A scene from the beginning of The Muppet Movie is played, in which Kermit meets an agent who tells him he could make millions of people happy.
Fade to an opening montage of aerial shots of Hollywood, followed by a crowd of paparazzi and fans outside the Cocoanut Grove.
Gary (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Hollywood, California. And this is the historic Cocoanut Grove. No place on earth more completely symbolizes the glitter and glamor of the entertainment world. And here tonight, history will be made again, for a party is being held to celebrate the meteoric rise of one small frog — a frog who started life in a common swamp and went on to become the world's only green superstar in his first motion picture, The Muppet Movie. The celebrities of the world are gathering here, drawn as if by magnets to this stupendous event, for tonight, we will see the unimaginable! Ladies and gentlemen … The Muppets Go Hollywood!
Pan over to a marquee with the title. Another montage plays of celebrities walking down the red carpet, including Candice Bergen and Vincent Price, over an instrumental of "Hooray for Hollywood". Cut to the main guest stars as they are announced, followed by more stars on the red carpet.
Gary (VO)
The Muppets Go Hollywood, with guest stars Dick Van Dyke, and Rita Moreno. Special guest star, Johnny Mathis, with Peter Matz and his orchestra. A host of Hollywood's greatest stars … and yours truly, Gary Owens.
The montage ends with another aerial shot of the Grove, followed by the title.
The Red Carpet
Zoom out on the marquee with the title.
Gary (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Dick Van Dyke!
Applause. Dick stands on the red carpet.
Dick
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome again to the world famous Cocoanut Grove in Hollywood. Tonight may well be the social event of the season, as the Muppets go Hollywood. Certainly this is the first party in history ever hosted by a frog. I'll be acting as your tour guide along tonight, with a very very lovely and talented friend …
Switch to Rita amongst a Bossmen and a Gawky Bird, greeting a passing Jim Henson.
Dick
… who, even now, is upstairs at the celebrity lounge just outside the ballroom. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Rita Moreno.
Rita
Thank you, Dick. Here, in this very lounge, we're going to be chatting with some of Hollywood's most glittering celebrities. It's bound to be a night of elegance, dignity, culture —
Sweetums
Pardon me!
He shoves her. Fletcher Bird follows him. Back to Dick.
Dick
There seems to be some excitement over there. Let's go and see what's happening.
Gary (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen, the Muppets are beginning to arrive! It's Statler and Waldorf!
The old geezers pull up in an antique town car.
Waldorf
Is this the place for the Muppet party?
Dick
You bet!
They look at each other, then address the driver.
Statler & Waldorf
Drive on!
The car drives away, leaving Dick confused.
Gary (VO)
And here comes Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem!
They pull up in a black stretch limo.
Dick
Hey, guys, pull over here.
Floyd
No, we're going up the block. It's cheaper to park. (laughs)
They drive away. Animal hangs out of the trunk. Another town car pulls up and gets lots of attention.
Gary (VO)
Well, here she is, ladies and gentlemen, the superstar these fans have been waiting for — Hollywood's greatest glamor queen — Miss Piggy!
Well, I don't have to introduce this lady, do I? Cheryl Ladd. Cheryl, my husband has a request …
Cheryl
Uh-oh.
Rita
… your phone number and your home address.
Cheryl
(laughs) I had a feeling it was something like that.
Rita
You think I'm kidding?
Cheryl
You're a terrible person. (laughs)
Rita
You think I'm kidding? It's a —
Cheryl shrieks, then sees Animal behind her and walks away.
Cheryl
I've had it! I'm getting out of here. (laughs)
Rita
Animal! Animal — (grabs his nose) Listen — that is enough. Stop chasing women!
Gary (VO)
Here come the last of our guests. The very talented, and very late, Dom Deluise! Graceful, as always. Carl Reiner, looking very confused. The very adorable Mel Brooks, with his lovely and talented wife, Anne Bancroft.
Switch back to Rita, now with Liberace.
Rita
Well, one of the master showmen of them all, of course, Liberace. How are you?
Liberace
I'm just fine. I'm so happy to see you and be a part of this exciting evening.
Meanwhile, Animal chases after three women. Liberace giggles at this sight.
Rita
Who's your favorite character in The Muppet Show?
Liberace
Well, I think Rowlf, 'cause he plays the piano. Yes.
Rita
Good for you. And you're going to see him playing some piano tonight.
Liberace
Oh, he's my competition.
Rita
You better watch out.
Liberace
He plays like a dog, but I love him.
Rita
(laughs) And on that note, we'll go back to you, Dick.
Kermit and Fozzie arrive
Switch back to Dick.
Dick
Thank you, Rita. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the guests for tonight's party are all here, which is more than you can say for the host.
Gary
Ladies and gentlemen, Kermit the Frog! … Here he comes now!
Applause as Kermit and Fozzie pull up in a black Studebaker. Fozzie rams into the car in front of him. A chauffeur lets them out, and they walk down the red carpet.
Bystander
Hey, look — it's really Kermit the Frog! — And look who's with him! Uh — uh — what's his name, uh, the — dog that plays the piano?
Fozzie
No, no, no, I'm what's his name, the bear who tells the jokes.
Kermit
Uh, okay, let's go, Fozzie.
Fozzie
Yes, sir. I'll be glad to. Hey, wait, hold it, hold it — (stops)
Kermit
What?
Fozzie
Uh, hey, folks — I just love the movies. Yesterday I saw a movie so bad, the popcorn walked out!
The crowd boos. Fozzie facepalms.
Fozzie
Just — just think of me as the dog who plays piano.
Kermit walks up to Dick.
Dick
And so, ladies and gentlemen, with the arrival of our host, the party can begin.
Kermit
Uh, well, I-I'm ready, Dick.
Dick
You know, Kermit, I think you should explain just why you're holding this party.
Kermit
Oh, I don't know, uh, we - we finally arrived in Hollywood, so I thought it'd be nice to uh, have a little party.
Dick
Little? Little? In all my years in Hollywood, I have never seen anything like this! I mean, the glamor, and the excitement!
Kermit
Oh, I was afraid of that. I guess we went overboard, huh?
Dick
What — no, no, I think it's terrific.
Kermit
Well, I mean, after all, I'm just a frog, and I — I don't want it to look like I'm putting on airs. I - I'd better get inside, there.
Dick
Yes, good, I'll see you in there, Kermit.
Kermit
Uh, you know, I thought we should have held this in a bowling alley. It's more informal. Let's go, Fozzie!
Fozzie
Hoo boy — you people have to trust me! When I tell a joke, you laugh! I'll explain them later! Hi, Dick, how are ya?
Dick
Hi, Foz! (chuckles) Now it's time to get the party started. Rita's already gone into the ballroom, so we'll pass things over to her. Rita, take it away.
"Hooray for Hollywood"
Switch to the ballroom, with candid shots of stars sitting at tables.
Rita
I am here, Dick. And it is absolutely breathtaking. The entire interior of the Cocoanut Grove has been remodeled for this very evening. And of course, like a platinum setting for a fine piece of jewelry, all of this exists to set off the real jewels of this evening: the beautiful, talented stars here tonight.
Statler
Well, they say this is a very "in" party.
Waldorf
Why do they say that?
Statler
Because they won't let us out!
They chuckle. A drumroll sounds, and Kermit appears at a podium. Applause.
Kermit
Uh, good evening! Good evening! Uh, thank you very much, uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, friends, celebrities, and relatives. Uh, yes, thank you. … And welcome to the Muppet party. Uh, we think we're gonna have a really great one, and we're gonna to start things off — and I do hope we get it right — we're gonna start things off with the Muppet monsters!
The podium is wheeled away. The Muppet Monsters (consisting of Sweetums, Doglion, Timmy Monster, Mean Mama, and The Mutations) sing and dance in a production number of "Hooray for Hollywood".
The party / Miss Piggy's interview
Guests dance on the dance floor as "He's the Greatest Dancer" plays. Sam the Eagle makes his way through the crowd, looks around, and facepalms. As other stars sit at tables, Animal bites another woman. Switch to Rita interviewing Robert Stack.
Rita
Bob, I just overheard you saying something about Miss Piggy's inaccessibility. What was that?
Robert Stack
I'm a little hurt, because I'm her biggest fan, and I think she has more latent sex than anyone since Jean Harlow, and I think the least she can do for all of us who love her, is to show up once in awhile and make it.
Rita
Well, Robert, as a matter of fact, the woman is inaccessible. I mean, you know where I had to go to interview her? Yesterday, I had to go poolside at the hotel …
Fade to a hotel pool. Piggy relaxes in a chaise lounge wearing a towel, dictating to an assistant.
Miss Piggy
So, uh, let's just end this by saying, um, "we must have lunch sometime" …
Rita (VO)
M— Miss Piggy, excuse me? Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy
Oh! Oh, Rita, dear. I'm just trying to catch up on my correspondence. I have been trés, trés busy. Uh — we shall do that later, Madeline.
Madeline
Uh, yes, Miss Piggy, do you just want to finish this one?
Miss Piggy
Uh, yes, um, let's see — "have lunch sometime", uh, "Best to Rosalyn and Amy, kissy-kissy", etcetera etcetera.
Concierge
(offscreen) Call for Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy
Oh, uh — Madeline, I should just take the important calls. I must chat with Rita.
Madeline
Yes, Miss Piggy. (leaves)
Rita (VO)
Aww, that's really awfully nice of you, Miss Piggy. I know how busy you must be.
Madeline
Excuse me — um, it's from Sinatra.
Miss Piggy
Oh! Oh, no. Well, tell him I am busy.
Madeline
Yes, Miss Piggy. (leaves)
Miss Piggy
(to Rita) He wants to do an album with me, and I just do not have the time.
Rita (VO)
Wow. Do you know what I would do to make an album with Sinatra?
Miss Piggy
I think so. Now, uh, what shall we talk about?
Scooter
Excuse me, Miss Piggy, I need some more dimes for the phone.
Miss Piggy
Uh, Scooter, heh-heh, I'm busy. Forget the phone, just run along, heh.
Scooter
But I just got up to Sinatra.
Miss Piggy
Uh, Scooter —
Scooter
And there's still Robert Redford and Paul Newman left on your list.
Miss Piggy
Will you cool it?
Scooter
Yeah, but if I don't get back to the phone, someone else'll use it.
Miss Piggy
SHUT UP!!
Scooter runs away. Piggy poses for the camera.
Dick and Sam
Switch back to the party. Dick finds Sam at a table, holding a book.
Dick
Sam, what do you think of the party?
Sam the Eagle
Well, it is disgusting. Nothing but a bunch of shallow, superficial, depraved people.
Dick
Well, if you feel that way, why are you here?
Sam the Eagle
(discreetly) To observe their weird behavior.
Dick
Oh, I see, and you're taking notes, too.
Sam the Eagle
(holds back his book) — Uh, ye-yes, I may publish an exposé.
Dick
May I see them?
Sam the Eagle
Uh, no, no, it's uh, private, sir.
Dick grabs the book and looks through it.
Sam the Eagle
No, no, please — no, no —
Dick
Oh, come on, Sam, I'm not going to tell anybody — just let me have a look … Rudy Vallee. Gary Owens. Wait a minute, these are aut — you're collecting autographs!
Sam the Eagle
Have you seen Walter Pidgeon? He's my favorite.
Dick
No, I don't think Walter's here tonight. Would you like to have my autograph? (reaches for a pen)
Sam the Eagle
Maybe. Who are you?
Dick hands the book back to Sam.
The kitchen
Switch to Kermit at a table. Fozzie approaches him.
Fozzie
Hey, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit — hey, Scooter wants to see you in the kitchen real bad.
Kermit
Oh. Okay.
Kermit makes his way to the kitchen, while Fozzie stays behind and eats Kermit's banana.
Kermit
Scooter? Scooter? Oh, hi, guys.
Scooter
Oh, boss!
Kermit
What's the trouble?
Scooter
I don't think it was such a good idea having the Swedish Chef serve meatballs.
Kermit
How come?
Scooter
Well, look at the way he's serving 'em!
Kermit
(gasp)
The Chef bats them with a tennis racket.
Chinese Theater
Peter Matz and His Orchestra play "How High the Moon." Rita dances with Floyd.
Rita
Hey, uh, Floyd, tell me something. How would, you say that you guys have adjusted to life in Hollywood?
Floyd
Ha ha — oh, fear not, my sweet flower. The Muppets are happily harbored in Hollywood. I mean, we dig the beat of Beverly Hills, and the soul of Santa Monica. We groove with Gardena, swing with Cienega, and satisfactionate with Sepulveda. Ours is an amorosity with the City of Angels.
Rita
Uh — does that mean you like it here?
Floyd
Ummm - it's okay, mama.
Rita
(laughs) Oh, you're such a smooth talker, Floyd.
Floyd
(laughs)
Zoot plays a solo on the saxophone as Liberace watches. Meanwhile, Statler and Waldorf see a woman in a green dress walk by.
Statler & Waldorf
Hubba hubba!
The band finishes playing. Applause. Dick sits with Phyllis Diller.
Dick
Phyllis, weren't you actually one of the first women to do a stand-up nightclub act?
Phyllis
I — I guess maybe I was.
Dick
I've always done comedy, but I've never done a standup act in my life.
Phyllis
Well, I saw you work alone once.
Dick
I was about like Fozzie. You know, I interviewed him — the other day, I found him standing on Hollywood Boulevard …
Fade to the Chinese Theater. Fozzie grunts, while carrying a cement bag.
Dick
(cont'd) … in front of the world famous Chinese Theater, where some of the greatest Hollywood comedians have their footprints in the cement here.
Uh … oh, so it is. Heh. (sets it down) I thought it was a bit heavy for my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Dick
Fozzie, you weren't — ?
Fozzie
(facepalms) Oh! Dick, I was! I'm sorry. I know it's crazy, but you see, my dream is — is to be here, with all the Hollywood comedian greats, you know, have my paw print right here with them, like, like — with Abbot and Costello! And uh, the Marx Brothers, and uh, oh, look, the Ritz Brothers! Oh. Oh, boy. If only I could be recognized any time.
Stranger
Wait a minute. Don't I know you?
Fozzie
What?
Stranger
No, don't tell me — don't tell me. You're the bear. Are you?
Fozzie
Yeah!
Stranger
Oh, this is fantastic! You're terrific. You're just great!
Dick
Excuse me. Do you know this bear?
Stranger
Know him? I've been a fan of this guy's for years!
Fozzie
Yeah, a fan! Haha!
Stranger
This guy's a big influence on me.
Fozzie
Yeah!
Stranger
I just wanna tell you, because of you …
Fozzie
Yeah?
Stranger
… I am one guy who will never start a forest fire. Thanks a lot.
He shakes hands with Fozzie and departs. Fozzie facepalms and sighs.
"Baby Face"
Back to the Grove.
Statler
This is positively the last Hollywood party I'll ever go to!
Waldorf
Oh yeah? What about Raquel Welch's party tomorrow night?
Statler
What time do you want me to pick you up? (laughs)
Waldorf
(laughs) I didn't think you were …
A drumroll sounds.
Gary
Ladies and gentlemen, never in the history of the Cocoanut Grove, has there ever been an event like this. The newest of Hollywood's sex symbols is here with us tonight. May I present, the most beautiful pig in the world — Miss Piggy!
Miss Piggy arrives on a chaise carried by four bronzed bodybuilders, to the strains of "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World".
Miss Piggy
Kissy-kissy! Kissy-kissy! Yes, I love you all. Aww. Yes, thank you.
They set her down, and she proceeds to sing "Baby Face" backed by the pigs.
Good evening. My name is Rowlf, and I'm the dog who plays the piano.
Applause.
Rowlf
Thank you. Thank you. And it is my great pleasure to introduce to you one of the world's greatest recording stars and entertainers, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Johnny Mathis!
Applause as Johnny comes out and takes the mic.
Johnny
Thank you, Rowlf. Thank you very much.
Rowlf
Oh, you're welcome. Hey, listen, I'm gonna play a little song here, which you're gonna sing. And uh, would you like to tell the audience a little bit about it?
Johnny
All right. It comes at a very poignant moment in The Muppet Movie…
Rowlf
Mm-hm.
Johnny
… where Miss Piggy first sets eyes on Kermit …
Rowlf
Right.
Johnny
… falls in love … and she sings, "Never Before and Never Again". (the audience laughs)
Rowlf
Shall we begin?
Johnny
Let's do it.
Rowlf plays, and Johnny sings "Never Before, Never Again", accompanied by clips from the movie. Kermit and Piggy sit at a table, watching. Piggy gives Kermit a few soft kissy-kissys. The song ends. Applause.
Rowlf
All right. Hey, that was nice. Great.
Waldorf
Waiter!
Statler
Oh, waiter?
Waldorf
Waiter?
Statler
Waiter! … Uh, waiter?
Waldorf
Waiter?
Statler
Aw, he'll never come over.
Waldorf
Well, you can't get a waiter around here. If that waiter doesn't come by, I'm gonna give him the evil eye.
Statler
Oh, do it! Do it!
Waldorf
Give him the evil eye?
Statler
Yes!
Waldorf
Okay, here goes.
Waldorf gives the "evil eye", and the waiter trips and falls. They laugh.
Statler
Works every time!
Waldorf
Works every time.
Clips from The Muppet Movie
Rita sits at a table with Piggy.
Rita
Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy
Oh, yes?
Rita
I cannot wait to see you in that Muppet movie.
Miss Piggy
Oh, thank you, Rita, dear. But you don't have to wait!
Rita
I don't?
Miss Piggy
No. I am going to show a film clip right now of one of my favorite scenes.
Kermit
Uh, excuse me, Miss Piggy, uh, but we can't show any film, 'cause we're just here to have a party.
Miss Piggy
Kermie, dearest —
Kermit
Yeah?
Miss Piggy
— it is a very tender, moving moment.
Kermit
Yeah, but uh …
Miss Piggy
So shut up and watch! Ahem. Roll film.
A clip is shown, in which a sarcastic waiter (Steve Martin) serves Kermit and Piggy at a restaurant. An excerpt of "Movin' Right Along" is then shown.
Small talk / "Can You Picture That"
The guests dance to slow music in the ballroom. Dick sits at Kermit and Piggy's table.
Miss Piggy
Hello! Yes, good to see you, too. Mwah! Mwah!
Dick
Miss Piggy, where are you staying in Hollywood? Here at the Ambassador's? The Bel-Air? Beverly Wilshire?
Miss Piggy
Uh, well, um… Hello! Hello —
Kermit
Uh, we're, we're all at the Bide-a-Wee Motor Court, Dick.
Miss Piggy
Kermit!
Dick
The Bide-a-Wee Motor Court?
Kermit
Yeah, it's in downtown San Pedro.
Miss Piggy
Uh — it's trés distingue, Ricardo. An emerging chic, if you know what I mean. Uh, I am in the presidential suite.
Kermit
Oh, Piggy, you are not. No. You see, we stay there because they give us a good rate, and besides, we have to be somewhere that allows livestock. (giggles)
Dick
(laughs)
Piggy laughs along with them, then karate-chops them both.
On stage, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem perform "Can You Picture That", minus the third verse.
"Boogie Motion"
As "Boogie Motion" plays, Piggy dances and poses for pictures with Raquel Welch, Cheryl Ladd and Charlene Tilton. Meanwhile, Janice dances with Levar Burton. Piggy is then seen dancing with Charles Durning. Christopher Reeve approaches them.
Miss Piggy
Oh, Christopher, not now, please! Bug off!
Christopher walks away. Other Muppets are seen dancing, including Floyd, Gonzo, Link, Animal and Fozzie. Rita asks to dance with Fozzie, but he turns her down. Rita instead dances with Kermit, but Fozzie pops up in between them. Piggy dances wildly with Christopher. Meanwhile, Statler and Waldorf are still at their table.
Waldorf
Anybody you know here?
Statler
(looks around) … Nah.
Waldorf
Ehh.
Statler
(looks around) … Anybody famous?
Waldorf
(shakes head) Mm-mm.
Statler
Nope. Nope.
Waldorf
Nope.
The dancing continues. Fade to black.
"You Ought to Be in Pictures"
As couples slow-dance, Dick talks to Piggy.
Dick
Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy
Yes?
Dick
(raises wineglass) Here's to you.
Miss Piggy
Oh, Riçhard, how sweet.
Dick
You know, you really are my kind of a woman.
Miss Piggy
Oh, silly boy, I'm everyone's kind of woman. (sigh)
Dick
You know, there's just something about you — you really belong in this town. I mean —
You ought to be in pictures.
Miss Piggy
Oh? Moi?
Dick
You're wonderful to see.
Miss Piggy
Oh, Riçhard…
Dick
You ought to be in pictures.
Miss Piggy
Yes?
Dick
Ah, what a hit you would be.
Miss Piggy
Yes!
Dick
Your voice would thrill a nation.
Miss Piggy
Ohh — (hits high note)
Dick
Your face would be adored.
Miss Piggy
Yes.
Dick
You'd make a great sensation.
Miss Piggy
Really?
Dick
With fame and wealth your reward.
Miss Piggy
Ooh!
Dick
Would you care to dance, Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy
Oh, I'd love to.
Dick
Oh, I'd be thrilled.
They get up and dance.
Miss Piggy
Oh, what a gentleman.
Dick
Oh, you're a wonderful dancer, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy
Yes, I know.
Dick
And you look so divine tonight. You know, you really should be in pictures.
Fade to a brief montage of photos of Piggy in various outfits, including Cleopatra, Lady Liberty and Fay Wray. Back on the dance floor, Dick swings and twirls Piggy.
Dick
You ought to be in pictures.
Miss Piggy
Awww.
Dick
You're wonderful to see.
Miss Piggy
Oh, Riçhard…
I ought to be in pictures.
Dick
My star …
Miss Piggy
Your star?
Dick
My star …
Miss Piggy
Oh, Riçhard…
Dick
My star …
Both
Of song!
She showers him with kissy-kissys. He laughs, then kisses her on the snout.
"The Rainbow Connection"
Rita sits at her table, when a feisty Animal passes her.
Rita
Animal, Animal, wait, wait — wait a minute. Listen to me. You must stop chasing after all these women.
Animal
Women …
Rita
Yes, women!
Animal
(looks at her) … WOMAN!! (starts ravaging her)
Rita
Wait a minute! Don't you touch me, you savage! (shrieks)
Animal
Woman! Aahh!
Meanwhile, Dick sits at another table and talks to Jim Henson.
Dick
Jim, although you are — primarily the man behind this, it seems that most of the guests here tonight seem to know you personally. Have most of them been on The Muppet Show?
Jim
Well, yes, we've had 72 guest stars so far. We've done three seasons of The Muppet Show so far.
Dick
You know, in the small piece of the — of the picture we saw a little earlier, Jim, I was impressed with the music. The score seems beautiful.
Jim
Yeah, that was Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher. They did a gorgeous soundtrack for it.
Fade to a scene of Paul and Kenny in a recording studio by a piano. Kenny plays the opening strains of "The Rainbow Connection".
Paul
You know, when Kenny and I started writing songs for The Muppet Movie … we talked about one other movie that we both loved. That movie was Pinocchio. And if you remember, at the beginning of Pinocchio, Jiminy Cricket sang a beautiful song … "When You Wish Upon a Star". And it — it really set the mood for the whole picture. We love Kermit the Frog just like everybody else does, so we wanted to write something very — very special for Kermit.
Kenny
The next thing was coming up with a title. And we had a bit of a hard time. Uh, we kept coming up with titles that almost fit what we wanted to say, until a friend of yours, uh …
Paul
— helped us out a little, really. We'd written almost the whole song. But we didn't have that payoff line which we knew would be the title. And uh, we were frustrated, frankly. And a lady that I know very well, said, uh, "What's the problem? You're — you're having difficulty finding that — that 'rainbow' connection between, uh, people and their dreams?" And we said, "a rainbow connection — " we raced into the — into the, uh, studio, and wrote this song. For Kermit.
Paul and Kenny play and sing the song, which fades into the clip from the movie.
"I, Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi"
Waldorf
Hey. When do you think's a good time to leave this party?
Statler
About an hour ago.
They laugh.
Waldorf
"An hour ago"!
Statler
"An hour ago"!
Switch to Dick.
Dick
We're sitting at Peter Falk's table, uh, for a moment. Peter, can you imagine what this place must have been like in the thirties?
Peter
No, I can't. Uh, I don't have the vaguest idea. (laughs) I guess it must've been like it is today.
Dick
Are you interested in that, uh — hi, Foz.
Fozzie
Hey, listen, guys! How's the food, Peter?
Peter
Oh, well, that's what you should've asked me about — the food. You know, the food was terrific —
Fozzie
Terrific!
Peter
Yeah.
Fozzie
You're looking great. Dick, keep it up. I gotta go. (leaves)
Dick
That's nice, Foz. The reception is going beautifully. (laughs) Well, the reason I asked that is that Rita Moreno has a special musical number coming up. I think it's the type of production number they probably did, you know, back when the Cocoanut Grove was the swingin'est place in Hollywood.
A drumroll sounds.
Gary
Ladies and gentlemen, miss Rita Moreno!
Rita does a Carmen Miranda dance routine while singing "I, Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi (I Like You Very Much)", backed (and mistreated) by The Mutations.
Applause.
Rita
Will you join all of us, in a CONGA LINE?
The orchestra begins playing, and Rita leads the entire party in a conga line, which heads out the door.
Closing
Much later, the entire Grove is deserted, except for the Muppets, Rita and Dick. Rowlf sits at the piano and plays.
Dick
Well, Kermit, the party's over.
Kermit
Yep. You know, it'd still be in full swing if it weren't for that conga line.
Dick
It's hard to stop a conga line. They were still going strong when we left 'em.
Rita
Yeah, I figure by tomorrow morning they'll be halfway to Tijuana.
Kermit
Well, anyway, I'd like to thank you two for helping us host the party.
Rita and Dick get up to leave.
Dick
Oh, it was our pleasure.
Rita
We loved it! Good night, gorgeous.
Miss Piggy
Oh, Rita, dear.
Kermit
Uh. Good night, now.
Dick
Miss Piggy, the thrill of a lifetime. (kisses her hand)
Miss Piggy
Oh, Ricardo, thank you. Oh, how sweet. Kermie …
Kermit
Yeah.
Miss Piggy
Oh, what a wonderful evening this has been.
Kermit
Hmm. You know, it's kind of amazing. Just a little while ago, this whole room was filled with Hollywood's most important, talented, glittering, brilliant, beautiful people.
Miss Piggy
Mm-hm, it's nice to have spent an evening with my equals.
Kermit
Uh —
Gonzo
Kermit, are we really stars?
Kermit
Well, close enough.
Rowlf plays a gentle vamp.
Rowlf
Hooray for Hollywood. That happy, scrappy, zappy Hollywood.
Fozzie
Where every funny bear …
Kermit
Or eager frog …
Scooter
Or thing …
Rowlf
Or dog …
Floyd
… are stars livin' high on the hog …
Gonzo
Where every chicken sets cameras clickin' …
Swedish Chef
(sings in mock Swedish)
Muppets
Hooray for Hollywood. Where you're terrific even if you're good.
Miss Piggy
Where any humble pig with grace and glamor Can make them clamor…
Kermit
And everyone loves a ham.
Muppets
Now that we all came west, We're going to try our best. Hooray for Hollywood.
Miss Piggy
Well. Oh, Kermie, my love, it's been a wonderful evening. Thank you.
Kermit
Oh, well, uh, you're welcome, Miss Piggy. Uh, now, guys, uh, let's get this place cleaned up, huh?
Miss Piggy
What?
Kermit
Oh, well, sure, you see, they said we could save money if we cleaned up after the party ourselves.
Miss Piggy
WHAT??
Kermit
Sure. Now, why don't you mop, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy
MOP??
The Muppets disperse.
Kermit
Yeah. Fozzie, you can pick up the — the tables over there …
Miss Piggy
MOP??
Kermit
Okay, Floyd, dust up the place, alright?
Miss Piggy
Mop?? Are you out of your mind??
Gonzo
What about me?
The credits roll.
Kermit
Well, you don't have to uh …
Miss Piggy
Moi, mop? Are you crazy?
Kermit
Well, I mean, uh, listen …
Miss Piggy
I'm a superstar!
Kermit
… yeah, but uh, well, it doesn't hurt you to do a little bit of cleaning once in awhile.
Miss Piggy
Hurt? I'll show you hurt, fella!
Kermit
Will you guys clean up that place already?
Miss Piggy
Clean up?? My Rolls is waiting!
Kermit
I'll wash and you dry …
The Muppets clean up as the credits continue. Gonzo holds a trash can lid open as Fozzie empties a wastebasket.