The Muppets (comic strip)

The premiere comic: September 21, 1981.

The final Sunday comic: May 25, 1986.

January 1982 ad.

A six-page article on the strip was featured in Cartoonist Profiles magazine.

The Jim Henson's Muppets comic strip first premiered in over 500 daily newspapers on September 21, 1981, just months after The Muppet Show ended its five year run. The strip was created by brothers Guy and Brad Gilchrist, who drew and wrote the strips.

The strip was distributed through King Features Syndicate and printed daily until May 31, 1986, with the "farewell" strip published on the previous Sunday. 1,714 daily strips were published throughout the course of the comic's run.

As was typical for newspaper comic strips, the displayed title altered depending on the publication, sometimes called Jim Henson's Muppets (as used in Sunday strip panels), The Muppets, or The Muppets by Jim Henson.

Sunday strips were longer and created in color; however, some publications ran abridged versions of the longer Sunday strips. For example, the April 18, 1982, strip ran for seven panels in The Philadelphia Inquirer, while the Wisconsin State Journal only ran five panels of the strip. By contrast, The Philadelphia Inquirer only ran five panels of the June 13, 1982, strip, while The Modesto Bee ran all seven. Additionally, some papers did not run strips on the originally intended date, but several days later. In these cases, the artist's date drawn into the original panel would typically be removed.

The strip is notable as being the first comic strip to be syndicated in multiple countries starting on the very first day of publication. Guy Gilchrist described working on a world-wide comic: "We had to work twice as far in advance as anyone else in our business at that time, because our strips had to be shipped via airmail and messenger (prior to the internet, of course) all around the world to be translated into every language of the 80 countries that read us each day. We had to be extremely aware of the global marketplace. We couldn't, for instance, write any 'puns' or English language wordplay. It couldn't be translated, you see."

Muppet Magazine ran at least three exclusive color strips in the Summer 1983, Fall 1983, and Winter 1984 issues.

Six, incomplete books were released collecting some of the later strips.

Development

The strip changed focus considerably, after the first few months. The early strips treated the comic as an extension of the show, with "on-stage" and "backstage" scenes, all taking place in the Muppet Theater. The characters talk directly to the reader, as they would to the audience of the show -- the Rowlf the Dog strips on October 24 and November 7, 1981, feel like gags that could have been on television with no change at all.

There's a sequence from November 16 to November 26 about Gonzo discovering a team of dancing worms, which includes a scene between Kermit and Miss Piggy before her big musical number, then a strip that shows the number, and ending with a Kermit/Piggy scene after the number. The entire 10-strip sequence mimics the story structure of a Muppet Show episode.

The early strips also featured familiar sketches from the show, including Veterinarian's Hospital, Pigs in Space, and Bear on Patrol.

The art changed quite a bit as well. The strip originally had a more naturalistic style that was patterned directly off the puppets, and on the work of Michael Frith. As time went on, though, Guy became more confident drawing the characters and the strip became more stylized and simplified, capturing the essence of the characters in this new medium. Guy's version of Kermit can be recognized by small horizontal lines around his smile, which persisted in Guy's licensing work for Muppet Babies.

As the Gilchrists grew more confident, the concept of the strip moved away from the Muppet Theater and the vaudeville show, and started to focus on the Muppets' everyday lives. By February 10th and 11th, 1982, the Muppets are seen out on a hill in the middle of the night, looking up at the stars. By March 1982, the majority of strips use the settings and gags used in daily suburban comics like Blondie: in restaurants, in the park, and in the characters' homes, or interacting with service people and salesmen. Rowlf still appears as Dr. Bob, but he's Kermit's personal therapist, not participating in a sketch on stage. Over time, the theater-bound strips become the exception.

Characters

Regularly featured characters in the strip include Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, Scooter, Rowlf the Dog (often appearing as Dr. Bob), Robin the Frog, Beauregard, and Statler and Waldorf. Other recurring characters include Janice, Animal, Floyd Pepper, Zoot, Rizzo the Rat, The Swedish Chef, Camilla, and Foo-Foo.

In addition to the main cast of recurring Muppet characters, the strip also featured occasional appearances by Sam the Eagle, Link Hogthrob and Dr. Julius Strangepork, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker, Dr. Teeth, Pops, and Thog, plus minor cameos by J.P. Grosse, Lew Zealand, Sweetums, Mildred Huxtetter, the Koozebanian Phoob, and the male and female Koozebanian creatures from The Muppet Show.

Various original characters were introduced, including Robin's friends Porky and Groundhog, along with numerous Whatnots (often as waiters, salesmen, or store clerks), and unnamed monsters, chickens, rats, frogs, dogs, birds, fish, and other creatures.

Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street cameoed in the January 5, 1986 strip.

Recurring strips and themes

• Veterinarian's Hospital — Featuring physician Dr. Bob (Rowlf the Dog) alongside his assistant Nurse Janice (and occasionally Nurse Piggy in early strips), where he performs medical procedures and diagnosis full of puns.

Examples: October 28, 1981, November 15, 1981

• Dr. Bob, Shrink — Dr. Bob serves as a psychiatrist for various characters, giving pun-filled and nonsensical advice to his patients.

Examples: April 7, 1982, April 23, 1985

• The Great Gonzo Mystic — Gonzo plays the role of a fortune teller and magician delivering absurd and strange predictions.

Examples: March 19, 1982, April 25, 1982

• "Dear Miss Piggy" / "Miss Piggy's Advice from the Heart" — In an advice column, Miss Piggy responds to readers' letters with her trademark vanity and sass.

Examples: September 23, 1981, March 19, 1984

• Beauregard's misunderstandings — The Muppets' janitor Beauregard often finds himself in comedic situations by taking figures of speech and various terminology literally.

Examples: October 26, 1981, January 13, 1983

• Kermit & Fozzie's fishing trips — Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear going on fishing trips in their boat the "Calamity Jane" together, often leading to humorous conversations and Fozzie's frequent bad luck with fishing.

Examples: January 17, 1982, November 24, 1984

• Dr. Bob's golf outings — Dr. Bob (Rowlf the Dog) takes to the golf course (often with Kermit), where the game of golf is treated with the same irreverence and wordplay as his medical practice.

Examples: August 3, 1983, November 21, 1984

• Le Snoot Café — Set in an upscale restaurant, these strips often feature Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy indulging in fancy meals or experiencing humorous interactions with a surly waiter.

Examples: January 31, 1982, February 12, 1982

• The Perky News Team Hour — Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy anchor a news show, delivering absurd and exaggerated news reports.

Examples: March 1-3, 1982, June 10-12, 1985

• Gonzo's stunts — The Great Gonzo performs bizarre and dangerous stunts.

Examples: December 30, 1981, July 7, 1985

• Statler & Waldorf — Statler and Waldorf provide their usual sarcastic commentary on various situations, including the Muppets' stage show, items they see in newspapers (including The Daily Grouch or Herald Heckler), or just aging in general.

Examples: October 10, 1981, November 20, 1982

• Raising Robin — Many strips focus on Kermit and his interactions with his nephew Robin. The strips often highlight the challenges and joys of raising a young frog.

Examples: September 22, 1982, November 20, 1985

• Kermit's reflections — In nature, Kermit reflects on various aspects of life, leadership, or show business. His thoughts are often philosophical or contemplative.

Examples: March 27, 1982, July 18, 1982

• Pigs in Space — The space adventures of Captain Link Hogthrob, Dr. Julius Strangepork, and First Mate Piggy aboard the Swinetrek.

Examples: June 26-July 2, 1983, April 16-21, 1984

• Miss Piggy's dressing room — Various strips focus on Miss Piggy in her dressing room, where she interacts with Scooter and others as she prepares for her performances or deals with requests from her fans.

Examples: October 20, 1981, August 15, 1982

• Lover's Leap — These strips revolve around Miss Piggy's dramatic and exaggerated declarations of love, often involving threats to jump off Lover's Leap if she can't have Kermit.

Examples: March 16, 1982, May 30, 1982

• Piggy for VP — In 1984, Miss Piggy launched a campaign for Vice President of the United States with Scooter serving as her campaign manager.

Examples: August 20-30, 1984, November 6, 1984

• Uncle Rizzo's Rhymes — Rizzo the Rat spins offbeat parodies of traditional nursery rhymes.

Examples: May 31-June 4, 1983, August 11, 1984

• Muppet Labs — Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker showcase new experiments with disastrous outcomes.

Examples: November 1, 1981

• Bear on Patrol — Fozzie Bear stars as a bumbling police officer.

Examples: November 27, 1981

Strips

1981

	September 21, 1981 In the premiere strip, Miss Piggy tells Scooter she won't stoop to the level of a newspaper comic. Realizing that she's now in print to the readers, Piggy panders to the American newspaper subscribers.
	September 22, 1981 Scooter uses a feeding time farm call to lure Miss Piggy to the stage. Piggy breaks down the door in her karate outfit and stomps past Kermit and Scooter hiding in a trunk.
	September 23, 1981 In a Dear Abby-esque letter column titled "Dear Miss Piggy," the eponymous columnist responds to a query about car noises, suggesting the driver turn up their radio.
	September 24, 1981 Sam the Eagle address the reader concerning The Muppets' appearance in newspaper comics, but protests to the nudity suggested in the medium being called a strip.
	September 25, 1981 Sweetums, Lew Zealand (with one of his fish), Beauregard, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Rowlf the Dog, and Rizzo line up at Kermit's desk to receive their pay checks.
	September 26, 1981 Gonzo attends a cast party wearing an orthopedic cast on his leg.
	September 27, 1981 (Sunday) In the first Sunday strip, Kermit returns from New York after a series of business lunches with comic strip moguls. Rowlf says "the Big Apple" is probably full of worms; Miss Piggy asks an exhausted Kermit if he brought her back a present.
	September 28, 1981 Kermit declares that he hates Mondays after realizing he spent the first three panels upside-down.
	September 29, 1981 Kermit thinks Scooter's uncle J. P. Grosse has demanded that he do a comic strip. Scooter corrects him; the request comes from his wife who owns the newspaper chain.
	September 30, 1981 A robed Miss Piggy wearing hair curlers promises to punch Scooter's lungs out when he informs her that, despite there being no show today, all of America can see her current state in the current comic strip.
	October 1, 1981 Miss Piggy asks a fortune-telling Gonzo what kind of numbers he sees in her future career: a high salary? A Hollywood and Vine address? "No, DIAL-A-PRAYER."
	October 2, 1981 In a "Dear Miss Piggy" column letter, "Desperate in Des Moines" asks how to stay in a lasting relationship. Piggy suggests performing a half nelson wrestling move.
	October 3, 1981 Sam the Eagle admonishes The Electric Mayhem's music. In response, Floyd Pepper tells Animal and Janice that they have a hit on their hands.
	October 4, 1981 (Sunday) Robin the Frog greets the morning sun, while Kermit waxes poetic about nature's beauty. Robin bets Miss Piggy doesn't look as good in the morning. While not the first Sunday strip published, this was the very first Sunday strip drawn by Gilchrist.
	October 5, 1981 Kermit tells Miss Piggy he sometimes doesn't know what to do with her. As she bats her eyelashes at him, he cringes and wrinkles his script. Crossing his arms, he says he's not taking suggestions.
	October 6, 1981 Miss Piggy responds to a "Dear Miss Piggy" letter from "Header Over Heels" who has met a cute frog in show business. Piggy writes that if the romance lasts, she won't.
	October 7, 1981 Scooter calls a newspaper comics editor on behalf of his aunt's newspaper chain. After promising that The Muppets strip will have all the same characters as the show, the editor hangs up the phone.
	October 8, 1981 A mustachioed Whatnot drags an enormous bag behind him, cursing its heavy weight. Scooter explains to Rowlf that it's Miss Piggy's make-up man.
	October 9, 1981 Thog sneezes, sending Kermit and Scooter flying through the Stage Door.
	October 10, 1981 Statler and Waldorf muse that it must be tough coming up with a really funny comic strip, but they (the Gilchrists, credited on the newspaper) wouldn't know. They're reading the Daily Grouch and the Herald Heckler.
	October 11, 1981 (Sunday) Practicing a dance routine (in lieu of Gonzo's salute to foam insulation), Miss Piggy tosses Kermit around with ease and tells him that he's light on his feet.
	October 12, 1981 Miss Piggy wears a wetsuit and scuba gear in contrast to the sexy outfits she's worn to capture the heart of a certain green Casanova.
	October 13, 1981 Kermit tells Fozzie he won't get his own comic strip until an ice cube burns. Fozzie takes it as a maybe.
	October 14, 1981 Kermit reiterates his conditions for Fozzie's own strip. Fozzie presents an ice cube on fire.
	October 15, 1981 Fozzie celebrates getting his own comic strip, but forgets the joke he was going to tell.
	October 16, 1981 Wearing a muscle suit, Gonzo wrestles in the mud.
	October 17, 1981 Gonzo tells Kermit that mud wrestling is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
	October 18, 1981 (Sunday) Statler and Waldorf spend six panels heckling from their box as a warm-up for the show.
	October 19, 1981 Sam the Eagle has a letter from psychic Jeane Dixon complaining about tomorrow's strip.
	October 20, 1981 Miss Piggy sweet talks herself in her dressing room mirror.
	October 21, 1981 Dr. Bob asks Nurse Janice for tweezers to pick the anchovies off his pizza.
	October 22, 1981 A pool of mud tells Gonzo he's going to take a dive in the fifth round of their wrestling match.
	October 23, 1981 Beauregard and Dr. Bob haul Gonzo out on a stretcher; the mud won the wrestling match.
	October 24, 1981 Rowlf plays the piano from sheet music written in hieroglyphics.
	October 25, 1981 (Sunday) Miss Piggy peruses her wardrobe closet, trying on eighteen outfits. "It's not easy being a goddess!"
	October 26, 1981 Kermit asks Beauregard to take out the garbage; Beau asks it out on a date to the movies.
	October 27, 1981 Miss Piggy lounges on her couch with a loaf of bread and a jug of wine.
	October 28, 1981 Nurse Piggy congratulates Dr. Bob for performing successful brain bypass surgery on Fozzie.
	October 29, 1981 Wearing a hat with an arrow through it, Fozzie rides a dime-operated, mechanical horse.
	October 30, 1981 Kermit announces that they've given Animal his own strip; Animal eats through the newspaper page.
	October 31, 1981 Rowlf sits at the piano in Fozzie's Vaudeville act where he jokes that French fries were invented by an 18th century monk: he was the deep-fat friar.
	November 1, 1981 (Sunday) Beaker freaks out in Muppet Labs when Bunsen asks him to connect the wires for a shrinking machine designed to save the whales: he hasn't recovered since they tried jump-starting the eels.
	November 2, 1981 Miss Piggy joins the Electric Mayhem in a Carmen Miranda number.
	November 3, 1981 Miss Piggy and her oversized Carmen Miranda hat have to be hauled off stage.
	November 4, 1981 Miss Piggy claims her Carmen Miranda fruit hat was stolen by thugs, but Kermit surmises she just ate it.
	November 5, 1981 At a cafe with Fozzie, Kermit says that his mother urged him to leave the swamp when he was just 16 and rented out his bedroom the next day.
	November 6, 1981 In the same cafe, Fozzie says that his folks made him sleep outside. That's why he likes the family he's made in showbiz: they make him sleep outside, too.
	November 7, 1981 Rowlf tickles the ivories and they giggle in response.
	November 8, 1981 (Sunday) After Fozzie begs for another chance to prove his act, he tells a series of bowling jokes that perform well with Statler and Waldorf. Kermit is glad his persistence paid off while Statler and Waldorf enjoy bags of money for themselves being paid off.
	November 9, 1981 Back at the cafe, Kermit and Fozzie try to one-up each other over how poor they were as kids. Kermit says that they slept 18 frogs in one bed. Fozzie is surprised to hear they had a bed at all.
	November 10, 1981 Miss Piggy flirts with and tackles a dummy of Kermit.
	November 11, 1981 A woman writes into "Dear Miss Piggy" describing her looks and asks if she has what it takes to be a big star. Piggy responds, "Dream on, dear, dream on..."
	November 12, 1981 Statler and Waldorf take their theatre box to the park to heckle the wildlife.
	November 13, 1981 Driving their theatre box like a car, Statler refers to a hitchhiking Miss Piggy as just another pork in the road.
	November 14, 1981 Fozzie receives sympathy cards in lieu of champagne and roses on opening night.
	November 15, 1981 (Sunday) Admitted as a patient at Veterinarian's Hospital, Fozzie is told that there's something wrong with his mouth: bad jokes come out of it. Dr. Bob performs a tonsillectomy resulting in Fozzie's mouth being sewn shut. Nurse Janice calls it a great day for medical science.
	November 16, 1981 Fozzie and Gonzo have spent all night looking for black holes. Kermit is excited to hear they've been searching the heavens for scientific phenomena. They clarify: they've been worm hunting.
	November 17, 1981 Gonzo reveals that the worms he's collected have formed a dancing act called The Wormettes.
	November 18, 1981 Scooter writes the introduction for the Wormettes' act: "We've just unearthed some great new talent."
	November 19, 1981 Kermit tells Miss Piggy that worms will serve as the chorus girls in her big number. Piggy: "...Aren't they all?"
	November 20, 1981 Miss Piggy takes the stage in a tuxedo and becomes furious to realize that her backup are literally earthworms.
	November 21, 1981 Miss Piggy continues her worm frustration, but Kermit explains that she didn't have to find 12½ pairs of size .007 pink tap shoes.
	November 22, 1981 (Sunday) Stressing over showbiz woes, Kermit exclaims that he wants his mommy. In a letter to his folks, he asks them to imagine working with international superstars, master comedians, and fearless stuntmen... they'd really love it. Kermit: "Come to think of it... I'd really love it!"
	November 23, 1981 Kermit runs Miss Piggy through a dance rehearsal with the Wormettes. She reminds them that she does all the fancy footwork.
	November 24, 1981 Fozzie performs "Singin' in the Rain" with the Wormettes.
	November 25, 1981 Robin the Frog laments being overlooked when a member of the Wormettes flirtatiously calls him "Big Boy."
	November 26, 1981 Gonzo panics when the Wormettes leave a note on their dressing room door that reads, "Gone Fishin'."
	November 27, 1981 Bear on Patrol asks Beauregard why he's just standing there; it's just where he stopped walking.
	November 28, 1981 Kermit dreams of a saw cutting through a log. Beauregard sleeps with a teddy bear dreaming of the flat end of a saw cutting through a log. Bunsen dreams of an elaborate machine accompanied by a long mathematical equation.
	November 29, 1981 (Sunday) Sam the Eagle promises to rid America of rock n' roll. Dr. Teeth asks if he said something; Floyd Pepper responds that it was probably pointless, offensive noise.
	November 30, 1981 Miss Piggy decides that she's cute when deciding how to seal a letter.
	December 1, 1981 In a "Dear Miss Piggy" advice column, Miss Piggy can't relate to an overweight wannabe star.
	December 2, 1981 Kermit is doing a crossword puzzle, he asks Rowlf for "a five-letter word for 'mentally unbalanced,' the fourth letter is a 'Z.'" They are both stumped until Gonzo walks by.
	December 3, 1981 Kermit remarks that Animal has "that certain something." Scooter says he thinks "it's called rabies."
	December 4, 1981 Gonzo tells Dr. Bob that all his stunts fail, that he feels like he has no talent, and he wants to get out of show business. Dr. Bob tells Nurse Piggy that it looks like a case of "temporary sanity."
	December 5, 1981 A group of gypsy moths harass Fozzie.
	December 6, 1981 (Sunday) Kermit tells Miss Piggy something is wrong with Gonzo. Meanwhile Gonzo laments to the chickens that something is missing; something so seemingly insignificant and small, yet so monumental. He bemoans that he must search high and low, near and far, to find his corner of the sky. When asked what exactly is bothering the emotional Gonzo, Scooter says he lost a piece to his jigsaw puzzle.
	December 7, 1981 In a "Dear Miss Piggy" column, Miss Piggy shares the best way to get gravy stains out of silk: the maid.
	December 8, 1981 Dr. Bob and Nurse Piggy perform an operation on Fozzie that has never been done before. Dr. Bob says as a practicing physician, a little practice never hurt anyone.
	December 9, 1981 Link Hogthrob and the crew of the Swinetrek play "Go Fish."
	December 10, 1981 Beauregard hangs Robin's swing.
	December 11, 1981 Robin complains about his swing.
	December 12, 1981 Fozzie notices something smells good and says, "somebody must be frying up sausages." Scooter panics saying "Oh, no! Miss Piggy must've fallen asleep under her sun lamp again!"
	December 13, 1981 (Sunday) The Pigs in Space crew (Link Hogthrob, Dr. Julius Strangepork, and First Mate Piggy) explore the planet Koozbane. They encounter the Koozbanians (including the Koozebanian Phoob, and the male and female Koozebanian creatures from The Muppet Show) who remark, "There goes the neighborhood."
	December 14, 1981 Scooter is swarmed by bats and pterodactyls.
	December 15, 1981 In a "Pigs in Space" strip, First Mate Piggy gives Captain Link Hogthrob advice - never kiss an alien on the first date. Meanwhile an enamored female Koozbanian looks on.
	December 16, 1981 Captain Link Hogthrob lists the three things that it takes for a successful mission: a good crew, the best equipment, and a strong, fearless captain. First Mate Piggy says, "Two outta three ain't bad."
	December 17, 1981 Miss Piggy gives Kermit a kiss. When asked why she did that, Piggy explains she was returning the kiss she stole the other night (with interest).
	December 18, 1981 Rowlf tells Kermit that Beauregard is the best curtain man in the business because he's so wrapped up in his work. Bo is seen literally wrapped up in the curtains.
	December 19, 1981 Fozzie has a pipe dream.
	December 20, 1981 (Sunday) Dr. Bob and Nurse Piggy perform plastic surgery on an inflatable pool toy.
	December 21, 1981 Kermit, Fozzie Bear, Beauregard, and Gonzo (in a return to his plumber roots) are in the flooded basement of the theater. The waters are full of aggressive sharks, a giant octopus and surfing rats. Kermit asks Gonzo "why does everything you do turn out like this?" Gonzo says "just lucky, I guess!"
	December 22, 1981 Miss Piggy puts on her finest French perfume "Midnight Swine." Beauregard asks if somebody sat on a skunk, which earns him a clobbering from Piggy.
	December 23, 1981 Fozzie laments that some people taste the nectar of success, others enjoy the fruits of their labors, while he just gets leftovers.
	December 24, 1981 Kermit writes a letter to his folks. He says it's been pretty quiet... and then Animal comes in.
	December 25, 1981 A Christmas message from the Muppets - "We wish you Peace." Featuring Bo, Rowlf, Floyd, Janice, Kermit, Miss Piggy, Beaker, Fozzie, Robin, Dr. Teeth, Gonzo, Waldorf, Statler, Animal, Scooter, 3 rats, and 2 chickens. Statler and Waldorf are wearing top hats that say "Bah" and "Humbug."
	December 26, 1981 Beauregard admires the smell of detergent, the sunlight on the dust mops and remarks, "It's gonna be an okey-dokey day."
	December 27, 1981 (Sunday) Statler has a breakdown when the show is cancelled due to theater renovations. As he goes through withdrawal, Waldorf called Hecklers Anonymous for help.
	December 28, 1981 Fozzie, Gonzo, and Miss Piggy blow by Kermit who remarks, "A little windy out there, huh?!"
	December 29, 1981 Miss Piggy and Kermit are on a love seat together. Piggy says let nature take its course, so, naturally, Kermit leaves.
	December 30, 1981 Gonzo says, "I'll try anything once!" He shoots himself out of a cannon directly into a brick wall. Afterwards he says, "If it hurts, I'll do it again!"
	December 31, 1981 In a "Pigs in Space" strip, Dr. Julius Strangepork says the ship is adrift in deep space, alone in an endless void. Suddenly there's a knock on the door: a candy-gram!

1982

	January 1, 1982 Dr. Julius Strangepork and Captain Link Hogthrob attempt a two-point landing of The Swinetrek. They land upside-down and remember that it's a four-point ship.
	January 2, 1982 A rat overhears Beauregard talking to his mop.
	January 3, 1982 (Sunday) Miss Piggy pens a break-up letter to Kermit.
	January 4, 1982 After being squirted in the face, Kermit comments on the Swedish Chef's breakfast by saying, "Hell hath no fury like a grumpy grapefruit!"
	January 5, 1982 In a "Dear Miss Piggy" advice column, Miss Piggy receives a letter from a reader unsure how to show their appreciation for being invited to a Gala White House Lawn Party. Piggy says the best way to show appreciation is to send her the tickets.
	January 6, 1982 Miss Piggy complains to Kermit about the postal service, noting that her invitation to the Gala White House Lawn Party that is being thrown by "Nancy & Ronny" must be lost in the mail. Kermit comments that her "invite to Lady Di's wedding's a wee bit late too."
	January 7, 1982 Gonzo tries to console Miss Piggy, who is still upset about not getting an invite to "that big White House wingding," by saying, "If I'da known that, I wouldn't have thrown mine away."
	January 8, 1982 Miss Piggy questions if she should listen to her good side that says not to throw herself at Kermit, or her other side that says it's okay. She leaps on Kermit as Fozzie looks on saying "The Devil made me do it!"
	January 9, 1982 Miss Piggy and Kermit play tennis. Piggy remarks that it's her kind of game because "even when you have nothing, you still have 'love'."
	January 10, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit and Robin are taking a walk at night. Kermit remarks about the beautiful night, the twinkling stars, the music of the forest creatures, and the forest etched in tranquility. Robin thinks to himself "if he starts singing "Rocky Mountain High" I'm gonna throw up..."
	January 11, 1982 In a Western scene, Kermit tells Fozzie that it's high noon and time for his lunch date with Miss Piggy.
	January 12, 1982 In a Western scene, Kermit asks bartender Piggy "What's a cowpoke gotta do to get a root beer around here?" She whispers something in his ear, and he runs out of the saloon before hearing about the blue-plate special.
	January 13, 1982 Kermit has an idea prompting him to remember to buy light bulbs.
	January 14, 1982 Miss Piggy sleeps with a baseball bat because "a girl should be prepared for things that go 'bump' in the night...." She uses it to smash her alarm clock saying "...or things that go 'brring' in the morning."
	January 15, 1982 Fozzie rides "El Motoro" a mechanical bull exclaiming "yippy kyo kyay!" and "Hi-ho Silver!" He's thrown off and says "this thing must be murder when it's plugged in!"
	January 16, 1982 Miss Piggy tells Kermit she will pursue their love forever. As he runs from the room she clarified "...or three-thousand miles, whichever comes first."
	January 17, 1982 (Sunday) Fozzie asks Kermit if Rodney Dangerfield started like that as he pushes off their fishing boat the "Calamity Jane." Kermit says his favorite thing about fishing is the anticipation, after the day passes, Fozzie says catching "wouldn't be bad either."
	January 18, 1982 Kermit is strung up in slings and casts. He tells Miss Piggy he fell down the stairs, twisted his ankle, flipper, arm and hand. Piggy is mad at this "excuse" to call off their date.
	January 19, 1982 In a "Dear Miss Piggy" column, Miss Piggy is asked what's the best way to use leftovers when cooking. She is confused as to what a leftover is.
	January 20, 1982 Fozzie shows Kermit his new "boffo" gag that he stole from Steve Martin: an arrow through the head gag. Fozzie feels pain after Kermit shows him that "Steve" uses a trick arrow.
	January 21, 1982 Miss Piggy is preparing for a Nashville number. Kermit comments on her big Dolly Parton-esque hair and wants to talk to her hairdresser: who pops out of Piggy's big do.
	January 22, 1982 As Animal, Floyd and Zoot play, Statler and Waldorf call their rock 'n' roll music "trash."
	January 23, 1982 Fozzie compliments a tasty dish made by Swedish Chef. The chef responds (and Kermit translates), "If you liked the dish water, wait'll you try my soup."
	January 24, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit asks Gonzo why all those chickens love him. Gonzo says it's his sophisticated man-about-town sex appeal, his devil-may-care, or his savoir faire. Rizzo says it's probably because Gonzo smells like a barnyard.
	January 25, 1982 Kermit asks what more could Miss Piggy want - she has her own dressing room, a star on the door, and a private phone. He regrets the question as a lovestruck Piggy drags him away.
	January 26, 1982 Rowlf asks Kermit why Miss Piggy is so happy. It's not a new play, or a recording contract, or a new movie... it's a new deli that delivers.
	January 27, 1982 Fozzie and Kermit are fishing in the Calamity Jane. Kermit says it's beautiful when friends enjoy the simple things in life together, but an unsuccessful Fozzie is jealous of Kermit's haul of fish.
	January 28, 1982 Gonzo is sad that Kermit says his chickens have to go. Miss Piggy consoles Gonzo by saying that a theater is not a fit place to keep chickens and she offers to help them get to a proper place. She then calls Colonel Sanders.
	January 29, 1982 Fozzie tells Miss Piggy that Kermit just stepped out.
	January 30, 1982 A bedridden Fozzie tells Kermit that he's too sick to do his monologue on the show tonight. Kermit says you know he's really sick when "he's too sick to shtick."
	January 31, 1982 (Sunday) While approaching a restaurant with Miss Piggy, Kermit sees a sign for the day's special of "Legs du Froggies" and suggests maybe they just split a pizza instead. Inside, Piggy gives their waiter a gigantic order. He frantically writes it down, and as he collapses, she concludes with "and a diet cola." Mildred Huxtetter and a Muppet monster appear as patrons at the restaurant.
	February 1, 1982 Miss Piggy offers to be there for Kermit when he's lonely or depressed... and she can wait.
	February 2, 1982 Miss Piggy announces that she does not "co-star" with anyone, but gaffes when Kermit dismisses Robert Redford.
	February 3, 1982 After Kermit announces that he's depressed, Fozzie and the rats cheer him up with a routine aided by the props closet.
	February 4, 1982 Kermit asks Beauregard to do something about the rats in the storeroom who have broken into canned laughter.
	February 5, 1982 Robin returns from show and tell at school with Animal on a chain leash carrying a busted drum set.
	February 6, 1982 Miss Piggy asks her mirror who is the fairest one of all. She discovers the mirror was made in Hong Kong when it responds, "Sue Yat Sing."
	February 7, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit postpones a news report about a tidal wave so Miss Piggy can wax about her recent trip to a boutique.
	February 8, 1982 Miss Piggy runs to escape from, not muggers, but the IRS.
	February 9, 1982 Kermit responds to Miss Piggy asking him out on a date with a long recitation of legalese. She falls asleep and he declares, "Works every time!"
	February 10, 1982 Contemplating their friends gazing at the stars, Kermit and Rowlf surmise that there must be intelligent life on other planets because they had to put it somewhere.
	February 11, 1982 Kermit asks the heavens for a sign of intelligent life out in the cosmos, and he's hit with a signpost that reads E=mc².
	February 12, 1982 Miss Piggy asks a restaurant waiter for the chicken. He leaves, and a chicken returns to take her order.
	February 13, 1982 Kermit receives a huge box of chocolates for Valentine's Day which he'll never be able to eat all by himself. In response, Miss Piggy emerges from the box, offering her help.
	February 14, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit weaves a fantastical tale about why the sky is blue. Robin says he thought the color came from light refracting off of particles in the air.
	February 15, 1982 Kermit announces Miss Piggy to the stage using an introduction she wrote.
	February 16, 1982 Kermit tells Miss Piggy she's beautiful when she's angry. Upon reflecting in the mirror, Piggy agrees.
	February 17, 1982 Kermit tells Miss Piggy that anywhere is special when he's with her.
	February 18, 1982 A reporter for the press wants to know the intricate details of Gonzo's mud wrestling. Gonzo tells him to take some dirt and add water.
	February 19, 1982 Miss Piggy hangs her laundry to dry on the stage during Fozzie's comedy act.
	February 20, 1982 Miss Piggy asks Fozzie and Robin to keep quiet on a film set while Kermit is tied up for a scene where the hero is captured. Fozzie reckons it's a good time to show him Robin's report card.
	February 21, 1982 (Sunday) Miss Piggy coaxes Kermit into breaking a wishbone with her and uses her strength to pull him into her embrace.
	February 22, 1982 Dressed as a fortune teller, The Great Gonzo declares himself a handwriting expert and affirms that Kermit's handwritten note is indeed handwriting.
	February 23, 1982 A pizza chef is surprised to hear that a big star like Miss Piggy would eat pizza. Fozzie asks that it be gift-wrapped.
	February 24, 1982 Fozzie takes two panels to consider the most important thing in comedy... timing.
	February 25, 1982 Kermit and Fozzie are pelted in the face by the speedy delivery of their fast food.
	February 26, 1982 In a huff, Miss Piggy tells Kermit that his problem is thinking he's something special. She thinks to herself, "My problem is... you are."
	February 27, 1982 Miss Piggy reads a book called I'm Perfect You're Perfect, Gonzo reads I'm Weird You're Weird, and Fozzie reads I'm OK... I Think You're OK... Um, Maybe.
	February 28, 1982 (Sunday) Fozzie paraphrases the Star Trek intro before cleaning up his room. He places a number of items — including some old props, Spike Jones records, an autographed photo of Milton Berle, and some Charlie McCarthy bubblegum cards — into a junk chest before amorously crawling in with his collection.
	March 1, 1982 Kermit, Fozzie, and Miss Piggy report as "The Perky News Team." Kermit is the anchor-frog. Fozzie covers sports. And Piggy is just utterly stunning.
	March 2, 1982 Fozzie, Kermit, and Miss Piggy report again as "The Perky News Team." Piggy hands Kermit an emergency update bulletin that he reads live on-air -- earthquake in Pango Pango, Tidal wave in Yoozambia, and Kermit to marry Miss Piggy. Kermit is exasperated as Piggy got him to read the "exclusive" on air.
	March 3, 1982 Fozzie and Kermit are back as the Perky News Team. Fozzie reports on the baseball game between the Pittstown Pumas and the Ditchville Superbas. Slugger "Homer" Goodwill flew out to left field three times... and boy, were his arms tired.
	March 4, 1982 Miss Piggy relaxes in the bath with a "good book." It's titled Moi's Life Story.
	March 5, 1982 Kermit complains that a cafe is charging $1.25 for "a lousy cup of coffee." Fozzie points out in the menu that it's $2.50 for "a good cup."
	March 6, 1982 A happy Fozzie floats by Kermit after getting his first fan letter.
	March 7, 1982 (Sunday) Miss Piggy tries to get a "good night kissy kissy" from Kermit after their date. Kermit offers a handshake instead.
	March 8, 1982 Miss Piggy asks Kermit to say "you love me." He complies by saying "you love me." Piggy threatens to throw him off a cliff.
	March 9, 1982 Miss Piggy asks the shoe salesman what boots he has for under $10. He says "two baggies and a coupl'a rubber bands."
	March 10, 1982 Fozzie tells his shrink Dr. Bob that he feels people don't notice him. Dr. Bob responds saying he didn't even see Fozzie come in.
	March 11, 1982 Fozzie tells Kermit he forgot what he was supposed to get at the market. Kermit asks if the string he tied around his finger helped. Fozzie then remembers that they need tea bags as he shows his hand with a tea bag tied to his finger.
	March 12, 1982 While driving, Kermit and Miss Piggy hit a dead end. Kermit says it looks like they can't go any farther. Piggy leaps on him and says, "Wanna bet?!"
	March 13, 1982 At the fish market, Miss Piggy signs an autograph on a fish for the salesman's wife.
	March 14, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit and Miss Piggy return from a celebrity pool party. They tell Fozzie all about the party (including how they had to refill the pool after Piggy's diving exhibition).
	March 15, 1982 Miss Piggy tells Kermit she's so hungry she "could eat a horse." An offended horse at the next table says he's so hungry he "could eat a pig!"
	March 16, 1982 Miss Piggy goes to Lover's Leap, looking at a picture of Kermit, she's saying she will jump because of her unrequited love. It's off the deep end for her; she just wants to make sure a trampoline is in place so she can bounce back from all this.
	March 17, 1982 Rowlf and Kermit rush to Lover's Leap to stop Miss Piggy from jumping to her death. Meanwhile Animal gives her a drum roll.
	March 18, 1982 Kermit tells Miss Piggy to not jump off Lover's Leap. His arrival gives Piggy a new appetite for life and for love. Kermit asks if she'd settle for a pizza.
	March 19, 1982 Kermit visits The Great Gonzo Mystic. Gonzo looks into his crystal ball and sees a man of "incomparable talents, genius, good looks and animal magnetism." He then pivots and says, "but enough about me..."
	March 20, 1982 Miss Piggy uses her artistic skills to make a portrait of Kermit using eyebrow pencil and mascara.
	March 21, 1982 (Sunday) Fozzie asks the ticket agent at Banana Airlines for a ticket to Bermuda. When the ticket prices for first class and coach are too high, Fozzie asks what he can get for $10.27. The solution is a giant catapult.
	March 22, 1982 Miss Piggy is satisfied that she roped Kermit into another dinner date against his will.
	March 23, 1982 In a "Dear Miss Piggy" column. Miss Piggy gives advice to someone getting cold feet before their wedding - wear socks.
	March 24, 1982 Shrink Dr. Bob practices his putting while Kermit says he thinks he's Jack Nicklaus.
	March 25, 1982 Robin walks by and makes Miss Piggy "long for those days of youth and innocence." Kermit walks by and makes her reconsider - "well, maybe just youth."
	March 26, 1982 Two hicks (Maw and Paw) watch Miss Piggy and Kermit through the window of a restaurant. It reminds them to slop the hogs.
	March 27, 1982 Kermit walks through the woods and reflects "They say the meek shall inherit the Earth. It's not that they want it... they're just too shy to say no."
	March 28, 1982 (Sunday) Rowlf, Fozzie, Kermit, and Miss Piggy play football. Rowlf gives Piggy a penalty for holding Kermit.
	March 29, 1982 Miss Piggy is tired of throwing herself at Kermit. Kermit is tired of catching her.
	March 30, 1982 The Great Gonzo Mystic performs a magic act. Statler and Waldorf volunteer, hoping it's a disappearing act that will get them out of seeing the rest of the show.
	March 31, 1982 Fozzie grins as he is surrounded by laughter. Kermit asks if he's practicing his ventriloquism act again.
	April 1, 1982 Miss Piggy is rehearsing her lion tamer act. When the lion takes control of the act, Kermit remarks the act needs work.
	April 2, 1982 Miss Piggy notices the lion from her lion tamer act is missing. Beauregard says he put the cat out for the night.
	April 3, 1982 While tossing a coin, Miss Piggy says she'll flip Kermit for lunch. He says he already has a date. She clarifies "lunch or I'll flip you!"
	April 4, 1982 (Sunday) Rowlf, Fozzie, and Kermit are playing poker when Miss Piggy enters. She says it feels as if a great weight has been taken off her shoulders. She then realizes she left her fur wrap on the bus.
	April 5, 1982 Miss Piggy attempts to renegotiate her contract. She wants a little more green - not more money, more Kermit.
	April 6, 1982 While eating cheesecake, Rowlf makes a joke about Miss Piggy's weight, and the rest of the comic is "censored due to excessive violence."
	April 7, 1982 While at the psychiatrist, Kermit asks his Dr. Bob if he's crazy. Dr. Bob says, "Of course you're crazy. You've gotta be nuts to pay my prices!"
	April 8, 1982 Statler and Waldorf object to the show's half-price for senior citizens rate. Kermit asks why they feel that's unfair. The duo reply that they should be paid full-price like the rest of the audience.
	April 9, 1982 Scooter informs Miss Piggy that there's a gentleman to see her at the stage door. Piggy laments how much time she sacrifices to her adoring public. It turns out to be a pizza delivery man bringing her a large pizza, no anchovies.
	April 10, 1982 Miss Piggy drops her handkerchief. Kermit picks it up, blows his nose, and tosses it in the trash.
	April 11, 1982 (Sunday) Miss Piggy appears as the Statue of Liberty in a patriotic pageant with a chorus of frogs and Kermit as Uncle Sam. As "The Star-Spangled Banner" starts, Sam the Eagle tells Beauregard backstage to remove his hat for the national anthem. Bo struggles to get it off. Rowlf comments, "It's a child-proof cap."
	April 12, 1982 Miss Piggy tries to convince Kermit that male jewelry is all the rage. He objects to her suggestion of handcuffs.
	April 13, 1982 Kermit tells Dr. Bob that his other doctor says a lot of surgery is unnecessary. Dr. Bob says, "That's easy for him to say. His Mercedes is probably all paid off."
	April 14, 1982 Miss Piggy asks Janice (erroneously spelled "Janis") if she promises not to spread her juicy gossip. When Janice agrees, Piggy says, "They why should I tell you?"
	April 15, 1982 Miss Piggy asks Kermit why he doesn't buy her diamonds.
	April 16, 1982 Miss Piggy sends Scooter to get her "golden bouffant with diamond tiara and full, radiant cascading tresses." Scooter goes to Pops to get "the pig wig."
	April 17, 1982 Kermit is coaching Gonzo on how to take a shower. Gonzo is looking for the emergency exits in the shower (the first thing he looks for when entering "a strange place").
	April 18, 1982 (Sunday) Miss Piggy wears a marvelous jump suit and she tries to pounce on Kermit; however, she overshoots "the green."
	April 19, 1982 Miss Piggy asks a salesman if the designer jeans come with any accessories. He replies with "a crowbar" to get her out of them.
	April 20, 1982 Miss Piggy reminds Kermit that she's here if he's ever depressed. She also reminds him that he can't stay happy forever.
	April 21, 1982 Dr. Bob treats eating spaghetti like surgery, asking Nurse Piggy for scalpel and tweezers, so that he can count his meal as a tax deductible business dinner.
	April 22, 1982 While looking into his crystal ball, the Great Gonzo Mystic sees pain and suffering in Fozzie's future. As Fozzie leaves in pain, Kermit asks what happened - Gonzo dropped his crystal ball on Fozzie's foot.
	April 23, 1982 While Scooter mans the ticket window, Statler and Waldorf arrive, and Statler is upset when he remembered their tickets.
	April 24, 1982 Miss Piggy is happy to tell Kermit she hasn't cheated on her new "water diet." When a waiter comes to offer her water, she says, "No, thanks. I can't touch the stuff."
	April 25, 1982 (Sunday) The Great Gonzo Mystic has a hard time reading Miss Piggy's fortune in his crystal ball. It turns out to be Rowlf's bowling ball.
	April 26, 1982 While driving, Kermit tells Miss Piggy to pull into a gas station. She asks, "What kind - super, no lead, or regular?" After she crashes into the pumps, much to the fear of the gas station attendant, he says to get whatever's left.
	April 27, 1982 Fozzie is looking for a Hawaiian vacation. He asks the Banana Airlines clerk what he can get for $11.38. He's told "a grass skirt and a bottle of quick tan."
	April 28, 1982 Dr. Bob tells Miss Piggy that a bedridden Kermit is "too sick" to take her out to dinner. An ecstatic Kermit jumps for joy as they leave the room.
	April 29, 1982 Miss Piggy is singing opera (with Viking horns and spear). When Statler and Waldorf heckle her singing ability, she throws her spear at Waldorf.
	April 30, 1982 Fozzie informs Miss Piggy that "press personality" is here to see her. It turns out to be a man from the laundry service saying her ironing's done.
	May 1, 1982 Johnny Carson approaches Miss Piggy at the Stage Door and asks if she'd like to be on The Tonight Show.
	May 2, 1982 (Sunday) Fozzie gushes over Kermit's script for a sketch in which Gonzo and Animal play bushmen who try to cook Thog in a black kettle.
	May 3, 1982 Miss Piggy asks Kermit why he can't be like other men whose thoughts are driven by romance and passion.
	May 4, 1982 Fozzie announces the arrival of the new cleaning lady: an old woman whose plow has collected a number of items from backstage.
	May 5, 1982 Kermit tells Dr. Bob, shrink, that his life flashed before his eyes like a series of reruns.
	May 6, 1982 Beauregard tells Nurse Janice he intends to clean Dr. Bob's waiting room. Specifically, the cobwebs collecting on his elderly patients.
	May 7, 1982 Kermit will never forget the time Miss Piggy was locked out of the theatre in the rain wearing curlers in her hair. Piggy warns that he'd better forget if he wants to live.
	May 8, 1982 In her "Dear Miss Piggy" column, Miss Piggy responds to a writer who has fallen for a pilot.
	May 9, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit accompanies a nervous Robin who wants to ask Miss Piggy to borrow one of her dresses. It's not for a costume party but to use as a tent when he goes camping.
	May 10, 1982 Kermit wakes ready to face the day, but when he finds that outside is upside-down behind the shade, he goes back to bed.
	May 11, 1982 Miss Piggy uses a jackhammer to sign an autograph in the cement for a construction worker.
	May 12, 1982 Dr. Bob disagrees with Kermit's accusation that doctors like to make their patients uncomfortable right before he asks Nurse Janice to retrieve his stethoscope from the freezer.
	May 13, 1982 Dr. Bob uses a tongue depressor to inspect Fozzie's throat. When he finds nothing wrong, he instructs him to stick out his ten bucks and say goodbye.
	May 14, 1982 On stage for a scene set with a spooky backdrop, Kermit asks Miss Piggy for a scream that will put people's heads through the roof. She obliges, the volume sending Kermit through the roof.
	May 15, 1982 Miss Piggy ignores Kermit's accusation that she ate all his chocolate bon-bons until the final panel where her thought bubble explains that it's not polite to talk with your mouth full.
	May 16, 1982 (Sunday) Driving along at night in the rain, Miss Piggy notes that the car reaching 12,000 miles means its warranty is due to expire. When the car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, she explains how they'll have to stay out there together all night. Kermit frantically starts pushing the car.
	May 17, 1982 Kermit explains to Fozzie that after examining an issue in a mature, impartial manner, there's only one way to settle an argument with Miss Piggy: do it her way.
	May 18, 1982 Referencing the scene from Snow White, Miss Piggy asks her mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all. The mirror laughs and says that she cracks it up. Piggy responds by cracking the mirror with a hammer, confessing that she typically avoids puns.
	May 19, 1982 Pops tailors a suit for Fozzie that's fit for a comedian: oversized.
	May 20, 1982 Kermit tells Fozzie that a comedian's suit should have that "baggy pants" look. Fozzie asks Pops to have it cleaned and rumpled.
	May 21, 1982 Miss Piggy claims that she'd go to great lengths to prove her love for Kermit. Kermit says she can call him when she gets back.
	May 22, 1982 When Kermit and Miss Piggy find themselves in the middle of a bank robbery, she tells the robbers it won't be necessary to be tied up; just lock her and the frog up together in the vault.
	May 23, 1982 (Sunday) Gonzo the mystic uses long distance telephone sales jargon to convince Miss Piggy that he can contact any of Piggy's living relatives for 25 cents. Gonzo attempts to call her mother and gets a busy signal. Piggy confirms that it's her.
	May 24, 1982 Miss Piggy takes Kermit to her favorite restaurant, Chez Chic. She explains that this is the kind of place where a sophisticated individual can try something new and different, then proceeds to order her usual from the waiter.
	May 25, 1982 Gonzo the mystic looks into his crystal ball and sees a giant eagle with huge talons and fiery eyes. He explains to Fozzie it means that she wants her egg back as she scoops up his "crystal ball."
	May 26, 1982 Fozzie plays an organ grinder while Thog collects money for their street performance.
	May 27, 1982 Sam the Eagle calls Floyd Pepper disgusting for not having washed his jeans since he bought them. Floyd claims he doesn't have to, he bought them pre-washed.
	May 28, 1982 Kermit and Rowlf dine at a restaurant where showbiz photos of the Muppets adorn the wall. Kermit is relieved to find a spot away from Miss Piggy's romantic advances, but her wall photo comes to life and hits him in the head with a spitball.
	May 29, 1982 Fozzie confides in Dr. Bob, shrink, that his paranoia makes him feel like people are talking about him behind his back. Dr. Bob confirms, that's the rumor going around.
	May 30, 1982 (Sunday) Fozzie warns Miss Piggy that she's about to jump off Lover's Leap without a parachute. Piggy threatens that she'll commit suicide if she can't have Kermit and jumps. Kermit briefly grieves before realizing that she landed on Beginner's Slope.
	May 31, 1982 Kermit tells the waiter that his meal tastes like dog food. It turns out he mixed up his order with Rowlf's.
	June 1, 1982 Miss Piggy pressures Kermit into going out.
	June 2, 1982 Statler says Fozzie is in a class by himself: kindergarten.
	June 3, 1982 Beauregard bumps into Kermit while watching where we was going (immediately in front of his feet).
	June 4, 1982 Kermit literally puts himself in Miss Piggy's shoes.
	June 5, 1982 Fozzie tells a knock-knock joke about trains and sneezing.
	June 6, 1982 (Sunday) While shopping, a nearsighted woman bumps into Miss Piggy and mistakes her for Farrah Fawcett. This flatters and mollifies Piggy... until the woman runs into a post and thinks it's Robert Redford.
	June 7, 1982 Kermit didn't invite Miss Piggy to dinner with a lobster.
	June 8, 1982 Kermit wants to play catch on the baseball field, but Miss Piggy wants to catch him.
	June 9, 1982 The entire Muppet Theatre audience claims credit for throwing a tomato at Fozzie.
	June 10, 1982 Dr. Bob tells Miss Piggy to go on a liquid diet, so she orders a pizza run through a blender.
	June 11, 1982 Animal gets a haircut with a chainsaw.
	June 12, 1982 Fozzie and Gonzo struggle to read the Swedish Chef's menu.
	June 13, 1982 (Sunday) Rowlf preps Fozzie for a boxing match fought with jokes and heckling.
	June 14, 1982 Miss Piggy backhands Kermit across the room for a favorable comment about Bo Derek.
	June 15, 1982 Foo-Foo asks Miss Piggy for her motivation to roll over.
	June 16, 1982 Dr. Bob tells Kermit he has complications with his gizzard.
	June 17, 1982 Kermit makes an existential ponderance; Rowlf says they are there to occupy blank space in the comics section.
	June 18, 1982 Robin returns dragging Miss Piggy's brassiere after Kermit sends him on a scavenger hunt to find a double-barreled slingshot.
	June 19, 1982 The Great Gonzo: Mystic looks into his crystal ball and finds a pimple on his nose.
	June 20, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit and Robin fly a kite.
	June 21, 1982 Fozzie notes Kermit's bachelorhood when he pulls baked socks out of his oven.
	June 22, 1982 Miss Piggy knocks Kermit and Fozzie over on her way to watch soap operas.
	June 23, 1982 Dr. Bob downgrades Fozzie's diagnosis when he learns he's broke.
	June 24, 1982 Miss Piggy purposefully mistakes Kissing Rock for Lover's Leap.
	June 25, 1982 Gonzo passes the bathrooms for Women and Men, and enters a door marked Whatever.
	June 26, 1982 Gonzo finishes a crossword puzzle from 1963.
	June 27, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit develops a headache from Miss Piggy's badgering.
	June 28, 1982 Kermit and Miss Piggy go to the movies but never make it past the snack counter.
	June 29, 1982 Robin writes in his journal about Kermit's misunderstanding of meteorology based on saying that a cyclone had hit his bedroom.
	June 30, 1982 Nurse Janice tells Kermit that Fozzie is contagious after Dr. Bob inspects his throat with a telescope from far away.
	July 1, 1982 Mystic Gonzo gives Miss Piggy a magic potion that he guarantees will get Kermit all over her - it turns her into a lily pad.
	July 2, 1982 Kermit asks Miss Piggy how her psychiatrist session with Dr. Bob went. She says he's always questioning her authority.
	July 3, 1982 At Fred's Threads, Fozzie is shopping for a new bathing suit. He asks the salesman what he suggests for someone with his physique. The salesman suggests a new physique.
	July 4, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit imagines himself as Dagwood and Miss Piggy as Blondie from the comic Blondie in a dream sequence. He wakes up to say that's the last time he eats a "Dagwood" sandwich before bed.
	July 5, 1982 Miss Piggy says it might be easier if Kermit thought of her as "one of the boys" and asks what they would talk about then. Kermit says "for starters, how come you dress like a girl?"
	July 6, 1982 Miss Piggy tells the salesman at the Ladies' Wear store that she would like to see something in a low-cut blouse. The sales man says "so would I."
	July 7, 1982 Kermit tells Dr. Bob his inhibitions are preventing him from dating Miss Piggy and causing him a lot of guilt. He doesn't want to lose his inhibitions, just the guilt.
	July 8, 1982 Miss Piggy is skeptical of Gonzo the Mystic's cheap crystal ball. He says it's the real thing... he just has to plug it in first.
	July 9, 1982 Miss Piggy tells Kermit she has an upset stomach because she hasn't eaten.
	July 10, 1982 Gonzo's act got terrible reviews. Kermit reassures him that he'll bounce back. Meanwhile Gonzo literally sticks his head in the sand.
	July 11, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit and Fozzie suspect their golf outing will be odd when they see two clowns golfing. When Fozzie gets a golfball to the head, Kermit calls for a doctor and more than 15 come running from all corners of the golf course with clubs in hand (including Dr. Bob).
	July 12, 1982 On a phone call with Miss Piggy, Dr. Bob says it's not often he performs an operation at a patient's home, then again it's not often someone needs designer jeans surgically removed.
	July 13, 1982 Dr. Bob tells Miss Piggy she has to watch her weight after he saw a guy hanging one of her pinups with spikes.
	July 14, 1982 Miss Piggy asks Dr. Bob if her weight problems are real or imaginary. After she falls through the floor, he says "real."
	July 15, 1982 Miss Piggy sees a 5-cent "your weight and fortune" scale. It calls her a lightweight and gives her compliments. As she leaves, the scale says, "Sure, I lied, but it keeps that blimp coming back."
	July 16, 1982 Miss Piggy returns to the 5-cent "your weight and fortune" scale. The scale says, "Over-weights pay overtime. Deposit another nickel." She breaks the machine.
	July 17, 1982 Miss Piggy longs to hear those three little words from Kermit - "It's dinner time."
	July 18, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit walks through the woods and ponders his relationship with Miss Piggy.
	July 19, 1982 Kermit gives Miss Piggy the wrong directions to the parking garage, and they end up driving into an office.
	July 20, 1982 Scooter tells Miss Piggy Vidal Bassoon wants her to endorse their new skin cleanser called "Hogwash."
	July 21, 1982 Kermit and Miss Piggy go to a quaint cafe with a Gypsy violinist.
	July 22, 1982 Miss Piggy and Kermit relax under an apple tree. Piggy says it feels like they've been thrown back in time. Just then a snake offers her an apple.
	July 23, 1982 Kermit and Frog Scout Robin roast marshmallows over a campfire. Miss Piggy uses a branch to roast multiple marshmallows.
	July 24, 1982 Fozzie arrives with a pizza. Kermit says he should have eaten it at the pizza place while it was still hot. Fozzie says he doesn't mind because he always eats it a la mode.
	July 25, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit, Robin, and Miss Piggy are camping. Piggy brought everything but the matches.
	July 26, 1982 Kermit and Fozzie are fishing in the Calamity Jane. Fozzie catches "Mr. Cousteau."
	July 27, 1982 Kermit gets burned by Miss Piggy's fiery breath after asking how her chili is.
	July 28, 1982 Fozzie asks Rowlf if he wants to join the Miss Piggy Fan Club. Rowlf asks what he gets if he joins. Piggy says it's "more a question of what you'll get if you don't."
	July 29, 1982 Kermit asks Gonzo the Mystic if he's read Miss Piggy's palm yet. Gonzo's waiting for the movie.
	July 30, 1982 Fozzie complains to the Swedish Chef that his rabbit stew is nothing but carrots. A group of rabbits at the next table says, "That's just the way we like it."
	July 31, 1982 Waldorf gives his friend Sid a present for his 75th birthday. Statler says Sid looks great and will probably live to be 100. Waldorf hopes so because the gift has a 25-year warranty.
	August 1, 1982 (Sunday) Miss Piggy keeps having her leg grabbed as The Great Gonzo (Mystic, Palms Read, Chickens Kissed) summons the spirit of the great Casanova.
	August 2, 1982 Miss Piggy tells Kermit to think of her as a friend (a "warm, passionate, hot-blooded, incredibly sexy friend.")
	August 3, 1982 Beauregard tells Kermit that his mom sent him a new thermos that can hold both hot and cold beverage. It currently has chicken soup and iced tea in it.
	August 4, 1982 Beauregard plays the Palace Guard in a scene. He just has to stand there and look dumb. Bo is happy to play a part where he can just be himself.
	August 5, 1982 Dr. Bob tells Janice he didn't always want to be a doctor. He wanted to be a fireman, but they wouldn't let him near the hydrants.
	August 6, 1982 While on vacation in New York City, Kermit wants to see The Statue of Liberty but Fozzie doesn't want to look like a tourist.
	August 7, 1982 Kermit goes to the florist. He learns that "A rose by any other name" would cost the same.
	August 8, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit tells Rizzo that they're overbudget, behind schedule, late on rent payments, and the basement is flooded (again). Kermit asks Fozzie what's the delay on getting the new set arranged. It's because Miss Piggy keeps ordering Beauregard and Scooter to rearrange the furniture.
	August 9, 1982 Miss Piggy tells Kermit she missed the tunnel entrance as their car is underwater and surrounded by fish.
	August 10, 1982 Kermit asks Fozzie what he ordered to eat. A Jack-in-the-box springs out from under the cloche - the Chef's surprise!
	August 11, 1982 Dr. Bob asks Miss Piggy how her diet is going. Nurse Janice detects some sarcasm in the way Piggy angrily shouts, "I love it! I really love it!"
	August 12, 1982 Statler and Waldorf realize they're in trouble when the hissing isn't their heckling, it's their hot air balloon.
	August 13, 1982 Gonzo pole vaults into the pay toilets. Kermit would have been more than happy to lend him a dime.
	August 14, 1982 Kermit, Fozzie, and Robin are on a trip to Disneyland. Robin is determined to return with a souvenir as he rolls in a giant mouse trap.
	August 15, 1982 (Sunday) Beaker, Scooter, and Zoot are outside Miss Piggy's dressing room. Scooter delivers flowers to Piggy. More flowers continue to arrive. Turns out the Daily Bugle printed her obituary by mistake.
	August 16, 1982 Kermit bought Miss Piggy a new beach towel at the sea museum. It says, "Save the whales."
	August 17, 1982 Miss Piggy orders the eggs Benedict. Assuming that's the waiter's name, Fozzie orders "Some cereal, Benedict."
	August 18, 1982 Fozzie shows Kermit his new "Boffo Gags" monologue. He says comedy is his life. Kermit suggests getting life insurance.
	August 19, 1982 While playing baseball, Miss Piggy gets mad at Kermit for calling her a heavy hitter.
	August 20, 1982 Fozzie shows Robin that with fly-fishing you can catch just about anything with the proper back swing as he hooks a hotdog from some picnickers behind them.
	August 21, 1982 Gonzo the Great Mystic looks in his crystal ball and sees an incredible economic depression with soaring inflation and sky-rocketing prices. Fozzie asks when it will end as Gonzo raises his rates from $2 to $4.
	August 22, 1982 (Sunday) While Kermit and Foo-Foo watch, Miss Piggy installs a new state-of-the-art burglar alarm and security system to protect her valuables. It's on her refrigerator.
	August 23, 1982 Kermit asks Beauregard to put the bill for the new stepladder on with the other bills to pay. Bo uses the stepladder to put it on top of the giant stack of bills.
	August 24, 1982 Miss Piggy tries on a pair of designer jeans at the Ladies' Wear store. The salesman calls the That's Incredible! TV show to report the event.
	August 25, 1982 Kermit doesn't like Robin watching TV with such foul language. When Fozzie asks what Robin was watching, Kermit explains it was the John McEnroe-Vitas Gerulaitis tennis match.
	August 26, 1982 Kermit and Rowlf are impressed with how hard Fozzie is working at his writer's desk. Turns out he's just trying to perfect his autograph.
	August 27, 1982 A Whatnot autograph hound pursues a flattered Fozzie because she has mistaken him for Yogi Bear.
	August 28, 1982 Gonzo is unenthusiastic about his flying carpet for the Arabian Nights skit. Kermit says the budget is tight and there's nothing wrong with riding a remnant.
	August 29, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit gets all dressed up and shows up at Miss Piggy's party to find he is the only guest.
	August 30, 1982 Kermit asks Miss Piggy what she wants to make for dinner. She says "reservations."
	August 31, 1982 A sleazy door-to-door solicitor asks Miss Piggy if she would like to contribute to the preservation of wildlife. When she says okay, he asks, "Your place or mine?"
	September 1, 1982 Dr. Bob shows Nurse Janice photos of his patient before and after brain surgery. Janice asks about the bandages on his head. Dr. Bob says it's from when he saw his bill and he hit the ceiling.
	September 2, 1982 Dr. Bob tells Nurse Janice that Fozzie is ready for the anesthesiologist. A large ape with a club walks in.
	September 3, 1982 Fozzie asks Mystic Gonzo what are the chances of not getting booed tomorrow. Looking into his crystal ball, Gonzo says they're great (because the theater is closed tomorrow).
	September 4, 1982 Kermit tells Fozzie he'll take some coffee as long as it isn't too strong. Fozzie spills some on Kermit's desk causing it to melt. Kermit passes on the coffee.
	September 5, 1982 (Sunday) Fozzie tells Dr. Bob that he's been coming for psychiatry everyday for the past ten months and hasn't seen any improvements. Dr. Bob says there have been improvements to his bank balance.
	September 6, 1982 While sitting under a tree, Kermit asks Rowlf what he would like to come back as if he were reincarnated. Rowlf says, "Bo Derek's beach blanket."
	September 7, 1982 Fozzie brings Kermit a tied-up burglar saying the man broke into the canteen and made off with 50 quarts of anchovy soup. Kermit thanks the crook.
	September 8, 1982 While playing football, Kermit asks Beauregard to pass "the ol' pigskin." Bo throws him Miss Piggy.
	September 9, 1982 Fozzie asks Statler and Waldorf to stop booing and offer an honest appraisal of his jokes. They say they're hecklers, not antique dealers.
	September 10, 1982 Rowlf gives a monologue about comic strips, saying the best ones are the ones with memorable and relatable thoughts, such as "Whatza matter?? Haven't ya eaten enough today, fatso?!!"
	September 11, 1982 Kermit and Fozzie are victims of a hit-and-run while crossing the street. Kermit asks Fozzie if he got the license plate. Fozzie literally has the car's plate.
	September 12, 1982 (Sunday) Miss Piggy plays "He loves me... he loves me not" with a flower. When there are no petals left when she lands on "he loves me not," she scares the flower into sprouting another.
	September 13, 1982 Miss Piggy is offended that Kermit is serving her leftovers. Kermit says to think of them as "reruns."
	September 14, 1982 Dr. Bob examines Animal, using his stethoscope and adjusting Animal's arms until he hears something. While music comes from Animal's torso, Floyd tells Nurse Janice that "the dude ate my transistor radio."
	September 15, 1982 Dr. Bob gleefully tells Miss Piggy to "stick it in your ear" (in reference to applying the ointment to treat her ear infection).
	September 16, 1982 Miss Piggy spends $48.50 on a cut, curl, set, and blow-dry at Vidal Basscon's House of Hair... for Foo-Foo.
	September 17, 1982 Kermit tells Miss Piggy they are getting close to the nude beach, as they encounter three turtles sunning themselves outside their shells.
	September 18, 1982 Miss Piggy is stepping out with Kermit while wearing a feathery dress. She's offended that Camilla is wearing the same outfit while stepping out with Gonzo.
	September 19, 1982 (Sunday) While on a walk through nature, Rowlf waxes philosophically and asks Kermit, "Do you believe in an all-powerful entity? You know, a guiding force, one who sees all, knows all, and watches over our every move?" Kermit, looking over Miss Piggy spying on them from a nearby tree, says, "Yes."
	September 20, 1982 Kermit tells Robin he can't leave the table until he gets rid of his peas. As Kermit walks away, Robin flings his peas at him.
	September 21, 1982 Miss Piggy gives Robin a gift as he starts first grade. She lugs out a giant box as big as Robin — her old lunch pail.
	September 22, 1982 Kermit doesn't mind helping Robin with his homework, he just hates correcting it when he's done.
	September 23, 1982 Robin tells his friend Garrett that he can't come out to play until he finishes his homework. Garrett says it usually doesn't take Robin this long to finish his homework. Robin explains that his uncle usually doesn't insist on helping.
	September 24, 1982 Kermit tells Fozzie that he is learning sign language so he can communicate to Robin while he's blasting the stereo.
	September 25, 1982 Rowlf tells Nurse Janice about his new patient - the president of a bank, a chairman of the civic committee, and a father of eight. His advice, get some sleep.
	September 26, 1982 (Sunday) Robin tells Kermit about his homework. Kermit says a lot has changed since he was little, but the classic books survive. When asked what he's reading, Robin says The Condo That Jack Built. Portraits of Fozzie Bear, Jim Henson, and Frank Oz hang on Kermit's wall in the open panel of the expanded Sunday strip.
	September 27, 1982 Dr. Bob gets an emergency call to play golf.
	September 28, 1982 Kermit is excited to go golfing with Rowlf's famous golf friends — Watson, Nicklaus, and Palmer. Rowlf introduces Kermit to three yokels - Floyd Watson, Buford Nicklaus, and Ducky Palmer.
	September 29, 1982 Rowlf shows Kermit his new technique for keeping his head down while golfing — an anvil strapped to his head.
	September 30, 1982 Kermit asks the waiter at Le Snoot Cafe why there's a hair in his glass of water. The waiter replies they're trying to grow a toupee.
	October 1, 1982 Kermit asks Pops if he's seen Zoot's sax. Pops pulls it out, and using it as an ear trumpet, says, "Eh?"
	October 2, 1982 Kermit mutters "ho-hum" and "hum-ho" while doing paperwork. Robin says his uncle's been working so hard he doesn't know if he's humming or ho-ing.
	October 3, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit and Miss Piggy talk about the idea of going out with other people.
	October 4, 1982 Fozzie is worried that Kermit doesn't like him. Miss Piggy reassures him, saying Kermit adores him... it's the rest of the world he has to worry about.
	October 5, 1982 Miss Piggy tells Fozzie that he worries too much about what others think, the important thing is to like yourself. When asked how to tell if he likes himself, Piggy responds, "Take yourself out to dinner and see if you hit it off."
	October 6, 1982 Fozzie goes to dinner alone to see if he likes himself. He explains to the waiter that "I am having dinner with me." The waiter asks if he'd like separate checks.
	October 7, 1982 Fozzie tells Kermit that he thinks he may like himself now, but he's just not ready to make a total commitment yet.
	October 8, 1982 Fozzie tells Rizzo that he is "a bear for the 80s" and that he knows exactly where he's going as he walks into the broom closet.
	October 9, 1982 Fozzie tells Kermit that he has good news and bad news. The good news is he passed his memory improvement course. He can't remember the bad news.
	October 10, 1982 (Sunday) Dr. Bob dresses up as a party clown with balloons and props to go work in pediatrics.
	October 11, 1982 While sitting under a tree, Kermit tells Fozzie what he hates about autumn. As they are buried under suddenly falling leaves, Kermit says, "Sneaky leaves."
	October 12, 1982 Kermit says all he needs out of life is a roof over his head, clothes on his back, and food on the table. He's shocked to meet a man with just that—a roof on his head, clothing hanging on his back, and a table with a single apple—who is unsatisfied.
	October 13, 1982 Dr. Bob is treating Robin who sprained his flipper in a "Midget Football League" game. When asked what happened, it's explained Robin kicked the referee.
	October 14, 1982 Robin is accounting for all the money his classmates from school owe him. As he explains to Kermit, he started his own "student loan program."
	October 15, 1982 Fozzie questions why Swedish Chef's pot says "stand back." He's grabbed by a giant tentacle as Kermit explains the chef is cooking octopus.
	October 16, 1982 Fozzie is excited that the store offered a buy one, get one free deal. He bought one sock and got the other half of the pair for free.
	October 17, 1982 (Sunday) A butterfly flies by Miss Piggy. Rizzo the Rat runs by chasing the butterfly. Gaffer the cat chases Rizzo. Foo-Foo the dog chases Gaffer. Kermit the Frog chases Foo-Foo. Piggy (she doesn't know what's up, but it looks like fun) joins in and chases Kermit.
	October 18, 1982 Kermit finds a piece of paper that has "Miss The Frog" written all over it. Miss Piggy explains she wanted to see what her name would like like when they get married.
	October 19, 1982 Miss Piggy browses the Health & Fitness section of a bookshelf. She looks at books by Richard Simmons and Jane Fonda and can't understand why someone would buy a book by someone who sweats.
	October 20, 1982 Miss Piggy shows Kermit her new activewear attire. Kermit asks if she's been doing aerobics, weight lifting, or jazzercise. Piggy says no, she just thought the outfit was cute.
	October 21, 1982 After working out, Kermit tells Miss Piggy she can cut a small piece of cake. She cuts a small piece and takes the rest of the cake.
	October 22, 1982 Miss Piggy goes jogging to chase her personal dream. She chases the "Good Guy Ice Cream" truck for a fudgsicle.
	October 23, 1982 Exhausted in the desert, Miss Piggy begs for water before correcting herself and asking for Perrier.
	October 24, 1982 (Sunday) Miss Piggy is hungry while out driving and pulls into a restaurant for some food. She orders a cheeseburger, fries, and a soda. The problem, as Kermit points out, is the restaurant doesn't have a drive-thru and Piggy just drove through the side of McEats.
	October 25, 1982 Miss Piggy tells Kermit the secret of her luscious figure. Taking care of her body is as routine as eating, sleeping or watching TV. In fact, her routine is eating, sleeping, and watching TV.
	October 26, 1982 Miss Piggy says the key to a gorgeous figure is eating "light" foods. She piles up her tray in the cafeteria with all sorts of "light" desserts and says another benefit is that you can carry twice as much.
	October 27, 1982 Miss Piggy ponders how many calories can be burned off during a "rigorous eating working."
	October 28, 1982 Dr. Bob tells Kermit that their new accountant won't let them be reimbursed for 3-martini lunches anymore. While sitting with three ladies at the table, Kermit asks, "How should I tell the 'Singing Martini Sisters' we're splitting the check?"
	October 29, 1982 Fozzie tells Statler and Waldorf that when they insult his jokes, they're insulting him too. The hecklers are thrilled to be able to kill two birds with one stone.
	October 30, 1982 Robin tells Kermit he can't go out and play, he's too busy studying The Preppy Handbook.
	October 31, 1982 (Sunday) Fozzie helps Gonzo with his "Bonco's Fabulous New 'Mr. Air-Head' the At-Home Hot-Air Balloon Kit."
	November 1, 1982 Miss Piggy is convinced to buy a dress at the Ladies Wear store when the salesman tells her she doesn't need it and can't afford it.
	November 2, 1982 A Whatnot diner cook tells the Whatnot waitress to hurry and ask Fozzie how everything is just as he gets a big mouthful of food.
	November 3, 1982 Fozzie tells Dr. Bob he has a fear of being around intelligent and cultured people. Dr. Bob offers to leave the room.
	November 4, 1982 Dr. Bob tells Fozzie the only way to overcome his fears and insecurities is to take them on, one by one. Fozzie says they'd beat the living daylights out of him.
	November 5, 1982 Kermit tells Fozzie his secret to meals as a bachelor—ordering pizza from Mario's Pizza Palace.
	November 6, 1982 Fozzie listens to a record to cheer him up. The record player plays "The sun'll come out tomorrow... for everybody but you, Fozzie."
	November 7, 1982 (Sunday) While at the bar, Kermit and Fozzie order root beers. Fozzie fears everyone can sense his childlike insecurities. Fozzie's drink arrives in a baby bottle.
	November 8, 1982 While Kermit is reading Variety, Robin comes in to introduce his uncle to his new best friend named Porky. Robin says, "It's gonna be me and Porky forever." Kermit, looking at a picture of Miss Piggy, can relate.
	November 9, 1982 Kermit pulls on the phone cord to reel in Robin who is on the phone with his friend Porky.
	November 10, 1982 Miss Piggy tells Kermit they should get a divorce. Kermit points out they're not even married. Piggy says they have to start somewhere.
	November 11, 1982 Fozzie is stumped when Kermit asks him how he's been.
	November 12, 1982 The Three Bears complain that their porridge is too hot, too cold, and yukky. Kermit tells Fozzie, "Hey, don't look at me, they're your crabby relatives."
	November 13, 1982 A Whatnot woman asks Fozzie if anyone has ever told him that he looks just like Fozzie Bear.
	November 14, 1982 (Sunday) While reading 'TV Tips' on the couch with Foo-Foo, Miss Piggy can't decide what to watch on TV (football, 60 Minutes, or some dumb TV movie). She treats her depression by downing a quart of ice cream. In one panel, Beetle Bailey appears on Piggy's television.
	November 15, 1982 Kermit tells Dr. Bob that he can't wait for the first snow. As they watch Robin and a friend play, Kermit talks about his excitement for the magic in the air. Bob talks about his excitement for being able to charge $80 per cast for skiing mishaps.
	November 16, 1982 Robin inquires as to why Kermit is staring out the window. He explains that he's watching for the first snowfall. Robin fears his uncle is losing his mind.
	November 17, 1982 Kermit continues to long for the first snowfall. He tells Kermit it's like waiting for a visit from an old friend... but once he arrives "we're gonna have a hard time getting rid of him."
	November 18, 1982 Kermit turns away from the window to tell Robin how important it is for him to see the first snowflake and he misses the first flake floating by.
	November 19, 1982 Kermit is happy the first snow is here. Robin is excited too. Kermit tells Robin that his fun is just beginning as he hands his nephew a snow shovel.
	November 20, 1982 Statler tells Waldorf that one day his body just started to go. Waldorf puts down his copy of the Grouchy News and points to Statler's gut, saying: "I think I know where it went."
	November 21, 1982 (Sunday) Robin is playing a new "War Lord" video game. He tells his Uncle Kermit that the game has rockets, spaceships, demons, extraterrestrials, super-warp speed, and startling visual effects. It's so realistic that it blows up the television set.
	November 22, 1982 Dr. Bob asks Janice how she became a nurse. She says it was either nursing or working at an avocado ranch (but the thought of branding "all those helpless little avocados" grossed her out).
	November 23, 1982 Nurse Janice tells Dr. Bob that his next patient keeps hearing bells. She then welcomes in "Mr. Quasimodo."
	November 24, 1982 Fozzie tells Dr. Bob that he tried to be funny to get attention. Dr. Bob says maybe he should've tried to get laughs instead.
	November 25, 1982 Fozzie boos and heckles himself while Statler and Waldorf look on. Fozzie remarks, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
	November 26, 1982 Robin makes bad jokes about Kermit's cooking. Kermit drags him off saying it's the time he lets Robin spend the day with Fozzie. Robin continues to joke, saying, "take my uncle, please."
	November 27, 1982 Beauregard calls Miss Piggy's messy dressing room a "real pigsty."
	November 28, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit helps Fozzie edit his monologue. After a series of cuts, he's left with 3.5 seconds of material.
	November 29, 1982 Miss Piggy gets Kermit's permission to ask Beauregard to help put together Foo-Foo's doghouse. She assures him that it should not take long, "of course, the hot tub could be a bit tricky."
	November 30, 1982 Gonzo hikes up to "Parachute Point." He jumps off, shouting "Geronimo!" After crashing into the ground, he realizes that he should have taken off his backpack and put on his parachute first.
	December 1, 1982 Gonzo hikes up to "Parachute Point" again. He makes sure he has his parachute on this time. He jumps off again, shouting "Geronimo!" As he falls, he realizes his chute is upside-down.
	December 2, 1982 Gonzo hikes up to "Parachute Point" yet again. He makes sure he has his parachute on this time. He makes sure it is right-side up this time. When the rip cord breaks off in his hand, he decides that next time he should "stay home and ride the bus."
	December 3, 1982 Gonzo phones Kermit to tell him that he's going to be late for the cast party. In a room overgrown with houseplants, he states that he has to "vacuum the plants and weed the rug."
	December 4, 1982 Fozzie remarks that the place where he is dining has good food, good service, and good prices—it's his mom's.
	December 5, 1982 (Sunday) Fozzie calls a help-line for depression. The recorded message tells him to cheer up, it could be worse, he could be listening to one of Fozzie Bear's monologues.
	December 6, 1982 When a chipper Gonzo says that he loves Monday, Kermit says, "He's even sicker than I thought."
	December 7, 1982 Miss Piggy orders some fresh-squeezed orange juice. The waiter squeezes the carton.
	December 8, 1982 While in a movie theater, Kermit tells Rowlf that there's "too much sex in the cinema." The rest of the auditorium is full of lovestruck Whatnots in tight embraces.
	December 9, 1982 Fozzie asks who turned off the heat. Kermit says they have to conserve energy. Miss Piggy sarcastically adds that they're preserving the polar ice cap.
	December 10, 1982 Kermit installs a new 10-gallon heated aquarium with airstone and filter. Robin uses it as a hot tub.
	December 11, 1982 Kermit calls the phone company to report that his phone bell is broken so he never knows when the phone is ringing. They say they'll call him back.
	December 12, 1982 (Sunday) Kermit tells Miss Piggy to calm down, but she wants to make a good first impression for her new cleaning lady. So Piggy asks Fozzie to clean up, Robin to wash the floors, and Floyd to lock up Animal.
	December 13, 1982 Robin wants to know if there is a way to get older quicker. Kermit says there is one way—"have children."
	December 14, 1982 Kermit tells Robin about the disturbing seminar he went to about closet eaters. He opens his closet to find Fozzie snacking.
	December 15, 1982 Kermit gets a phonecall of grunting and growling. It's Robin's football coach.
	December 16, 1982 Fozzie asks whatever happened to those old movie monsters, such as Dracula, Frankenstein, and Wolf Man. Kermit says they got jobs with the phone company.
	December 17, 1982 While looking at an X-ray, Dr. Bob is told by Nurse Janice there's a woman who needs a molar pulled. He says he's a physician and a psychiatrist but not a dentist. She says it pays $50. He says, "Get me my pliers!"
	December 18, 1982 Rowlf asks Kermit if he thinks there's an all-powerful being who controls our destinies. Kermit says yes, "the comics editor of this newspaper."
	December 19, 1982 (Sunday) Beauregard helps cover the ticket booth for Scooter. He's excited when he gets his first customers. He says those are the very first Muppet Show tickets he's ever sold. Statler and Waldorf say those are the very first Muppet Show tickets that anybody's ever sold.
	December 20, 1982 Miss Piggy is heartbroken when the Ladies' Wear salesman tells her during a big sale that it's closing time.
	December 21, 1982 Kermit lets Robin go and play since he cleaned his plate. Robin rushes outside and dumps "these dumb lima beans" out of his hat.
	December 22, 1982 Nurse Janice wonders what it must be like to be an awesome and respected physician. She tells Dr. Bob if she ever meets one, she'll ask him.
	December 23, 1982 Miss Piggy says there's no communication between her and Kermit. Rizzo suggests that she sit down and talk with Kermit about the problem. She says she can't, she's giving him the silent treatment.
	December 24, 1982 Fozzie brings Kermit a Christmas gift. The rats offer him coffee. Rowlf, Miss Piggy, and Gonzo come with gifts for Kermit. As his desk is loaded with presents, Kermit remarks, "What some guys'll do just to get their Christmas bonus."
	December 25, 1982 Robin tells Kermit that he's been working on writing their Christmas card all day, but he can only come up with one little word — peace. Kermit says it's perfect.
	December 26, 1982 (Sunday) A man asks Dr. Bob, "How do you get to the Muppet Theater?" He says, "Well, first you have to be a Muppet." The man auditions for Kermit, showing his magic skills, illusions, balancing, and juggling. Kermit gives him the job. As the man leaves, Fozzie asks who that was. Kermit says, "My new accountant."
	December 27, 1982 Fozzie asks a big monster to pass the bread and butter.
	December 28, 1982 Beauregard's laundry is scattered all over the floor. Miss Piggy asks Bo to pick up his clothes, so he lifts his shirt.
	December 29, 1982 Kermit tells Fozzie to break a leg. Fozzie says if the crowd is anything like last night, they'll break it for him.
	December 30, 1982 Kermit feels like he's "losing ground" in their relationship as Miss Piggy pushes him toward the edge of a cliff.
	December 31, 1982 Floyd asks Kermit if Animal can have a bite of his sandwich. Animal eats the whole sandwich and Kermit's hand.

1983

	January 1, 1983 A snake tells Fozzie he likes to curl up with a good book.
	January 2, 1983 (Sunday) Dr. Bob practices his golf driving in his office. With a damaged wall, he remarks that he can't wait until spring.
	January 3, 1983 Sitting by a fire in a cozy mountain cabin, Kermit tells Fozzie that he loves their time away with no one around to bother them. Meanwhile, a gigantic monster approaches the cabin.
	January 4, 1983 Kermit asks Fozzie if it's too cold to fly a kite in the snow. Fozzie says the string is frozen stiff.
	January 5, 1983 Fozzie decides to play the video arcade game The Black Hole. Like a literal black hole, it proceeds to suck him in.
	January 6, 1983 Fozzie is struck by a falling star.
	January 7, 1983 Fozzie says Dr. Bob wants to fix him up with one of his cousins. Kermit asks if he's seen a picture of her. Fozzie says no one has a clear picture of her—giving her the mystique of Bigfoot.
	January 8, 1983 Miss Piggy tries to ask Kermit out, he pulls his head into his sweater. Piggy says she hates turtlenecks.
	January 9, 1983 (Sunday) While dining out, Gonzo has a hard time getting a waiter's attention. But when he laments to Camilla that he just wants change so he can leave a tip, all the waiters come running.
	January 10, 1983 Miss Piggy says just once she'd like to hear Kermit say "Piggy, my darling—I'm head over heels in love with you." Kermit, who is tied up and hanging from the ceiling, asks "if I say it, will you cut me down?"
	January 11, 1983 Kermit is having a bad day—listing all the horrible things that have gone wrong today. He asks what else could possibly go wrong just as an angry monster in a suit carrying a briefcase saying IRS rounds the corner.
	January 12, 1983 Fozzie opens the front door to a flood of water. He remarks "I guess the dry spell is over."
	January 13, 1983 Beauregard overhears Kermit telling Robin that "you are what you eat." Bo is confused because he doesn't look like a peanut butter sandwich.
	January 14, 1983 Two rats see "the garbage guys" coming. One rat asks where their truck is. As the two monsters dump the trash into their mouths, the other rat replies "what truck?"
	January 15, 1983 Fozzie asks Gonzo "anybody mind if I sit here?" As he sits in the chair, he jumps up in pain. A porcupine sitting on the chair says "I do!"
	January 16, 1983 (Sunday) Robin shows his uncle Kermit the latest arcade game. Kermit offers up a couple quarters so Robin can play. Robin says the game only takes credit cards.
	January 17, 1983 Miss Piggy is a pig in her natural habitat—a shopping mall.
	January 18, 1983 Miss Piggy is in a phone booth. She's continually bothered by someone tapping on the door who turns out to be E.T., who phones home.
	January 19, 1983 Kermit gives a long-winded philosophical speech about who knows what the future holds. Miss Piggy says "look, if you don't want to go out tomorrow night, just say so."
	January 20, 1983 Fozzie orders a "bottomless" cup of coffee. He lifts the cup to see it literally has no bottom.
	January 21, 1983 A groggy Fozzie says he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. He slept on the bottom side.
	January 22, 1983 Gonzo tells Kermit that a new moped costs $400 but he only had $200. He then shows off his "logical" purchase of a motorized unicycle.
	January 23, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit shows Miss Piggy his "spin and drop" method for paying his bills.
	January 24, 1983 Fozzie tells Kermit that the "two old buzzards in the balcony" are ruining his act. When Kermit asks if he means Statler and Waldorf, Fozzie points out two angry birds in the balcony next to them.
	January 25, 1983 Beauregard brings Miss Piggy breakfast in bed.
	January 26, 1983 The picture on Beauregard's TV is upside down. Bo thinks the TV is broken. Kermit "fixes" it by turning the TV right-side-up.
	January 27, 1983 The Swedish Chef makes Fozzie a chicken sandwich with a live unamused chicken between two slices of bread.
	January 28, 1983 Fozzie slips on a banana peel. The rats score his fall.
	January 29, 1983 Fozzie tries to mail a package to his mom. After getting the rates for first, second and third class mail, he settles for the low-rate "No Class."
	January 30, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and Rowlf are playing poker. They talk about scary movies they went to see. Kermit went to "The Werewolf." Gonzo went to "The Amityville Horror." Rowlf went to "The Mummy," "The Screaming Vampire," and "The Exorcist." Fozzie went to see the scariest thing last night—the dentist.
	January 31, 1983 Kermit says Timed magazine says this is the year for self-improvement. Miss Piggy asks what is she supposed to do while "the rest of you get straightened out."
	February 1, 1983 Miss Piggy asks Foo-Foo to play dead. Foo-Foo doesn't take requests.
	February 2, 1983 Nurse Janice asks Dr. Bob how his practice is going. Dr. Bob says his golf practice is not going well.
	February 3, 1983 Gonzo says he hates his new boomerang. Fozzie asks why doesn't he return it. Gonzo said he's tried as the boomerang comes flying back to him.
	February 4, 1983 Beauregard accidentally throws out Miss Piggy's diamond earrings. While attempting to get them out of trash, Piggy falls into the trashcan head first and gets stuck. Kermit bemoans never having a camera when you need one.
	February 5, 1983 While the phone is ringing, Kermit asks Beauregard to get the phone. Bo rips the phone off the wall and brings it to Kermit (but it stopped ringing).
	February 6, 1983 (Sunday) Fozzie can't find his seat at the football game. He ends up on the field and is tackled by the players.
	February 7, 1983 Kermit asks Fozzie what he wants out of life. Aside from love, respect and fulfillment, Fozzie would also just settle for a good gag writer.
	February 8, 1983 Kermit tells Fozzie that Robin just got his first Frog Scout badge for playing Pac-Man.
	February 9, 1983 Dr. Bob tells Mr. Coyer that his anesthesiologist is sick with the flu. While the patient asks to be put out for the operation, Dr. Bob asks the nurse for his nine iron.
	February 10, 1983 Beauregard changes a lightbulb by holding the bulb and having Kermit spin him on a spinning office chair.
	February 11, 1983 Beauregard watches the mail approach as the sun rises and sets. It is being delivered by a turtle.
	February 12, 1983 Kermit asks mystic Gonzo to make him a cup of coffee. Gonzo provides instant coffee and magically makes a cup appear.
	February 13, 1983 (Sunday) The health inspector comes to inspect the Muppet Theater. He notes all the rats in the building and asks how did they get here. Kermit says "they auditioned like everybody else."
	February 14, 1983 Miss Piggy reminds Kermit that today is Valentine's Day—a day to give your loved one a token of your affection. Kermit asks what she's giving him. She says "a half-hour to buy me a present!"
	February 15, 1983 Miss Piggy receives a phone call of grunts and growling. It's a call for Animal.
	February 16, 1983 Robin gets the lead in the school play. Kermit says the stage is wonderful but comes with certain problems. Robin says he knows as a young, small pig fawns all over him.
	February 17, 1983 While at the bar with Kermit, Rowlf asks a woman if she wants to come back to his place for a nightcap. The woman already has one.
	February 18, 1983 Fozzie's act bombed. The audience threw so many vegetables at him. Kermit says "you didn't lose an audience, you gained a salad bar."
	February 19, 1983 Kermit asks Fozzie what made him decide cross-country skiing. Fozzie (wearing a pack saying "L.A. or bust") says it's cheaper than air fare.
	February 20, 1983 (Sunday) Miss Piggy is wrapping gifts from her post-holiday shopping spree. She accidentally wraps up Kermit.
	February 21, 1983 At a western saloon, Kermit orders a shot of milk and a chaser. He gets his shot of milk and is chased by Miss Piggy.
	February 22, 1983 Fozzie asks the audience to stop booing and "grow up." The audience is full of babies.
	February 23, 1983 While walking in the rain, Robin asks what the things on Kermit's feet are. Kermit says they're spats. Robin asks why they're called that as Kermit's footsteps go "spat, spat, spat" through the puddles.
	February 24, 1983 In a messy theater, Kermit tells Beauregard to "pick up this place." Bo attempts to literally lift the building.
	February 25, 1983 Floyd uses his guitar to smash a fly. Zoot says that last note was awesome.
	February 26, 1983 After making a decision, Kermit asks Miss Piggy "who wears the pants around here." Revealing Piggy in pants and Kermit in his normal naked state, he says "let me rephrase that."
	February 27, 1983 (Sunday) Dr. Bob is frozen in snow and ice with his golf clubs. After he defrosts and finishes his shot, he tells Kermit "when you're shooting a 60, you don't let a little thing like winter stop you."
	February 28, 1983 Miss Piggy wakes up and says it's time to get herself in gear. As she returns to bed, she tells Foo-Foo "reverse is a gear."
	March 1, 1983 Kermit tells Miss Piggy to correct him if he's wrong. She interrupts him to say he's wrong.
	March 2, 1983 While looking up at the stars, Kermit asks Fozzie if he thinks there's intelligent life on other planets. Meanwhile, while looking up at the stars and Earth, an alien asks another alien if they think there's intelligent life on other planets.
	March 3, 1983 Waldorf says they're in the "autumn of our years." Statler says their bodies have gone south for the winter.
	March 4, 1983 Robin asks Statler to tell him about the good old days. Statler says when you're as old as him you don't take a stroll down memory lane, you take the bus.
	March 5, 1983 Outside the subway, Fozzie crawls out of a storm drain and says "this isn't gonna be my day."
	March 6, 1983 (Sunday) Miss Piggy describes her hectic day of clothes shopping just to reach her credit limit for the bunch. Kermit describes his day by choking himself, slamming his head on the ground, and stomping his feet on the floor. Piggy complains about his inability to provide a straight answer since he started taking mime classes.
	March 7, 1983 Fozzie tells Gonzo that the Swedish Chef's food tastes like garbage. The chef is serving pasta from a garbage can.
	March 8, 1983 A muscular sailor hits on Dr. Bob's date. She fights back as Dr. Bob reveals he picked her up at the health spa.
	March 9, 1983 A patient tells Nurse Janice that he needs to see the doctor because he's going crazy. She says "Today is Wednesday, and if you think you're going to see him today, you are crazy" as Dr. Bob leaves the office with his golf clubs.
	March 10, 1983 Statler tells Waldorf that his lawyer is coming to revise his will. He says "it's funny—they say 'the meek shall inherit the Earth'... but their lawyers are getting twenty percent off the top."
	March 11, 1983 After seeing a sign for a tag sale, Waldorf says he's sick of tag sales and "all you ever find at tag sales is creaky, useless, dilapidated old junk." Statler reminds Waldorf that they met at a tag sale.
	March 12, 1983 Miss Piggy says there are three great lies in western civilization: the check's in the mail, the repairman will be there in a few minutes, and "not tonight, I have an important meeting at the frog lodge".
	March 13, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit runs a new comedy sketch by Fozzie. Fozzie says it's full of "very funny, top-rate, boffo jokes". After hearing Fozzie would do it, Kermit tells Scooter to can it.
	March 14, 1983 Kermit says if you think it's easy running a theater, try walking a mile in his shoes. Robin tries on his uncle's shoes and can barely walk.
	March 15, 1983 Before bed, Robin says a prayer. Starting with "now I lay me down to sleep," Robin thanks the Lord for his webbed feet.
	March 16, 1983 A voice tells Kermit to "stop right there" and face the wall, place his hands on his head, and spread his feet. It turns out to be Robin playing a game of "Simon Says".
	March 17, 1983 Beauregard says he can't sleep. Miss Piggy says try counting sheep. Bo says he can't count.
	March 18, 1983 Two Whatnot doctors talk about the medical profession going to the dogs. Dr. Bob arrives and greets them.
	March 19, 1983 Miss Piggy talks to a "preppie" while using cliche phrases and enthusiasm to invite "Buffy" and "Biff" to brunch.
	March 20, 1983 (Sunday) Miss Piggy sings "Piggy and Kermit sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." while jumping rope. As her children's song continues, Kermit says "there she goes, the sophisticated woman of the eighties."
	March 21, 1983 Fozzie orders two hot dogs to go. The hot dogs jump up and run off.
	March 22, 1983 Robin tells Miss Piggy that the clouds look like vanilla ice cream. Piggy didn't know cloud watching could be fattening.
	March 23, 1983 Robin is working on the Second Class badge for Frog Scouts. Kermit tells him to practice his knot tying on rope instead of Miss Piggy's hair.
	March 24, 1983 Dr. Bob is playing golf in Robin's sandbox.
	March 25, 1983 Fozzie, attempting to hail a cab, points to a taxi and says "taxi." The driver says "That is correct. This is a taxi" and drives off.
	March 26, 1983 Fozzie walks in while Miss Piggy and Janice are talking and is told to go away "this is girl talk." Later, Gonzo walks in while Fozzie is with his Teddy bear and is told to go away "this is bear talk."
	March 27, 1983 (Sunday) Miss Piggy tells Beauregard to park in front of a fire hydrant. He's unsure until she shows him it was a prop she put there last night to save the parking space.
	March 28, 1983 Kermit wonders where all the paper towels and toilet paper have gone. Robin is playing mummy.
	March 29, 1983 Miss Piggy is scared of a diet soda.
	March 30, 1983 Kermit the Frog and Dr. Bob are playing golf. Beauregard is their caddy. Dr. Bob tells Bo to bring the golfcart around, so he carries the cart to them.
	March 31, 1983 Rowlf tells Kermit that he had fleas living in his fur. Kermit asks how he got rid of them. Rowlf says he raised the rent.
	April 1, 1983 Miss Piggy recounts to Kermit how Trish chased Chip, they got married and it only lasted two months; likewise, Margie chased Frank and their marriage lasted a week. She concludes that the only way she'll ever lose Kermit is if she actually catches him.
	April 2, 1983 Floyd and Zoot watch The Late Show and promptly fall asleep.
	April 3, 1983 (Sunday) Fozzie is reluctant to go on stage until Kermit reminds him of his paycheck, prompting Fozzie to exclaim "the show must go on!"
	April 4, 1983 Miss Piggy shows Kermit her old home movies, but she isn't in them. She explains her parents never came to terms on a decent contract for her.
	April 5, 1983 Miss Piggy shows Kermit her new electric refrigerator door opener.
	April 6, 1983 Kermit explains to Robin why his calendar is still on March.
	April 7, 1983 Robin asks his friend Porky if his parents ever told him about the birds and the bees. As a pair of birds and bees look on, Porky wonders what the birds and bees must be saying about them.
	April 8, 1983 When the bill comes at a restaurant, Statler has just $1.63 and Waldorf only has $1.35. The waiter offers to come back when they get their social security checks, but the old men state those are their social security checks.
	April 9, 1983 Fozzie watches a baseball game on TV in 3-D.
	April 10, 1983 (Sunday) Fozzie works with the Swedish Chef. Fozzie does his best despite the language barrier.
	April 11, 1983 Fozzie is proud that it's his first time golfing and he's on the green in three. He's playing miniature golf with Kermit.
	April 12, 1983 Dr. Bob introduces his new "30 Days to a Better You" program. He signs Fozzie up for 90 days.
	April 13, 1983 Kermit and Robin are enjoying the calm, relaxing night out under the stars. Unbeknownst to them they are sitting on the back of a gigantic, angry bear.
	April 14, 1983 Robin hypes himself up while pitching in a baseball game, thinking maybe his pitching streak will earn him a new league record or get him his own after-shave commercial.
	April 15, 1983 Beauregard tells Kermit that he didn't know which of the two keys he was given could open the theater. Kermit asks why didn't he just use his head. Bo says "because it wouldn't fit into the keyhole."
	April 16, 1983 A man outside the coat check at Le Swank Cuisine asks to take Miss Piggy's coat. He then gives it to his wife Mavis saying "some of them movie stars can be right generous."
	April 17, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit poetically tells Robin about how Mother Nature awakens from her slumber in the spring and chases "Old Man Winter" away. Robin thinks it's all baloney, but it sounds nice.
	April 18, 1983 Kermit tells Beauregard that it's only April and it may be too early to plant his garden because the plants could freeze. Bo says it's okay because he's planting frozen vegetables.
	April 19, 1983 Kermit reassures that no one is laughing at him for not being able to catch a fish. Meanwhile the fish are all laughing at him.
	April 20, 1983 Dr. Bob ponders to Kermit about whether his golf game will improve since he last played. They both doubt it.
	April 21, 1983 Beauregard gets too emotionally invested watching TV. He's at the brink of tears hoping that the new laundry detergent gets rid of the ring around the collar.
	April 22, 1983 Robin pretends to be a courageous sea captain steering his ship through a storm—he's in the shower.
	April 23, 1983 Kermit asks Gonzo if he's fishing. Gonzo replies that he's walking his goldfish.
	April 24, 1983 (Sunday) Fozzie stumbles onto the stage for his dance routine. Miss Piggy asks if that was "The Charleston." Kermit says "no, it was the waxed floor."
	April 25, 1983 Beauregard tells Fozzie Bear that he thinks he used too much softener as the two look at a deformed and softened washing machine.
	April 26, 1983 Fozzie tells Gonzo he's going to a "Lonely Hearts" meeting where they mostly just sit around and play cards. Gonzo asks if they play poker or bridge, Fozzie says it's mostly solitaire.
	April 27, 1983 Statler wakes up chipper and happy. He makes himself a cup of coffee that he gags on, stating that he's never grumpy until after his first cup of coffee.
	April 28, 1983 Scooter informs Kermit that Miss Piggy is on stage singing "The Lullaby Song" as the opening number when it is supposed to be the closing act. Kermit says hopefully the audience falls asleep and won't notice.
	April 29, 1983 Kermit rushes to scold Robin for writing on the walls until he sees what he's writing—"Robin ♥'s Uncle Kermit."
	April 30, 1983 When Fozzie says he thinks he's going crazy, Dr. Bob tells him that they don't use the term "crazy" in his office, preferring phrases like "emotionally troubled," "confused," or "psychologically disturbed." Fozzie says "how about 'nutty as a fruitcake'?" Dr. Bob is fine with that.
	May 1, 1983 (Sunday) The Swedish Chef brings Fozzie a stack of pancakes. Fozzie says he ordered waffles. The chef takes the stack and stomps on it with his boot giving them a waffled imprint.
	May 2, 1983 Gonzo gives Miss Piggy some of the finest imported water. They agree that imported water is classy. However, Piggy spits it out when Gonzo reveals that he's serving water from Mexico.
	May 3, 1983 The phone company repossess the phone right out of Kermit's hand and through the wall.
	May 4, 1983 While fishing, Fozzie catches a golfing Dr. Bob who asks "can't a guy play his water shots in peace?!"
	May 5, 1983 Mr. Brinkley tells Dr. Bob that he can't read the prescription he wrote for him. Dr. Bob informs him that it's a prescription for glasses.
	May 6, 1983 Kermit agrees to a date when Miss Piggy enters in military fatigues and carrying a rifle with bayonet. He regrets lending her his "Beetle Bailey" books.
	May 7, 1983 Beauregard doesn't know why his saw doesn't work. Kermit says he's holding it the wrong way. Bo switches from holding it upside-down to holding it upside-down and backwards.
	May 8, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit tries to console Robin after he reveals he lost his best friend. Robin clarifies they didn't have a fight or falling out, he literally lost him in his messy room. Robin's room includes framed pictures of Mickey Mouse and Rowlf the Dog on the wall.
	May 9, 1983 Fozzie sees a sign warning "Caution: Low-flying Aircraft." As he looks up, a small plane knocks him over at the knees.
	May 10, 1983 While Animal chases off a panicked door-to-door salesman, Kermit tells Miss Piggy "sure, he digs up the lawn a little... but we haven't had a solicitor stop by in months."
	May 11, 1983 A chicken sees a sign saying "yield." She leaves an egg.
	May 12, 1983 Waldorf says today is "the first day of the rest of our lives." Statler says "whoopee ding-dong."
	May 13, 1983 The salesman at Hardly Hardware tries to convince Fozzie to start a garden just like him. Fozzie asks what he's raising. The salesman says "seed prices."
	May 14, 1983 Fozzie sees a sign for "Hungry Man's Buffet" that states all you can eat for only "$5.00 a head." Fozzie thinks it's a great deal. A two-headed monster disagrees.
	May 15, 1983 (Sunday) Fozzie tells Kermit that he almost caught "Old Gus" the oldest, meanest fish in the lake. Kermit asks for some proof. Fozzie shows him the dentures on his line.
	May 16, 1983 Miss Piggy orders the Chef's Salad. The waiter takes the salad from the table of the Swedish the Chef and says "you're in luck, he's hardly touched it."
	May 17, 1983 Fozzie asks Miss Piggy why his houseplants are dying. While standing waist-deep in a flooded room, Piggy suggests maybe he's watering them too much.
	May 18, 1983 Dr. Bob treats a snake with a stiff neck.
	May 19, 1983 Dr. Bob tells Nurse Janice the new office aquarium was a great idea. It's peaceful and relaxing. He enjoys fishing in it.
	May 20, 1983 Kermit asks Dr. Bob what he's going to use on a difficult golf shot. Dr. Bob replies "profanity."
	May 21, 1983 While fishing, Kermit tells Fozzie that he doesn't think there are swordfish in the water. Fozzie, dressed in armor with a sword and shield, says he's ready for them.
	May 22, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit and Fozzie lament having "a lot of work to do today." They procrastinate and go fishing, saying "boy, do we have a lot of work to do tomorrow."
	May 23, 1983 Miss Piggy tells the waiter she just wants a little something to nibble on. She moves in on Kermit, saying "he'll do."
	May 24, 1983 While cooking in a pot on the stove, a chicken tells another chicken that "it's not the heat that bothers me so much, it's the humidity."
	May 25, 1983 Fozzie asks if looking up at the big sky makes you feel small. Thog says "did you say something pipsqueak?"
	May 26, 1983 Rizzo shows himself with his mirror image, with his girlfriend Joy, and himself "besides myself with Joy."
	May 27, 1983 Kermit tells Fozzie he can't go out on stage in his underwear. Fozzie drops his boxers and goes out on stage pantsless.
	May 28, 1983 Robin tells Kermit that he can't come to breakfast because he's playing his "Alien Invasion" video game. Kermit says "well, Flash, when you're finished saving us all from the alien hordes, your Fruit Loops are ready."
	May 29, 1983 (Sunday) Gonzo says he saw a UFO; Miss Piggy says he is a UFO. Fozzie doesn't believe Gonzo's tale of his encounter until seeing his scorched backside.
	May 30, 1983 At a barbeque, Robin and his friends use Kermit's string of hot dogs to play jump rope.
	May 31, 1983 Uncle Rizzo's Rhymes writes a parody of "Rub-a-Dub-Dub."
	June 1, 1983 Uncle Rizzo's Rhymes writes a parody of "There Was A Crooked Man."
	June 2, 1983 Uncle Rizzo's Rhymes writes a parody of "Humpty Dumpty."
	June 3, 1983 Uncle Rizzo's Rhymes writes a parody of "Mary Had a Little Lamb."
	June 4, 1983 Uncle Rizzo's Rhymes writes a parody of "Little Miss Muffet."
	June 5, 1983 (Sunday) Miss Piggy tells Kermit she could really go for pizza, a milkshake, and a hot fudge sundae. As Kermit leaves to get the food, he wonders why everytime she can really go for something, he winds up going for it.
	June 6, 1983 An army tank bursts through the wall with its gun pointed at Miss Piggy. The crewman shouts "I'm from the bank. Give us back the credit cards!"
	June 7, 1983 Fozzie gets his fortune from a 25-cent fortune machine. It says "he's a guy who knows where he's going" as he walks into a tree.
	June 8, 1983 Rizzo is playing baseball and asks for them to toss him the ball. When crushed by the giant ball he says he's not ready to play with "the big boys."
	June 9, 1983 Gonzo witnesses a giant rock fall and crush a sign that says "Danger! Falling Rocks." The rock tells Gonzo "we don't need any bad publicity."
	June 10, 1983 Miss Piggy wants to know where her brush, curlers and blow-dryer have gone. Janice is using them to give Animal a make-over because he's going to a formal.
	June 11, 1983 Beauregard gets a long distance phone call for Kermit.
	June 12, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit asks Fozzie how he comes up with material. Fozzie says most of the time he just steals jokes.
	June 13, 1983 Kermit and Gonzo do a tightrope act while Miss Piggy hangs laundry on the line.
	June 14, 1983 Fozzie and Gonzo are getting nowhere when paddling in opposite directions in their canoe.
	June 15, 1983 Dr. Bob asks Kermit if wants to play golf, weather-permitting... or Miss Piggy-permitting.
	June 16, 1983 Kermit and Miss Piggy play tennis.
	June 17, 1983 Miss Piggy explains how fans can be as beautiful as her—they can't.
	June 18, 1983 Miss Piggy tells a waiter to give her compliments to the chef. The waiter asks what are they.
	June 19, 1983 (Sunday) At the club house, Dr. Bob tells Kermit about his bad day on the golf course. The course is littered with bent clubs, divots and a crashed golf cart.
	June 20, 1983 Miss Piggy is in a leg cast and arm sling. Dr. Bob tells Kermit that she had an accident at the supermarket—she tripped on her grocery list.
	June 21, 1983 Fozzie tells Kermit that Gonzo wants to be a human cannonball.
	June 22, 1983 While preparing for his human cannonball act, Gonzo shoots a cat out of his cannon.
	June 23, 1983 Fozzie tests Gonzo's canon and the recoil sends him through the wall.
	June 24, 1983 Robin tells a young dog that the umpire is lazy as he uses a butler to dust off home plate for him.
	June 25, 1983 While arriving to a flooded house, Robin tells Kermit that he might've left the water on before they went on vacation.
	June 26, 1983 (Sunday) In a "Pigs in Space" story, Captain Link Hogthrob and Dr. Julius Strangepork fire upon a ship bringing First Mate Piggy's pizza delivery.
	June 27, 1983 The Swinetrek crew is on "an endless journey through the universe and beyond." Captain Link Hogthrob asks First Mate Piggy to stop at the next fuel station so he can use "the little boys' room."
	June 28, 1983 The Swinetrek crew arrives on an alien planet. First Mate Piggy asks the aliens with stylish hair to "take me to your hairdresser."
	June 29, 1983 In a "Pigs in Space" strip, Captain Hogtrob informs First Mate Piggy that she flunked her survival test. When asked what she would take if stranded on an alien planet, she had answered "a frog."
	June 30, 1983 Dr. Julius Strangepork informs Captain Link Hogthrob that they're in for a meteor shower. The Captain is disappointed because he just washed the ship.
	July 1, 1983 Dr. Julius Strangepork studies alien rocks.
	July 2, 1983 First Mate Piggy goes for a spacewalk to the ATM.
	July 3, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit says he'll join Robin at the park after he reads the funnies in the newspaper. At the park, Robin finds a frisbee and tosses it to Fozzie. When Fozzie catches it, the object opens up and he's zapped in the face by a tiny alien with a ray gun.
	July 4, 1983 Piggy tells Kermit she loves his family picnics because all the frogs use their tongues to eat the mosquitoes.
	July 5, 1983 Robin shocks Fozzie and Kermit when he jumps extra high on his bed.
	July 6, 1983 Robin and his friend crank up the volume on Animal's radio.
	July 7, 1983 Fozzie chases a fire-breathing dragon fly.
	July 8, 1983 Dr. Bob diagnoses Fozzie.
	July 9, 1983 Two rats give commentary on the game when Fozzie catches a homerun baseball in the stands.
	July 10, 1983 (Sunday) Rowlf spends several panels teeing up his golf ball, takes a swing, watches it soar, and gets hit with it in the head. Kermit is impressed by his heck of a slice.
	July 11, 1983 Kermit and Beauregard go fishing.
	July 12, 1983 Kermit and Miss Piggy go to a nuclear power plant where it's not just the fireflies that glow.
	July 13, 1983 Waldorf is losing his hearing.
	July 14, 1983 A bee goes home.
	July 15, 1983 While out with Kermit, Miss Piggy meets a fellow night person — a vampire.
	July 16, 1983 Beauregard shows off his finger paintings to Miss Piggy.
	July 17, 1983 (Sunday) Piggy wants to fill the bird feeder with seeds, but Kermit explains the summer is when birds are supposed to forage for their own food. Piggy asks again when a muscled bird twice her size lands on the feeder.
	July 18, 1983 Nurse Janice tells Kermit that Dr. Bob can't see any patients (because he lost his contacts).
	July 19, 1983 Fozzie finds it easy to perform when the audience is his family.
	July 20, 1983 Rowlf's uncle is a big game hunter. However, he has lousy aim, so he has a wall of taxidermied and mounted animal butts.
	July 21, 1983 Statler and Waldorf shop for an unwelcoming doormat.
	July 22, 1983 Kermit and Gonzo ride seahorses.
	July 23, 1983 Rowlf and Gonzo watch women on the beach.
	July 24, 1983 (Sunday) Robin and Kermit listen to the sounds outdoors at night from owls and crickets. Robin says the crickets must be wearing Corduroys.
	July 25, 1983 Gonzo spray paints the Mona Lisa.
	July 26, 1983 Miss Piggy orders ice cream.
	July 27, 1983 Dr. Bob gives Nurse Janice a new vaccine for her terminal "valley-girl-itis".
	July 28, 1983 Robin gets a digital watch.
	July 29, 1983 Fozzie finds a fly in his soup. The waiter rushes to replace his order and ruins the joke.
	July 30, 1983 Beauregard vacuums up some tiny aliens.
	July 31, 1983 (Sunday) Fozzie struggles to find his way out of a swamp. Just as things start to be looking up for him, he walks into an alligator.
	August 1, 1983 Fozzie orders a new TV antenna–a coathanger arrives.
	August 2, 1983 When Kermit is doing housework, Miss Piggy confuses an iron for a phone.
	August 3, 1983 Dr. Bob goes golfing at the beach.
	August 4, 1983 Fozzie gets an offer for a new joke writer.
	August 5, 1983 Miss Piggy packs for a weekend trip with an elephant and Sherpa to carry her luggage.
	August 6, 1983 Kermit has good news and bad news for Statler and Waldorf.
	August 7, 1983 (Sunday) A lamp washes up on the beach near two clams. Miss Piggy approaches and says it could be "Aladdin's lamp." She rubs it and a genie pops out to grant her one wish. She makes her wish and suddenly Kermit appears in a tuxedo, she is in a wedding dress and the genie starts a wedding ceremony saying "dearly beloved..."
	August 8, 1983 After jogging past a sign for "quick print" and "quick food," Miss Piggy falls into quick sand.
	August 9, 1983 Kermit begins to tell Piggy about a big sale, but she screams past him before he can reveal that it's at the hardware store.
	August 10, 1983 Miss Piggy wonders what brings the earthworms out on rainy nights.
	August 11, 1983 Gonzo has butterflies in his stomach before his stunt.
	August 12, 1983 Gonzo tells Fozzie that too much coffee makes him jumpy.
	August 13, 1983 Statler and Waldorf tell Beauregard to pound sand... so he pounds sand at the beach with a mallet.
	August 14, 1983 (Sunday) Rowlf and Kermit get frustrated waiting for beginner golfers ahead of them. When Kermit approaches them to ask if they can play through, Piggy reveals to Janice that it was indeed the only way she'd get to see him on a Sunday.
	August 15, 1983 A handsome man causes Miss Piggy to jog into a tree.
	August 16, 1983 Miss Piggy abandons her diet and pigs out.
	August 17, 1983 Robin and Kermit accidentally summon an angry group of Indians with the "smoke signals" from their barbecue.
	August 18, 1983 Robin introduces his friend Groundhog to his Uncle Kermit.
	August 19, 1983 The Swedish Chef makes waffles with a tennis racket.
	August 20, 1983 Dr. Bob packs comedy props for a convention.
	August 21, 1983 (Sunday) Piggy searches all over for Kermit who's hiding because he doesn't want to go out tonight. After Piggy concedes that Kermit isn't worth it anyway, he calls after her from within a trash can, "I am so!"
	August 22, 1983 Fozzie tells Kermit that the canteen is having ant problems. As ants carry away the Swedish Chef, Kermit says they must not like the chef's cooking either.
	August 23, 1983 In her dressing room with Kermit, Miss Piggy can't find her false eyelash. She says it's probably right under her nose, which it is, forming a moustache.
	August 24, 1983 Robin and his frog friend are dressed as an Old West cowboy and Indian respectively. Miss Piggy asks Robin to tell Kermit to meet her at the gallery for the hanging of a new Renoir painting. Robin unnerves his tuxedo clad uncle by saying "There's gonna be a hanging tonight!"
	August 25, 1983 Miss Piggy looks at Kermit's old tadpole pictures.
	August 26, 1983 Robin says "rain, rain, go away." It works and the sun comes out, so he then wishes for snow.
	August 27, 1983 Fozzie, with a golf club, passes a "Miniature Golf Sign." He trips over an extremely miniature hole (with tiny flag) and is yelled at by an equally miniature golfer.
	August 28, 1983 (Sunday) After Robin bids his uncle Kermit good luck with "May the force be with you," he, Gonzo, and Fozzie congratulate him on hitting a baseball. When Piggy smothers him with kisses, Rowlf wonders whatever happened to a hearty handshake.
	August 29, 1983 Miss Piggy reads a book to Robin and a frog friend. She says it's a tale of mystery, fantasy and intrigue — her check book.
	August 30, 1983 At night, Waldorf asks Statler a seemingly existential question about why they are here. Statler gives a down to earth answer, because they missed the bus.
	August 31, 1983 Fozzie reads a sign, "Land of the Giant Oaks/Proceed with Caution!" He ignores it and is crushed by a giant acorn.
	September 1, 1983 Kermit tells Robin the eggs in the refrigerator went bad — they hatched into baby chicks.
	September 2, 1983 Miss Piggy's relatives are in the audience. Kermit isn't surprised, since the concession stand sold out.
	September 3, 1983 Miss Piggy is drawn to a male pig with eyes that remind her of her boyfriend's - a pig with Kermit's distinct pupils is seen sitting at the bar.
	September 4, 1983 (Sunday) Piggy states that she supports equality between the sexes unless it means that the guys get served food before she does. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Rowlf share their colloquialisms for heroes, subs, grinders, and hoagies. Piggy explains that she calls such a sandwich an appetizer.
	September 5, 1983 Piggy explains that runners hate when other runners gain on them, just as she's passed by a jogging turtle.
	September 6, 1983 Rowlf and Kermit watch the pretty girls jogging. Kermit worries about what Miss Piggy would do if she saw him, just as Piggy jogs up.
	September 7, 1983 Continuing the jogging gags, Miss Piggy runs with Kermit attached in front of her from a pole as motivation.
	September 8, 1983 Miss Piggy goes jogging when she passes a sign saying a nude beach is ahead. She uses her sweatband to cover her eyes.
	September 9, 1983 Fozzie's audience has fallen asleep. Kermit tells him to think of it as a "Snoring Ovation."
	September 10, 1983 Fozzie, driving in traffic, has a novelty bumper sticker "I Brake for Tag Sales." He causes a multi-car accident because he did indeed brake at a sign that said "Tag Sale."
	September 11, 1983 (Sunday) At the beach, Piggy tells Kermit all about a series of recreational activities she's partaken in during the week. She further explains that next week she starts her vacation.
	September 12, 1983 Miss Piggy tells Kermit she's bringing a portrait of someone she admires to her hairdresser. It turns out to be a portrait of herself.
	September 13, 1983 At the Muppet Theater, Gonzo's tightrope act gets rained on.
	September 14, 1983 Fozzie meets a ventriloquist and his dummy, who ask for directions to the mezzanine. The dummy walks off while the ventriloquist asks the way to the men's room.
	September 15, 1983 Fozzie and Miss Piggy are stranded on a deserted island. Fozzie says at least she can start on her diet.
	September 16, 1983 Fozzie puts a quarter in a stamp machine and is stamped on by a giant foot.
	September 17, 1983 Waldorf says he has a recurring nightmare. Statler has one of his own: his wife.
	September 18, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit teaches Piggy how to fish from a boat.
	September 19, 1983 Scooter suggests a name for Miss Piggy's fan newsletter: "Bacon Bits."
	September 20, 1983 Miss Piggy receives a love note which focuses entirely on her lower body, describing her ankles, calves, and knees. The sender is a rat.
	September 21, 1983 Rowlf, watching baseball on TV, yells at the batter, calling him an old goat, over the hill, and a fossil. He hits a home run, causing Rowlf to darn Boston Red Sox player Carl Yastrzemski (who was 44 at the time, old in baseball terms).
	September 22, 1983 Robin asks Statler what a mid-life crisis is. Statler says it's been so long since he was mid-life, he's forgotten.
	September 23, 1983 While fishing in a boat, Fozzie tells Kermit to relax as he has the fish right where he wants him. The fish is revealed to be enormous.
	September 24, 1983 Fozzie tells Miss Piggy she just missed Kermit, seen ducking out the back entrance of the theater.
	September 25, 1983 (Sunday) Miss Piggy chases Kermit over hills, across stepping stones on a pond, jumping between cliffs, and around a tree. After finally catching him, they decide they're ready for the 1984 Olympic Games.
	September 26, 1983 Miss Piggy shows Kermit her new 8x10 glossies... measured in feet.
	September 27, 1983 Miss Piggy calls for an encore on dinner, as served by Kermit in a chef's hat.
	September 28, 1983 Kermit says that Fozzie's comedy timing is off — by two hours.
	September 29, 1983 Kermit notes that the sets for the show's gladiator number are taking time to build. Fozzie, building it with Bo, reminds him that Rome wasn't built in a day.
	September 30, 1983 Miss Piggy brings everything she needs to go camping with Robin and the Frog Scouts (which includes a kidnapped Kermit).
	October 1, 1983 Statler and Waldorf find penny holes by The Empire State Building.
	October 2, 1983 (Sunday) While on a jog, Piggy goes through all the benefits of exercise in her head until she realizes, "I don't need any of that stuff!"
	October 3, 1983 Miss Piggy asks Sven to put her make up on faster.
	October 4, 1983 Statler and Waldorf call Pete's Pest Control on Fozzie.
	October 5, 1983 Beauregard sneezes and is grateful when Kermit says "Bless you."
	October 6, 1983 Gonzo stands in for Miss Piggy in the Muppets' rehearsals for Romeo and Juliet.
	October 7, 1983 Fozzie complains that the audience was silent. Kermit calls him a victim of the silent majority.
	October 8, 1983 Talking to Waldorf, Statler says his wife is throwing him a surprise party for his birthday.
	October 9, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit and Robin return from fishing to the cabin where they are camping with Miss Piggy. Piggy made a fire in the fireplace and burned down half the cabin.
	October 10, 1983 Scooter tells Miss Piggy that the king was in the audience and wants to meet her. Piggy is thrilled, until it turns out to be King Kong.
	October 11, 1983 Kermit tells Beauregard to sweep the stage. He does, sweeping away Miss Piggy.
	October 12, 1983 Fozzie orders the "Early Bird Special" — a worm.
	October 13, 1983 A Mr. Deli delivery boy hands Nurse Janice a lunch bag. She pays him, saying it's just what the doctor (Dr. Bob) ordered.
	October 14, 1983 Miss Piggy takes Kermit to her dressing room.
	October 15, 1983 Beauregard gets his finger stuck in a light socket and Kermit and Fozzie rush to him. Fozzie says Bo was never very bright, just as the janitor is electrocuted and illuminates the room.
	October 16, 1983 (Sunday) Fozzie tries out a La-Z-Bear chair at the store and gets stuck in its mechanics.
	October 17, 1983 An explosion happens in Miss Piggy's dressing room. She tells an alarmed Kermit to never use hair spray and a blow-dryer at the same time.
	October 18, 1983 The Bluebird of Happiness tells Kermit he's happy to be heading to the warmer winter of Florida. Kermit remarks that he intends to cancel his donation to the National Audubon Society.
	October 19, 1983 Beauregard borrows some of Kermit's books, but he uses them to prop up his TV. Ernie appears on the screen.
	October 20, 1983 Kermit tells Miss Piggy an "up and coming young star" is doing the opening number. He doesn't know who she is because she's coming but hasn't gotten here yet.
	October 21, 1983 Fozzie tells Gonzo it's hard to write his own material, because sometimes he's just not funny. Gonzo asks if he means every night during his monologue.
	October 22, 1983 A fan asks Kermit for Miss Piggy's autograph.
	October 23, 1983 (Sunday) Piggy takes Robin on a nature walk where she explains how all the colors of fall go together.
	October 24, 1983 Kermit passes a sign, "Break Glass in Case of Flaming Desire," with Miss Piggy behind the glass.
	October 25, 1983 Fozzie's lunch (a talking lobster) doesn't agree with him.
	October 26, 1983 Kermit has an opening for a plumber. It turns out to be literal when the plumber falls down a hole.
	October 27, 1983 Robin shows Kermit that kids never outgrow playing with their food, in this case by juggling.
	October 28, 1983 Miss Piggy asks Beauregard to set a trap for a mouse in her dressing room. He'll need a bigger mousetrap as he's carried off by a giant mouse.
	October 29, 1983 At the theater, Kermit rejects an applicant for a satire writer... who's actually a centaur writer.
	October 30, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit tells Piggy she won't be singing the opening number because he's the boss who makes the decisions. After he takes a stand, she karate chops his desk in half.
	October 31, 1983 Kermit donates old things (Statler and Waldorf) to the Good Deed Army.
	November 1, 1983 Miss Piggy and Kermit go skydiving.
	November 2, 1983 Kermit reads while Miss Piggy is on the phone.
	November 3, 1983 Dr. Bob brags about how well he performed on the golf course. Janice tells him that there's more to life than driving balls. Dr. Bob adds that his putting was great too.
	November 4, 1983 Miss Piggy tries on dresses.
	November 5, 1983 Gonzo has a photographic memory.
	November 6, 1983 (Sunday) Fozzie is depressed because he doesn't have a part in tonight's show. Scooter rushes in with an emergency and Kermit assigns the task to Fozzie who reads the license plate of a Buick that has had its headlights left on.
	November 7, 1983 Kermit and Miss Piggy will be able to perform for the Queen in England when pigs fly.
	November 8, 1983 Fozzie grew up so poor he couldn't even afford food stamps.
	November 9, 1983 Four out of five doctors recommend the Super Slam golf balls.
	November 10, 1983 Piggy explains that a lot of people don't eat their pizza crust as Kermit stands holding a pizza that has been eaten, but its crust left intact.
	November 11, 1983 Gonzo has a unenergetic canon act.
	November 12, 1983 Miss Piggy wishes to see her name in the stars.
	November 13, 1983 (Sunday) Gonzo is chiseling a statue of Queen Victoria. He gets carried away and accidentally knocks off her head. With only hours to go before having to have the statue at the gallery, he improvises and labels the headless statue "Marie Antoinette."
	November 14, 1983 Miss Piggy pulls a chair up to the all you can eat buffet.
	November 15, 1983 Fozzie comes back from his lunch break at the zoo with a monkey on his head.
	November 16, 1983 Miss Piggy hires her own private photographer.
	November 17, 1983 Beauregard tries to get out of a promise he made to clean Piggy's dressing room so he can go bowling. Kermit tells him he has to lie in the bed he's made for himself, which Beau takes literally.
	November 18, 1983 Fozzie is stuck in bed and can't come to work because he has a bug (a literal large insect).
	November 19, 1983 Miss Piggy can't decide between coffee and tea, so Kermit gives her teafee.
	November 20, 1983 (Sunday) After Animal, Floyd and Zoot rock out. Kermit gives Animal a "rock star medallion" like all the big rock stars wear. Animal likes it. Kermit admits to the reader that it's actually a flea tag.
	November 21, 1983 Miss Piggy is carried around on a litter after her new record gets a great review.
	November 22, 1983 Scooter excitedly tells Piggy that the local newspaper wants her to write a weekly column. She tosses him against the wall when she hears they want to call it "Oinklings."
	November 23, 1983 Scooter tells Miss Piggy she can keep the wardrobe from the Lady Godiva skit.
	November 24, 1983 The Muppets celebrate Thanksgiving with Zoot's sax as their cornucopia.
	November 25, 1983 Dr. Bob treats the Muppets' copier — an octopus scribe.
	November 26, 1983 Beauregard informs Kermit the Frog that the attic is flooded!
	November 27, 1983 (Sunday) Kermit convinces Fozzie to return to the stage after he'd been pelted with tomatoes. The crowd is begging for his presence, just so they can throw some fresh tomatoes at him.
	November 28, 1983 Kermit and Miss Piggy are tied up by a burglar.
	November 29, 1983 Miss Piggy meets Kermit's new secretary — an attractive man.
	November 30, 1983 Fozzie meets a werewolf under the full moon.
	December 1, 1983 Fozzie gets a new straight man.
	December 2, 1983 Fozzie exchanges glances with a cute bear at the exchange counter.
	December 3, 1983 Statler and Waldorf start their heckling without Fozzie.
	December 4, 1983 (Sunday) Piggy lets Kermt bring Robin on a date with them where they went to see a space cowboy movie, ate popcorn and onion rings, and went roller skating. Piggy asks if she gets a good night kiss, and Kermit lifts Robin to her level.
	December 5, 1983 Fozzie reads the news of a word processor crossed with a food processor.
	December 6, 1983 Robin interferes with Miss Piggy's flirting with Kermit.
	December 7, 1983 Kermit tells Fozzie it's time for a haircut.
	December 8, 1983 Gonzo tightrope walks on the phone cord.
	December 9, 1983 Miss Piggy doesn't expect much out of stardom — just a little fame and the Astrodome.
	December 10, 1983 Beauregard is late because his "alarm clock" (a rooster) has laryngitis.
	December 11, 1983 (Sunday) Miss Piggy chases Kermit all the way to China.
	December 12, 1983 Fozzie goes to "Just Like Mom's Restaurant" which is just like mom's.
	December 13, 1983 Dr. Bob does medical research by watching "General Hospital."
	December 14, 1983 Miss Piggy explains why she wears her trademark gloves all the time.
	December 15, 1983 Kermit and Fozzie go ice fishing in a boat.
	December 16, 1983 Gonzo asks Fozzie to mail him to Hollywood.
	December 17, 1983 Kermit's work keeps piling up.
	December 18, 1983 (Sunday) While swamped with work, Kermit says Mother Frog told him there'd be days like this... but not years and years like this. Kermit vents to Fozzie about all the work he does. Fozzie says "why don't you just quit?" Kermit responds "what?! and leave show business??!"
	December 19, 1983 Miss Piggy is not impressed with her Japanese compact.
	December 20, 1983 Fozzie is visited by the Ghost of Library Books Long Overdue.
	December 21, 1983 Miss Piggy enjoys the magnificent view of her new billboard.
	December 22, 1983 Miss Piggy tries being the strong silent type.
	December 23, 1983 Statler tells Waldorf that "three ghosts came into my room and tried to reveal the errors of my money-grubbing life to me."
	December 24, 1983 Robin uses Kermit's sock and whipped cream to impersonate Santa Claus.
	December 25, 1983 (Sunday) Sam the Eagle is annoyed to be woken from sleep by loud music being played. He's touched when he finds that the Muppets are singing John Lennon's "Give Peace a Chance."
	December 26, 1983 In Piggy's presence, Kermit attempts to solve a crossword puzzle with a three-letter word for slovenly mammal that eats swill and rolls in the mud with G as the last letter. Met with a death glare from Piggy, Kermit writes in "dog."
	December 27, 1983 Zoot and Floyd can't stand Miss Piggy's changing attitudes, calling her "sweet-and-sour pork".
	December 28, 1983 Dr. Bob tries to pick up a girl at the bar, only to discover her boyfriend is the bouncer.
	December 29, 1983 A funny thing happened to Fozzie on the way to the theater.
	December 30, 1983 Kermit demonstrates the alarm system to Scooter and explains that if anyone tries to break in, they have Animal as a backup system.