List of known Wilkins Coffee commercials.

Legend
  • * = the title isn't official
  • ** = the commercial is known for later being reworked for other products
Picture Title Description
Wilkins$65 $65

Wontkins is standing on a street, in front of a cafe. Wilkins, in a hat and coat, steps into the frame and asks him:

  • Wilkins: "Got 65 dollars for a cup of Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "65 dollars?!
  • Wilkins: "You want me to go in there looking like a bum?!"
Wilkins80dayswithwilkins 80 Days with Wilkins Wilkins and Wontkins are seen flying on a hot-air balloon, carring some cans of Wilkins Coffee:


  • Wontkins: "This thing's sinking! We'd better throw out that Wilkins Instant Coffee!"
    [Wilkins throws Wontkins out from the balloon]
  • Wilkins: "Just me and Wilkins Instant for 80 whole days!"
Wilkinsairplane Airplane

Wilkins and Wontkins are in a airplane, we see Wilkins dressed in drag as an hostess and Wontkins sitting nearby as a passenger:

  • Wilkins: "Have some Wilkins Coffee, sir?"
  • Wontkins: "If that is all what you serve, I get off at the next town!"
    [Wilkins throws Wontkins out from the airplane]
  • Wilkins: "Next town five miles, straight down!"
Wilkinsbadguymachine Bad Guy Machine

Wilkins and Wontkins are in a laboratory. Wontkins is inside a machine and Wilkins is behind a control-pad:

  • Wilkins: "This machine tells if you're a good guy or bad guy!"
  • Wontkins: "How?"
  • Wilkins: "Well, good guys drink Wilkins Instant Coffee!"
    [Wilkins turns on the machine, which hits Wontkins repeatedly with two hammers]
Wilkinsbandwagon Bandwagon
  • Wilkins: "You gettin' on the Wilkins Coffee bandwagon?"
  • Wontkins: "Never!"
    [A bandwagon full of cheering people enters the frame and runs over Wontkins]
  • Wilkins: "You either go with Wilkins, or you just don't go!"
Noimage-big Bank Robber Wilkins, dressed in coat and hat, is standing in front of a safe. Wontkins comes in the frame dressed as a robber:


  • Wontkins: "Stick 'em up, mac! What d'ya got in the safe?"
  • Wilkins: "Wilkins Coffee."
  • Wontkins: "What d'ya got in your wallet?"
  • Wilkins: "Wilkins Coffee, and you know what I got here?"
  • Wontkins: "No, what?"
    [Wilkins shoots Wontkins]
  • Wilkins: "Wilkins Coffee!"
Noimage-big Best Coffee is...
  • Wontkins: "After months of research, I found that the best coffee is..."
    [Wilkins interrupts Wontkins by pulling a curtain reading "Wilkins" in front of him]
  • Wilkins: "He was probably gonna say Wilkins, but I couldn't take the chance."
Noimage-big Biplane

Wilkins and Wontkins are riding a biplane, with Wilkins being the pilot:

  • Wilkins: "Got your parachute?"
  • Wontkins: "I forgot it."
  • Wilkins: "How about the Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "I forgot that, too!"
    [Wilkins flips the plane upside down, causing Wontkins to fall]
  • Wilkins: "He'll never forget this!"
Noimage-big Blow Torch**

[1]

Wilkins and Wontkins are working in a factory. Wilkins has a welder's mask and a blow torch. Wontkins has a cigar in his mouth:

  • Wontkins: "Let’s take a break!"
  • Wilkins: "Ah! Wilkins Coffee time. Want a cup?"
  • Wontkins: "No, gimme a light!"
    (Wilkins blasts the blowtorch in Wontkins' face. Wontkins is blackened, the cigar burnt to a crisp.)
  • Wilkins: "He’s smoking more now and enjoying it less!"
Wilkinsblowup Blow Up

Wilkins is sitting on a wall next to Wontkins

  • Wilkins: (manning a detonator)"Y'know, people who don't like Wilkins Coffee, just blow up sometimes!"
    (Wilkins presses down on the detonator, causing Wontkins to somehow explode)
  • Wontkins: "Oh, but that's a lot of..."
    (Wontkins blows up)
  • Wilkins: "See what I mean?"
Wilkinsbostonteaparty1 Boston Tea Party
  • Wontkins: "Throw all the tea overboard, men!"
  • Wilkins: (with British accent) "I say, this dreadful thing would never have happened if we'd sent Wilkins Tea."
Wilkins-Boxing Boxing Glove

Wilkins and Wontkins are standing in front of a coffee machine:

  • Wilkins: "Put your money in here and you'll get a cup of Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "I don't want any!"
  • Wilkins: "Then push that button!"
    (Wilkins pushes the button, making a boxing glove come out from the machine, which hits Wontkins)
  • Wilkins: "How about a cup of Wilkins?"
Wilkins-Camera Camera**

Wilkins is holding a camera, next to him there's Wontkins:

  • Wilkins: "With this camera I shoot pictures of people who don't drink Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "I'm ready, shoot!"
    (Wilkins literally shoots Wontkins with the camera)
  • Wilkins: "Anybody else?"
Wilkinscannibalscene Cannibal Scene

Wilkins and Wontkins are inside a huge coffee cup, surrounded by cannibals:

  • Wilkins: "Hey, the cannibals are boiling us in Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "Yeah, so what?"
  • Wilkins: "I'm beginning to think they'll never join me in a cup of Wilkins"
    (Wontkins faints)
Wilkinscannon
Cannon**
Wilkins is seen sitting on a can of Wilkins Coffee next to a cannon, nearby there's Wontkins:


  • Wilkins: "Okay, buddy. What do you think about Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "I never tasted it."
    (Wilkins shoots Wontkins, and then points the cannon to the viewer)
  • Wilkins: "Now what you think about Wilkins?"
Wilkins Coffee2 Car Salesman

Wilkins parked Wontkins' car in the "Super-Safe Parking". Unfortunately the car is destroyed:

  • Wontkins: "What happened to my car?!"
  • Wilkins: "You drink Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "No, so what?!"
  • Wilkins: "Well, things seem to happen to people who don't drink Wilkins!"
Wilkins75cents Cash Register

Wilkins is sitting behind a bar counter:

  • Wilkins: "Lunch with Wilkins Coffee: 75 cents."
  • Wontkins: "I didn't drink Wilkins."
  • Wilkins: "That's one dollar, even! It pays to drink Wilkins!"
Wilkinscheepcheep Cheep Cheep**

[2]

Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a wall with two cans of coffee, Wilkins Coffee and Cheap Coffee:

  • Wilkins: "I have Wilkins Coffee and another kind of coffee."
  • Wontkins: "I want the cheap stuff!"
    (Some little birds come out the Cheap Coffee can)
  • Birds: "Cheep, cheep!"
  • Wilkins: "Sorry, but the other coffee is for the birds!"
Wilkinsclimbingtree Climbing Tree**

Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a tree:

  • Wontkins: "Why are we climbing this tree?"
  • Wilkins: "For Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "I don't want any."
    (Wilkins kicks Wontkins, making him fall from the tree)
  • Wilkins: "It's autumn, and the nuts are beginning to fall!"
Wilkinscloseshave
Close Shave

Wilkins is a barber, in a white coat. Wontkins is on the barber chair, with his face covered in shaving cream:

  • Wontkins: "Gimme a close shave!"
  • Wilkins: "Do you drink Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "Never!"
    (Wilkins brandishes a huge razor.)
  • Wilkins: "My friend… This is gonna be the closest shave you ever had!"
Wilkinsclub
Club

Wilkins is sitting on a wall next to Wontkins:

  • Wilkins: "We're here for persuade people to drink more Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "What's the club for?"
    (Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club he's holding)
  • Wilkins: "To get their attention!
Wilkinscommie Communist Shop

Wontinks is selling coffee in a communist shop, Wilkins, in russian clothes, enters in:

  • Wilkins: "Gimme some Party Line Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "How about some Wilkins, comrade?"
  • Wilkins: "(Gasp) That's capitalist coffee, you traitor! (Quietly) Send two pounds to the back door."
Wilkinsconvincingmachine Convincing Machine

Wontkins is in front of a machine with several hammers attached in a wheel. Wilkins is holding a lever:

  • Wontkins: "What's that?"
  • Wilkins: "This machine convinces people that Wilkins Coffee is great!"
  • Wontkins: "Impossible!"
    (Wilkins pulls the lever and turns on the machine and the hammers start to hit Wontkins)
  • Wontkins: "Ooh, ouch! I'm convinced!"
Wilkinscoffeebreak Coffee Break

Wilkins and Wontkins are seen as construction workers, sitting on a high level girder:

  • Wilkins: "Coffee break! Want a cup of Wilkins?"
  • Wontkins: "No, thank you."
    [Wilkins throws Wontkins down the girder]
  • Wilkins: "Now all our workers drink Wilkins!"
Wilkinscutup Cut Up Wontkins is tied with ropes on a conveyer belt, slowly coming closer to a huge buzzsaw.


  • Wilkins: "If you don't start drinking Wilkins Coffee, I'll make you into tubiform!"
  • Wontkins: "I should've saw this coming!"
  • Wilkins: "He always was a cut up."
Noimage-big Death Defying Leap

[3]

Wilkins is seen holding a bucket labeled "DEATH DEFYING DIVE"


  • Wilkins: "Want some Wilkins Coffee before you jump?
  • Wontkins: "No!"



[Wilkins moves the bucket out of the way,as Wontkins plunges to the ground.]

  • Wilkins: You miss a lot when you don't drink Wilkins!
Wilkinsdidyoucall Did you Call?

Wontkins is seen alone in a desert island.

  • Wontkins: "I wouldn't admit this if I wasn't alone, but... I really do like Wilkins Coffee!"
    [Wilkins Coffee pops out from behind a hill with a "Wilkins Coffee" sign]
  • Wilkins: "Did you call?"




[Wontkins gasps]

Wilkinsengarde En Garde

Wilkins and Wontkins are seen as two fencers:

  • Wilkins: "En Garde! Salute Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "But I don't drink Wilkins Cofee!"
    (Wilkins sharpens the blade)
  • Wilkins: "Some do and some don't..."
Wilkinsespionage Espionage

Wilkins and Wontkins are seen in a dark alley. Wilkins is wearing hat and trench coat:

  • Wilkins: "I can get you some Wilkins Coffee for a price!"
  • Wontkins: "I wouldn't touch it"
    (Wilkins shoots Wontkins from off-screen)
  • Wilkins: "There's no future in an attitude like that!"
Wilkinsgiveimtheeggs Eggs*

Wilkins is standing behind a bar counter, Wontkins rushes in the frame and cries:

  • Wontkins: "Give me the eggs and no Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wilkins: "Give him the eggs, boys!"
    (Eggs are thrown on Wontkins face from off-screen)
  • Wilkins: "A meal without Wilkins is a mess!"
Noimage-big Falling Safe  Wilkins and Wontkins are standing on a street corner. Wilkins is holding a string tied to something out of view.


  • Wontkins: "Hey, where can I get a cup of coffee?"
  • Wilkins: "Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "Any kind of coffee!"
    (Wilkins pulls the string. A safe drops on Wontkins' head, crushing him.)
  • Wilkins: "I guess he must be what you'd call accident prone."
Noimage-big Fired**

Wontkins, covered by flamamble material, is standing on a wall:

  • Wontkins: "Ol' Mr. Wilkins hired me to sell this crummy Wilkins Coffee!"
    (Mr. Wilkins' hand comes in the frame with a match and fires Wontkins)
  • Wilkins: "I think he just fired you, too!"
Wilkinsfiveaces Five Aces

Wilkins and Wontkins are playing cards, sitting around a table, in a dark room:

  • Wontkins: "I've got five aces. Can you beat that?"
  • Wilkins: "I've got a can of Wilkins Coffee!"
    (Wilkins brings on the table a can of Wilkins Coffee and shoots Wontkins with a gun.)
  • Wilkins: "Nothing can beat Wilkins!"
Wilkinsfootdown Footdown** 

[4]

Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a wall, while Wilkins is holding a cup of coffee:

  • Wilkins: "Wanna a cup of Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "What ol' Mr. Wilkins'll do if I don't?"
    (Mr. Wilkins crushes Wontkins with his foot)
  • Wilkins: "Oh, he'll probally put his foot down!"
Wilkinsgoodbetterbest Good, Better, Best**

Wontkins is standing behind a wall, next to him there's Wilkins holding a club:

  • Wontkins: "Wilkins makes good coffee!"
    (Wilkins hits Wontkins with the club)
  • Wontkins: "Ouh, better coffee?"
    (Wilkins hits again Wontkins)
  • Wontkins: "Agh, Wilkins makes the best coffee!"
  • Wilkins: "Congratulations!"
Noimage-big Grenade**

[5]

Wilkins and Wontkins are in a foxhole, wearing shelter hats. Wilkins is holding a grenade:

  • Wilkins: "Let’s take a Wilkins Coffee break!"
  • Wontkins: "No."
  • Wilkins: "Then hold this while I have a cup."
    (Wilkins zips away. And the granade explodes on Wontkins.)
  • Wilkins: "Some people just go to pieces without their Wilkins Coffee!"
Wilkinsguillotine Guilottine

Wontkins is standing behind a guilottine, while Wilkins is holding the blade up with a rope.

  • Wilkins: "This machine will make you want a cup of Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "Not me! I'll..."
    (Wilkins lets go the robe and blade slides down)
  • Wontkins: "Take mine with cream and sugar!"
Wilkinshammer Hammer

Wilkins is batting a nail on a wall:

  • Wilkins: "Boy, this hammer reminds me Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "Why?"
  • Wilkins: "Because it always hits the spot!"
    (Wilkins hits Wontkins on the head with the hammer)
Wilkinshiddenpersuaders Hidden Persuaders

Wilkins is sitting behind a desk, next to him we see Wontkins:

  • Wontkins: "You can't persuade me to drink Wilkins Instand Coffee..."
  • Wilkins: "Pretty please?"
    (Wilkins turns off the lights and stabs Wontkins with a knife)
  • Wontkins: "Ouch, okay!"
    (Wilkins turns on the lights again)
  • Wilkins: "That's a stab in the dark"
Wilkinshouseisnotahome House is Not a Home**

Wontkins is inside a small house, nearby we see Wilkins holding a bomb.

  • Wilkins: "You have any Wilkins Coffee in the house?"
  • Wontkins: "No!"
    (Wilkins throws the bomb in Wontkins' house and runs away)
  • Wilkins: "Y'know, a house is not a home without Wilkins Coffee!"
    (The house blows-up)
Wilkinshowinstant How Instant

Wilkins is seen using a pay phone:

  • Wilkins: "Hello, grocery store? Send me some Wilkins Instant Coffee!"
    (Some coffee spouts out from the telephone)
  • Wilkins: "How instant can you get?!"
  • Wilkinshowshocking
How Shocking

Wontkins is tied up on a electric chair, while Wilkins is next to him holding a switch:

  • Wilkins: "Any last request? Like a cup of Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "No!"
  • Wilkins: "You don't drink Wilkins?"
  • Wontkins: "No!"
  • Wilkins: "How shocking!"
    (Wilkins pulls the switch and turns on the chair)
Wilkinsidgiveamillionbucks I'd Give a Million Bucks

Wilkins is lying under a tree:

  • Wilkins: Boy, I'd give a million bucks for a cup of Wilkins coffee. 



(A cup of coffee appears in his lap)

  • Wontkins: (appearing beside him) Okay, buster, pay up!
Wilkinsjackinthebox Jack in the Box

Wontkins is staring a present box on a wall, Wilkins arrives and says:

  • Wilkins: "It's a present from Mr. Wilkins!"
  • Wontkins: "But I don't drink Wilkins Instant Coffee!"
    (A Jack pops out the box)
  • Wilkins: "I know, he just wanted to be remembered!"
Noimage-big Jingle in the Bed

Wilkins and Wontkins are sleeping together in a double bed. Wilkins sits up in bed and sings a Wilkins jingle.

  • Wilkins: "More and more people are waking UP to Wilkins Coffee!"
    (Wontkins wakes up.)
  • Wontkins: "Quiet!"
    (Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club. Wontkins falls back on the pillow.)
  • Wilkins: "Some people go to sleep with it. Wilkins Decaffeinated, of course."
Wilkinsjustchecking Just Checking

Wilkins and Wontkins are standing behind a wall, Wilkins is holding a stamp.

  • Wilkins: "Do you drink Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "No, I don't. Why?"
    (Wilkins hits Wontkins with the stamp, leaving a check mark on him)
  • Wilkins: "Just checking..."
Wilkinsjustkidding Just Kidding

Wilkins and Wontkins are standing behind a wall.

  • Wilkins: "I love these Wilkins Coffee commercials, don't you?"
  • Wontkins: "I'm kind of..."
    (The set explodes, making Wilkins and Wontkins hide in terror behind the destoyed wall)
  • Wontkins: "Just kidding, Mr. Wilkins!"
Wilkinsknifethrower Knife Thrower

Wilkins is about to throw a knife to Wonkins, which is standing in front of a target.

  • Wontkins: "Watch out, would ya', when you throw those knives!"
  • Wilkins: "Are you drinking Wilkins Instant Coffee, yet?"
  • Wontkins: "No!"
    (Wilkins is now wearing a napkin on his eyes)
  • Wilkins: "Okay, let's try blind-folded!"
    (Wontkins runs away)
Wilkinsletseveryonesleep Lets Everyone Sleep

Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a brick wall, in front of a starry background, while a can of coffee is suspended in the air by a rope.

  • Wilkins: "Wilkins decaffeinated Coffee lets you sleep!"
  • Wontkins: "Not me, I don't drink it."
    (The can hits Wontkins, making him faint)
  • Wilkins: "It lets everyone sleep!"
Wilkinslostmyhead Lost my Head

Wilkins is seen with his head floating.

  • Wontkins: "What happened to you?"
  • Wilkins: "I lost my head over Wilkins instant Coffee! Have a cup?"
    (Wontkins runs away)
  • Wontkins: "Yaaaaaaaoh"!
  • Wilkins: "Wonder what upset him?"
Noimage-big Love My Wilkins / Psychiatrist**

[6]

Wilkins is cuddling a package of Wilkins Coffee:

  • Wilkins: "I really love my Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "You oughta see a psychiatrist!"
  • Wilkins: "I did! That’s who told me about Wilkins!"
    (Wilkins snuggles against the package.)
  • Wilkins: "I used to love my raincoat."
Wilkinsmanoverboard Man Overboard

Wilkins (as a sailorman) and Wontkins (as a captain) are riding a boat, the S.S. Wilkins:

  • Wilkins: "How about some Wilkins Coffee, captain?"
  • Wontkins: "No!"
    (Wilkins throws Wontkins out from the ship)
  • Wilkins: (Quietly)"Man overboard, help."
Noimage-big Monster**

[7]

Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a brick wall.

  • Wilkins: "Do you drink Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "No!"
    (A monster comes and eats Wontkins)
  • Wilkins: "Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Wilkins!"
Wilkinsmountainclimbing Mountain Climbing

Wilkins and Wontkins are climbing a mountain. Wilkins is holding Wontkins with a rope:

  • Wilkins: "Hey, did you bring Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "No. I forgoooooo..."
    (Wilkins lets go the rope, making Wontkins fall)
  • Wilkins: "When you come back up, don't forget the Wilkins!"
Noimage-big New Car or Wilkins Coffee?*

Wilkins is selling a car, while holding its hood opened.

  • Wilkins: "You like this new car?"
  • Wontkins: "Yeah!"
  • Wilkins: "It got a built-in maker for Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "Who needs it..."
    (Wilkins squashes Wontkins' head with the hood)
  • Wilkins: "Well, you can't sell 'em more!"
Wilkinsnobodybeatswilkins Nobody Beats Wilkins

Wilkins is behind a desk, next to him there's Wontkins.

  • Wilkins: "Do you want to run against the Wilkins Coffee party?"
  • Wontkins: "Start the race!"
  • Wilkins: "On-your-mark-get-set-go!"
    (Wilkins brandishes a gun, points it to Wontkins and shoots him)
  • Wilkins: "Nobody beats Wilkins!"
Wilkinsnowhere Nowhere

Wilkins is sitting on a wall next to Wontkins:

  • Wilkins: "Without Wilkins Coffee you're not all there
  • Wontkins: "Oh, that's alot of..."
    (Wontkins dissapears)
  • Wilkins Coffee: "Infact, without Wilkins Coffee you're nowhere!"
Wilkinsoldmanwilkins Old Man Wilkins
  • Wontkins: When is Mr. Wilkins going to pay us for all this foolishness?
  • Wilkins: When we sell more Wilkins Coffee.
  • Wontkins: (to the camera) Buy Wilkins, will ya?
Wilkinsparachute Parachute

Wilkins is floating in the sky with his parachute, while Wontkins is falling rapidally with his parachute folded.

  • Wontkins: "Help, help! My parachute won't open!"
  • Wilkins: "Try some Wilkins Instant Coffee! That'll give him a lift!"
WilkinsPeterPeterCoffeeDrinker Peter Peter Coffee Drinker

(A still image of Wontkins, as Peter Peter Coffee Drinker, staring a cup of coffe is seen)

  • Narrator: "Peter Peter Coffee Drinker told his wife he couldn't sleep."
    (Now, a still image of Wontkins with a cross-dressed Wilkins (as Peter Peter Coffee Drinker's wife) is seen)
  • Narrator: "Now, Wilkins decaffeinated coffee..."
    (Wilkins hits Wontkins with the can of coffee he's holding, leading to a still image of a fainted Wontkins)
  • Narrator: "...made him sleep so very well."
Wontkins shot in the head wiki Pubblic Service Announcement

Wilkins is standing behind a wall holding a microphone while Wontkins is standing next to him.

  • Wilkins: "Chance for a cup of Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "No, I don't like coffee...
    (A human hand comes into the frame holding a gun and shoots Wontkins in the head)
  • Wontkins:  "This has been a pubblic service."
Wilkinsquizshow Quiz Show

Wontkins is the host of a Quiz Show, while Wilkins is the participant:

  • Wontkins: "You win a new car or a case of Wilkins Instant Coffee!"
  • Wilkins: "I'll take the Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "We'll never get rid of that car!"
Wilkinsrocketship1 Rocket Ship**

[8]

Wilkins and Wontkins are standing next to a rocket ship:

  • Wilkins: "Wilkins will be the first coffee on the Moon!"
    (The rocket ship blows up)
  • Wontkins: "Now what?"
  • Wilkins: "Wilkins Coffee is still the best on Earth!"
Wilkinsrose Rose in Wilkins*

Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a wall, next to a rose grew from a can of Wilkins Coffee:

  • Wilkins: "I grew this rose in Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "Why?"
  • Wilkins: "So I can have the beauty of a rose and the fragrance of Wilkins Coffee!"
Wilkinssantaclaus Santa Claus

Wilkins is dressed-up as Santa Claus, while Wontkins, dressed-up as a raindreer, is pulling a sledge:

  • Wilkins: "Merry Christmas! It's a joy to serve Wilkins Coffee as so many people at christmas"
  • Wontkins: "If it's a joy to you, you're not pulling a sledge!"
Wilkinssleepingbeauty Sleeping Beauty

Wontkins is lying on a bed, then Wilkins comes on the frame:

  • Wilkins: "Awake, Sleeping Beauty! It's prince Charming with Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "But I don't drink Wilkins!"
  • Wilkins: "I waited one hundred years for this old hag!"
Wilkinscrystalball Snikliw the Swamee

Wilkins is a fortune-teller, and Wontkins is his customer:

  • Wilkins: "I see you don't drink Wilkins Instant Coffee."
  • Wontkins: "What about my future?"
  • Wilkins: "I hate to tell you, but..."
    (Wilkins blows up Wontkins)
  • Wilkins: "You don't have a future!"
Wilkinssoggyromance Soggy Romance

Wilkins (in drag) and Wontinks are sitting in a forest:

  • Wilkins: "Darling, if I merry you, will you keep me in Wilkins Coffee?
  • Wontkins: "Well, that's just a soggy romance!"
Wilkinsstagecoach Stagecoach

Wontkins is standing next to Wilkins riding a coach:

  • Wontkins: "The indians won't bother you! All you got to do is ship that Wilkins Coffee!"
    (The coach is now moving, Wilkins is targeted by several arrows being shooted from off-screen)
  • Wilkins: "Oh, but everybody drinks Wilkins!"
Wilkinssteamroller Steamroller

Wontkins is standing on a wall, next to him there's a cup of coffee:

  • Wontkins: "I'm gonna drink this coffee that IS NOT Wilkins"
    (Wilkins flattens Wontkins with a steamroller)
  • Wilkins: "Doesn't that coffee taste kinda flat!"
Wilkinshowdystranger Stranger*

Wilkins and Wontkins are wearing cowboy hats and bandanas. Wilkins has a gun drawn at Wontkins:

  • Wilkins: "Howdy, stranger. I hear you don’t drink Wilkins Coffee."
  • Wontkins: "Yeah, so what?"
    (Wilkins shoot Wontkins)
  • Wilkins: "Now, there're any other strangers in town?"
Wilkinsshortcake Strawberry Shortcake*

Wilkins is seen behind a bar counter, holding near Wontkins face a plate containing a strawberry shortcake and a cup of coffee:

  • Wilkins: "Want some Wilkins Coffee with your starwberry shortcake?
  • Wontkins: "Can't say that I do!"
    (Wilkins throws the shortcake on Wontkins, and then he pur the coffee of him)
  • Wilkins: "You can't say that you don't either!"
Noimage-big Survey

Wilkins has a pad and pencil:

  • Wilkins: "Next question: what do you think of Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "It’s wonderful! Delicious!"
    (Wilkins turn to the audience)
  • Wilkins: "You see, friends..."
  • Wontkins: "Now pay me the ten bucks!"
Wilkinsswimmingpool Swimming Pool** 

[9]

Wilkins is a lifeguard of a swimming pool:

  • Wilkins: "I just filled my swimming pool with Wilkins Coffee!"
    (Wontkins falls in the pool)
  • Wontkins: "Help, I'm drowning!"
  • Wilkins: "I told him he'll end up drinking Wilkins!"
Wilkinstarandfeathers Tar and Feathers
  • Wilkins: "Anyone who doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee oughta tarred and feathered, right?"
    (Wontkins pops into the frame covered in tar and feathers)
  • Wontkins: "Wrong!"
  • Wilkins: "He always was a bad sport."
Thinking Man
Thinking Man** Wontkins is seen sinking in a body of water, meanwhile, Wilkins is seen rowing a boat.
  • Wontkins: :"I'm sinking, I'm sinking, save me."
  • Wilkins: "Have some Wilkins Coffee."
  • Wontkins: "Why?"
  • Wilkins: "It's a sinking man's drink."
Wilkinstonofwilkins Ton of Wilkins*

Wilkins and Wontkins are seen in a storehouse of coffee:

  • Wontkins: "You must buy this Wilkins Coffee by the ton!"
    (A crash is heard, and the camera is quickly shaking)
  • Wontkins: "What was that?"
  • Wilkins: "Another ton of Wilkins just arrived!"
Noimage-big Traffic Court**[10]

Wilkins is a judge. Wontkins stands in the dock. Wilkins has a carton of milk at his bench. ] Wilkins:

  • Wilkins: "Why were you speeding?"
  • Wontkins: "I wanted a glass of coffee!"
  • Wilkins: "Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "No, just any old kind!
    (A rattle of keys as a prison door slams on Wontkins' face.)
  • Wontkins: "Next time, I’ll say Wilkins!"
Wilkins-train Trainload

[11]

Wontkins is standing on a railoard untill Wilkins rushes frantically into the frame:

  • Wilkins: "Watch out! Here comes my trainload of Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "Why would you want a whole trainload of--?!"
    (The train comes into the frame and runs over Wontkins.)
  • Wilkins: "I like Wilkins."
Wilkinstree Tree

Wilkins and Wontkins are standing next to a tree:

  • Wilkins: "You drink Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "No!"
    (The tree falls on Wontkins head)
  • Wilkins: "Things just seem to happen to people who don't drink Wilkins Coffee!"
Wilkinstruck Truckload of Wilkins

Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a wall, watching the road. Wilkins is holding pen and paper. A truck passes:

  • Wilkins: "A truck of regular Wilkins Coffee, check."
    (A faster truck passes)
  • Wontkins: "What was that?"
  • Wilkins: "Wilkins instant Coffee, check."
Noimage-big Tunnel of Love[12] Wilkins and Wontkins are in a boat, heading into the Tunnel of Love. Wilkins is dressed in a blond wig and white blouse:
  • Wilkins: After this, would you buy me a cup of Wilkins Coffee?"
    (The boat enters the tunnel.)
  • Wontkins: "NO!"
    (A splash is heard. Cut to the other side of the tunnel. Wilkins emerges in the boat, alone.)
  • Wilkins: "I only go for a man who drinks Wilkins!"
Wilkins-antiviolence TV Anti-Violence League

Wilkins is sitting on a can of Wilkins coffee, near a cannon. Next to him there's Wontkins holding a sign saying "TV Anti-Violence League:

  • Wontkins: "You know that I'm not good at drinking anymore Wilkins Instant Coffee!"
    (Wilkins brings down curtain, with a written "One Moment Please". He shoots Wontkins with the cannon and then raise the curtain)
  • Wilkins: "Now is not going to drink anymore coffee!"
Wilkinstvset TV Set

Wontkins is watching a Wilkins Coffee commercial featuring Wilkins on his TV set, then he turns at the camera and says: 

  • Wontkins: "An old Wilkins Coffee commercial..."
    (Wilkins comes out the TV and says)
  • Wilkins: "You don't like them?"
  • Wontkins: "No!"
  • Wilkins: "Then, let me fix your set!"
    (Wilkins makes explode the set)
  • Wontkins: "You can't win."
Wilkinswashingtonmonument Washington Monument Wilkins and Wontkins are standing near the Washington Monument:
  • Wilkins: "How about a deliciuos cup of Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: "No!"
    (The monument falls on Wontkins)
  • Wontinks: "Strange things happen to people who don't drink Wilkins Coffee!"
Wilkinswaterwithdinner Water with Dinner

Wontkins is eating in a cafe. Wilkins comes in the frame dressed as a waiter and asks him:

  • Wilkins: "Want some Wilkins Coffee with your dinner?
  • Wontkins: "No, gimme some water!"
    (Wilkins brings a water pump and washes Wontkins)
  • Wilkins: "People like that need brain washing!"
Wilkinswhaleofacoffee Whale**

Wilkins and Wontkins are swimming in the ocean:

  • Wilkins: "Let's swim to the surface for a cup Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "I never touch that stuff!"
    (A whale comes into the frame and swallows Wontkins whole)
  • Wilkins: "You should! It's a whale of a coffee!"
Wilkinswhatkindofcoffeedoyousell What Kind of Coffee do You Sell?

Wilkins is seen behind a bar counter, selling coffee. Wilkins rushes in and says:

  • Wontkins: "What kind of coffee do you sell?"
  • Wilkins: "Wilkins Coffee!"
  • Wontkins: "Don't you have any other kind?"
  • Wilkins: "Sure we have it, but we don't sell it!"
Wilkinswhynot Why Not
  • Wilkins: "If you like really good coffee, why not spend the extra money and get two cans of Wilkins!"
  • Wontkins: "Why not!"
Wilkinswilliamtell William Tell[13]

Wilkins is William Tell, wielding a bow and arrow. Wontkins trembles an apple on his head:

  • Wontkins: "Okay, William Tell, this better be good!"
  • Wilkins: "Do you drink Wilkins Coffee?"
  • Wontkins: (offscreen) "NO!"
    (Wilkins lets the arrow fly.)
  • Wilkins: "We can still use the apple again."
  1. Remade for Community Coffee
  2. Remade for Dugan's Bread
  3. Remade for Community Coffee and Red Diamond Coffee
  4. Remade for Kern's Bakery and Claussen's Bakery
  5. Remade for Community Coffee
  6. Remade for Kern's Bakery and Kraml Dairy.
  7. Remade for C & P Telephone Co. of VA, Claussen's Bakery, Kraml Dairy, Nash's and Kern's Bakery
  8. Remade for Merita Bread and Kraml Dairy.
  9. Remade for Faygo
  10. Remade for Faygo and Kraml Dairy
  11. Remade for LaTouraine Coffee
  12. Remade for Kraml Dairy
  13. Remade for Community Coffee
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