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The Newsman in a later appearance.
Muppet News Flash segments were a regular feature of The Muppet Show for all five seasons. The segments starred the Newsman, a breathlessly emphatic anchorman.
There were slight changes made to the News Flash segments after the first season. In the first year, the segments often featured interviews with a strange person played by the guest star. Starting with the second year, the Newsman would rush on to the scene, announcing an unusual story -- and he would then fall victim to the subject of the news story in some way.
The Newsman himself also changed during the first season, adding glasses to his costume. His voice originally was lower, closer to Link Hogthrob's, but that too would be modified in the first season.
After The Muppet Show finished production, News Flash segments went on in a photographed comic book style for one page in several issues of Muppet Magazine. Later in 2001, new segments were performed for The Muppet Show Live. For these skits, the audience members closest to the stage were given props to throw at the Newsman at the appropriate time. More recently, a number of new Muppet News Flash segments were produced for Disney Extreme Digital's website, under "gadgets".
Sketches
The Muppet Show Season 1 | |||
| Title | Episode | Description | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Hotline | The Newsman picks up the phone for a hotline, and burns his hand.
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| Boffo the Human Cannonball | The Newsman reports the demise of Boffo the Human Cannonball.
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| City Held Hostage | A city is held hostage by a retired bus driver. | ||
| Kidnapped Ocean | The Atlantic Ocean has been kidnapped! | ||
| Dancing Chicken | The Newsman reports on a dancing chicken. | ||
| There Is No News Tonight! | The Newsman reports that there is no news tonight.
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| Flying Saucer Spotted | The Newsman interviews gas station attendant Billy Lee Boomer (played by Jim Nabors) who spotted a flying saucer.
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| Amazing Story | The Newsman just got an incredible story that's reported by Arnold Stockman (played by Paul Williams) who claims that the phone rang but there was nobody on the other end of the line. | ||
| Boxer vs. Himself | Undefeated boxer Carl Boomer (played by Harvey Korman) has a match against himself. | ||
| Seaweed Diet | Lola Bramswell (played by Lena Horne) is on a seaweed diet. | ||
| The Cure For the Common Cold | The Newsman interviews Dr. Felix Oglebomb (played by Peter Ustinov) who thinks he has found the cure for the common cold. | ||
| The World Record For Jumping the Most Jumps | The Newsman interviews Billie Lee Bonkers (played by Sandy Duncan) who is trying to break a world record for the most jumps in a row. Her motivation? She's standing on a hot plate. The newsman then picks up the phone and asks "Where do we get these nuts?" | ||
| Death of Pole Climber | The Newsman reports Mr. Richard Cosgrove, the flagpole-climber, who died during his feat. | ||
| Winged Travel | Beverly Shepherd (played by Phyllis Diller) has built herself a pair of wings and flown. She accomplished this by buying feathers, making wings for herself and then buying a plane ticket. | ||
| Furniture Monsters | The Newsman reports that furniture from all over the world has been turning into monsters. While he reports this, a man who is watching the news on TV is being attacked by his furniture.
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| Man Turns Into Rug | Mrs. Klinger (Valerie Harper) explains that her husband Gus has transformed into a rug, with fringe, over the last few months. She plans to divorce him because he doesn't match the curtains. | ||
| Blank Paper | Both sides of the Newsman's paper are blank. | ||
| The Woman Who Ate a Tractor | Lola Thomas (played by Twiggy) has eaten an entire tractor, medium rare. | ||
| The World's Longest Sentence | The Newsman can't get a word in edgewise when he tries to interview Gretchen Powers (played by Kaye Ballard) who is trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for saying the longest spoken sentence. | ||
| Sergei Lenofsky's 196th Birthday Celebration | The Newsman reports on Sergei Lenofsky's 196th birthday celebration.
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The Muppet Show Season 2 | |||
| Title | Episode | Description | |
| Contested Will | Mary Cramble's will is being contested by her son Charles and her cat Cutie-Pie. The newsman reports that her estate of 10,000 rubber mice has been awarded to her son Charles. | ||
| News Flash | The paper suddenly catches fire. | ||
| On Stage Without Pants | The news report states that the Newsman is on stage without wearing any pants. | ||
| Exploding News Reporters | There are reports that television news reporters are blowing up. Unsurprisingly, the Newsman is unable to finish the report, because he blows up. | ||
| Large Heavy Object | The Newsman reports on a heavy object falling from the ceiling and a weight drops on his head.
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| Mallarditis | The Newsman's head turns into a duck's head. | ||
| Ten Thousand Ping Pong Balls and One Bowling Ball | An airplane has been forced to drop some of its luggage. | ||
| Fishing Season | As the Newsman reports that today is the first day of fishing season, gunshots are heard and fish fall onto his desk. | ||
| Opera Season | As the Newsman reports that tonight is the opening night of opera season, gunshots are heard and a diva in a horned viking helmet falls onto his desk. | ||
| Newspig | The Newsman is replaced by a pig. | ||
The Muppet Show Season 3 | |||
| Title | Episode | Description | |
| Missing Silverware | |||
| The Glue Crisis Has Been Solved | The Newsman reports that the glue crisis has been solved, but he gets glued to his chair.
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| Exploding Hats | A hat factory blows up and hats fall from the sky on top of the Newsman. | ||
| Work on the Muppet newsroom | The Newsman announces that remodeling has begun on the Muppet newsroom, as a wrecking ball smashes through the wall behind him. | ||
| Overhand Refrigerator Throwing | Mr. and Mrs. George Laser of Silverspring, Maryland compete in Over-hand Refrigerator Throwing. | ||
| Muppet News International | The Newsman presents "simultaneous translation bringing you news and views across the language barrier," assisted by Spike Milligan pantomiming.
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The Muppet Show Season 4 | |||
| Title | Episode | Description | |
| Bumper Crop | A load of car bumpers get dumped on the desk. | ||
| Hospital Beds Made From Pop-Up Toaster Parts | A report from Muppet Labs regarding the hospital bed used in the "Coconut" production number. | ||
| National Sheep Dog Trials | The Sheep Dogs have been found not guilty. | ||
| The Swinetrek Has Landed | The Swinetrek has made a soft landing on a distant planet while Venus is about to make a hard landing on the Muppet newsroom. | ||
| Killer Lamb | A killer lamb has escaped from a zoo and into the Muppet newsroom. | ||
| Rezal-Evad-Gib | A crocodile god, Rezal-Evad-Gib, will attack anybody who reads its name.
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| Cheese | The Newsman gives a report on cheese. | ||
The Muppet Show Season 5 | |||
| Title | Episode | Description | |
| The Meaning of Life | The meaning and purpose of life has been revealed, but the Newsman can't find the rest of his report papers. | ||
| Gold Security Guard | A security guard is guarding a stack of gold bars and will hurt anyone who touches them. | ||
| Clothes Turning into Chickens | The Newsman announces that famous French clothing designer David Lazour was arrested for designing clothes that can suddenly turn into chickens. | ||
| Overdue Library Books | The local library will forgive all fines for any library books that get returned within the next three seconds.
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| Beef Falls Dramatically | A cow falls on The Newsman. | ||
| A Bigger Candle | The Newsman's candle is too dim for the Newsman to read his notes, so he asks for a bigger candle. Crazy Harry obligingly brings him a stick of dynamite. | ||
| Unidentified Flying Object | Following the previous sketch, The Swedish Chef falls on The Newsman. | ||
| Mackerel King | The Newsman reports that security at Muppet News is so good that rumors cannot be reported to Muppet News. The Newsman then reports that a yellow-and-black striped mackerel has been elected king. The Newsman doesn't believe it until he meets the king. | ||
Additional Sketches (Non-Muppet Show) | |||
| Title | Episode | Description | |
| Kermit's Date with Lady Holiday | Details at eleven. | ||
| The Worst Blizzard in Fifty Years | The Newsman announces that the worst blizzard in fifty years is approaching, and that barometers are falling sharply. Barometers then literally fall onto the Newsman. | ||
| Musical News | Bobby McFerrin reads the musical news, while the Newsman provides interpretation for the totally unhip. | ||
| Golf Balls | The Newsman brings a "Muppet News Weather Update!." He announces that the Hollywood area is being pelted by a hailstorm and witnesses are reporting hailstones as large as golf balls. Soon he is pelted by plastic golf balls thrown by the audience. | ||
| Football | The Newsman announces that Rich Gannon, quarterback for the Oakland Raiders, threw 250 touchdown passes. He soon remarks "250 Touchdown passes. That's impossible!" only to be hit by many nerf footballs being thrown by the audience. | ||
| Boulder | The Newsman announces that there are reports of a Giant Boulder rolling through Hollywood. He looks out to the audience and says "Ha! They didn't give you giant boulders to throw, did they?" Sweetums enters remarking "Nope, but they gave me one." He then decks the Newsman with with the giant rock. The Newsman pops up, saying "You missed." Then a cow falls on the Newsman. | ||
| Breaking News | The Newsman announces some breaking news only to have the set break apart and hit him on the head. | ||
| Weather Report | The Newsman gives a weather report. He says it will not rain "like cats and dogs" just then penguins start falling from the sky and hitting him on the head. | ||
| Piano | The Newsman rushes in shouting "This just in" only to be immediately crushed by a falling grand piano. | ||
| A News flash | The Newsman declares that "This is a Muppet News Flash," upon which his desk explodes. | ||
| Cheese | The Newsman announce that giant meteors are falling from the sky and are reported to be explosive and dangerous. He gasp and quickly duck under his desk, but nothing happens. He gets back up and continues with another news about genetic engineer elephants have escaped from Muppet Labs and will squash to death anyone who mention their existences. The Newsman gasp and quickly duck under his desk again, but nothing happens. Suddenly a blue monster hand gives him a note and the Newsman reads it. He reports that anyone who reads this sentences would turn into cheese. The Newsman suddenly turns into a cheese and rolls off the desk.
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| Money | The Newsman announce that a government aircraft carrying fresh mint money is experiencing some technical difficulties and it is causing the aircraft to dump untraceable cash from the sky. Suddenly a sack falls down on to the Newsman's desk and it is followed by bills of money floating down. The Newsman replies that he wished it was huge sacks of priceless diamonds and then another sack falls down as diamonds rain down on him. Excitedly, the Newsman asked for a 32oz T-Bone medium well done and a piece of steak came down on his desk. Getting more excited, the Newsman also requested a beautiful brown-eye blonde and gets hit by a falling cow with blonde hair. He noted that he should have been specific on the last request. | ||