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| − | + | #REDIRECT [[Wilkins Coffee]] |
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| − | ! Picture !! Description |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins$65.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''$65'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | [[Wontkins]] is standing in front of a cafe. [[Wilkins]], in hat and coat, steps into the frame and asks: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Got 65 dollars for a cup of [[Wilkins Coffee]]? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' 65 dollars?! |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You want me to go in there looking like a bum? |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins80dayswithwilkins.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''80 Days with Wilkins'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are seen flying on a hot-air balloon, carrying a pile of Wilkins Coffee cans: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' This thing's sinking. Better throw out that Wilkins Instant Coffee. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins throws Wontkins out from the balloon)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Just me and Wilkins Instant for 80 whole days. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsairplane.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Airplane'''<small>(remade for [[Community Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are in an airplane, we see Wilkins dressed in drag as a hostess and Wontkins sitting in a passenger seat: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Have some Wilkins Coffee, sir? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' If that’s all what you serve, I’ll get off at the next town. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins throws Wontkins out from the suspended airplane)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Next town five miles straight down. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsbadguymachine.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Bad Guy Machine'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are in a laboratory. Wontkins is inside a machine and Wilkins is behind a control-pad: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' This machine tells if you're a good guy or bad guy. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' How? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' All good guys drink Wilkins Instant Coffee! |
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| − | ''(Wilkins turns on the machine, which hits Wontkins repeatedly with two mallets)'' |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsbandwagon.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Bandwagon'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You gettin' on the Wilkins Coffee bandwagon? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Never. |
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| − | ''(A bandwagon full of cheering people enters the frame and runs over Wontkins)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You either go with Wilkins or you just don't go. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
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| − | | '''Bank Robber'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins, dressed in coat and hat, is standing in front of a safe. Wontkins comes in the frame dressed as a robber: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Stick 'em up, mac. What d'ya got in the safe? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What d'ya got in your wallet? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee, and you know what I got here? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No, what? |
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| − | ''(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee! |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsbaseball.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Baseball'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are in a baseball field, Wontkins is seen as a batter while Wilkins plays the umpire: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Well, what was it? A ball or a strike? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You drink Wilkins Coffee? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Naw. |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Stee-rike three, You're out. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:S.W.I.N.G.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Beatnik'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | In a street alley, a group of beatniks is seen sitting on the ground reading (presumably) beat poetry; Wilkins is also sitting there dressed as a fellow beatnik as he talks to a square-headed Wontkins: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Hey man, what makes you so square? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I don't dig Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | ''(A can of Wilkins Coffee tied to a rope swings on-screen hitting Wontkins on the head)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You should, it really swings! |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsbell.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Bell'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is standing next to a suspended bell holding a mallet, Wontkins enters the frame: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Hey, I wanna show you something about Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Put your head in here. |
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| − | ''(Wontkins puts his head inside the bell and Wilkins proceeds to hit it with the mallet.)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee rings the bell. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:WilkinsBestCoffeeIs....jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Best Coffee is...'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' After much research, I found that the best coffee is... |
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| − | ''(Wilkins interrupts Wontkins by pulling a curtain reading "Wilkins" in front of him)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' He was probably gonna say Wilkins, but I couldn't take the chance. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins-Biplane.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Biplane'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are riding a biplane, with Wilkins as the pilot: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Got your parachute? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I forgot it. |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' How about the Wilkins Coffee? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I forgot that, too. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins flips the plane upside down, causing Wontkins to fall)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' He'll never forget this! |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Community-Cigar.png|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Blow Torch''' <small>(remade for [[Community Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are working in a factory. Wilkins has a welder's mask and a blow torch. Wontkins has a cigar in his mouth: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Let’s take a break. |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Ah, Wilkins Coffee time. Want a cup? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Naw, gimme a light. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins blasts the blowtorch in Wontkins' face. Wontkins is blackened, the cigar burnt to a crisp.)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' He’s smoking more now and enjoying it less. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsblowup.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Blow Up'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is sitting on a wall next to Wontkins |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' ''(manning a detonator)'' Y'know, people who don't drink Wilkins Coffee just blow up sometimes. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Aw, that's a lotta... |
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| − | ''(Wilkins presses down on the detonator, causing Wontkins to somehow explode)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' See what I mean? |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsbostonteaparty1.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Boston Tea Party'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Throw all the tea overboard, men. |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' ''(with a monocle, top hat, and British accent)'' I say this dreadful thing would never have happened if we'd sent them Wilkins Tea. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins-Boxing.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Boxing Glove'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are standing in front of a coffee machine: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Put your money in here and you get a cup of Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I don't want any. |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Then push that button. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins pushes the button, a boxing glove springs out from the machine hitting Wontkins in the face)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' How about a cup of Wilkins? |
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| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsbrandx.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Brand X'''<small>(remade for [[Merita Bread]]; [[Claussen's Bakery]] and [[Red Diamond Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are in the desert, wearing cowboy hats: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' How about a cup of Wilkins Coffee? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Nah, let me have Brand X. |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Okay! |
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| − | ''(Wilkins marks Wontkins with a branding iron he's wielding)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' OOOH, THAT SMARTS! |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins-Camera.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Camera'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is holding a camera next to Wontkins: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' With this camera, I shoot pictures of people who don't drink Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I'm ready, shoot. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins literally shoots Wontkins with the camera)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Anybody else? |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinscannibalscene.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Cannibal Scene'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are inside a huge coffee cup, surrounded by cannibals: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Hey, the cannibals are boiling us in Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Yeah, so what? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I was beginning to think you’d never join me in a cup of Wilkins! |
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| − | ''(Wontkins faints)'' |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinscannon.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Cannon'''<small>(remade for [[Merita Bread]], [[Frank's Beverages]], [[Red Diamond Coffee]], [[Kraml Dairy]], [[Nash's Coffee]], [[Taystee Bread]], [[Calso Water]], [[Community Coffee]] and National City Bank.)</small><hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is seen sitting on a can of Wilkins Coffee next to a cannon pointed at Wontkins: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Okay buddy, what do you think of Wilkins Coffee? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I never tasted it. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins shoots Wontkins, and then points the cannon at the viewer)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Now what do you think of Wilkins? |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins_Coffee2.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Car Salesman'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins parked Wontkins' car in the "Super-Safe Parking". Unfortunately, the car is destroyed: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What happened to my car? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Do you drink Wilkins Coffee? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Naw, so what? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Well, things seem to happen to people who don't drink Wilkins. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins75cents.png|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Cash Register'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is sitting behind a bar counter: |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Lunch with Wilkins Coffee: 75 cents. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I didn't drink the Wilkins. |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' That's one dollar even. It pays to drink Wilkins. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinscheepcheep.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Cheep Cheep''' <small>(remade for [[Dugan's Bread]] and [[LaTouraine Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
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| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a wall with two cans of coffee, Wilkins Coffee and Cheap Coffee: |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I have Wilkins Coffee and another kind of coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I want the cheap stuff! |
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| − | ''(Two birds come out the Cheap Coffee can)'' |
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| − | *'''Birds:''' Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Sorry, but that other coffee is for the birds. |
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| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsclimbingtree.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Climbing Tree'''<small>(remade for [[Red Diamond Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
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| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a tree: |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Why are we climbing this tree? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' For Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I don't want any. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins kicks Wontkins, making him fall down from the tree)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' It's autumn and the nuts are beginning to fall. |
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| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinscloseshave.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Close Shave'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is a mustached barber, in a white coat. Wontkins is on the barber chair, with his face covered in shaving cream: |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Gimme a close shave. |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Do you drink Wilkins Coffee? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Never. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins brandishes a huge razor.)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' My friend, this is gonna be the closest shave you ever had. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsclub.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Club'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is sitting on a wall, Wontkins approaches: |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' We're here to persuade people to drink more Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What's the club for? |
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| − | ''(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club he's holding)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' To get their attention. |
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| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinscoffeebreak.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Coffee Break'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are seen as construction workers, sitting on a high-level girder: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Coffee break. Want a cup of Wilkins? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No, thank you. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins throws Wontkins down the girder)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Now all our workers drink Wilkins. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinscommie.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Communist Store'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wontinks is selling coffee in a Communist store, Wilkins, in Russian clothes, enters in: |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Gimme some Party Line Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' How about some Wilkins, comrade? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' ''(gasp)'' That's capitalist coffee, you traitor! ''(whispering)'' Send two pounds to the back door. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsconvincingmachine.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Convincing Machine'''<small>(remade for [[Community Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is in front of a machine with several mallets attached to a wheel. Wilkins is holding a lever: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What's that? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' This machine convinces people that Wilkins Coffee is great. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Impossible. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins pulls the lever and turns on the machine and the mallets start to hit Wontkins in quick succession)'' |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Ooh, I’m convinced! |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins Coffee Is The Best You Can Buy.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Cut the Kidding'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is speaking to Mr. Wilkins on the telephone. Wontkins enters in: |
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| − | |||
| − | (Sped-up speaking from Mr. Wilkins is heard on the telephone) |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' What... What... |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What's wrong? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Mr. Wilkins says, "Cut the kidding and tell them Wilkins Decaffeinated Coffee is the best you can buy". |
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| − | (They both nod to the viewers) |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | |||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinscutup.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Cut Up'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is tied with ropes on a conveyor belt, slowly coming closer to a huge buzzsaw: |
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| − | |||
| − | * '''Wilkins:''' If you don't start drinking Wilkins Coffee, I'll make you into two by fours. |
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| − | * '''Wontkins:''' I should've saw this coming. |
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| − | * '''Wilkins:''' He always was a cut-up. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsdeathdefyingleap.PNG|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Death Defying Leap''' <small>(remade for [[Community Coffee]] and [[Red Diamond Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is seen holding a bucket labeled "DEATH-DEFYING DIVE": |
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| − | |||
| − | * '''Wilkins:''' Want some Wilkins Coffee before you jump? |
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| − | * '''Wontkins:''' ''(offscreen)'' No. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins moves the bucket out of the way, as Wontkins plunges to the floor and bounces)'' |
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| − | * '''Wilkins:''' You miss a lot when you don't drink Wilkins. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsdesertisland.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Desert Island''' |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are seen stuck in a desert island: |
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| − | |||
| − | * '''Wontkins:''' Did you put a note in that bottle last week? |
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| − | * '''Wilkins:''' Sure, I did. |
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| − | * '''Wontkins:''' What did you say? |
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| − | * '''Wilkins:''' I said, "Send us more Wilkins Coffee." |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsdidyoucall.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Did you Call?'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is seen alone on a desert island: |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I wouldn't admit this if I wasn't alone, but... I really ''do'' like Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins pops out from behind a hill carrying a sign reading "Wilkins Coffee")'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Did you call?! |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' (gasps) |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
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| − | | '''Drinking Fountain'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are standing next to a drinking fountain: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' It's my drinking fountain! Wilkins Instant Coffee here, and water here! |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I'll take water! |
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| − | ''(Wilkins turns on the fountain and water comes out and spills all over Wontkins.)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Something for everyone! |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Elevator.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Elevator'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Elevator doors in a department store open revealing Wilkins as an elevator operator and Wontkins: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Tenth floor: pot, pans, home furnishing, and Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Wilkins Coffee? |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Sure, you can't keep house without Wilkins. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsengarde.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''En Garde'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are seen as two fencers: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' En garde! Salute Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' But I don't drink Wilkins Coffee. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins is shown alone, with a blood-covered blade)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Some learn and some don't... |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsespionage.jpg|250px]] |
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| − | | '''Espionage'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are seen in a dark alley. Wilkins is wearing hat and trench coat: |
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| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I can get you Wilkins Coffee for a price. |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I wouldn't touch it. |
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| − | ''(A bullet shot off-screen hits Wontkins)'' |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' There's no future in an attitude like that. |
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| − | |||
| − | |- |
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| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
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| − | | '''Exploding Cigar'''<hr/> |
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| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is smoking a cigar, Wilkins comes in and says: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' How's that cigar I gave you? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I like it better'n than that Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | ''(The cigar explodes)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Stronger too, isn't it? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsfairdamsel.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Fair Damsel'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins, dressed in drag impersonating a fair damsel, is imprisoned in a castle tower: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Help, I've been imprisoned. |
||
| − | ''(From below the tower, Wilkins stands wearing a knight armor)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Why, fair damsel? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins''' I don't drink Wilkins Instant Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Well, that's the way the old ball bounces. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsfallingsafe.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Falling Safe'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are standing on a street corner. Wilkins is holding a string tied to something out of view: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Hey, where can I get a cup of coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Any kind of coffee. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins pulls the string. A safe drops on Wontkins' head, crushing him.)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I guess he must be what you'd call accident-prone. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins-Fired.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Fired'''<small>(remade for [[Red Diamond Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins, covered in flammable material, is standing on a wall, also standing next to a Wilkins Coffee sign: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Old Man Wilkins just hired me to sell his crummy Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | ''(Mr. Wilkins' hand pops into the frame holding a match and proceeds to set fire to Wontkins)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I think he just fired you, too. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsfiveaces.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Five Aces'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins (with a cigar or cigarette in his mouth) are playing cards, sitting around a table, in a dark room: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I've got five aces. Can you beat that? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I've got a can of Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | (Wilkins brings on the table a can of Wilkins Coffee and shoots Wontkins with a gun.) |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Nothing beats Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsfootdown.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Footdown** ''' <small>(remade for [[Kern's Bakery]] and [[Claussen's Bakery]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a wall, while Wilkins is holding a cup of coffee: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Want a cup of Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What'll Mr. Wilkins do if I don't? |
||
| − | ''(Mr. Wilkins crushes Wontkins with his foot)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Oh, he'll probably put his foot down. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsgiveimtheeggs.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Give 'Im the Eggs'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is standing behind a bar counter, Wontkins rushes onto the frame and cries: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Give me the eggs and no Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Give him the eggs, boys! |
||
| − | (Eggs are thrown at Wontkins' face from off-screen) |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' A meal without Wilkins is a mess. |
||
| − | (despite the mess, Wontkins eats the eggs) |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | |||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsgoodbetterbest.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Good, Better, Best'''<small>(remade for [[Red Diamond Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is standing behind a wall, next to him stands Wilkins menacingly holding a club: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Wilkins makes good coffee. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the club)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Uh... better coffee? |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins hits Wontkins again)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Ouch, Wilkins makes the best coffee!! |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Congratulations. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsgetalift.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Get A Lift'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You sure get a lift from Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Not me, I... |
||
| − | ''(Suddenly, Wontkins quickly levitates off-screen)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' And not drinking Wilkins might be your downfall. |
||
| − | ''(Wontkins falls back down, bouncing on the floor)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsghosttoghost.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Ghost To Ghost''' <hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting in a dark spooky setting adorned with cobwebs as two ghostly version of Wilkins float about while holding tea cups: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What are those spooks doing? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Serving Wilkins Tea. It's out of this world. |
||
| − | *'''Ghostly Wilkins:''' Finest tea served, "ghost to ghost". |
||
| − | ''(Wontkins runs off-screen in terror)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsgingerale.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Ginger Ale''' <hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is a clerk sitting behind the counter of a grocery store, Wontkins enters the frame: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You want a can of Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Nah, give me a bottle of ginger ale. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Okay! |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins smashes a bottle onto Wontkins' head)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' But he would've liked the Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
||
| − | | '''Grenade''' <small>(remade for [[Community Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are in a foxhole, wearing shelter hats. Wilkins is holding a grenade: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Let’s take a Wilkins Coffee break. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I don’t want any. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Then hold this while I have a cup. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins zips away and the grenade explodes on Wontkins)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Some people just go to pieces without their Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsguillotine.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Guilottine'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is standing behind a guillotine, while Wilkins is holding the blade up with a rope. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' This machine will make you want a cup of Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Not me. I’ll-... |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins lets go of the rope and the blade slides down, narrowly missing Wontkins)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Take mine with cream and sugar. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinshammer.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Hammer'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is batting a nail on a wall: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Boy, this hammer... (bang) ...reminds me of Wilkins Coffee. (bang) |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Why? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Because it always... (bang) ...hits the spot. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins hits Wontkins on his head with the hammer)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinshandoffate.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Hand Of Fate'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are seen in a storage room that holds dozens of cans of Wilkins Coffee: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' One of us has to go: me or this Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Let's leave it to the hand of fate. |
||
| − | ''(A human hand appears from above the frame, grabs Wontkins by his head and brings him back above the frame)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' He must drink Wilkins, too. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
||
| − | | '''Headaches of Life'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Instant Coffee sooths the headaches of life. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I don't have any headaches. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins grabs a large mallet and hits Wontkins with it, causing Wontkins to have a headache.)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Care for cream and sugar? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinshiddenpersuaders.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Hidden Persuaders'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is sitting behind a desk, next to him we see Wontkins: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' You can't persuade me to drink Wilkins Instant Coffee... |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Pretty please? |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins turns off the lights and quickly stabs Wontkins with a knife)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Ouch, okay! |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins turns the lights back on)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Just a stab in the dark. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinshouseisnotahome.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''House is Not a Home'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is inside a small house, nearby we see Wilkins holding a bomb. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You have any Wilkins Coffee in your house? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins throws the bomb in Wontkins' house and runs away)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Y'know, a house isn't a home without Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | ''(The house blows up)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinshowinstant.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''How Instant'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is seen using a payphone: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Hello, grocery store? Send me some Wilkins Instant Coffee. |
||
| − | ''(Coffee sprays out from the telephone)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' ''(gurgling)'' Man! How instant can you get? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinshowlowcanyouget.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''How Low Can You Get?'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are walking down a city street: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You won't find anybody who doesn't drink Wilkins Instant Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I'll look high and low... |
||
| − | ''(Wontkins falls into an open manhole)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' How low can you get? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinshowshocking.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''How Shocking'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is tied up on a electric chair, while Wilkins is next to him holding a switch: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Any last requests, like for a cup of Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You don't drink Wilkins? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' How shocking. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins is shown throwing a switch)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Hunch.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''I Have a Hunch'''<hr /> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins (dressed in a fedora and trenchcoat) and Wontkins are seen walking down a dark alley, the latter noticing that a silhouetted stranger in a hat is following the both of them. |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I have a hunch I'm being followed. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Have you started drinking Wilkins Instant Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No! |
||
| − | ''(stranger grabs Wontkins from behind and whisks him OC)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' HELP! |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I have a hunch he'd ''better'' start! |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsidgiveamillionbucks.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''I'd Give a Million Bucks'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is lying under a tree: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Boy, I'd give a million bucks for a cup of Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | ''(A cup of coffee appears in his lap)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' ''(appearing beside him)'' Okay, buster, pay up. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsjackinthebox.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Jack in the Box'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is staring at a present box, Wilkins rushes in and announces: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' It's your present from Mr. Wilkins. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' But I don't drink Wilkins Instant Coffee. |
||
| − | ''(A Jack pops out the box)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I know, he just wanted to be remembered! |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
||
| − | | '''Jailhouse''' <small>(remade for [[Faygo]] and [[Kraml Dairy]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is a judge. Wontkins stands in the dock. |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Why were you speeding? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I wanted a cup of coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Nah, just any old kind. |
||
| − | ''(A rattle of keys as a prison door slams on Wontkins' face.)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Next time, I’ll say Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
||
| − | | '''Jingle in Bed'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are sleeping together in a double bed. Wilkins sits up in bed and sings a Wilkins jingle. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' More and more people are waking UP to Wilkins Coffee! |
||
| − | ''(Wontkins wakes up.)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Be quiet, I’m trying to sleep. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club. Wontkins falls back on the pillow.)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Some people go to sleep with it. Wilkins is decaffeinated, of course. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsjustchecking.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Just Checking'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are standing behind a wall, Wilkins is holding a stamp. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Do you drink Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No, I don't. Why? |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the stamp, leaving a check mark on him)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Just checking... |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsjustkidding.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Just Kidding'''<small>(remade for [[Dugan's Bread]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are standing behind a wall. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I love these Wilkins Coffee commercials, don't you? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I'm tired of ‘em. |
||
| − | ''(The set explodes, as Wilkins and Wontkins hide in terror behind the destroyed wall)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Just kidding, Mr. Wilkins!! |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsknifethrower.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Knife Thrower'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins, playing a knife thrower, is about to throw a knife at Wontkins, who is standing in front of a target while wearing bandages all over his body. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Watch out where you throw those knives. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Are you drinking Wilkins Instant Coffee yet? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins is now wearing a napkin on his eyes)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Okay, let's try it blindfolded. |
||
| − | ''(Wontkins ducks out of the way)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsletseveryonesleep.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Lets Everyone Sleep'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a brick wall, in front of a starry background, while a can of coffee is suspended in the air by a rope. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Decaffeinated Coffee lets you sleep. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Not me, I don't drink it. |
||
| − | ''(The can hits Wontkins, making him faint)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' It lets everyone sleep. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:RedRidingWilkins.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Little Red Riding Hood'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins enters a small cottage dressed as [[Little Red Riding Hood]] and as he approaches the bed he says : |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Grandma, it's Little Red Riding Hood with your Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | ''(Wontkins reveals himself under the bedsheets sporting wolf ears)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I'm the bad wolf and I just ate your grandma. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Well, have some Wilkins to wash her down. |
||
| − | ''(Wontkins hides back under the sheets in frustration)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinslostmyhead.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Lost my Head'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is seen with his head floating. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What happened to you? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I lost my head over Wilkins Instant Coffee. Have a cup? |
||
| − | ''(Wontkins runs away)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' YEEOOOOOW! |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Whaddya suppose upset him? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
||
| − | | '''Love My Wilkins / Psychiatrist''' <small>(remade for [[Community Coffee]], [[Kern's Bakery]] and [[Kraml Dairy]].)</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is hugging a package of Wilkins Coffee: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I really love my Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' You oughta see a psychiatrist. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I did, that's who told me about Wilkins. I used to love my raincoat. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins snuggles against the package.)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[file:Wilkins-the-great.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Magician Saw'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins, dressed as a magician, is doing a sawing trick and Wontkins is volunteering: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' This volunteer doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee! |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I hope you know what you're doing! |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Oh, I do! |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins saws vigorously)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsmanoverboard.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Man Overboard'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins, playing a sailor, and Wontkins, playing a sea captain, are riding a ship, the S.S. Wilkins: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' How about some Wilkins Coffee, captain? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins throws Wontkins overboard)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' ''(quietly)'' I say, man overboard. Help. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
||
| − | | '''Monster''' <small>(remade for [[C & P Telephone Co. of VA]], [[Claussen's Bakery]], [[Kraml Dairy]], Nash's and [[Kern's Bakery]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a brick wall. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Do you drink Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
||
| − | (''A monster appears and swallows Wontkins whole)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsmountainclimbing.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Mountain Climbing'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are climbing a mountain. Wilkins is holding Wontkins with a rope: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Hey, did you bring Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No, I (''Wilkins lets go the rope, causing Wontkins to plummet down '') forgooot...! |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' When you come back up, don't forget the Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:NewCarOrWilkins.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''New Car or Wilkins Coffee?'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is selling a car while holding its hood opened. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You’ll like this new car. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Yeah? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' It’s got a built-in maker for Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Who needs it? |
||
| − | (Wilkins squashes Wontkins' head with the hood) |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Well, you can't sell 'em all. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsnoahsark.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Noah's Ark'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins (playing Noah) are in their ark which is balanced on top of a cliff: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' After forty days of this, Noah, I bet you wish we brought some Wilkins Coffee instead of those silly elephants. |
||
| − | ''(The silhouette of an elephant peeks its head out of the ark and bellows as Wontkins nods)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsnobodybeatswilkins.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Nobody Beats Wilkins'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is behind a desk, next to him stands Wontkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You gonna run against the Wilkins Coffee party? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Start the race. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' On-your-mark-get-set-go. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins brandishes a gun and shoots Wontkins with it)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Nobody beats Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsnowhere.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Nowhere'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is sitting on a wall next to Wontkins: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' If you don't drink Wilkins Coffee, you're not all there. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Aw, that's a lotta... |
||
| − | (''Wontkins disappears)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' In fact, without Wilkins Coffee, you're nowhere. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsoldmanwilkins.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Old Man Wilkins'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are in front of a ton of Wilkins cans. Wontkins breaks the silence by saying... |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' When is Old Man Wilkins going to pay us for all this foolishness? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' When we sell more Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' ''(to the camera)'' Buy Wilkins, will ya? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
||
| − | | '''On The Wagon'''<small>(remade for [[Calso Water]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | Wilkins is seen laying on a toy wagon wearing a baby bonnet and cardigan while sipping some Wilkins Coffee; Wontkins, wearing a hat, enters the scene: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What's a young kid like you doing drinking Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I'm on the wagon, pop. |
||
| − | (''Wilkins rolls off-screen on his wagon; Wontkins turns to the camera)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Fresh kid... |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsparachute.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Parachute'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins leisurely floats in the sky with his parachute, while Wontkins plummets down rapidly with his folded parachute: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Help, help, my parachute won't open! |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Try some Wilkins Instant Coffee! That'll give him a lift. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:WilkinsPeterPeterCoffeeDrinker.png|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Peter Peter Coffee Drinker'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | ''(A still image of Wontkins, who plays Peter Peter Coffee Drinker, staring at a cup of coffee is seen)'' |
||
| − | *'''Narrator:''' Peter Peter Coffee Drinker told his wife he couldn't sleep. |
||
| − | ''(Now, a still image of Wontkins standing next to Wilkins cross-dressing as Peter Peter Coffee Drinker's wife is seen)'' |
||
| − | *'''Narrator:''' Now, Wilkins decaffeinated coffee... |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the can of coffee he's holding, leading to a still image of a ''unconscious'' Wontkins)'' |
||
| − | *'''Narrator:''' ...lets him sleep so very well. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Pie.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Pie'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is at a cafe where it serves Wilkins and pie. Wilkins is the waiter: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Want some Wilkins Coffee with your pie? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Nah, just gimme the pie. |
||
| − | ''(A human hand splats the pie at Wontkins)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Sure you wouldn't like a cup of Wilkins to wash it down? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wontkins shot in the head wiki.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Public Service Announcement'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is standing behind a wall holding a microphone while Wontkins is standing next to him: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Care for a cup of Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No, I don't like coffee. |
||
| − | ''(A human hand comes into the frame holding a gun and shoots Wontkins in the head)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' This has been a public service announcement. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsquizshow.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Quiz Show'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is the host of a quiz show, while Wilkins is the contestant: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' You win a new car, or a case of Wilkins Instant Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I'll take the Wilkins Coffee! |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' We'll never get rid of that car. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsrocketship1.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Rocket Ship''' <small>(remade for [[Merita Bread]] and [[Kraml Dairy]].)</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are standing next to a rocket: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins will be the first coffee on the Moon! |
||
| − | ''(The rocket ship blows up to pieces)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Now what? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee is still the best on Earth. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsrose.png|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Rose in Wilkins'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a wall next to a rose growing out from a can of Wilkins Coffee: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I grew this rose in Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Why? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' So I can have the beauty of a rose and *sniff* the fragrance of Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinssantaclaus.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Santa Claus'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is dressed up as Santa Claus while Wontkins, dressed-up as a reindeer, is pulling a sled: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Merry Christmas! It's a joy to serve Wilkins Coffee to so many people at Christmas. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' It's a joy to you! You're not pulling the sled! |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinssleepingbeauty.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Sleeping Beauty'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is lying in bed dressed in drag as the [[Sleeping Beauty]]. Wilkings, playing the prince, enters the scene: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Awake, Sleeping Beauty, It's Prince Charming with Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I don't drink Wilkins. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I waited a hundred years for this old hag! |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinscrystalball.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Snikliw the Swamee'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is a fortune-teller and Wontkins is his customer: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I see you don't drink Wilkins Instant Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What about my future? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I hate to tell you, but... |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins blows up Wontkins)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You don't have a future. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinssoggyromance.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Soggy Romance'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins, wearing a wig, and Wontkins are cuddling in a forest: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Darling, if I marry you, will you keep me in Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Boy, will this be a soggy romance. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsstagecoach.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Stagecoach'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is standing next to Wilkins riding a coach: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' The Indians won't bother ya. All you've got is a shipment of Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | ''(The coach is now moving)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' ''(With several arrows in his hat)'' I learned that everybody drinks Wilkins! |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinssteamroller.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Steamroller'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is standing on a wall, next to him there's a cup of coffee: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I'm gonna drink this coffee and it’s not Wilkins. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins flattens Wontkins with a steamroller)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Doesn't that coffee taste kinda flat? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinshowdystranger.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Stranger'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are wearing cowboy hats and bandanas. Wilkins has a gun drawn at Wontkins: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Howdy stranger, I hear you don’t drink Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Yeah, so what? |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Now there're any other strangers in town? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsshortcake.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Strawberry Shortcake'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is seen behind a bar counter, holding near Wontkins' face a plate of strawberry shortcake in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Want some Wilkins Coffee with your strawberry shortcake? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Can't say that I do. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins throws the shortcake on Wontkins, and then he pours the coffee on him)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You can’t say that you don't, either. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
||
| − | | '''Survey'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins has a pad and pencil: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Next question: what do you think of Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' It’s wonderful, Delicious. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins turn to the audience)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You see, friends... |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Now pay me the ten bucks. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinsswimmingpool.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Swimming Pool** ''' <small>(remade for [[Faygo]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is a lifeguard of a swimming pool: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I just filled my swimming pool with Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | ''(Wontkins falls into the pool)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Help, I'm drowning! |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I told him he'd end up drinking Wilkins! |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins taking the fifth.png|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Taking the Fifth'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is behind 4 cups of Wilkins Coffee in presumably his house. Wontkins notices the 4 cups and enters the scene: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' That's your fourth cup of Wilkins Instant Coffee, have you had enough? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I refuse to answer. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Why? |
||
| − | (Wilkins holds up a fifth cup) |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I'm taking the fifth! |
||
| − | (Wontkins, frustrated, leaves the scene) |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinstarandfeathers.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Tar and Feathers'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Anybody who doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee oughta be tarred and feathered, right? |
||
| − | (Wontkins pops into the frame covered in tar and feathers) |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Wrong. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' He always was a bad sport. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinstonofwilkins.png|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Ton of Wilkins'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are seen in a coffee storehouse: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' You must buy this Wilkins Coffee by the ton. |
||
| − | (A crash is heard as the camera quickly shakes) |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What was that? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Another ton of Wilkins just arrived. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins-train.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Trainload''' <small>(remade for [[LaTouraine Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is standing on a railroad until Wilkins rushes frantically into the frame: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Look out, here comes my trainload of Wilkins Coffee! |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Why would you want a whole trainload of--?! |
||
| − | ''(The train comes into the frame and runs over Wontkins.)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I like Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinstree.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Tree'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are standing next to a tree: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You drink Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
||
| − | ''(The tree falls on Wontkins head)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Things just seem to happen to people who don't drink Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinstruck.png|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Truckload of Wilkins'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are sitting on a wall, watching the road. Wilkins is holding pen and paper. A truck passes: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' One truckload of Wilkins Regular Coffee, check! |
||
| − | ''(A faster truck passes)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What was that? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Instant Coffee, check! |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Noimage.png|100px]] |
||
| − | | '''Tunnel of Love''' <small>(remade for [[Kraml Dairy]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are in a boat, heading into the Tunnel of Love. Wilkins is dressed in a blond wig and white blouse: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' After this, would you buy me a cup of Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | ''(The boat enters the tunnel.)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
||
| − | ''(A splash is heard. Cut to the other side of the tunnel. Wilkins emerges in the boat, alone.)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' I only go for a man who drinks Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkins-antiviolence.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''TV Anti-Violence League'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is sitting on a can of Wilkins coffee pointing a cannon on Wontkins, who's holding a sign reading "TV Anti-Violence League": |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Now I'm not gonna drink anymore Wilkins Instant Coffee! |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins brings down a curtain with "One Moment Please" written on it. He shoots Wontkins and quickly raises the curtain back up again)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Now he’s not going to drink any more coffee. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wonktins Community Coffee TvColor.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''TV Set''' <small>(remade for [[Community Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is watching a Wilkins Coffee commercial featuring Wilkins on TV: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins (on TV):''' Buy Wilkins Instant Coffee or else. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Or else what? |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins blows the TV set up destroying it)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins(to the audience):''' Buy Wilkins Instant Coffee. It’s cheaper than a television set.' |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinswashingtonmonument.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Washington Monument'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are standing next to the [[Washington, D.C.|Washington Monument]]: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' How about a delicious cup of Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
||
| − | ''(The monument falls on Wontkins)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Strange things happen to people who don't drink Wilkins. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinswaterwithdinner.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Water with Dinner'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is dining in a cafe. Wilkins, working as a waiter, approaches: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Want some Wilkins Coffee with your dinner? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Nah, gimme some water. |
||
| − | (Wilkins shoots water on Wontkins with a hose) |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' People like that need brainwashing. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinswhaleofacoffee.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Whale of a Coffee'''<small>(remade for [[Red Diamond Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are swimming in the ocean: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Let's go up to the surface for some Wilkins Coffee. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' I never touch the stuff. |
||
| − | ''(A whale comes into the frame and swallows Wontkins whole)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You should, It's a whale of a coffee. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinswhatkindofcoffeedoyousell.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''What Kind of Coffee do You Sell?'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is seen behind a bar counter, selling coffee. Wontkins rushes in and says: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' What kind of coffee do you sell? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee! |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Don't you have any other kind? |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Sure we have it, but we don't sell it. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinswhynot.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Why Not'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is standing next to a Wilkins Coffee can in a black background. |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' If you like really good coffee, why not spend the extra money and get two cans of Wilkins. |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Why not? |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wild_Horses_Couldn't_Make_Me.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''Wild Horses'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins and Wontkins are standing next to a desert-like background. Wilkins has a cup and saucer and says to Wontkins: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Have a cup of Wilkins Instant Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Wild horses couldn't make me. |
||
| − | (Galloping noises from horses are heard as Wontkins starts shaking in fear) |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Okay, okay, gimme a cup! |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinswilliamtell.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''William Tell''' <small>(remade for [[Community Coffee]])</small><hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wilkins is William Tell, wielding a bow and arrow. Wontkins trembles an apple on his head: |
||
| − | |||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Okay, William Tell, this better be good. |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Do you drink Wilkins Coffee? |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' ''(offscreen)'' No. |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins aims the bow lower, and lets the arrow fly.)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' We can still use the apple again. |
||
| − | |||
| − | |- |
||
| − | | align=center | [[File:Wilkinstvset.jpg|250px]] |
||
| − | | '''You Can't Win'''<hr/> |
||
| − | |||
| − | Wontkins is watching a Wilkins Coffee commercial featuring Wilkins on his TV set, then he turns at the camera and says: |
||
| − | *'''Wontkins:''' Those Wilkins Coffee commercials... |
||
| − | ''(Wilkins comes out the TV)'' |
||
| − | *'''Wilkins:''' You don't like ‘em? |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' No. |
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| − | *'''Wilkins:''' Then let me fix your set. |
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| − | ''(Wilkins blows Wontkins' TV up)'' |
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| − | *'''Wontkins:''' You can't win. |
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| − | ''(Wontkins shakes his head) |
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| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |} |
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| − | |||
| − | __NOWYSIWYG__ |
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| − | [[Category:Transcripts]] |
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Latest revision as of 13:20, 25 April 2021
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