsman announces that Rich Gannon, quarterback for the Oakland Raiders, threw 250 touchdown passes. He soon remarks "250 Touchdown passes. That's impossible!" only to be hit by many nerf footballs being thrown by the audience.
 
| The Newsman announces that Rich Gannon, quarterback for the Oakland Raiders, threw 250 touchdown passes. He soon remarks "250 Touchdown passes. That's impossible!" only to be hit by many nerf footballs being thrown by the audience.
   
|- <div id="muppetshowlive3" />
+
|- {{divid|muppetshowlive3}}
 
| Boulder
 
| Boulder
 
| align=center | ''[[The Muppet Show Live]]''
 
| align=center | ''[[The Muppet Show Live]]''
| The Newsman announces that there are reports of a Giant Boulder rolling through Hollywood. He looks out to the audience and says "Ha! They didn't give you giant boulders to throw, did they?" [[Sweetums]] enters remarking "Nope, but they gave me one." He then decks the Newsman with with the giant rock. The Newsman pops up, saying "You missed." Then a cow falls on the Newsman.
+
| The Newsman announces that there are reports of giant boulders rolling through Hollywood. He looks out to the audience and says "Ha! They didn't give you giant boulders to throw, did they?" [[Sweetums]] enters, remarking "Nope, but they gave me one." He then decks the Newsman with with the giant rock. The Newsman pops up, saying "You missed!" Then a cow falls on the Newsman.
   
|- <div id="dxd1" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd1}}
 
| Breaking News
 
| Breaking News
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| The Newsman announces some breaking news only to have the set break apart and hit him on the head.
 
| The Newsman announces some breaking news only to have the set break apart and hit him on the head.
   
|- <div id="dxd2" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd2}}
 
| Weather Report
 
| Weather Report
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
| The Newsman gives a weather report. He says it will not rain "like cats and dogs" just then [[penguins]] start falling from the sky and hitting him on the head.
+
| The Newsman gives a weather report. He says it will not rain "like cats and dogs", then [[penguins]] start falling from the sky and hitting him on the head.
   
|- <div id="dxd3" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd3}}
 
| Piano
 
| Piano
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| The Newsman rushes in shouting "This just in" only to be immediately crushed by a falling grand piano.
 
| The Newsman rushes in shouting "This just in" only to be immediately crushed by a falling grand piano.
   
|- <div id="dxd4" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd4}}
 
| A News ''flash''
 
| A News ''flash''
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| The Newsman declares that "This is a Muppet News Flash," upon which his desk explodes.
 
| The Newsman declares that "This is a Muppet News Flash," upon which his desk explodes.
   
|- <div id="dxd5" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd5}}
 
| Cheese
 
| Cheese
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
| The Newsman announce that giant meteors are falling from the sky and are reported to be explosive and dangerous. He gasp and quickly duck under his desk, but nothing happens. He gets back up and continues with another news about genetic engineer elephants have escaped from Muppet Labs and will squash to death anyone who mention their existences. The Newsman gasp and quickly duck under his desk again, but nothing happens. Suddenly a blue monster hand gives him a note and the Newsman reads it. He reports that anyone who reads this sentences would turn into cheese. The Newsman suddenly turns into a cheese and rolls off the desk.
+
| The Newsman announces that giant meteors are falling from the sky and are reported to be explosive and dangerous. He gasps and quickly ducks under his desk, but nothing happens. He gets back up and continues with another news about genetically-engineered flying elephants who have escaped from Muppet Labs and will squash anyone who mentions their existence to death. The Newsman gasps and quickly ducks under his desk again, but nothing happens. Suddenly a blue monster hand gives him a note and the Newsman reads it. He reports that anyone who reads this sentence would turn into cheese. The Newsman suddenly turns into a cheese and rolls off the desk.
 
:''Note: The newsroom is in a different color.''
 
:''Note: The newsroom is in a different color.''
   
|- <div id="dxd6" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd6}}
 
| Money
 
| Money
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
| The Newsman announce that a government aircraft carrying fresh mint money is experiencing some technical difficulties and it is causing the aircraft to dump untraceable cash from the sky. Suddenly a sack falls down on to the Newsman's desk and it is followed by bills of money floating down. The Newsman replies that he wished it was huge sacks of priceless diamonds and then another sack falls down as diamonds rain down on him. Excitedly, the Newsman asked for a 32oz T-Bone medium well done and a piece of steak came down on his desk. Getting more excited, the Newsman also requested a beautiful brown-eye blonde and gets hit by a falling cow with blonde hair. He noted that he should have been specific on the last request.
+
| The Newsman reports that a government aircraft carrying freshly-minted money is experiencing some technical difficulties and it is causing the aircraft to dump untraceable cash from the sky. Suddenly a sack falls down on to the Newsman's desk and it is followed by bills of money floating down. The Newsman replies that he wished it was huge sacks of priceless diamonds and then another sack falls down as diamonds rain down on him. Excitedly, the Newsman asks for a 32oz T-Bone (medium well done) and a piece of steak falls down on his desk. Getting more excited, the Newsman also requests a beautiful brown-eye blonde and gets hit by a falling cow with blonde hair. He noted that he should have been more specific on the last request.
   
|- <div id="dxd7" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd7}}
 
| Retiring
 
| Retiring
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
| The Newsman announce that he is retiring and this would be the last time he is reporting the news. The news story he reports is that Muppet Labs has perfect a cloning process and can make a clone of someone immediately. With that last news story, The Newsman says good-bye and weeps as he leaves.
+
| The Newsman announces that he is retiring and this would be the last time he is reporting the news. The news story he reports is that Muppet Labs has perfected a cloning process and can make a clone of someone immediately. With that last news story, The Newsman says good-bye and weeps as he leaves.
   
|- <div id="dxd8" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd8}}
 
| Clones
 
| Clones
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
| After the last news, a clone of The Newsman comes in and announce that Muppet Labs' cloning process should be use with caution because the clone would explode if they get excited. The clone Newsman got so excited about this news flash that he explodes. Another clone Newsman comes in saying how Muppet Labs perfected their clone process and that the clones would not explode, but they are vulnerable to falling pianos. Suddenly, a grand piano falls on the clone Newsman.
+
| After the last news, a clone of The Newsman comes in and announces that Muppet Labs' cloning process should be used with caution because the clone would explode if they get excited. The clone Newsman gets so excited about this news flash that he explodes. Another clone Newsman comes in saying how Muppet Labs perfected their clone process and that the clones would not explode, but they are vulnerable to falling pianos. Suddenly, a grand piano falls on the clone Newsman.
 
 
|- <div id="dxd9" />
+
  +
|- {{divid|dxd9}}
 
| Digital Movie
 
| Digital Movie
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
| The Newsman announce that new Digital 3D movies look so real that it literally knocks people off their feet. Not believing it, the Newsman puts some 3D glasses on and gets hit by a falling cow.
+
| The Newsman announces that new Digital 3D movies look so real that it literally knocks people out of their seats. Not believing it, the Newsman puts some 3D glasses on and gets hit by a falling cow.
   
|- <div id="dxd10" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd10}}
 
| Mary Had a Little Lamb
 
| Mary Had a Little Lamb
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
| The Newsman was about to read a report about bowling balls, when he realized if he mention it, they will fall on him. Instead, he reads a letter from little Amy, which is a nursery rhyme on "[[Mary Had a Little Lamb]]." After reciting the nursery rhyme, Mary fell on him and the lamb too. The Newsman thinks he should have mention the bowling balls and gets hit by one.
+
| The Newsman was about to read a report about bowling balls when he realized that if he mentions it, they will fall on him. Instead, he reads a letter from little Amy, which is a nursery rhyme on "[[Mary Had a Little Lamb]]." After reciting the nursery rhyme, Mary fell on him and the lamb too. The Newsman thinks he should have mentioned the bowling balls and gets hit by one.
   
|- <div id="dxd11" />
+
|- {{divid|dxd11}}
 
| Garbage Strike
 
| Garbage Strike
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
 
| align=center | [[Disney Xtreme Digital]]
| The Newsman reads a report about another garbage strike and find the report ridiculous. The Newsman gets pelt by trash and he says that the garbage does deserve some respect even if the situation "stinks" and gets knock over by a solid trash object in the face.
+
| The Newsman reads a report about another garbage strike and finds the report ridiculous. The Newsman gets pelted with trash and he says that the garbage does deserve some respect even if the situation "stinks" and gets knocked over by a solid trash object in the face.
 
 
|- <div id="mkcc1" />
+
  +
|- {{divid|mkcc1}}
 
| World's Biggest Sandwich
 
| World's Biggest Sandwich
 
| align=center | ''[[The Muppets Kitchen with Cat Cora]]''<br>Episode 5
 
| align=center | ''[[The Muppets Kitchen with Cat Cora]]''<br>Episode 5
| In the episode "World's Biggest Sandwich," the Newsman reports on both the giant sandwich under construction in the studio kitchen, and on an airplane that was forced to jettison its cargo of pickles, which ends up landing on him.
+
| In the episode "World's Biggest Sandwich," the Newsman reports on both the giant sandwich under construction in the studio kitchen and on an airplane that was forced to jettison its cargo of pickles, which ends up landing on him.
  +
  +
|- {{divid|mkcc1}}
  +
| Constantine Escapes!
  +
| align=center | ''[[Muppets Most Wanted]]''
  +
| The Newsman announces that [[Constantine]], the world's most dangerous frog, had escaped from a gulag in Siberia, Russia, and has becomes the number-one most wanted criminal in the world, wresting that title away from the mysterious [[Dominic Badguy|Lemur]].
  +
  +
|- {{divid|bowl1}}
  +
| Stealing the Show
  +
| align=center| ''[[The Muppets Take the Bowl]]''
  +
| The Newsman reports that someone plans on stealing the show at the Hollywood Bowl (later revealed to be [[Pepe the King Prawn]]).
  +
  +
|- {{divid|bowl2}}
  +
| Trap Doors
  +
| align=center| ''[[The Muppets Take the Bowl]]''
  +
| The Newsman gives an exposé on the Hollywood Bowl festivities, including the trap doors, one of which he falls into. (The sketch was later redubbed to fit [[The Muppets Take the O2|the O2 shows]])
  +
  +
|- {{divid|bowl3}}
  +
| Tour Bus
  +
| align=center| ''[[The Muppets Take the Bowl]]''
  +
| The Newsman reports that a group of penguin tourists are making their way to the Bowl using a hijacked tour bus, only to be stuck in traffic. He is then trampled by the penguins, who have chosen to go by foot instead.
   
 
|}
 
|}
  +
  +
==Notes==
  +
[[Image:Human_Muppet_News_Flash_2.jpg|thumb|200px|From ''[[A Muppet Crew Presentation]]'']]
  +
* The production staff of ''The Muppet Show'' parodied the segment in [[A Muppet Crew Presentation|a wrap party video]] shot at the end of the show's first season with a human crew member standing in for the newsman.
   
 
==See also==
 
==See also==
 
{{muppetsketches}}
 
{{muppetsketches}}
  +
  +
  +
 
__NOWYSIWYG__
 
__NOWYSIWYG__
 
[[Category:Muppet Show Recurring Sketches]]
 
[[Category:Muppet Show Recurring Sketches]]
 
[[Category:Broadcasting]]
 
[[Category:Broadcasting]]
  +
[[Category:Fictional Shows]]

Latest revision as of 03:42, September 24, 2019

203-7
NewNewsman

The Newsman in a later appearance.

Muppet News Flash segments were a regular feature of The Muppet Show for all five seasons. The segments starred the Newsman, a breathlessly emphatic anchorman. This is not to be confused with "Sesame Street News Flash," in which Kermit the Frog was the anchorman.

There were slight changes made to the News Flash segments after the first season. In the first year, the segments often featured interviews with a strange person played by the guest star. Starting with the second year, the Newsman would rush on to the scene, announcing an unusual story -- and he would then fall victim to the subject of the news story in some way. The segments typically began with a triangular-wipe transition from the preceding sketch.

The Newsman himself also changed during the first season, adding glasses to his costume. His voice originally was lower, closer to Link Hogthrob's, but that too would be modified in the first season.

After The Muppet Show finished production, News Flash segments went on in a photographed comic book style for one page in several issues of Muppet Magazine. Later in 2001, new segments were performed for The Muppet Show Live. For these skits, the audience members closest to the stage were given props to throw at the Newsman at the appropriate time. More recently, a number of new segments were produced for Disney Extreme Digital's website, under "gadgets."

A Muppet News Flash also opens "Kermit's Story," the first in Roger Langridge's four-issue run of The Muppet Show Comic Book. After reporting some of his usual bizarre stories (surprisingly, nothing happens when he announces that "produce market prices fell"), the Newsman announces that The Muppet Show is back on the air in a new "comic book" format, just in time for the page to turn, covering his face and interrupting his broadcast. Another News Flash appears in the second issue of The Treasure of Peg-Leg Wilson, in which The Newsman gives a report on the buried treasure.

SketchesEdit

The Muppet Show Season 1

Title Episode Description
Hotline Episode 102: Connie Stevens The Newsman picks up the phone for a hotline and burns his hand.
Note: In his first appearance, the Newsman wears his glasses. This was actually taped later in the season. This sketch is one of only two first season News Flash sketches in which the Newsman was the victim.
Boffo the Human Cannonball Episode 103: Joel Grey The Newsman reports the demise of Boffo the Human Cannonball.
Note: First time the Newsman does not wear glasses and sounds different.
City Held Hostage Episode 103: Joel Grey The state of New York is being held hostage by a retired bus driver.
Kidnapped Ocean Episode 104: Ruth Buzzi The Atlantic Ocean has been kidnapped!
Dancing Chicken Episode 105: Rita Moreno The Newsman reports on a pet chicken that became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet.
There Is No News Tonight! Episode 105: Rita Moreno The Newsman reports that there is no news tonight.
Note: The same sketch was used again in Episode 116: Avery Schreiber.
Flying Saucer Spotted Episode 106: Jim Nabors The Newsman interviews gas station attendant Billy Lee Boomer (played by Jim Nabors), who spotted a flying saucer.
Note: The Newsman is starting to evolve; while he doesn't yet have glasses, his voice becomes more like the one we know today.
Amazing Story Episode 108: Paul Williams The Newsman just got an incredible story that's reported by Arnold Stockman (played by Paul Williams), who claims that the phone rang but there was nobody on the other end of the line.
Boxer vs. Himself Episode 110: Harvey Korman Undefeated boxer Carl Boomer (played by Harvey Korman) has a match against himself.
Seaweed Diet Episode 111: Lena Horne Lola Bramswell (played by Lena Horne) is on a seaweed diet.
The Cure For the Common Cold Episode 112: Peter Ustinov The Newsman interviews Dr. Felix Oglebomb (played by Peter Ustinov), who thinks he has found the cure for the common cold.
The World Record For Jumping the Most Jumps Episode 114: Sandy Duncan The Newsman interviews Billie Lee Bonkers (played by Sandy Duncan), who is trying to break the world record for the most jumps in a row. Her motivation? She's standing on a hot plate. The Newsman then picks up the phone and asks, "Where do we get these nuts?"
Death of Pole Climber Episode 117: Ben Vereen The Newsman reports the death of Melvin Cosgrove, who, sixteen years ago, climbed a thirty-foot pole and scrambled onto a six-by-six-foot platform in order to break the world record for flagpole-sitting.
Winged Travel Episode 118: Phyllis Diller Beverly Shepherd (played by Phyllis Diller) has built herself a pair of wings and flown. She accomplished this by making wings for herself from aluminum and then buying a plane ticket.
Furniture Monsters Episode 119: Vincent Price The Newsman reports that furniture all over town has been turning into monsters. While he reports this, a man who is watching the news on TV is being attacked by his furniture. The same happens to the Newsman shortly afterwards.
Note: The Newsman mentions the sheriff's name is David Goelz.
Man Turns Into Rug Episode 120: Valerie Harper Mrs. Klinger (played by Valerie Harper) explains that her husband Gus has transformed into a rug, with fringe, over the last few months. She plans to divorce him because he doesn't match the drapes.
Blank Paper Episode 120: Valerie Harper Both sides of the Newsman's paper are blank.
The Woman Who Ate a Tractor Episode 121: Twiggy Lola Thomas (played by Twiggy) has eaten an entire diesel tractor, medium rare.
The World's Longest Sentence Episode 123: Kaye Ballard The Newsman can't get a word in edgewise when he tries to interview Gretchen Powers (played by Kaye Ballard), who is trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for saying the world's longest spoken sentence.
Sergei Lenofsky's 196th Birthday Celebration Episode 124: Mummenschanz The Newsman reports on Sergei Lenofsky's 196th birthday celebration.
Note: The Newsman appears without glasses and a different voice.

The Muppet Show Season 2

Title Episode Description
Contested Will Episode 203: Milton Berle The late Mary Cramble's will has been bitterly contested by her son Charles and her cat Cutie-Pie. The newsman reports that her estate of 10,000 rubber mice has been awarded to Charles.
News Flash Episode 205: Judy Collins The paper suddenly catches fire.
On Stage Without Pants Episode 207: Edgar Bergen The news report states that the Newsman forgot to put on his pants before going on-camera.
Exploding News Reporters Episode 209: Madeline Kahn There are reports that television news reporters are blowing up. Unsurprisingly, the Newsman is unable to finish the report, because he blows up.
Large Heavy Object Episode 212: Bernadette Peters The Newsman reports on a heavy object falling from the ceiling and a weight drops on his head.
Note: This is the first time something drops from the ceiling onto the Newsman.
Mallarditis Episode 215: Lou Rawls The Newsman reports on mallarditis--a rare disease that causes the victim to become a duck. His head then turns into a duck's head.
Ten Thousand Ping Pong Balls and One Bowling Ball Episode 217: Julie Andrews A plane carrying sports equipment has been forced to jettison some of its cargo. As the Newsman continues his report, 10,000 ping pong balls falls from the ceiling, and a bowling ball lands on his head knocking him out.
Jettison Episode 218: Jaye P. Morgan The Newsman reports that a plane carrying the London Symphony Orchestra has been forced to jettison some of its musical instruments. A piano falls on him.
Fishing Season Episode 221: Bob Hope As the Newsman reports that today is the first day of fishing season, gunshots are heard and fish fall onto his desk.
Opera Season Episode 221: Bob Hope As the Newsman reports that tonight is the opening night of opera season, gunshots are heard and a diva in a horned viking helmet falls onto his desk.
Solution To Food Crisis Episode 223: John Cleese The Newsman reports that Dr. William Edgar is helping to aid the food crisis by fashioning Italian dinners out of wool.
Newspig Episode 224: Cloris Leachman The Newsman is replaced by a pig.

The Muppet Show Season 3

Title Episode Description
Missing Silverware Episode 301: Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge The Newsman reports that police have recovered all of the property stolen during the Henderson burglary, except for the silverware, which has disappeared into thin air. He then gets showered with a load of falling utensils.
The Glue Crisis Has Been Solved Episode 304: Gilda Radner The Newsman reports that the glue crisis has been solved, but he gets glued to his chair.
Note: One of the few times, if not the only time, that the Newsman had a chair.
Exploding Hats Episode 305: Pearl Bailey A hat factory has blown up and hats fall from the sky on top of the Newsman.
Strike Amongst Mail Carriers Episode 308: Loretta Lynn The Newsman reports a strike amongst mail carriers. However, air mail is still being delivered as normal, as a pile of luggage falls on him.
War On Abyssinia Episode 308: Loretta Lynn Three chickens broke into the railroad telegraph office and started pecking at the morse key. The chickens were arrested, but not before declaring war on Abyssinia. A spike then hits the paper on the Newsman's desk.
Work on the Muppet Newsroom Episode 309: Liberace The Newsman announces that remodeling has begun on the Muppet News studio as a wrecking ball smashes through the wall behind him.
Overhand Refrigerator Throwing Episode 313: Helen Reddy Mr. and Mrs. George Laser of Silver Spring, Maryland are attempting to break the world record in Overhand Refrigerator Throwing. A refrigerator then gets thrown across the room.
Muppet News International Episode 317: Spike Milligan The Newsman presents "simultaneous translation bringing you news and views across the language barrier," assisted by Spike Milligan pantomiming.
Note: This was the first time that the Newsman was seen with the guest star since the first season.
Town Crier Episode 323: Lynn Redgrave The Town Crier calls out "5:00, and all's well! Except that Maid Marian has been kidnapped, the Sheriff's up to no good, that dog is stealing the cheese, Kermit's mad at Piggy, and it's really only 4:30." He then gets hit with a falling pot.

The Muppet Show Season 4

Title Episode Description
Bumper Crop Episode 408: Arlo Guthrie A load of car bumpers get dumped on the Newsman's desk.
Soprano Beverly Sills Episode 409: Beverly Sills Soprano Beverly Sills has withdrawn her announced plans to retire from the operatic stage.
Hospital Beds Made From Pop-Up Toaster Parts Episode 410: Kenny Rogers A report from Muppet Labs regarding the hospital bed used in the "Coconut" production number. This causes Kermit to be flung out of the hospital bed and into the newsroom.
Falling Lamp Fixture Episode 410: Kenny Rogers The Newsman reports about falling lamp fixtures as if on cue one of lamp fixtures fell onto his desk.
Exploding Paper Episode 415: Anne Murray Muppet Labs invents a hair-triggered exploding paper, which the Newsman just happens to be reading from.
National Sheep Dog Trials Episode 417: Star Wars The Sheep Dogs have been found not guilty, but the newsman gets attacked by sheep.
The Swinetrek Has Landed Episode 417: Star Wars The Swinetrek has made a soft landing on a distant planet, while Venus is about to make a hard landing on the Muppet newsroom. Then the Venus de Milo statue crashes on his desk.
Killer Lamb Episode 418: Christopher Reeve A killer lamb has escaped from the Department of Agriculture's National Security Sheep Station and into the Muppet newsroom and it attacks the newsman because phone has started ringing.
Rezal-evad-gib Episode 419: Lynda Carter The ancient Egyptian crocodile god Rezal-evad-gib will attack anybody who enters his tomb or says his name out loud as if on cue the crocodile attacks the Newsman.
Note: "Rezal-evad-gib" is "Big Dave Lazer" spelled backwards. David Lazer was the producer of The Muppet Show.
Cheese Episode 422: Andy Williams The Newsman gives a report on cheese while he doing this a cheese wheel rolled over him as a bunch rats starts chasing it.

The Muppet Show Season 5

Title Episode Description
The Meaning of Life Episode 501: Gene Kelly The meaning and purpose of life has been revealed, but the Newsman can't find the rest of his report papers to read the transcription.
Gold Security Guard Episode 504: Shirley Bassey A security guard is guarding a stack of gold bars and will hurt anyone who touches them as if on cue as the Newsman touches the gold the security guard attacks him.
Clothes Turning into Chickens Episode 509: Debbie Harry The Newsman announces that famous French clothing designer David Lazour was arrested for designing clothes that can suddenly turn into chickens as if on cue the clothes that he's wearing turns into a bunch of chickens.
Electric Sledgehammer Episode 510: Jean-Pierre Rampal The electric sledgehammer has escaped from Muppet Labs and is believed to be roaming the city on a very long extension cord. But it only attacks really wimpy nerds--such as the Newsman.
Overdue Library Books Episode 511: Paul Simon The local library will forgive all fines for any overdue library books that get returned within the next three seconds, as if on cue a bunch of books fell from the ceiling and onto the newsman.
Note: Seen as part of the episode's UK Spot.
Beef Falls Dramatically Episode 512: Melissa Manchester A cow falls on The Newsman.
Electrocuted Conductor Episode 513: Tony Randall The Newsman meets conductor Zubin Beckmesser, who placed his baton into an electrical outlet.
Falling Stars Episode 519: Chris Langham A freak storm in Alabama caused stars to fall. Stars then fall on the Newsman's desk.
Blackout Episode 522: Buddy Rich There's a blackout at the Muppet Theater. The Newsman's candle is too dim for him to read his notes, so he asks for a bigger one. Crazy Harry obligingly brings him a big stick of dynamite.
Unidentified Flying Object Episode 523: Linda Ronstadt Following the previous sketch, The Swedish Chef falls on The Newsman.
Mackerel King Episode 524: Roger Moore The Newsman reports that security at Muppet News is so tight that rumors cannot be reported to Muppet News. The Newsman then reports that a black-and-yellow striped mackerel has been elected king. The Newsman doesn't believe it until he meets the king.

Additional Reports (Non-Muppet Show)

Title Episode Description
Kermit's Date with Lady Holiday The Great Muppet Caper Details at eleven.
The Worst Blizzard in Fifty Years A Muppet Family Christmas The Newsman announces that the worst blizzard in fifty years is approaching and that barometers are falling sharply. Barometers then literally fall onto the Newsman.
Musical News The Jim Henson Hour Episode 105: First Show Bobby McFerrin reads the musical news, while the Newsman provides interpretation for the totally unhip.
Golf Balls The Muppet Show Live The Newsman brings a "Muppet News Weather Update!." He announces that the Hollywood area is being pelted by a hailstorm and witnesses are reporting hailstones as large as golf balls. Soon, he is pelted by plastic golf balls thrown by the audience.
Football The Muppet Show Live The Newsman announces that Rich Gannon, quarterback for the Oakland Raiders, threw 250 touchdown passes. He soon remarks "250 Touchdown passes. That's impossible!" only to be hit by many nerf footballs being thrown by the audience.
Boulder The Muppet Show Live The Newsman announces that there are reports of giant boulders rolling through Hollywood. He looks out to the audience and says "Ha! They didn't give you giant boulders to throw, did they?" Sweetums enters, remarking "Nope, but they gave me one." He then decks the Newsman with with the giant rock. The Newsman pops up, saying "You missed!" Then a cow falls on the Newsman.
Breaking News Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman announces some breaking news only to have the set break apart and hit him on the head.
Weather Report Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman gives a weather report. He says it will not rain "like cats and dogs", then penguins start falling from the sky and hitting him on the head.
Piano Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman rushes in shouting "This just in" only to be immediately crushed by a falling grand piano.
A News flash Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman declares that "This is a Muppet News Flash," upon which his desk explodes.
Cheese Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman announces that giant meteors are falling from the sky and are reported to be explosive and dangerous. He gasps and quickly ducks under his desk, but nothing happens. He gets back up and continues with another news about genetically-engineered flying elephants who have escaped from Muppet Labs and will squash anyone who mentions their existence to death. The Newsman gasps and quickly ducks under his desk again, but nothing happens. Suddenly a blue monster hand gives him a note and the Newsman reads it. He reports that anyone who reads this sentence would turn into cheese. The Newsman suddenly turns into a cheese and rolls off the desk.
Note: The newsroom is in a different color.
Money Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman reports that a government aircraft carrying freshly-minted money is experiencing some technical difficulties and it is causing the aircraft to dump untraceable cash from the sky. Suddenly a sack falls down on to the Newsman's desk and it is followed by bills of money floating down. The Newsman replies that he wished it was huge sacks of priceless diamonds and then another sack falls down as diamonds rain down on him. Excitedly, the Newsman asks for a 32oz T-Bone (medium well done) and a piece of steak falls down on his desk. Getting more excited, the Newsman also requests a beautiful brown-eye blonde and gets hit by a falling cow with blonde hair. He noted that he should have been more specific on the last request.
Retiring Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman announces that he is retiring and this would be the last time he is reporting the news. The news story he reports is that Muppet Labs has perfected a cloning process and can make a clone of someone immediately. With that last news story, The Newsman says good-bye and weeps as he leaves.
Clones Disney Xtreme Digital After the last news, a clone of The Newsman comes in and announces that Muppet Labs' cloning process should be used with caution because the clone would explode if they get excited. The clone Newsman gets so excited about this news flash that he explodes. Another clone Newsman comes in saying how Muppet Labs perfected their clone process and that the clones would not explode, but they are vulnerable to falling pianos. Suddenly, a grand piano falls on the clone Newsman.


Digital Movie Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman announces that new Digital 3D movies look so real that it literally knocks people out of their seats. Not believing it, the Newsman puts some 3D glasses on and gets hit by a falling cow.
Mary Had a Little Lamb Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman was about to read a report about bowling balls when he realized that if he mentions it, they will fall on him. Instead, he reads a letter from little Amy, which is a nursery rhyme on "Mary Had a Little Lamb." After reciting the nursery rhyme, Mary fell on him and the lamb too. The Newsman thinks he should have mentioned the bowling balls and gets hit by one.
Garbage Strike Disney Xtreme Digital The Newsman reads a report about another garbage strike and finds the report ridiculous. The Newsman gets pelted with trash and he says that the garbage does deserve some respect even if the situation "stinks" and gets knocked over by a solid trash object in the face.


World's Biggest Sandwich The Muppets Kitchen with Cat Cora
Episode 5
In the episode "World's Biggest Sandwich," the Newsman reports on both the giant sandwich under construction in the studio kitchen and on an airplane that was forced to jettison its cargo of pickles, which ends up landing on him.
Constantine Escapes! Muppets Most Wanted The Newsman announces that Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog, had escaped from a gulag in Siberia, Russia, and has becomes the number-one most wanted criminal in the world, wresting that title away from the mysterious Lemur.
Stealing the Show The Muppets Take the Bowl The Newsman reports that someone plans on stealing the show at the Hollywood Bowl (later revealed to be Pepe the King Prawn).
Trap Doors The Muppets Take the Bowl The Newsman gives an exposé on the Hollywood Bowl festivities, including the trap doors, one of which he falls into. (The sketch was later redubbed to fit the O2 shows)
Tour Bus The Muppets Take the Bowl The Newsman reports that a group of penguin tourists are making their way to the Bowl using a hijacked tour bus, only to be stuck in traffic. He is then trampled by the penguins, who have chosen to go by foot instead.

NotesEdit

Human Muppet News Flash 2

From A Muppet Crew Presentation

  • The production staff of The Muppet Show parodied the segment in a wrap party video shot at the end of the show's first season with a human crew member standing in for the newsman.

See alsoEdit

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