You Need Feet

Written by	Roy Irwin
Lyrics by	Sid Colin (parody lyrics)
Date	1958

"You Need Feet" is a 1958 novelty song (the B side of "Mad Passionate Love"), spoofing the more romantic song "You Need Hands" (recorded by Max Bygraves in 1958). Bernard Bresslaw, in a thick Cockney accent, sings new lyrics praising feet instead, with spoken interludes. While the recording debuted in the United Kingdom, the US version was released by Capitol Records.

It was lip synced to on Sam and Friends, on the broadcasts of February 24, 1959 and August 21, 1959.

Performer background

At the time of the recording, British comedic actor Bernard Bresslaw was best known for playing the dim Private Popeye Popplewell on the sitcom The Army Game and as the lead character in the 1958 film version I Only Arsked! (taking its title from Bresslaw's catchphrase). Sid Colin, who created and scripted the series and film, wrote the new lyrics for the record.

Bresslaw would later become better known as a regular in the bawdy Carry On movies, often playing heavies or ethnic stereotypes. The physically imposing Bresslaw also occasionally played outsized characters or monsters in scifi or fantasy fare, including a Doctor Who serial ("The Ice Warriors"), Hawk the Slayer (with Jack Palance, as a giant), and Krull (with Freddie Jones, as a cyclops).